Feels like the sky is falling on me.

[Luccibag]

Im sorry. This guy is so wrong for you on so many levels and I know you know that. Rip that bandaid off already and leave him. Its better to be alone than in bad company.

[BittyMonkey]

I know, Nordia, that it's easier for us to say leave than it is to actually leave. When things get stressful we tend to cling to people that are familiar, even though they aren't good for us.

I'm not sure what this guy's motives are for doing this, but if he truly cared about your level of self-esteem he would go with you to counseling, not make you jump through hoops endlessly. You are playing Charlie Brown to Lucy and her football.

A healthy relationship does not include weight loss and depression unless your life partner is dying and you are grieving. Here you are starting to think that you are so flawed no one else could possibly want you. That you are terrible, people will see through you when you go out (and so you get anxious).

This relationship cannot continue if you want to be a confident, independent woman. I agree you should seek counseling if you don't have the social support to walk out on him and not look back.

He doesn't care, why should you? If you are not for you, than who?

[nordia5]

It's so hard, it's like I can't get over feeling like this is all my fault. All I can think about are things I could've said differently/or not at all, things I could have done differently, arguments that didn't need to be had, and then I think about all the good times together. It never crosses my mind things he's done wrong, how he treats me now. All I can think about are when he told me "i can never see us leaving each other" the cards he wrote that say "you're the best girlfriend ever", and "i have so much fun when i'm with you". I feel like i've turned into this person that he doesn't even want to be around anymore. Last night he sent me a text like "you need to calm down, it's not the end of the world, or us" ... and you know what? That actually made me happy. And then i'm thinking no what if he just wants to lure me in to go through the same bullshit with me? It's like theres no end. So I stop texting him last night and he didn't write back yet .. if he's even going to. As much of a bad person as I may be, I feel like i've helped him so much from the time we first got together until now. I feel like i'd sacrifice anything. I'd give him anything just to make him happy ... not because I was up his ass, but because I felt good doing it. I felt good to go and buy something for my man and surprise him. He used to do stuff like that for me too ... and now it's like .. nothing. Everything between us is so predictable. He says he wants to be with me, but things have to change. And i'm thinking .. if we're not together then why would we change for each other?! I'm good for a little while, and then I start thinking, why am I doing all this and "pretending" this is my man, for someone that isn't? To someone who shouldn't be doing this to me in the first place. To someone who knows me like the BACK OF HIS HAND! Idk what his motive is either, but I really wish I knew. I feel like the longer I stay, the more everything is going to get messed up, because it's a really dumb situation ...except he doesn't think that .. for whatever his reason is. He says the the title shouldn't mean anything. But it ABSOLUTELY does. You don't want to be trying to work it out with someone that can randomly go say "well .. we aren't even together anyway". It's like he's making me prove why I should be with him kinda thing, and I don't think that needs to be done. I been with him for over 2 years! I'm soo annoyed and theres so much more that I want to write and ramble on about, but it's pointless. I'm dumb to be in this situation in the first place, and especially for this long.

[ami kio]

Originally Posted by juneping

if you can't bring yourself to leave him, at least go and see a counselor and start from there. baby steps... good luck!!

I agree.

nordia5, like your sig line says, you need to learn how to love yourself.

[nordia5]

