Doubting your best friend?

lubz · Dec 16th, 2007, 10:47 AM

This thing happened a while back and i dont know if i'm just over reacting but i need to vent cuz i feel betrayed n fooled.. my brother and I are VERY close, we actually live together too n he had introduced me to this girl a year ago n we just hit it off n became inseparable right away, she's the closest to my heart out of all my friends.. n then one day she came over n asked me to make her a cd n while i was making it i thought maybe i'll go ask her what kinda songs she likes best.. n i walked in on her fooling around with my brother! i dunno why but I felt like someone slapped me hard! We didn't talk for a week .. but then eventually i was like whatever we're cool that's so stupid i'm not gonna lose my best friend over THAT, I always noticed she was crushing on my brother it kinda grossed me out but i didnt really talk about it ..
she later opened the subject n i told her i didnt wanna talk about it so we never really did.. i asked my brother if he liked her n he said he doesn't .. cuz if he did i honestly have no problem if he goes out with her but if they were just fooling around for the eff of it then thats disrespectful to me. She, on the other hand, always talks about him to me like something is going on between them.. n now that i am kind of familiar with the situation she talks about it very openly n its so gross .. she like tells me how much she likes him n its so awkward.. i know some of u are reading this thinking i shouldnt be upset.. but i really am.. i feel betrayed by my best friend n brother who did not respect me enough.. i still hold a grudge against her even though it happened MONTHS ago, n i dont tell her everything anymore, my trust for her has definately dropped a few notches.. i love her so much but everytime i see her i always question why she got close to me in the first place.. lol i dont even have the guts to confront her.. n she's not making the least effort of hiding her feelings now..
She's not the first girl who befriends me to get closer to my brother but she is the first that i actually opened up to and genuinly loved hanging out with .. i am not feeling jealous or being overprotective of my brother either, i am just sad at the thought that i might have only been used to get to something
so this is it.. what do i do

keya · Dec 16th, 2007, 10:55 AM

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think you should stay out of it and let them figure it out on their own. You shouldn't feel disrespected because your friend has a crush on your brother, she's not doing it to hurt you and it's not like she's doing it on purpose either. People can't help how they feel. If hearing about it makes you uncomfortable, you should tell her so. And if your brother really doesn't like her (supposing that he didn't just say that because he knew you were opposed to the idea of the two of them hooking up) you should make it clear to him that she is your best friend and you care about her, so he shouldn't take advantage of her crush on him. Plus, how do you know that she's friends with you "to get closer to your brother"? Did you consider the possibility that maybe she fell for him after the two of you became best friends? All in all, I really don't think this is any of your business, all you can do it stay out of it and hope everything turns out for the best. I mean, you love them both and want them to be happy, don't you?

SOLIDGOLD2 · Dec 16th, 2007, 11:06 AM

you are really over reacting!
why are you upset just b/c she is messing around with your brother, remember HE introduced her to you. I can maybe see why you would feel that she used you to get to him, if you met her on your own and she met your brother once then started hanging out with you a lot afterwards just to get to him but that wasn't the case.

fiatflux · Dec 16th, 2007, 11:12 AM

Actually I can see why you feel the way you do...and I think the best thing to do would be for you to clear the air between the two of you and talk to her about it. What do you have to lose? You already feel the trust is broken...so talking about it could either start the path to mending things between you, or else reinforce your worst suspicions.

Unfortunately, it does sound like you could be right about her motivations...girls will sometimes go to drastic lengths get closer to a guy they are 'into.'

I really don't agree that you are overreacting...I did at first think you might be, but as I read further into your message...I could see where you are coming from. Also, you've been in the situation and I'm sure there are many nuances that you can't really describe here and that led you to this conclusion.

lubz · Dec 16th, 2007, 11:54 AM

SOLIDGOLD n keya i appreciate ur opinions, i did multiple times tell myself i will stay out of this and i love them both n wish the best for them if thas what they want.. but i am ALWAYS caught in the middle, there really isnt much that i can do to stay out of it, she makes sooooooo many excuses to see him through me, if he calls me while we're out together she DIES to find out where he is n what he's doing n if he wants to come hang out with us.. i even caught her going through my phone reading the text messages he sent me

.. lol there is more than just the fooling around that has gotten me to this point
flux thnx for the support i really do need to speak up for myself

bagnshoofetish · Dec 17th, 2007, 01:47 AM

why don't you just come out and ask her point blank, "hey man, are you just friends with me to get to my bro?"

candace117 · Dec 17th, 2007, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

why don't you just come out and ask her point blank, "hey man, are you just friends with me to get to my bro?"

LOL!
Well yeah, HE did introduce the two of you...which means she definitely could have been scheming because she thought befriending you would give her a better angle to see him more or at least, have you help them get together. She could have gone about it a better way eh?

Laurie8504 · Dec 17th, 2007, 02:11 AM

Wow, it sounds like they've made you the "monkey in the middle". To be honest, I would be a little upset as well. I would be straight with this girl and say "hey, I asked my bro if he liked you, I even told him it wouldn't bother me if he did, and he said he has no feelings for you." If she can't drop it after that, ask her if she wants to be friends with you, or just talk to you about your brother, it sounds like you're being used.

chipmunk-pnw · Dec 17th, 2007, 02:14 AM

Slowly make your retreat in the other direction. If she asks you to some girlie lunch or shopping, just say no... no no no ,... she'll get the hint someday and leave you be. If she asks for a reason, just ask her if she really needs one and what's her purpose. Don't give any reason, just say no. That's how I would do it, I don't like confrontations because I can get really nasty.

