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ver0nique · Jun 24th, 2009, 02:17 AM

the truth is he doesn't care or love you anymore and you need to move on.

skyblue · Jun 24th, 2009, 03:33 AM

i think you really need to take a step back and look at the situation. think of yourself instead of thinking of whether you lost him or not. because in the end its you who wants this to work. to me its pretty evident that he no longer cares to make this work. and that he has taken anyway any self respect that you have left in yourself. Think. would you really want a man who makes you feel like everything is your fault? and that things are the way they are now because youre an awful person? hes already taken eveything you have and hes still trying to twist things around on you. regardless. a realtionsihp is built on 2 people. sadly he seems like hes not ready to fess up and take resposibility for his actions too.

nordia5 · Jun 24th, 2009, 09:18 AM

^ And the truth is no, I don't want someone like that. But it's SO HARD not to think of other things that come along with my decision. It's so hard to feel like i failed. Failing at something is different than failing in a relationship.I'm not a normal case, because I have it in my head everything that NEEDS to be done, but I just don't listen to that. I keep on over and over and over with the same end result everytime. I honestly believe that something is wrong with me. My excuse used to be "well .. i'm in love" .. but idk if thats the only thing keeping me here now, because obviously I love him, but not as much as I did when we first started out because back then he was a much better man. I'm so afraid of being alone. Like really, who has a man that is handsome, has his stuff together, and ADORES his girlfriend?! I'm so scared that I'll never find that. And so it's kinda like i'm settling for this treatment. I don't want to wait, and it's so hard being alone ... because when i'm alone .. i'm ALONE. and the only friend i have is his cousin. and .. well you know how that feels sometimes. please don't say "go out and get friends" .. it's just really really complicated. its so hard feeling unloved. like i want to cry every 2 minutes. and i usually do.

mrsklem14 · Jun 24th, 2009, 12:31 PM

Just remember, it's not the end of the world if you two break up. Believe me

ver0nique · Jun 24th, 2009, 01:01 PM

^^ITA. From the way things are now, do you think it's going to get better or worst? The only reason you should stay in this is you love him and he still loves you. Is this the case now?

Other than that, you are just going to be more miserable by dragging like this.

nordia5 · Jun 24th, 2009, 01:54 PM

^ he tells me that he loves me and he cares and blah blah. uggh.

ver0nique · Jun 24th, 2009, 02:00 PM

tell him you don't feel it.

LilGlove · Jun 24th, 2009, 02:03 PM

who has a man that is handsome, has his stuff together, and ADORES his girlfriend?! I'm so scared that I'll never find that.

You haven't found that. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Now, just lose this putz and start looking for it.

My BF is handsome, to me, almost has his stuff together (nobody's perfect) and I think he adores me (as much as he can without it being mushy).

Please don't take this the wrong way, Nordia, but I have been reading your posts on this subject since the last time he crapped all over you, and at this point you are willingly allowing him to do this to you. Get a backbone and walk away.

skyblue · Jun 24th, 2009, 04:06 PM

to be blunt. you only fail yourself if you dont respect yourself enough to leave him even though it hurts to have a better life. This benefits no one but yourself. sometimes you need to be selfish in realtionships. especially since its not working. **IF** he loved you and cared for you, you would be in a realtionship. when you start changing hes going to want you back. but honestly after all this. When you are finally at peace with yourself and willing to move on. youll start to resent him. and you know what ill be proud of you when that happens. because when that happens youll realize that there is WAY MORE out there than him. I felt like you a year ago. my ex broke up with me in the SUMMER time lol so he could go out and play. and after summer he wanted me back. now we are in limbo. but you know what? ill always keep my options open now. and i dont feel bad anymore. if anything i feel bad for him. because he got what he wanted and now hes regreting it. if you ever feel the need to vent just come on here. i think us girls will be your support. so youre NOT alone. but you need to have the power to change. at this POINT i feel like youre not willing to change. so unless youre willing to change no one can help you.

