Feels like the sky is falling on me.

[skyblue]

i think youre making excuses to not break up with him. and thats the sad part. its not like you dont know what the reality is. its right there in front of you. but then what do you say? you say 'But it's because of what HE is putting me through.' actually no. hes not putting you through anything. anyting as of the break up is what youre donig to yourself. hes not doing anything anymore. and honestly hes not obligated to call you. in your own diluted little mind you think things are still ok. and youre holding on to something that no longer exists. yes this is hurtful. but the truth hurts. not going to sugar coat any of this for you cause youve already dont all the sugar coating to yourself in your own mind.

and BTW: correction. you just think youre still in love. in truth if you met someone just like this and if he treated you this way you would not love him. but you have a history. and you havent learnt to let go yet.

oh and by the way. youre afraid to be alone?? how is that different from your situatino now? i mean he only comes to you when its convienent for him. i think there is no difference from being alone other than the fact that he has a free pass to get out there and meet new people. its your choice to let him do this to you. you could go out and SERIOUSLY not be alone.. but i guess this is what you really want. so no one will be able to tell you different.

[cafire]

Originally Posted by nordia5

I agree that I am really insecure. But it's because of what HE is putting me through.

No sweetie, YOU are putting yourself through this, not him. He's treating you this way, and you are letting him. That means YOU are putting yourself through it by NOT walking away.

Nothing any of us says is going to sink in until you decide you have had enough. And only you know how much you are willing to take.

[Allisonfaye]

Originally Posted by nordia5

I agree that I am really insecure. But it's because of what HE is putting me through. I know that no one can make you do or feel a certain way, but come on now. he broke up with me, now he's treating me the way he is, while still telling me he does love me and he does care. i'm trying to do everything to make it work ... and it just isn't. How would I not be insecure? Even today, he hasn't even called me, text me, or anything. It's already 530. half the day is gone. I called and it went straight to voicemail, so the phone is probably dead, because it was yesterday. But come on now, part of being considerate is at LEAST calling me from his house to tell me the phone is dead or something? I don't want to be up his ass, but I think thats a normal thing to do, no? And that is the problem. I obviously DON'T respect myself enough to leave. I'm more scared of leaving him and beign alone than to just leave .. take time to heal .. and get back out there. Because I'M the one that's still in love, i'm the one who can't really understand how it got to this point and he just basically hates me now for whatever reason. It's like i[m trying so hard to understand something that i will never understand. and it's like i'm being repetitive with whomever i talk to about this because i really can't get it through my head. people say "he'll come back, he'll regret it, it'll take time for you to get over him"... it's like i don't have time. if i end it, i want it to be done and overwith and not even think about him EVER. but i know that's not going to happen. like i don't understand why it's like this, and i REALLY dont understand why i can't make it better.

Secure people break up with people who treat them badly.

[nordia5]

So, i'm not even gonna lie. I've still been associating myself with this person. Which i'm pretty sure all of us thought was going to happen. So we get into it togday because it's like this ritual .. Thursday Fri Sat ... out with his friends. And I get the boring weekdays. Like wtf?! So I'm at home on facebook, and I randomly stumble upon this girls pics .. and she tagged him as "the good guy" in one of those little things where you tag who your friends are. Now this girl just added it today. I don't know whether to be mad or not. I don't know who this girl is .. but they must be keeping in touch if he's randomly tagged. And i'm just so mad. He has me blocked from his facebook, and I know that fb shouldnt get me mad. But when we first got together, we agreed to take down our myspaces because we didnt think sites like that were healthy because a lot is miscontrued. Now we both have an fb and he blocks me?! like how secure am i supposed to be when he does stuff like that?! it's like omg nordia, how much more can you take of this. it's like i'm fed up, i'm at my breaking point ... but i can't walk away. and even thinking about the possibility of another girl just makes me cling to him more because i don't want that to happen. i'm just killing myself and i don't want to cry but i'm crying now. like i'm literally tearing myself down to the ground right now. i'm trying to act like i don't care and all that, but it's hard for me because i do. theres so much more i want to write but it's really pointless. right now i despise him for all this. i despise him for changing so much and for treating me like i wasnt a good girlfriend for these years we were together. treating me like i'm not worth the time of day sometimes. and i hate myself for allowing me to go through with it. my goodness, i don't know how to save myself because i dont know whats stopping me from walking away. im so mad right now. and of course i cant find out who this girl is because his phone isnt working and he went out tonight.

