[Zophie]

I would tell them exactly how you feel. They probably don't realize that it hurts your feelings so badly.

[sjc0105]

Although a size 6 is definitely not huge, I can undersatnd why she could think so. I too was a size 0 99~ 103 range but two years ago gained approximately 20 lbs and have not been able to lose it since. Being skinny all my life and then to gain the weight was quite an experience. Although people do not consider me fat..I feel that way just because I use to be so much skinnier. It's still a constant battle for me to appreciate my weight and to be myself. Since I never dieted before, even though I "try" it never seems to fall through. I can't break my old habits of eating all the junk food I want along with all the foods that I want to eat without having consequences of gaining weight.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My family use to comment on my weight gain for so long, but after I let them know how I felt (that I was depressed and it is a struggle and sensitive issue for me)...they have never made a comment since.

I'm a bit rambling, but I just hope you feel better and know that you are not alone! Please talk to your family.

[mundodabolsa]

I'm only 5ft tall and I've worn everything from a -0 to a 12 in the last few years, so trust me, I get it.

First of all, the BEST thing I ever did for myself at the "fat" stages was embrace it, and buy appropriate clothes. I spent my entire senior year of college in sweats being miserable and trying to hide it when I too was a "fashionista." The day I went out and bought even a pair of jeans that fit and started trying to look cute on a daily basis again, my whole outlook changed.

Second, you can't change people, but you can change your reaction to them. I simply ignore comments on weight. Literally, if someone brings it up, I don't respond, I give them the cold shoulder. It's simply not something I discuss at all. When the conversation has moved on, I rejoin.

Comments about weight from family are really toxic to me too, I've skipped family reunions and holidays for the past 10 years to avoid them. The older I get the more I want to have a heart to heart with my parents and explain everything and try to get them to change, but I haven't built up the the courage yet.

But I'm sending you courage and strength, as hard as it is don't let them see that you care, and perhaps they'll lose interest in talking about it.

[AnimalCrackers]

If you don't expect them to stop, but still would like to visit, just keep telling yourself that it is their (insensitive) way of showing concern for your health. Whether this is the case or not, it may help you to have a more positive view of your parents. Or you could just allude to the fact that your new size makes a happy husband and that makes for a great sex life!

[orinoco]

anonymous :

this thread actually inspired me to be stronger when my mom's visiting (which will be soon). maybe my advices won't be that incredible, but i just wanted to put in my 2 cents, and let u know that u're not alone!

growing up i was extremely athletic, i even modeled a bit. My mom, being the typically beautiful succesful lady socialite type, is pretty vain (c'mon she's in the mid 50s and she only eats cabbage soup during the weekdays and goes for pilates in the morning and yoga in the evening EVERY day. so i guess she was big on the whole 'have u met my beautiful daughter' line. + my mom's chinese, so she prefers the whole petite figure thing.

But since moving overseas for school, it was a BIT different from my usual, school gym health food routine. What between getting a degree, working part time, paying bills, cleaning cooking etc, say what!? so i've gained something like 30 pounds, and it fluctuates a LOT. mind you i'm 5.5ft, so i would consider myself on the curvy chubby side.. but i'd like to think that i'm still relatively attractive!! i've got a booty that just won't quit!! lol!

anyways, my mom would spoil an otherwise pleasant visit by hurtful comments like those u've stated. and she usually chalks it up as 'tough love', "sweetheart, SOMEbody's gotta tell ya!" i would be looking at an outfit and she'd straight out say (outloud too i might add) "that kind of top is not for you' ' you shouldn't spend much on your clothes because everything doesn't look good with the way your figure is now anyways' worst one was 'don't you ever worry that **boyfriend** would cheat on you now that you look like that"

so no, u're not alone.. lol moms are... moms. Let her know that you're confident, and happy the way you are. project that image to her. That of course u'd like to be healthy, but u won't be consumed by it. u're above that.

[BTBF]

Originally Posted by abbygirl

A SIZE 6 IS FAT??????.

Size 6 is not fat, size 6 is just bigger than size 0-2...size she used to be. I think your family is concern about your health but they don't know how to express it. Gaining 40lbs is hug number.

Are you happy being a 6? If you are, tell them so or just tell them "I get it, it's getting old...can you stop now".

[LaurelLee123]

I think that only two things matter. Are you healthy at your weight? Are YOU happy at your weight? If yes to both, then tell your parents to quit bugging you about it because you are healthy and happy and if they dont find something else to talk about with you, then you dont want to talk to them.

However, if you dont feel healthy at this weight (back aches, decreased exercise ability, tiredness) or this weight makes you truly unhappy when you look in the mirror, maybe your parents are just telling you what you already feel about yourself. (though pretty insensitively, but thats parents)

[lolitakali]

Originally Posted by Junkenpo

This is an proxy post for someone who would like to remain anonymous. It came through the "designated hitter" option in the Health and Fitness subforum, but since it asks how to deal with family, rather than physical health or actual weight loss, I thought it'd get better replies here.

Mahalo for your replies!