Allisonfaye · Jun 24th, 2009, 04:55 PM

To be blunt, people fall out of love. It happens ALL the time. I am sorry that you are feeling hurt but that's how love is. You take a chance on getting your heart broken.

You do sound really insecure. This reminds me of when you are a little kid and you are choosing your friends. If you meet someone who always follows you around and does whatever YOU want to do all the time, you are bored and that person is not someone that you want to play with very often.

I think you should end it with him to retain some of your dignity. I don't think his behavior is going to chance. (I don't agree with the poster who described him as abusive. I see nothing in your posts to come to that conclusion).

nordia5 · Jun 24th, 2009, 05:25 PM

I agree that I am really insecure. But it's because of what HE is putting me through. I know that no one can make you do or feel a certain way, but come on now. he broke up with me, now he's treating me the way he is, while still telling me he does love me and he does care. i'm trying to do everything to make it work ... and it just isn't. How would I not be insecure? Even today, he hasn't even called me, text me, or anything. It's already 530. half the day is gone. I called and it went straight to voicemail, so the phone is probably dead, because it was yesterday. But come on now, part of being considerate is at LEAST calling me from his house to tell me the phone is dead or something? I don't want to be up his ass, but I think thats a normal thing to do, no? And that is the problem. I obviously DON'T respect myself enough to leave. I'm more scared of leaving him and beign alone than to just leave .. take time to heal .. and get back out there. Because I'M the one that's still in love, i'm the one who can't really understand how it got to this point and he just basically hates me now for whatever reason. It's like i[m trying so hard to understand something that i will never understand. and it's like i'm being repetitive with whomever i talk to about this because i really can't get it through my head. people say "he'll come back, he'll regret it, it'll take time for you to get over him"... it's like i don't have time. if i end it, i want it to be done and overwith and not even think about him EVER. but i know that's not going to happen. like i don't understand why it's like this, and i REALLY dont understand why i can't make it better.

juneping · Jun 24th, 2009, 05:33 PM

^^you know all the answers. you know exactly what to do.
the only problem is YOU.
the problem is NOT him...it's you. you let him to treat you with absolutely no respect. you ALLOW him to treat the way he does.
we don't know why he treats you like that and it's not important. we all are trying to tell you that you allow him to treat you with no respect.
you think you are going to do worse than now if you leave him????
tell me how it is better if you can hang out with your friends and do whatever you want instead of sitting in front of your phone and wait for it to ring???
we have all been there and we just hate to see you go thru this longer than you have to.

ami kio · Jun 24th, 2009, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by nordia5

I agree that I am really insecure. But it's because of what HE is putting me through. I know that no one can make you do or feel a certain way, but come on now. he broke up with me, now he's treating me the way he is, while still telling me he does love me and he does care. i'm trying to do everything to make it work ... and it just isn't. How would I not be insecure?

To me, that's a sign of your insecurity. Being secure when you're being loved is a fairly easy feat -- it's your reaction in turmoil that shows your natural inclinations. A secure person would get upset with him for all the mixed signals, not wonder what they were doing wrong. Sure, everyone has some doubts, but you're way over the limit.

I'm no doctor, but you really need to see a therapist to talk through all your issues. Nothing we say here will help you the way that seeing a therapist would.

mrsklem14 · Jun 24th, 2009, 05:48 PM

I can't believe your letting this boy (yes boy because he's not mature enough to leave you alone, he insists on dragging you along) run your life. Don't you get that without him you will be 10 times better. You should be happy if you see him with another girl because you'll now she's the one putting up with his crap, NOT YOU!!!! You should take this as a blessing in disguise. He's not worth it!!!! Tell yourself this! He's a guy, not god. You don't need him.

GUCCI_COOCHIE · Jun 24th, 2009, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by nordia5

^I guess so.

Just the thought of losing someone .. no matter what the circumstance is kind of unbearable to me. But then again, i pretty much already lost him, huh? and your username actually made me do a double take, lol.

It's always hard losing someone. By your posts, it seems like you already feel like you're at rock bottom, so the only way to go is up right? You never know, once you stop asking for him back...something may hit him and he might come crawling back!