I agree that it needs to be taken by baby steps. Because even now, i'm still finding myself wanting to be near him right now and talk to him like every second. Asking myself "why do i care so much now about what he does and where he goes and get mad when he's not with me, when before i wasn't even like that?" .. the answer is because before, he would go out and do his thing, but i always knew that he was my man and thats it. He always treated me back then like i was the most perfect girl and theres no need to be insecure. Now my insecurities have me thinking the worst of every situation. All he keeps saying is "you can't depend on me to make you happy, you have to make yourself happy" .. and while I do agree with that .. it's usually said after I say "why can't you do some things for me to make me happy and make my day sometimes?" it's like what girl or guy doesn't like their partner to be that way. even like once a week, i'd be sooo happy. One time he made me this slideshow on and put it up on youtube, and i was happy like FOREVER about that. but he never does anything like that for me anymore. and that slideshow thing was only in like december. I feel like this situation is so far gone now, that it's never going to get back to the way it was. I have no doubt that it can, but he doesn't seem to care about putting effort into it anymore. It hurts to think about someone I love, and someone i've spent so much time with and someone who i've helped mold ... will be with someone else, and someone else is going to be happy with him and he's going to please someone else. It's just really hard. I just don't know.
Last night I did go out and got my mind off it, but now today i'm just like ugghh, back to reality. Can't go out EVERYDAY to get over this, lol. and right now i can't get over it because the situation is still there, i'm still allowing it. Really, is this normal?! Because I feel like i'm the only one who takes this like this as hard as i'm taking it.

[mrsklem14]

Wow, first off. dump this guy.. or atleast take a break. There is no point in staying if your not getting the attention or respect you deserve. I remember when you wrote the first post about him, I thought you may have dumped him by now. This guy is totally dangling you by a string and the sad thing is, you are letting him!

As long as you stay, there isn't any feeling bad for you. You need to stop making up excuses of why this unacceptable and disrespectful behavior he is portraying to you. Loosing weight, and bringing down your life isn't being a woman! You are a beautiful woman who deserves so so so much better than this crap. (some) Boys feen off this stuff and it makes me sick. Seeing the girl get so down and out for them. I think you need to seriously cut the ties of this dead wood. It. is. not. worth. it.

Please get a grip on yourself and start taking care of your body!!!
It will all work out in the end <3

[ver0nique]

You gotta decide once and for all if this is something you want in a long run or continue living like this for that matter. If not, go on cold turkey and cut him off. Stop hoping that he'll come around. He won't. He already know he has you wrapped around his finger. You need to do this for yourself, get yourself out of this unhealthy situation. Look, it has already taken a toll on your health. Is he blind? I'm pretty sure he saw the change in you. The question is, does he even care? Is it worth being so miserable over someone like this?

[blessed247]

Problem is you are not yet truly 'FED UP!!!!' with the situation you're in. I am saying this because I had been in the same situation for 1 year, OMG! Only until I finally got fed up, did I let go. I really do hope you get to that place (where u can't take it anymore) very soon.

Years later you will think about it and be like wow, I can't believe I really let that happen, however you'd have learned how NOT to be treated this way again.

be blessed...

[juneping]

Originally Posted by blessed247

Problem is you are not yet truly 'FED UP!!!!' with the situation you're in. I am saying this because I had been in the same situation for 1 year, OMG! Only until I finally got fed up, did I let go. I really do hope you get to that place (where u can't take it anymore) very soon. Years later you will think about it and be like wow, I can't believe I really let that happen, however you'd have learned how NOT to be treated this way again. be blessed...

totally agree with this poster.
if you are not happy in this relationship, what's the point of being in love?
i recall you posted another thread of your bf..?? so it's been a while....i really hope you can do what's best for you.

[lolitakali]