********


I have been thin my whole life. I up until about 3-4 years ago, I've been putting on weight. Back then I was a size 0-2 and weighed about 100-110lbs. Since then, I've gained 40lbs and am now a size 6. By no means do I consider myself overweight but I am "chubby". My mom and dad are constantly commenting me on my weight. Calling me FAT and BIG THIGHS... in a joking tone but it still annoys me. My parents are constantly telling me to work out.. I've told my DH and they think my parents are crazy telling me I'm fat and that he loves me for me.

We are going on a family trip soon (literally my entire family for a reunion) and I am scared they are going to continue to comment on my weight. Some of my family members I haven't seen in years so they may think I'm fat too! I have a thin family and no one is really overweight. I'm scared of going and being subjected to this kind of verbal abuse. I know my parents don't mean it, but it is still hurtful. I am scared to eat around them or wear anything that shows my figure. Whenever I am over there house, I just wear a t-shirt and sweats. I am usually known as the "fashionista" of the family so this is a big change for me.

I often find myself crying on the way home from my parents house or being furrious from a conversation with my mother. For example, last week when we went shopping my mom told me to buy big flowy clothes because they were for fat people and I wanted to scream.

I don't know if I should say something to them, but I do agree that I am a little over weight. So, they are not wrong in telling me to go to the gym. But I need help! how will i survive a week with my family without bursting into tears?!

Mine is ingrained in my culture... of being Asian. Even when I was skinny, my mom always still say I am fat, but they still continue to stuff me food. So I guess I just learn to accept that as a culture thing.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by orinoco

anonymous :

this thread actually inspired me to be stronger when my mom's visiting (which will be soon). maybe my advices won't be that incredible, but i just wanted to put in my 2 cents, and let u know that u're not alone!

growing up i was extremely athletic, i even modeled a bit. My mom, being the typically beautiful succesful lady socialite type, is pretty vain (c'mon she's in the mid 50s and she only eats cabbage soup during the weekdays and goes for pilates in the morning and yoga in the evening EVERY day. so i guess she was big on the whole 'have u met my beautiful daughter' line. + my mom's chinese, so she prefers the whole petite figure thing.

But since moving overseas for school, it was a BIT different from my usual, school gym health food routine. What between getting a degree, working part time, paying bills, cleaning cooking etc, say what!? so i've gained something like 30 pounds, and it fluctuates a LOT. mind you i'm 5.5ft, so i would consider myself on the curvy chubby side.. but i'd like to think that i'm still relatively attractive!! i've got a booty that just won't quit!! lol!

anyways, my mom would spoil an otherwise pleasant visit by hurtful comments like those u've stated. and she usually chalks it up as 'tough love', "sweetheart, SOMEbody's gotta tell ya!" i would be looking at an outfit and she'd straight out say (outloud too i might add) "that kind of top is not for you' ' you shouldn't spend much on your clothes because everything doesn't look good with the way your figure is now anyways' worst one was 'don't you ever worry that **boyfriend** would cheat on you now that you look like that"

so no, u're not alone.. lol moms are... moms. Let her know that you're confident, and happy the way you are. project that image to her. That of course u'd like to be healthy, but u won't be consumed by it. u're above that.

man...your mom is a tough cookie....you can take a lot....

[juneping]

back to the OP's girl -
i can understand a bit. i think you just need to be honest w/ your parnets that their comments are harsh. if you don't tell them...they will never get it. everybody's attitude towards jokes/criticism is different. sounds like your parents were just joking and secretly hope you would take some action.
crying in the bathroom is no use....cry in front of them and tell them that's how it hurt you..they'll stop. really. trust me. it happened to one of my siblings...and my dad stopped his meant well and harsh comments for good.

[orinoco]

Originally Posted by juneping

man...your mom is a tough cookie....you can take a lot....

LOL... yeap she is. She actually HECKLED me once during a badminton tournament because she thought it would be good for me.

but yes...let it be known that you don't like it!! or else she'd even think that it's acceptable behaviour!!

what some parents (moms especially) seem to forget is how rude they can be to their children, kwim?

[claireZk]

Originally Posted by lolitakali

Mine is ingrained in my culture... of being Asian. Even when I was skinny, my mom always still say I am fat, but they still continue to stuff me food. So I guess I just learn to accept that as a culture thing.

Yes, ITA

I come from a mixed family and unfortunately I did not get the Asian "skinny gene." I'm built more like my dad's side of the family: curvy, athletic and thick. When I was a size 6, every bone protruded from my body and my dr and dietitian were pressuring me to gain weight.

But I've had to hear from my grandmother my ENTIRE life, "Why don't you lose weight? You would be such a pretty girl if you were skinny!.. Your feet are so wide!... You're wrists are huge!... You're so fat!.. You're so tall!... Why are your muscles so big? You exercise too much!" The whole time, though, she was stuffing me with food, telling me I don't eat enough.. just like Lolita said.

I've come to realize that it's not my problem, it's hers. It's not going to stop no matter what I do. I also realize that she's not saying it hatefully or to make me feel bad, it's just cultural. I know I'm healthy, and that's all that counts.