Jun 24th, 2009, 02:17 AM	#31
ver0nique ataraxiz Joined: Feb 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 1,051	the truth is he doesn't care or love you anymore and you need to move on.
	__________________ ♥

Jun 24th, 2009, 09:18 AM	#33
nordia5 OP <3 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,077	^ And the truth is no, I don't want someone like that. But it's SO HARD not to think of other things that come along with my decision. It's so hard to feel like i failed. Failing at something is different than failing in a relationship.I'm not a normal case, because I have it in my head everything that NEEDS to be done, but I just don't listen to that. I keep on over and over and over with the same end result everytime. I honestly believe that something is wrong with me. My excuse used to be "well .. i'm in love" .. but idk if thats the only thing keeping me here now, because obviously I love him, but not as much as I did when we first started out because back then he was a much better man. I'm so afraid of being alone. Like really, who has a man that is handsome, has his stuff together, and ADORES his girlfriend?! I'm so scared that I'll never find that. And so it's kinda like i'm settling for this treatment. I don't want to wait, and it's so hard being alone ... because when i'm alone .. i'm ALONE. and the only friend i have is his cousin. and .. well you know how that feels sometimes. please don't say "go out and get friends" .. it's just really really complicated. its so hard feeling unloved. like i want to cry every 2 minutes. and i usually do.
nordia5 OP <3 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,077	__________________ happiness proves daily how hard it is to attain. Last edited by nordia5; Jun 24th, 2009 at 09:22 AM.

Jun 24th, 2009, 12:31 PM	#34
mrsklem14 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,239	Just remember, it's not the end of the world if you two break up. Believe me
mrsklem14 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,239	__________________ I will never forget you. Ever. Scruffina Rose<3 Let God's promises shine on your problems.

Jun 24th, 2009, 01:01 PM	#35
ver0nique ataraxiz Joined: Feb 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 1,051	^^ITA. From the way things are now, do you think it's going to get better or worst? The only reason you should stay in this is you love him and he still loves you. Is this the case now? Other than that, you are just going to be more miserable by dragging like this.
	__________________ ♥

Jun 24th, 2009, 01:54 PM	#36
nordia5 OP <3 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,077	^ he tells me that he loves me and he cares and blah blah. uggh.
nordia5 OP <3 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,077	__________________ happiness proves daily how hard it is to attain.

Jun 24th, 2009, 03:33 AM	#32
skyblue Member Joined: Nov 2006 Location: vancouver b.c. Posts: 655	i think you really need to take a step back and look at the situation. think of yourself instead of thinking of whether you lost him or not. because in the end its you who wants this to work. to me its pretty evident that he no longer cares to make this work. and that he has taken anyway any self respect that you have left in yourself. Think. would you really want a man who makes you feel like everything is your fault? and that things are the way they are now because youre an awful person? hes already taken eveything you have and hes still trying to twist things around on you. regardless. a realtionsihp is built on 2 people. sadly he seems like hes not ready to fess up and take resposibility for his actions too.

Jun 24th, 2009, 02:00 PM	#37
ver0nique ataraxiz Joined: Feb 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 1,051	tell him you don't feel it.
	__________________ ♥

Jun 24th, 2009, 02:03 PM	#38
LilGlove Sofa King Banned Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 53	who has a man that is handsome, has his stuff together, and ADORES his girlfriend?! I'm so scared that I'll never find that. You haven't found that. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Now, just lose this putz and start looking for it. My BF is handsome, to me, almost has his stuff together (nobody's perfect) and I think he adores me (as much as he can without it being mushy). Please don't take this the wrong way, Nordia, but I have been reading your posts on this subject since the last time he crapped all over you, and at this point you are willingly allowing him to do this to you. Get a backbone and walk away.
LilGlove Sofa King Banned Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 53

