[twinkle.tink]

Poop!!! Sorry this is long...need to vent...some of you may remember the on going saga of my demented BIL.

Yesterday my DH went to see his folks in Palm Springs...he runs the family business and has for about 3 years now...his brother is one of the companies sales people.

The brother is a complete A$$. Alcholic, cheating scum. For years he has done nothing. In the last 3 years, he has been fired once, quit twice and in rehab 5 times (the company paid for it each time). But 'he is family', so each time he got another chance.

Well about 3 weeks ago the IT guy approched DH and said, "you know your brother does nothing all day but have 'internet sex!" DH thought that the guy was exaggerating...but humored him and said, "get me the print outs"...well it turns out he was emailing two customers (yes, customers) all day with sex talk. Seriously his daily report read 1 e-mail every 2-3 minutes to these two women from 8:30 until 5:15. Basically he was using the e-mail like IM...without going into the tawdry details, let's just say it read like a porn movie script, and yes, visuals from all parties were included. Oh, yeah, he is married with 2 kids. (Yes, these are terror children, I occassionly speak about).

While making it more scandelous, the issue business wise was not even the sex talk...it was about the fact if he was spending all day on these personal e-mails, it was clear why he has had almost no sales for the last 20 months.

To wrap it up, he is being fired, for good this time. DH finally convinced his parents tough love was needed...this man is 50 years old!! They have bailed him out so many times it isn't even funny. Oh, did I mention in the last 11 years he has had 7, yes 7 DUIs...the last one, about a year ago, he was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident after, he ran off the road and crashed into a ditch..how is this man not in jail? A completly co-dependent wife and parents and money to hire good lawyers and pay for rehab instead of jail...it makes me ill.

So while all that sucks and is stressful...the bottom line is now DH wants me to come to work and take over his sales I like being a SAHM and doing my little bit of consulting on the side...and I don't want to be even more in the middle of this mess. He said I have a few weeks to think about it...and he will understand if I don't want to...but I know he will be hurt and I will feel unsupportive if I don't.

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

[guccimamma]

end the nepotism, your husband is doing the right thing. the aftermath will be hard, hang in there. i wouldn't step into the business right now, i think hiring someone would be the best thing for the moment.

[GTOFan]

oooo, family and business, not a great mix.

Good luck Mary, having DH feel your support will give him the strength to stand his ground w/his brother.

[azhangie]

I know how you feel!! I work for my parents doing the whole family business thing and my parent's have made it clear that they will never hire anyone from the family or hire anyone that's a friend of thiers. It just gets messy and nothing good ever comes out of it.

A few yrs ago my uncle wanted to basically rent one of our office rooms (we have a lot that's not being used) and after many weeks my dad reluctantly agreed to it. So basically my uncle was using our warehouse address and even our business name as his own. My uncle decided that he wanted to do some things that weren't so legal and my dad found out and got mad, because my uncle was jeopardizing our business! Well the whole business thing didnt work out for my uncle so he was unemployed with a stay at home wife and a son going off the college soon. He had the nerve to ask my dad if my dad will hire him as like a warehouse worker...and then fire him 3 months later so he can collect unemployment benefits. My dads like WAT?!1 HELL NO! Long story short (becuz this could go on): my uncle and dad are not really on speaking terms unless the situation requires it. My uncle thinks that my dad should have agreed to his request since he was unemployed with no real skills. And let me mention that while he was renting one of the our offices he never paid one cent in rent. Family members should not be in business together!

-BTW if ure planning on working with ur hubby, i'd be real careful to seperate home life from work life. I've seen what its done to my parents. Now that i'm working my mom barely comes to work anymore and i think its made things a lot better at home.

[Danica]

what a nightmare he sounds like!! Your husband is doing the right thing of course. If this is not something you want to do, then don't do it...it may create problems, or issues, or resentment, or whatever may happen within your marriage. Your husband will understand, and he will get over it, and probably be happy when he hires someone new who is fantastic at their job and making all these sales!

[guancia]

Wow that sucks. It seems like you BIL does need some very tough love and you DH is doing the right thing. Your BIL totally on the wrong track, if on one at all, and he needs to do something to get on the right one. It's just an overall horrible situation. I think that you should maybe help your DH for awhile, but I agree that he needs to hire someone outside the family.

Good luck! I hope everything works out!

[dlovely51]

Originally Posted by Danica

what a nightmare he sounds like!! Your husband is doing the right thing of course. If this is not something you want to do, then don't do it...it may create problems, or issues, or resentment, or whatever may happen within your marriage. Your husband will understand, and he will get over it, and probably be happy when he hires someone new who is fantastic at their job and making all these sales!