[juneping]

sorry nordia.
it doesn't matter who the girl(s) is/are. i really hope you can wake up from this nightmare. you really think you are happier with him?
been there, done that. so i am not going to tell you what to do. it's really up to you. you are the one doing all these damages to yourself.
please love yourself.

[nordia5]

i agree juneping. i really really tried to wake myself from the nightmare but its MUCH harder than i thought it would be. MUUCCCHHH harder and i know i'd be happier without him but there are all these other things i think about when i try to just flat out leave and it just sucks me in. im so mad at myself and i'm trying to love myself and the thing is i know how things are going but i just dont know how to leave. i've tried to look into counseling but its proving to be much more expensive than i thought.

[nordia5]

It's so sad to say, but I really think i'll never be at an official point where I don't want this anymore. I don't know why. I think it's because I'm so comfortable and scared and don't want to see the person that I worked soo hard to keep by myself and make happy for all this time end up with someone else. I honestly think i'm hopeless and a lost cause. Because I read all this advice and then when i'm with him, it all goes on the backburner and I follow my heart and not my mind. I know what I want in a man, and I know this isn't it.. but i've grown to love this person so much that I can't imagine him not in my life anymore.

[juneping]

^^i got counseling from my church. it's not free but much cheaper than regular counseling. i pay 60 per session. check out from the churches or there must be some free counselings out there.

[shazam]

I just want to try and put another perspective on this. By not walking away, you're saying that you accept the way he's treating you. You are accepting the terms of the "relationship" that he has created. I'm not saying you can't vent about the situation, but at this point you are as complicit in what's going on as he is. He made his choice long ago in how he wanted things to work, and it sounds like your choice has been made to go along with that.

So whenever you complain about him ruining things, or not treating you right, you really have to remember that you're the one choosing to be in a crappy relationship and you're not treating yourself any better than he is. I know you're hurt and remembering the good times and holding onto feelings for him and I'm not excusing how he's treating you, but at some point you need to stop playing the victim. Because at this point, it's almost seeming like you're clinging to being the victim in the scenario and, to put in bluntly, wallowing in self-pity.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you don't deserve this and I don't know how else to get across that you've fallen into a black hole of self-pity. Being on your own is not the end of the world, you'll be able to rebuild your self-esteem and just being free of the stress involved with always walking on eggshells and worrying about the relationship is a huge weight off of you. I can tell you that if you walk away, when you eventually get over him it will feel great, even better than some of your best times together, but you won't get to feel that if you don't take the first step.

[nordia5]

Originally Posted by shazam

I just want to try and put another perspective on this. By not walking away, you're saying that you accept the way he's treating you. You are accepting the terms of the "relationship" that he has created. I'm not saying you can't vent about the situation, but at this point you are as complicit in what's going on as he is. He made his choice long ago in how he wanted things to work, and it sounds like your choice has been made to go along with that. So whenever you complain about him ruining things, or not treating you right, you really have to remember that you're the one choosing to be in a crappy relationship and you're not treating yourself any better than he is. I know you're hurt and remembering the good times and holding onto feelings for him and I'm not excusing how he's treating you, but at some point you need to stop playing the victim. Because at this point, it's almost seeming like you're clinging to being the victim in the scenario and, to put in bluntly, wallowing in self-pity. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you don't deserve this and I don't know how else to get across that you've fallen into a black hole of self-pity. Being on your own is not the end of the world, you'll be able to rebuild your self-esteem and just being free of the stress involved with always walking on eggshells and worrying about the relationship is a huge weight off of you. I can tell you that if you walk away, when you eventually get over him it will feel great, even better than some of your best times together, but you won't get to feel that if you don't take the first step.