Originally Posted by nordia5

I've really really let this relationship I have with my ex drag me through the mud. Story... some of you may remember. well, me and the ex broke up like 3 months ago. well .. he broke up with me. since then, we've been together all the time, just like a couple. except without the title. that was our way of "working it out" ... i didn't agree with it, but I just stayed anyway. Everytime I bring up us getting together, he just tells me things about myself that we need to "change" first. The last thing was me being insecure. I'm thinking .. how is a girl supposed to not be insecure if she doesn't even have the boy? like he's not my man ... how can i be all secure when in all actuality, he can go and do whatever he wants and doesn't have to acknowledge me of anything. and I keep telling him this, and all he says is "well, it's the same thing i've been saying" .. Like i've sent text and text after text and call after call and voicemail after voicemail voicing how much I want this to work and that I'll stop being insecure once we are finally together because theres no way I can feel secure if we aren't. And the more I talk and the more I cry, the sadder I get and the more he seems not to care. I've never been through this before, and I'm so sad and lonely. Like if anything, I feel like i'm the good catch. I may nag sometimes, I may get mad sometimes, but I feel like the love I have for him outweighs any of the bad things I may do. And he's no angel either. Lately I've lost so much weight, I'm so down on myself, I feel like everything is my fault, and now theres nothing I can do about it. I feel like we're so far gone that it will never be the same. I feel like he will never respect me like he once did, because I let him drag me on for so long. And as dumb as I may sound saying this ... i'd probably do it for much longer. I just don't know when my breaking point is. I don't understand why he doesn't want me anymore. I don't know if it's how i look, something I did, things I've said. To be truthful, I never thought he'd leave me. And now I don't trust anything he says and i'm extremely insecure about everything, because he is making me this way. I know that I may need to just say f this, and just move on with my life. But i tried, and I can't. It feels so bad to be stuck on someone that you feel doesn't love you anymore. Its like I don't need compliments or nice things said to me to make me happy ... but what woman, or man doesn't like that? I try to make him feel as good as i can everytime i'm with him .. unless i'm mad of course. He doesn't give me compliments, he doesnt do anything I like ... because he's saying i want him to "kiss my ass" .. and that's not the case at all. I just miss the old things he used to say and do. It's like we just crashed head on lately. All I want to do is call and text him, but he doesn't answer me. Prob due in part to the fact that he doesn't care. I just feel like my life is in shambles and it's so hard to deal with this. and the one person i loved, doesn't seem to love or care about me anymore. oh, and we were together for 2 and a half years. My life sucks.

Among all the words, rantings, opinions etc.etc. of this post... the bolded super-sized sentence from OP said it all to me...

She KNOWS he is WRONG but due to maybe self esteem/security issues she is STILL WITH HIM or WANT TO STILL BE WITH HIM!!!

Thats the problem.

She walk away from that toxic ("no angel") ex...

PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, OP... YOU have said yourself that YOU are a good catch.

So seriously there is more than one fish (male/man species) in the sea.

Get an ego boost by hooking unto a bigger, better catch than this poor fare you call a fish. Throw that bait again gal! Wishing you better luck!

[lolitakali]

Originally Posted by nordia5

It's so hard, it's like I can't get over feeling like this is all my fault. All I can think about are things I could've said differently/or not at all, things I could have done differently, arguments that didn't need to be had, and then I think about all the good times together. It never crosses my mind things he's done wrong, how he treats me now. All I can think about are when he told me "i can never see us leaving each other" the cards he wrote that say "you're the best girlfriend ever", and "i have so much fun when i'm with you". I feel like i've turned into this person that he doesn't even want to be around anymore. Last night he sent me a text like "you need to calm down, it's not the end of the world, or us" ... and you know what? That actually made me happy. And then i'm thinking no what if he just wants to lure me in to go through the same bullshit with me? It's like theres no end. So I stop texting him last night and he didn't write back yet .. if he's even going to. As much of a bad person as I may be, I feel like i've helped him so much from the time we first got together until now. I feel like i'd sacrifice anything. I'd give him anything just to make him happy ... not because I was up his ass, but because I felt good doing it. I felt good to go and buy something for my man and surprise him. He used to do stuff like that for me too ... and now it's like .. nothing. Everything between us is so predictable. He says he wants to be with me, but things have to change. And i'm thinking .. if we're not together then why would we change for each other?! I'm good for a little while, and then I start thinking, why am I doing all this and "pretending" this is my man, for someone that isn't? To someone who shouldn't be doing this to me in the first place. To someone who knows me like the BACK OF HIS HAND! Idk what his motive is either, but I really wish I knew. I feel like the longer I stay, the more everything is going to get messed up, because it's a really dumb situation ...except he doesn't think that .. for whatever his reason is. He says the the title shouldn't mean anything. But it ABSOLUTELY does. You don't want to be trying to work it out with someone that can randomly go say "well .. we aren't even together anyway". It's like he's making me prove why I should be with him kinda thing, and I don't think that needs to be done. I been with him for over 2 years! I'm soo annoyed and theres so much more that I want to write and ramble on about, but it's pointless. I'm dumb to be in this situation in the first place, and especially for this long.