Dec 16th, 2007, 10:47 AM	#1
lubz Member Location: Canada	Doubting your best friend? This thing happened a while back and i dont know if i'm just over reacting but i need to vent cuz i feel betrayed n fooled.. my brother and I are VERY close, we actually live together too n he had introduced me to this girl a year ago n we just hit it off n became inseparable right away, she's the closest to my heart out of all my friends.. n then one day she came over n asked me to make her a cd n while i was making it i thought maybe i'll go ask her what kinda songs she likes best.. n i walked in on her fooling around with my brother! i dunno why but I felt like someone slapped me hard! We didn't talk for a week .. but then eventually i was like whatever we're cool that's so stupid i'm not gonna lose my best friend over THAT, I always noticed she was crushing on my brother it kinda grossed me out but i didnt really talk about it .. she later opened the subject n i told her i didnt wanna talk about it so we never really did.. i asked my brother if he liked her n he said he doesn't .. cuz if he did i honestly have no problem if he goes out with her but if they were just fooling around for the eff of it then thats disrespectful to me. She, on the other hand, always talks about him to me like something is going on between them.. n now that i am kind of familiar with the situation she talks about it very openly n its so gross .. she like tells me how much she likes him n its so awkward.. i know some of u are reading this thinking i shouldnt be upset.. but i really am.. i feel betrayed by my best friend n brother who did not respect me enough.. i still hold a grudge against her even though it happened MONTHS ago, n i dont tell her everything anymore, my trust for her has definately dropped a few notches.. i love her so much but everytime i see her i always question why she got close to me in the first place.. lol i dont even have the guts to confront her.. n she's not making the least effort of hiding her feelings now.. She's not the first girl who befriends me to get closer to my brother but she is the first that i actually opened up to and genuinly loved hanging out with .. i am not feeling jealous or being overprotective of my brother either, i am just sad at the thought that i might have only been used to get to something so this is it.. what do i do

Dec 16th, 2007, 10:55 AM	#2
keya Member	Re: Doubting your best friend? This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think you should stay out of it and let them figure it out on their own. You shouldn't feel disrespected because your friend has a crush on your brother, she's not doing it to hurt you and it's not like she's doing it on purpose either. People can't help how they feel. If hearing about it makes you uncomfortable, you should tell her so. And if your brother really doesn't like her (supposing that he didn't just say that because he knew you were opposed to the idea of the two of them hooking up) you should make it clear to him that she is your best friend and you care about her, so he shouldn't take advantage of her crush on him. Plus, how do you know that she's friends with you "to get closer to your brother"? Did you consider the possibility that maybe she fell for him after the two of you became best friends? All in all, I really don't think this is any of your business, all you can do it stay out of it and hope everything turns out for the best. I mean, you love them both and want them to be happy, don't you?

Dec 16th, 2007, 11:06 AM	#3
SOLIDGOLD2 Member	Re: Doubting your best friend? you are really over reacting! why are you upset just b/c she is messing around with your brother, remember HE introduced her to you. I can maybe see why you would feel that she used you to get to him, if you met her on your own and she met your brother once then started hanging out with you a lot afterwards just to get to him but that wasn't the case.

Dec 16th, 2007, 11:12 AM	#4
fiatflux Member	Re: Doubting your best friend? Actually I can see why you feel the way you do...and I think the best thing to do would be for you to clear the air between the two of you and talk to her about it. What do you have to lose? You already feel the trust is broken...so talking about it could either start the path to mending things between you, or else reinforce your worst suspicions. Unfortunately, it does sound like you could be right about her motivations...girls will sometimes go to drastic lengths get closer to a guy they are 'into.' I really don't agree that you are overreacting...I did at first think you might be, but as I read further into your message...I could see where you are coming from. Also, you've been in the situation and I'm sure there are many nuances that you can't really describe here and that led you to this conclusion.

Dec 16th, 2007, 11:54 AM	#5
lubz Member Location: Canada	Re: Doubting your best friend? SOLIDGOLD n keya i appreciate ur opinions, i did multiple times tell myself i will stay out of this and i love them both n wish the best for them if thas what they want.. but i am ALWAYS caught in the middle, there really isnt much that i can do to stay out of it, she makes sooooooo many excuses to see him through me, if he calls me while we're out together she DIES to find out where he is n what he's doing n if he wants to come hang out with us.. i even caught her going through my phone reading the text messages he sent me .. lol there is more than just the fooling around that has gotten me to this point flux thnx for the support i really do need to speak up for myself

Dec 17th, 2007, 01:47 AM	#6
bagnshoofetish We Love Our Billy	Re: Doubting your best friend? why don't you just come out and ask her point blank, "hey man, are you just friends with me to get to my bro?" __________________ Please help us: http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...nt-392607.html

Dec 17th, 2007, 02:11 AM	#8
Laurie8504 chocolate...where? Location: Italy	Re: Doubting your best friend? Wow, it sounds like they've made you the "monkey in the middle". To be honest, I would be a little upset as well. I would be straight with this girl and say "hey, I asked my bro if he liked you, I even told him it wouldn't bother me if he did, and he said he has no feelings for you." If she can't drop it after that, ask her if she wants to be friends with you, or just talk to you about your brother, it sounds like you're being used.

Dec 17th, 2007, 02:14 AM	#9
chipmunk-pnw ^.^ Location: USA	Re: Doubting your best friend? Slowly make your retreat in the other direction. If she asks you to some girlie lunch or shopping, just say no... no no no ,... she'll get the hint someday and leave you be. If she asks for a reason, just ask her if she really needs one and what's her purpose. Don't give any reason, just say no. That's how I would do it, I don't like confrontations because I can get really nasty.