I agree. I do think that's what I've done. Waiting for him to feel sorry and see that he's treating me wrong. When in all actuality he knows what he's doing is wrong. I totally agree and understand what you're saying. And I know that until I walk away, or until he changes(which he probably won't) .. theres really nothing else i can say to anybody.

[MidNiteSun]

Awww....why are you doing this to yourself? You deserve much much better. I'm sure you'll find someone 10000% better than this ex of yours. Please, love yourself first before you love anyone. He cannot love you if you don't love yourself. IMO, let him go.

[amymaria]

I know it's hard to leave a guy despite how bad he is for you. We all get attached to people we love or learn to love but you should always love yourself first and foremost. You are not doing that!

I think you should go out with your friends and meet some new guys. I don't mean "cheat" on him but once you learn/see that there are some men out there you can treat you a trillion times better and have potential in being a good partner, it might give you the clear-headed strength you need to leave this guy behind.

The more you sit around and mope the worse things get.

[mrsklem14]

Ahhhh nordia!!! Every time I read this thread I just wonder "WHY??!!!" Come on girl!!! First of all, let me get this out of the way, Why the heck are you at home on a Friday night while he's out with his friends???? you need to get out there (even if it's by yourself) and do something for YOU! go to barns and noble and read a book, just go out!! Don't sit at home and check up on peoples facebooks to see if his pictures are on there. Who cares! He's allowed to block you becuase he's not your boyfriend now.. and you need to understand this. It's been to long, really it has. You are going to regret these wasted days soooo much when you realize all this stuff is not worth it. Pleaseeeeeee try hard to not talk to him.

[ilove6kies]

Originally Posted by nordia5

It's so sad to say, but I really think i'll never be at an official point where I don't want this anymore. I don't know why. I think it's because I'm so comfortable and scared and don't want to see the person that I worked soo hard to keep by myself and make happy for all this time end up with someone else. I honestly think i'm hopeless and a lost cause. Because I read all this advice and then when i'm with him, it all goes on the backburner and I follow my heart and not my mind. I know what I want in a man, and I know this isn't it.. but i've grown to love this person so much that I can't imagine him not in my life anymore.

Omg....Why???!!!!!!

I mean....why??!!!

It doesn't matter how much you are in love (infatuated) with this person, if you love yourself, you would leave this guy.

Look, we have all been there (at some point), but the truth is, if you felt the need to open a thread about it, that means something is wrong and you needed advice. I am not saying you should do what we say, and my experience was that most people tend to do what they want in the end anyway, but the fact that you know this relationship is emotionally abusive...isn't that enough?

All I am saying is that you are a big girl now, and you should never allow anyone to put you in this helpless situation...and that anyone include yourself. So walk away...please just walk away. If you stay with him, you will miss out on that true love (forgive me for sounding corny) that's just around the corner. Becuase from all you have been telling us, he is just not in love with you anymore, and there isn't a damn thing you can do to "win" his heart back (why would you bother anyway, right?).

[stcouture]

Originally Posted by cafire

The problem isn't that HE doesn't love you anymore. The problem is that YOU don't love YOU anymore.

Being insecure and feeling alone is very difficult, don't blame this on him or yourself. Just get through it on your own, its rough but its the only way to learn and really appreciate yourself. I can totally relate to you, I allowed someone to make me feel this way and when it ended I was totally devastated but after a year I got through it and was better then ever, I finally found someone that I truly love and believe me I feel like this is it. But if it's not, guess what I will probably feel alone and heart broken as well. The best advice I can give you sweetheart is to just end it because the longer you keep this interaction the longer it will take for you to build yourself back up again. Just end it and spend the extra time for yourself. It will be difficult, but you can definitely do it. If your smart enough to know your weakness right now, you can certainly find the strength to get through it and manage through this hardship that oyu are experiencing.