My DH does not send me flowers nor write me cards to tell me I am his best GF when we are dating...

But even after our marriage (and its been couple of years now...), I would tell others that he is an angel everyday!

Since he is naturally an angel... I would not need anymore things/actions to convince me!

And yes... there are good men, even great men out there.
The whole trick is to not waste so much time on the bad ones, it is wiser to save those time in patience looking and waiting for that great one that will change your life for good forever.

[nordia5]

You guys are very helpful. I'll come back and post results. As f right now my head is moving a million times a minute and i just need to chill out and really decide what i want/need in my life. Thank you guys so much.

[nordia5]

Update.
Well, it's not really an update, because nothing has happened since then. Guys, i'm really trying. I'm ssslllooowwwlllyyy realizing that this person who used to adore me just doesn't love me anymore. That is SO hard to come to terms with, and that's what's bothering me. How do you stop loving someone? Like how can you tell them you want it to work and then just go and act differently. It's like i am fed up .. but i'm not FED UP, like one poster above put. I know this isn't love, but i'm scared and I don't want to see him with someone else, even while knowing that he treated me like shit, I don't want to see him and another person happy. Knowing that should have been me. I should have been given that much respect to be happy with him, and it could have worked. I have NO doubt in my mind that this could work if he tried. But i don't know why he's not. It's like everyone is saying "one day down the line, he'll regret it" ... but .. he won't. He knows what he's giving up. Why would he regret it down the line? Like I just want to cry right now, like Im sooo mad at myself, like in my mind i'm OVER the situation totally, but in my heart I have so many questions and so many thoughts and I'm scared to let go. Theres so many things that I looked past from him. SO many things. And he just treats me like every little thing is a problem with me. heh. and now i'm crying. surprise, surprise. i'm ready to just let this go, but i can't. i can't because my stupid heart is convinced that he'll come around, and as long as i do this and this and that, we'll be happy and he'll come back totally and not half-assed and he'll want to be with me. and we'll do everything in our life that we planned together. like my heart is really convinced that, and my mind is like ... are you stupid?? he doesn't have to make you his girl as long as you are always there for him, even when he treats you bad. i've never been through this before, and i'm pretty sure i'm taking it harder than any of you guys because i'm a VERY sensitive person anyway. I cry at the drop of a dime.but it's been so long now that I feel like this is the way a girl is supposed to be treated. I'm definately no convinced that there are guys out there that are handsome, nice, and will treat me right. I know there isn't. and if there is one, i dont want to be with them for 2 years before i find out how it REALLY is. And i know as long as i stay I can't really say anything because .. hey, i'm the one doing it to myself now. but i'm sooo confused and i mean, is it hard to see why i feel so worthless?! like how can a man stop being the way he used to be to you? not want to be around you, not want to talk on the phone with you, not want to have sex with you for crying out loud. he's only 21 about to be 22. why the hell don't you want to have sex with me?! he claims it's because he just doesn't feel the urge ... which i can understand. but .. we go months at a time. and i know he's not having sex with someone else because we're ALWAYS together. I don't know guys. it's like i'm just stuck. and i'm scared to move either way. i'm scared to stay and be hurt until HE decides to leave me alone for good, and i'm scared to break it off and see him with someone else or having a BLAST without me. why am i putting myself through this turmoil, i'll never understand.

[GUCCI_COOCHIE]

I think you need some ME time! Try giving him (and yourself) some space and see how that goes... I mean, if you're already feeling like the sky is falling (which you shouldn't), then it can't get any worse. It's better than repeatedly asking him to work things out while he tells you his answer is 'the same as before.'

[nordia5]

^I guess so. Just the thought of losing someone .. no matter what the circumstance is kind of unbearable to me. But then again, i pretty much already lost him, huh? and your username actually made me do a double take, lol.