Fair Weather Friend... On Reverse

[Miss Evy Rocks!]

I met this girl [named M] at work, about 2 years ago. At first M and I would relate to each other a lot and talk about life, bfs and bags. We began going to dinner after work at least once a week. She invited me to her birthday party. We went shopping together. Everything seemed fine... until she decided to act shady.
She ceased answering my text messages and phone calls and barely spoke to me at work. Whenever she had problems with her bf or had a bad day, she would call me to talk about it or go to dinner and talk about it. Any other time, I would never hear from her

At first, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and figured that she was busy with work or with her bf or with her family... But then I would find out through others that she had been to trips with co-workers of mine or outings to which I was never invited.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was simply her friend when she needed me. It felt like an abusive bf in a way, she hurt my feelings but I always took her back

Well, I think the cycles ends now.

Last week, she called me out of the blue to invite me to this club with her bf. I said "sure." The day before of the event, I came in to work and saw her, so I asked her who else would be coming. She replied: "Oh, I'm glad that you brought it up because I'm not going anymore." So, if I hadn't asked her, she wouldn't have told me and I would have been all ready and waiting for her to pick me up

I wanted to be mad, but since I was at work I decided to take the high road... Well yesterday one of my co-workers asks me: "Are you going to M's thing tonight?" I just said: "I didn't know she had something going on tonight, I'll ask her." I went to my work area and she was there, so I asked her and she just said: "Oh, well I can't tell you right now but I will later." Five hours later, I found myself in the break room waiting for my guy friend to pick me up and another co-worker of mine comes in and starts talking to M about tonight. M knows I'm there and assures the other girl that her name is on the list and asks her about tonight [Sat.] and what time they were going to get off to go do something.

I'm not going to lie. I was really hurt.

I never consider her a true friend, but going back in my mind I thought that someone you call at 2AM crying because your bf was being a jerk to you [again] and you are thinking of ending it... well I thought she considered me a friend when she did that. And every other time she did things like that.

This is some HS bull and I will not engage. We are in our late 20s for crying out loud!

I asked some friends if they thought I was overreacting, but they just advised me to cut all ties with her. "She is not your friend," they all agreed.

Sorry this is so long and thank you for letting me vent.

I hardly have any girl friends, but I figured I don't need a friend like this one in my life.

[Immi]

She's awful. She is not a friend, she just used you as a kleenex a couple of times. I can sympathise with you, you're obviously a nice friendly person who offered your help but there is some obligation from the person who recieves the help not to treat you like crap.

Delete her from your phonebook, wash your hands of her!! If someone did that to me they definitely wouldn't get a second chance. Good for you for putting a stop to it.

[pursecrzy]

Cut all ties, but don't burn bridges. If you see her, smile and say Hi but keep on walking.

[juneping]

OMG, she's not a friend. just distance yourself from her.
i used to have a friend like that....most of the time i just felt like being used. i just told myself i didn't need someone doesn't appreciate me in return. afterall friendship is not a one way street.
feel better.

[onegirlcreative]

she sounds like one of those friends that only calls you when their boyfriend is not around. definitely high school bullsh!t. life is short, move on and definitely find more friends.

once you start ignoring her and act like she isn't even there, you'll be surprised how she'll all of a sudden show an interest in you again. at which point, i would still ignore her.

there are many people out there that would love having you as their friend, obviously she doesn't appreciate you for who you are and only for what you can give her. just look forward and don't look back.

good luck.

[helpchow]

So sorry OP. She is not your friend at all - seems to be using you for emotional support but not reciprocating the friendship. I wouldn't bring it up with her though since you both are co-workers; simply be cordial to her at work. And please, please don't trust the b*tch with anything that you wouldn't want repeated at work.

[basicandorganic]

Originally Posted by Miss Evy Rocks!

