[cityivy]

last week, i turned 30. i've been dreading that day for a LONG time now. i'm not really a birthday person as i find the day sort of depressing. it generally makes me feel older, lonelier, empty. but i really do appreciate it when friends and family contact me to wish me a happy birthday.

so here comes the venting. my mother...the woman that gave birth to me didn't even call me on my birthday. can you believe that???? she only has two children. now, i'm very close with my mother, but she can be so damn inconsiderate and selfish. she calls TWO days later--saying that she remembered that day, but got busy and somehow it slipped her mind. she apologized. of course, i was still livid. i yelled at her and then hung up the phone.

today she calls again asking me about something important (career-wise) that i had mentioned a million times. of course, she didn't remember. naturally, i brought up the birthday thing again. not only was she not sorry, she blames me for being "so difficult" and always faulting her. she claims that b/c she's in her 50's and so busy with work, she couldn't possibly remember all these things. wtf??? i'm sorry, but there could not be anything more important on that day than remembering your only daughter's 30th birthday.

am i wrong in all of this? should i have cut her some slack???

[dallas]

I don't think that you are wrong and IMO your feelings are justified (although I don't think I would have yelled at her). I cannot even begin to fathom how a parent could forget their child's birthday. Maybe if she was very old it could be understood, but in her 50's? There is no excuse for it.

I hope you managed to have a nice birthday.

[lovinalotofbags]

I do not like to celebrate my birthday but it is nice when family members email, call or send me a card. You can think about something all week to do it and then forget on the day to do it. You say you feel depressed and lonely and do not like to celebrate but like it when family and friends call. You are putting out negative energy but want positive energy to come to you. I am older than you are but feel and look much younger. I wish I could be 30 again. Instead of feeling down, think of things that you have accomplished in life or want to do. You are still young. The next time your b-day comes around think about another year of being alive with family and friends that love you and go about your day. Happy belated b-day!!!

[shamsi]

I'm sorry. Birthdays are hard days IMO. I know no matter what, I always end up disappointed on mine.

I'd cut her some slack. She's been your mom for 30years, if you guys really are that close, I'd wager she knows how much you hate birthdays, and how hard this one was going to be. I don't think it's that she didn't want to "make it all better," but lack of know how to fix it, and what parent enjoys knowing what pain their child has & not being able to make it go away. And now she's lashing out b/c you reminded her that she can't fix it.

[bagnshoofetish]

I hate to be the one to bring this up, and I don't want to throw the A word around so easily but maybe your mom is beginning to experience memory loss? not just because of the birthday but about the career thing you said you've mentioned a "million" times. it isn't uncommon for the person experiencing the memory loss to get defensive. I'm sorry she forgot your b-day but maybe explore the bigger picture here and just outright ask her if she has been forgetting things lately? she might need your help.

[merde111]

I honestly don't think I would be so hard on your mom, if I were in your shoes. Life moves so quickly--I have so much to remember on a daily basis, that I know I forget a lot of things all the time. If you know your mother loves you and that the two of you are close/there for each other, does it really matter if she forgot? It doesn't change how she feels about you.

My mother is not in my life--she basically 'disowned' all of her children and went off to do her own thing. I would give anything to get a call from her, any time, but I know I'll never get it. She doesn't care enough to call me or her other children. Please, appreciate the fact that your mother loves you and is there for you, and try to be a little easier on her. Hugs and Happy Birthday! :-)

[LuvKitty]

Hmmm i guess when u get older u think ur older kids have their own lives to continue with... I know my mum and dad dont wish me happy birthday anymore on the actual day...

I think maybe ur depressed about this day firstly bcoz u feel alone?
ANd on top of that ur own mother didnt wish u happy bday so obviously your gonna feel even more shitty about it coz it feels like no one in the world cares...

[illinirdhd]

I'd be hurt too.

I agree with bagnshoo though - this could be a sign of memory loss. You might want to google memory loss or dementia or Alzheimers and check out the symptoms - see how your mom fits (if at all). My Godmother was just diagnosed earlier this year (she's 60), but has been showing signs for probably 6 or 8 years.

That said, no matter why she forgot to call, she should have been VERY apologetic to you, and it doesn't sound like she was. Yep, I'd be very hurt and angry.

[Kimmi]

I'm sorry you were hurt, I would feel really bad too. Maybe there is something up with her memory though and she got defensive when she was reminded because she probably felt awful for forgetting, you know? I would. Unfortunately people (even our parents) don't always do the right thing and you are going to have to forgive and forget so it doesn't keep YOU feeling bad. Holding onto wrongs does that eventually. I do really think you had every right to feel awful about it at the time though. Happy Birthday and hugs to you sweetie.

[cityivy]

thanks everyone for being so understanding! my mother doesn't not have alzheimer's (i'm a doctor). i love her, but she can be very selfish and inconsiderate. she had the nerve to tell me "oh what's the big deal anyway? i have so many things to think about all day". ugh!

[misschbby]

30 is young believe me enjoy it !!! and also learn to accept your mum is who she is she probably will never change so accept that she will forget birthdays and if she doesnt it will be a pleasant suprise ? happy birthday the thirties are good times !!

[gillianna]

I would let it go. What ever is going on with your Mom in not calling you is sad but it happens. Yes as a child no matter how old you are you hope your parents will remember and wish you the best but stuff happens. I have realized ages ago that it is better to let things go then build up anger over something another person does.
I wish you a Belated Happy Birthday.
HUGS.

[ChristyR143]

I'm sorry that happened to you, and yes of course, you have a right to feel hurt. However, you have said twice I think, that your mother is a very selfish and inconsiderate person. So, my question would be why should it suprise you when you are on the receiving end of this behavior?

As hard as it is to put into practice, you should just realize and accept that this is the sort of person she is, expect it from her, and move on with it.

At any rate, Happy Birthday! I hope that aside from this incident it was a good one.

[VPT]

As a guy once said to me "better to have a birthday than never". He meant well, I never dreaded birthdays again.

Many people do not remember birthdays, it doesn't matter if it's their child or sibling or best friend and your mother could be one. Plus given her age she might be a little forgetful if she's not one to keep a diary or schedule. I've a good friend who has forgotten my birthday for 20 years straight and then surprise me last year with a present! Don't be so hard on your mother.

[Irissy]

Happy belated birthday!! 30 is the new 20!!

Don't be too hard on your mom. Sometimes I can get way too busy to remember people's birthdays (and I'm in my late 20s). I have to rely on my friends or relatives to call me to tell me so-and-so's b-day is coming up or I program it into my cell phone to alert me the day before. I don't mean to forget their b-days on purpose and it also doesn't mean I don't care about them or love them. Sometimes you are just too swamp. I usually try to make it up by taking them out to dinner or spend some quality time with them. I hope your mom makes it up to you later. =)

Again, Happy Birthday babe!!