Jun 24th, 2009, 04:06 PM	#39
skyblue Member Joined: Nov 2006 Location: vancouver b.c. Posts: 655	to be blunt. you only fail yourself if you dont respect yourself enough to leave him even though it hurts to have a better life. This benefits no one but yourself. sometimes you need to be selfish in realtionships. especially since its not working. IF he loved you and cared for you, you would be in a realtionship. when you start changing hes going to want you back. but honestly after all this. When you are finally at peace with yourself and willing to move on. youll start to resent him. and you know what ill be proud of you when that happens. because when that happens youll realize that there is WAY MORE out there than him. I felt like you a year ago. my ex broke up with me in the SUMMER time lol so he could go out and play. and after summer he wanted me back. now we are in limbo. but you know what? ill always keep my options open now. and i dont feel bad anymore. if anything i feel bad for him. because he got what he wanted and now hes regreting it. if you ever feel the need to vent just come on here. i think us girls will be your support. so youre NOT alone. but you need to have the power to change. at this POINT i feel like youre not willing to change. so unless youre willing to change no one can help you.

Jun 24th, 2009, 04:55 PM	#40
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,494	To be blunt, people fall out of love. It happens ALL the time. I am sorry that you are feeling hurt but that's how love is. You take a chance on getting your heart broken. You do sound really insecure. This reminds me of when you are a little kid and you are choosing your friends. If you meet someone who always follows you around and does whatever YOU want to do all the time, you are bored and that person is not someone that you want to play with very often. I think you should end it with him to retain some of your dignity. I don't think his behavior is going to chance. (I don't agree with the poster who described him as abusive. I see nothing in your posts to come to that conclusion).
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,494	__________________ If you can afford it, for God's sake, BUY SOMETHING!

Jun 24th, 2009, 05:25 PM	#41
nordia5 OP <3 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,077	I agree that I am really insecure. But it's because of what HE is putting me through. I know that no one can make you do or feel a certain way, but come on now. he broke up with me, now he's treating me the way he is, while still telling me he does love me and he does care. i'm trying to do everything to make it work ... and it just isn't. How would I not be insecure? Even today, he hasn't even called me, text me, or anything. It's already 530. half the day is gone. I called and it went straight to voicemail, so the phone is probably dead, because it was yesterday. But come on now, part of being considerate is at LEAST calling me from his house to tell me the phone is dead or something? I don't want to be up his ass, but I think thats a normal thing to do, no? And that is the problem. I obviously DON'T respect myself enough to leave. I'm more scared of leaving him and beign alone than to just leave .. take time to heal .. and get back out there. Because I'M the one that's still in love, i'm the one who can't really understand how it got to this point and he just basically hates me now for whatever reason. It's like i[m trying so hard to understand something that i will never understand. and it's like i'm being repetitive with whomever i talk to about this because i really can't get it through my head. people say "he'll come back, he'll regret it, it'll take time for you to get over him"... it's like i don't have time. if i end it, i want it to be done and overwith and not even think about him EVER. but i know that's not going to happen. like i don't understand why it's like this, and i REALLY dont understand why i can't make it better.
nordia5 OP <3 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,077	__________________ happiness proves daily how hard it is to attain.

Jun 24th, 2009, 05:33 PM	#42
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,032	^^you know all the answers. you know exactly what to do. the only problem is YOU. the problem is NOT him...it's you. you let him to treat you with absolutely no respect. you ALLOW him to treat the way he does. we don't know why he treats you like that and it's not important. we all are trying to tell you that you allow him to treat you with no respect. you think you are going to do worse than now if you leave him???? tell me how it is better if you can hang out with your friends and do whatever you want instead of sitting in front of your phone and wait for it to ring??? we have all been there and we just hate to see you go thru this longer than you have to.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Jun 24th, 2009, 05:48 PM	#44
mrsklem14 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,239	I can't believe your letting this boy (yes boy because he's not mature enough to leave you alone, he insists on dragging you along) run your life. Don't you get that without him you will be 10 times better. You should be happy if you see him with another girl because you'll now she's the one putting up with his crap, NOT YOU!!!! You should take this as a blessing in disguise. He's not worth it!!!! Tell yourself this! He's a guy, not god. You don't need him.
mrsklem14 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,239	__________________ I will never forget you. Ever. Scruffina Rose<3 Let God's promises shine on your problems.

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