I met this girl [named M] at work, about 2 years ago. At first M and I would relate to each other a lot and talk about life, bfs and bags. We began going to dinner after work at least once a week. She invited me to her birthday party. We went shopping together. Everything seemed fine... until she decided to act shady. She ceased answering my text messages and phone calls and barely spoke to me at work. Whenever she had problems with her bf or had a bad day, she would call me to talk about it or go to dinner and talk about it. Any other time, I would never hear from her At first, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and figured that she was busy with work or with her bf or with her family... But then I would find out through others that she had been to trips with co-workers of mine or outings to which I was never invited. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was simply her friend when she needed me. It felt like an abusive bf in a way, she hurt my feelings but I always took her back Well, I think the cycles ends now. Last week, she called me out of the blue to invite me to this club with her bf. I said "sure." The day before of the event, I came in to work and saw her, so I asked her who else would be coming. She replied: "Oh, I'm glad that you brought it up because I'm not going anymore." So, if I hadn't asked her, she wouldn't have told me and I would have been all ready and waiting for her to pick me up I wanted to be mad, but since I was at work I decided to take the high road... Well yesterday one of my co-workers asks me: "Are you going to M's thing tonight?" I just said: "I didn't know she had something going on tonight, I'll ask her." I went to my work area and she was there, so I asked her and she just said: "Oh, well I can't tell you right now but I will later." Five hours later, I found myself in the break room waiting for my guy friend to pick me up and another co-worker of mine comes in and starts talking to M about tonight. M knows I'm there and assures the other girl that her name is on the list and asks her about tonight [Sat.] and what time they were going to get off to go do something. I'm not going to lie. I was really hurt. I never consider her a true friend, but going back in my mind I thought that someone you call at 2AM crying because your bf was being a jerk to you [again] and you are thinking of ending it... well I thought she considered me a friend when she did that. And every other time she did things like that. This is some HS bull and I will not engage. We are in our late 20s for crying out loud! I asked some friends if they thought I was overreacting, but they just advised me to cut all ties with her. "She is not your friend," they all agreed. Sorry this is so long and thank you for letting me vent. I hardly have any girl friends, but I figured I don't need a friend like this one in my life.

Same exact thing happened to me. My best friend, and my only good friend, treated me like this for about a year until everything was okay in her life. 6 months down the road, and I'm still very hurt.

Ignore her and move on - she's not worth it and you are definitely the better person in this, opening your heart to someone who just used you. :) Feel better.
P.S. We are in high school..

[miss_sigh_gone]

Wow...looks like this world is full of b!tches like this. I had a friend who was EXACTLY the same as this one. I agree with the above posters;

1) Do not tell her ANYTHING (good, bad, or ugly) about yourself that you'd want to be backstabbed with...just talk about the weather and movies.

2) Bide your time, her ego will deflate again and she'll once again be down about her life after a fight with her bf, and she'll come right back to you. Then, you can just put her phone call on HOLD.

That b!tch needs to be taught a lesson...remember, revenge is a dish best served cold

[Vendrazi]

This chick isn't worth "revenge." (As you get older, you realize that revenge against anyone so isn't worth the time.) The best revenge is a life well lived.

The next time this chick calls, all the OP has to say is, "I don't feel comfortable engaging in this conversation," and hang up. Continue to be friendly but simply don't engage.

There ARE nice women out there to have a girlfriends, btw! So don't give up. :)

[spoiled_brat]

Revenge... pfft. I agree with Vendrazi, the best revenge is a life well-lived.

Also agree with pursecrzy, cut all ties but don't burn bridges. It's not worth it, especially at work.

If you are in need of a good gf that's what tPF is for

[shy*violet]

She's not a real friend.

Cut the ties and all that drama out of your life!

[SunnyFreckles]

I know what that kind of hurt feels like. No matter what, you can't make that go away.

Time DOES heal most wounds. Just get yourself ready NOW for when she does decide to call you in the future. You need to be prepared now for what you will say and how you will react then.

All I can do is send you a hug and tell you that something like this just happens in life. And yes, it hurts. Sometimes, it hurts worse when you don't think a person like that could be capable of hurting YOU. But it still burns like fire. Just take this as a lesson learned. You said you don't have a lot of friends...good news is, you don't need a lot. Just a few who can be there for YOU...and for who YOU can be there for! Those are the one's that count the most!

[kristie]

Originally Posted by spoiled_brat

Revenge... pfft. I agree with Vendrazi, the best revenge is a life well-lived. Also agree with pursecrzy, cut all ties but don't burn bridges. It's not worth it, especially at work. If you are in need of a good gf that's what tPF is for

All perfectly stated.......and always remember to be the "mature" one. It makes you look good and her just look bad and there is no revenge involved and no drama. Keep your chin up and don't let anyone at your work know you are upset at ALL because everything at the workplace goes around full circle!

[miu miu1]

Originally Posted by spoiled_brat

Revenge... pfft. I agree with Vendrazi, the best revenge is a life well-lived. Also agree with pursecrzy, cut all ties but don't burn bridges. It's not worth it, especially at work. If you are in need of a good gf that's what tPF is for

Could´nt have put it better.
I feel for you and know that this kind of treatment hurts, but just let it go.
It so is not worth it.
The tPF´ers are here for you

[Nieners]

Cut all ties with her She's somebody that doesn't make your life any better, so why keep her in it?