Hi everyone,
I normally wouldn't post something this personal in here, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so upset at what has happened.
Here's a little background just to make things clearer.
T (my great aunt, my grandmother's sister) is 78 years old, has never been married and never had any children. She lives alone in a city that's about 45 minutes away from here and has no family there. She has had a stroke before, but was lucky that her friend was there at that time, because if not - nobody would have found her until it was too late.
My grandmother owns what is called a "Family Grave". My grandfather died nearly 20 years ago, and he is the only one in there. The grave has "room" for 4 people. The grave will "run out" this year in may, and my grandmother has to rebuy it for 10 years.
Her sister,
T, was here for Christmas and New Years and while she was here she said that she would like to be burried here where we live since her family is here. But...based upon the rules of our city, you can only be burried here if you are a resident. Since she is not a resident, she would have to get a written "ok" from my grandmother and all of the children (my aunt, uncle and mom).
Nobody has a problem with her being in the grave...except for my grandmother. And we don't even know why (or if) she has one! Yesterday we were all over at my aunt's house for coffee & cake and to wish everyone a happy new year. In the evening,
T brought up the grave thing and said she had the papers (the written statement) with her and asked if it would be ok for everyone who needs to to sign. My aunt signed with no problem, and as did my mom. Nobody has any clue why, but my grandmother became very standoffish when
T said she would give my grandmother the money for her "part" of the grave when it came time to repurchase it in May. My grandmother basically said "There's no point in giving me the money now since you're not in it yet"...Nobody really understands what this was supposed to mean, but that's when it all started. They started to bicker back and forth about the rules for an outsider being burried in town, and then my grandmother said something along the lines of "Go ahead and do what you want, you know it all ...you always know everything better anyway!" I couldn't write it as meanly as my grandmother said it, since she said it in German...But that's pretty much along the lines of what she said.
Everybody that was in the kitchen got quiet when she said that and pretty much turned white. We knew that nothing good would come out of this situation. So...we stopped the conversation and went home shortly afterwards. At dinner time, we all went over to my grandmother's house where
T was staying for dinner. We were all pretty much in a good mood, but we noticed that
T was being very quiet. We asked what was wrong and she said "Nothing". So, we left it at that. We ate dinner together and atlked for a little bit, and then we went home.
This morning, my mother goes over to my grandmother's for breakfast (she lives nextdoor, lol). It was around 8.15am.
T still had not gotten out of bed (which is unusual). My mom asked my grandmother what was going on, and my grandmother said "She's laying in bed pouting". Apparnetly
T had not slept the whole night and cried the whole time. Now, I don't have a very good relationship with
T because we're too alike (rofl!) but this broke my heart when my mom told me that.
She didn't eat breakfast this morning, and asked my mom to go with her to the courthouse so they could talk to the grave guy about the rules to make sure that they understood it right. They went and talked to the guy, and everything was the way
T had said it was. When they came back, my mom spoke to my grandmother about what she had said the night before and told her to think about how she would feel if someone spoke to her that way...My grandmother didn't say anything.
Fast foward a few hours, it's time for lunch. We go over for lunch since my grandmother had cooked a big meal and
T was not there. She had walked out to my Uncle's (about 2km) to get her car since she wanted to go home. She said she no longer felt welcome. She comes back at around 12.45, packs her things, comes up to the kitchen and says goodbye very quietly and goes. I don't even remember if my grandmother said goodbyle or not?
Fast forward another few hours, and we are at my aunt's house to talk about what had happened and what we are going to do if my grandmother really does not allow her to be in the Family Grave. My aunt calls
T to make sure that she got home ok, since she was really not fit to drive home based on her emotional situation. Based on what my aunt said,
T said "If I am no longer a member of the family, I am going to go". This breaks my (and everyone else who was there!) heart. To hear a 78 year old woman say something like that...to think that her sister hates her and doesn't want her to be burried where she is with her family...It just breaks my heart. She also said that she hopes she doesn't die soon, because she doesn't want to die feeling this way.
She wants to die knowing exactly where she will be burried...She wants to know that she will be near her family (we are all she has) and that she will not be alone.
Nobody knows what do do now. We're all pretty distraught. I have decided to stay out of this because it is an issue between my grandmother, my aunt, my uncle and
T. Nobody else. I really have no say in any of this.
Would you guys suggest that my aunt, uncle and mom talk to my grandmother about this?? Let her know what
T said on the phone and tell her to stop being so stubbourn and hard headed?? Nobody knows why my grandmother doesn't want her in the grave. We don't even know if that's the case...And I honestly don't think that if somebody asked "Why?" that they would get an answer from my grandmother. I have no clue. Nobody knows what to do. We don't want either of them growing older hating eachother, or feeling like that they are not a member of the family. We love them both too dearly to let that happen.
Any advice????
Thanks for reading!
Dying and being burried alone. FAMILY DRAMA! (long)