I agree. I think your husband wants you there because his trust has been violated in the worst way, and maybe the firing and entanglement of the family is so draining, he doesn't want to go through the hiring process. Saying that, I think since it's more of an emotional issue, step in temporarily and help him find someone permanently-although if the brother doesn't have any sales, there shouldn't be any accounts to transfer??? Hope everything works out.

[jellybebe]

Sorry to hear about that! Your DH is definitely doing the right thing. I remember this same situation happening with my ex's family's business. They wouldn't fire his cousin because he was the boss' son, although the man was a crack addict and was accused of sexually harassing one of the employees! It was scandal after scandal - not showing up for work, disappearing on drug binges for days at a time... too bad his father couldn't muster up some tough love for him!

[Label Addict]

oh dear that sounds like a major PITA

it's the right step to get rid of the brother maybe you could do a part time thing with a deadline to be replaced?

[boxermom]

It sounds long overdue. Enabling people in their harmful behavior does no one any good. He sounds awful, Mary.

It must be tough for everyone, though and I feel for you, with some pressure to work outside the home. SAHM is a big job by itself; add an outside job and it's recipe for fatigue. I hope you all can figure something out. Don't give bro another chance though--he's used them up!

[Speedy]

Twink, your DH is doing the right thing. I feel for his wife and kids, sounds like he's got them totally under his thumb, but unless he's hit rock bottom with no ladder to step out unless he builds it himself... he's never going to learn.

The 7 DUI's is appaling... man, I learned after ONE! And even then I wasn't drunk-drunk... but I got no favors back then and I am SO GLAD I didn't!

I keep you all in my prayers hon... this is rough. Although I do appreciate the honesty of what it's like to work with family here from all of you... I was thinking of working with a relative in the future. Think I'll decline now.

Good luck!

[MissCBS]

I think that for a couple to work together all day and then go home together at night is rough. My two supervisors own the business together I work for and they are married -- it's not always pretty. Honestly, I think it puts wear-and-tear on a relationship. BUT there are exceptions to every rule. Maybe you and your DH are an exception. When you are considering the job, not only give thought to how the job could change your responsibilites, but also how it could effect your relationship with DH. Hope I helped!

[paintednightsky]

It's good he got rid of his brother. I don't think family and business mix well. I think if you helped your husband out for a couple of months, he'd appreciate it and feel supported. Especially since he's going through a rough time I'm sure he feels more than stressed. I would at least help him while he finds someone else to help destress him a little about worries, at least for the moment.

[Bubble Girl]

Gosh the brother sounds as though he's a child, and yet he's old enough to be a grandfather.

It's good your DH is taking the stand. Perhaps you could help him out part time until he finds someone new and then you can help with the handover. But going back into the business full time sounds like it would not make you happy in the long term.

[twinkle.tink]

Thanks everyone for all the great comfort and advice.

He fired him yesterday, and it went better than expected. I have to admit, as psyco as he is, I was more than just a little worried it would become physical.

I feel extremly bad for his wife and kids...although I am angry at his wife, as well. Her co-dependency is a big part of the reason this is still going on. I feel bad for my in laws, who are super nice. My poor MIL is at her wits end...she knows that the wife is going to call and want to know all the details of why he was fired. Does she keep it professional and say he was fired for non productivity at work...or does she go into the tawdry details and perhaps end his marriage and let's face it; he will loose his kids....no doubt she will be able to get full custody. I go back and forth...one minute thinking it's really not her place to tell...the next thinking: hell, yes, the wife deserves to know everything. Can you imagine being faced with such a horrible situation at 76, with your 50 year old son...seesh.

I have not decided what to do about the job yet. DH and I actually met working together and worked together for a number of years...but it was a different company and I was charge. To be perfectly frank, I was much better at seperating home from work than he, so that does worry me.

I wish I could do part time and for a limited time...but anyone who has worked in sales, knows that really does not work. I was worried that the family would think DH was firing the brother to bring me in...but actually it was the in laws idea, I found out last night when my MIL called me...I worked for her before (she actually hired her son (DH) after I had been there about 6 months in the hopes we would hit it off...what a little matchmaker Anyway, so she and FIL know what kind of worker / salesperson I am...that's why the want me to go clean up the mess...they know I can do it.

Financally, it would be great. Since, we live quite comfortable on DH's salary, we would put my salary 100% to the morgage, which would mean it would be paid off in 2-3 years.

Ack, sorry this turned out to be so long, again...just so much going through my head...not feeling very twinkly this morning :( It is only 6 here now, I have been up since 4, I am going to go back to bed and try to catch a few winks before I have to get everyone up and going. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.