[SPOILEDkiwi]

My grandparents are coming from another country to live with us permanently and I'm sort of nervous how everything will end up. To make matters worse, my mother resents the fact that they have to come live with us since her other three siblings don't have the space/money to support them. Plus I don't think she really liked her mom that much growing up. So, instead of everyone looking forward to them coming to stay, the house has been really tense since my mother is in a foul mood. She actually hasn't talked to me or my dad in two days because I told her she should be nicer to my grandparents.

Putting them in a home is not an option since in my culture you're supposed to have your elders live with you. My parents wanted to turn the basement into an apartment for them, but with me in college they don't have the money. So we're all going to be sharing the same space, which wouldn't be so bad except for five people having to share one bathroom. I know everything will work out, but as of now I'm a little tense since it's a huge step to go from a family of three to five overnight.

Does anyone have any stories to share or tips that helped them adjust to the change?

[bisousx]

Yikes. I live with my grandma, and my parents gave her the master bedroom. From my experience, the crowded house is a little inconvenient but I like having people around and my grandma (and her boyfriend!) add a little something interesting to the house. Your mom knows that putting them in a home isn't an option, so it seems like she just has to take it in stride and make the best of it.

[envyme]

Originally Posted by bisousx

Yikes. I live with my grandma, and my parents gave her the master bedroom. From my experience, the crowded house is a little inconvenient but I like having people around and my grandma (and her boyfriend!) add a little something interesting to the house. Your mom knows that putting them in a home isn't an option, so it seems like she just has to take it in stride and make the best of it.

LOL! Loves it! Grandma has a boyfriend.

Enjoy your experience with your grandparents. I only have one living grandparent left and she's not in this country. I miss her sooo much! I can't wait to see her again.

[claireZk]

Originally Posted by envyme

Enjoy your experience with your grandparents. I only have one living grandparent left and she's not in this country. I miss her sooo much! I can't wait to see her again.

This was my advice too!

My dad's mother came to live with us for about two years before she went into hospice. Since she had always lived far away, it was great getting to spend that extra time with her. It was somewhat of an awkward transition at first, but I'm so grateful for it.

[GirlFriday]

My grandmother lived with us from the time I was 8 years old. My parents divorced and my grandfather died at the same time, so my grandmother came to live with us and help my mom out with us kids by making dinner, picking us up from school, etc. My mom had to work full time and my grandmother helped her out so much. My mom and grandmother even bought a house together because my mom couldn't afford one on her own. It was a real blessing, but I treated my grandmother not so nice at times (which I regret). We were totally different people, and I think I resented her being there when I really wanted my dad there. As I got older we got along fine, but we just never really connected. She died about 8 years ago, and I wish I had not taken her for granted so much when I was a growing up. Everyone living together can be hard, but see it as a good opportunity to spend time with them in their later years.

[sarah2808]

I think it is tense now, because your Mom doesn't know what to expect and she feels resentment that she had to be the one to take them. Reallistically, she loves her parents, but it is quite overwhelming to have two elderly people come and move into your house. I know because my MIL came to live with me for several years. I also was very resentful that I had to be the one to care for them. My children used to tell me I had to be nicer too and it only infuriated me. Try telling mom you know how she feels and let her talk about it. She probably feels quite guitly about her feelings. In the end it will work out and grandchildren ususally love having their grandparents around. Please give mom some extra love.

[Veelyn]

I dont have any advice, but I just wanted to tell you good luck kiwi

[elle tee]

SpoiledKiwi, my mom is in a similar situation. My grandmother lives about 5 mins away and is in very poor health. Although we have nursing care for her, my mom still has to coordinate, check on things, be there in case of emergency, etc. She feels like it has taken over her life. My mom is a kind and caring person and would never avoid her responsibility as a daugher, especially since no one else in the family would do this, but she really misses being able to do what she wants, when she wants, and she misses having some excitement and glamour in her life.
Your mom may be worried about this too- that instead of living the life she's made for herself, she will be forced into the role of daughter/caretaker. Some of that will depend on how active/healthy your grandparents are, whether they speak english, drive, know the area, etc. However, her life will be affected and she's probably wondering just how much is going to change. Instead of telling her to be nicer (that will come- she has to work out the resentment and anxiety she's feeling first), help her out as much as you can. Are there any preparations you can help her with? Maybe take her out to lunch or for manicures and just say, I know things are going to change, and it's going to be hard for you, so I wanted to do something fun just you and me. And keep doing it! You need to pay extra attention to your mom to make sure she gets a little time off from her responsibilities at home- she'll really appreciate it. Good luck!

[SPOILEDkiwi]

Thanks for all the great advice everyone! (Hi Veelyn!). I forgot to mention that they were coming today, so that doesn't give me much time to do stuff with mom. I'm going to help out extra with cleaning and cooking so that she doesn't lose her mind. My grandparents speak English, but they don't drive or move around that well, so they're going to need 24/7 help. I'm going to go find some recipes for lunch and I'll update soon with how things are going!

[IntlSet]

That's a really tough situation. I just wanted to wish you and your family luck.

Try to think about it from your grandparents' side, also: it's very hard to come to a different country at such an advanced age, to leave behind friends and a land you call home.

Best wishes to all of you.

[lovinalotofbags]

I am glad to hear that you will be helping out your mom to relieve her of some the responsibility. Maybe one day when you have spare time, you can give your mom some respite and she can go out. It would be great if some of the other family members could lend some time and help out so you guys will not be so stressed.

[Bitten]

I live with my parents and my Aunt lives with us at the moment also while recovering from surgery. My sister is home from uni for the holidays. My grandfather is 83 and lives independently a house on my parents farm and I stay in his house most weekends to catch up, cook, just spend time together. I can't really give you tips on how to 'cope' really, because I have always lived like this, for me living with family is not something to have to cope with. But it's obviously different for everyone - the best thing for your situation might be to make sure everyone can have their own space - if your mother isn't used to living with her mother, then space might be necessary on occasion?

[guccimamma]

i absolutely adore my grandparents, but have never had to live with them.

[SPOILEDkiwi]

Update: Well, it's been two days and it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. Grandpa can't walk on his own that well and requires help to sit down and get up. Grandma can't walk that well either, plus just nags all day and throws around insults. It's hard to see them like this since I remember them in their vibrant younger days. On top of all that, my parents are worried about how they're going to pay for medical care for two 78 year olds. We live comfortably, but medical bills can rack up so quickly that they're afraid we'll go into debt.

[Purses]

Originally Posted by SPOILEDkiwi

Update: Well, it's been two days and it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. Grandpa can't walk on his own that well and requires help to sit down and get up. Grandma can't walk that well either, plus just nags all day and throws around insults. It's hard to see them like this since I remember them in their vibrant younger days. On top of all that, my parents are worried about how they're going to pay for medical care for two 78 year olds. We live comfortably, but medical bills can rack up so quickly that they're afraid we'll go into debt.

Personally, I think it is going to get worse in your household and I don't see it getting better unless all grandparents and parents move out or you do.