[Allisonfaye]

I see people talking about unconditional love with their mate. I don't believe in unconditional love other than between a parent and a child. I think many people accept a lot of crap and abuse from a mate in the name of unconditional love. You have to earn love and respect. Now I think everyone has periods of tough times where they might need a little extra love even if they are tough to be with. But if you are that way all the time, then you deserve to be left.

What do you think?

[merde111]

I agree. There are many people in my life--my family, my bf, my son, that I will love no matter what. I love them for who they are, yes--BUT that does not mean that I will allow them to be a part of my life if they abuse me or treat me horribly. I might still love them, but I will detach from them eventually if they are hurting me or my loved ones and won't stop or get help from themselves.

I have a family member who has struggled with drug & alcohol abuse over the last 10-15 years. I love her dearly, but because of many things that happened in the far and recent past, I can't trust her. I don't feel it's in my best interest (or the best interest of my child) to allow her to be part of our lives, so I don't interact with her. I worry about her and I hope she gets cleaned up; I'm happy to help her find a therapist and a (free) rehab clinic/treatment center if she tells me she wants to change...but I will not offer her money, a place to stay, or access to my home/child/anything of value to me again.

You have to love and trust yourself enough to set limits, in the end--that's the way I see it.

[Jahpson]

I agree with you.

However, when I hear the word "unconditional love" I dont think of the media description of love (birds singing, fireworks, hot feelings) I think of loving that person for who they are no matter the circumstances.

Caring for that individual and recognizing them as a very important person in your life even if you aren't happy with them, loving that person even if the "spark" in the relationship or whatever is gone...

[Rockst@r]

No, except for as it pertains to my daughter. My husband could do things (like cheating) to make me fall out of love with him. One's got to love oneself above all others, which means not only are there certain actions I will not put up with, but that those actions will also cause me to fall out of love with a person.

[Vegas Long Legs]

If someones mate is giving them crap & abuse, there is no love there. Let alone unconditional love.
Unconditional love should be between parents & children. Many times, it doesn't even exist there.

[oxyoxy136]

I only believe that unconditonal love exists between parents and their children.

[*Lo]

I think it depends on the people, imo NOTHING is ever that cut and dry, and everyone is different. I know in my personal relationships it exists in my family, because we have been through so much. But other families are so cold and get split apart so easily. So in short my answer is No

[Traci]

When I think of unconditional love, I think of the love between family members. Actually it also makes me think of the love between an animal and his master too. The way that someone will love you and take care of you no matter what, no matter what mistake you make, no matter how you don't listen to them or do listen to them, no matter how mad they may get at you, they love you anyway.

I don't think "unconditional love" can be applied so much to lovers because there is no "blood" relation nor a link that is stronger than love. What I mean by that is this: you may not like your family member so much, but they are still your family, a fact you cannot change. You choose your lover, so that you can change...you don't have to accept bad behavior from them because you can say "goodbye" at any time. A family member...well, even if you don't like them they will still always be a part of you. You can't put a condition on that because no matter how you try they are still a member of your family.

[merika]

I think you can unconditionally love anyone. Unconditionally loving any person doesn't mean that you let them use you, abuse you or anything like that, or that you be an enabler for that person.

I believe it is simply having good thoughts towards a person, not letting their negative thoughts bother you in any way, not letting their negative acts bother you in any way, and wishing them well in whatever they choose to do. Living this way has a meaning in Pali - it is called "Metta" I am not sure of the proper translation to English. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metta

There are actually several forms of meditation that teach people to think this way, and it is supposed to increase a sense of peacefulness and ease in oneself.

[illinirdhd]

I'm not sure I believe in completely unconditional love. I think there's always something a person could do to make you revoke your love for them. (I'm not a parent yet, so I'm aware that my feelings on that may change.)

What if your brother/sister/husband/child was Jeffrey Dahmer or the shooter at Northern Illinois University yesterday? Or what if he was the guy who murdered Speedy's relatives or the one who shot JFK or President Lincoln? As loving a person as I have always been, I think that any love I had for any of those people would be gone. I think there are some possibilities (yes, extreme ones) that make it impossible to love anyone unconditionally.

[Socialite]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

I'm not sure I believe in completely unconditional love. I think there's always something a person could do to make you revoke your love for them. (I'm not a parent yet, so I'm aware that my feelings on that may change.)

What if your brother/sister/husband/child was Jeffrey Dahmer or the shooter at Northern Illinois University yesterday? Or what if he was the guy who murdered Speedy's relatives or the one who shot JFK or President Lincoln? As loving a person as I have always been, I think that any love I had for any of those people would be gone. I think there are some possibilities (yes, extreme ones) that make it impossible to love anyone unconditionally.

I totally agree, you can only love someone to a certain extent. I believe that you can love anyone, it doesnt have to be a family member. I have known people to love their friends more than their family, afterall you cant chose family but you can chose friends.

[merika]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

I'm not sure I believe in completely unconditional love. I think there's always something a person could do to make you revoke your love for them. (I'm not a parent yet, so I'm aware that my feelings on that may change.)

What if your brother/sister/husband/child was Jeffrey Dahmer or the shooter at Northern Illinois University yesterday? Or what if he was the guy who murdered Speedy's relatives or the one who shot JFK or President Lincoln? As loving a person as I have always been, I think that any love I had for any of those people would be gone. I think there are some possibilities (yes, extreme ones) that make it impossible to love anyone unconditionally.

I think it's still possible, if you do have the capacity to do it.

I mean, why do you forgive a little kid for doing something stupid and still go on loving him? You generally say "oh, he's little, he didn't know any better" and it makes it easy.

People do bad things because a) they are not in their right minds b) they are ignorant or they are misinformed. Jesus said when they were crucifying him: Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34). A majority of religions are founded on the concept of love and forgiveness, and the leaders of many world religions did believe in unconditional love.

[illinirdhd]

Originally Posted by merika

I think it's still possible, if you do have the capacity to do it.

I mean, why do you forgive a little kid for doing something stupid and still go on loving him? You generally say "oh, he's little, he didn't know any better" and it makes it easy.

People do bad things because a) they are not in their right minds b) they are ignorant or they are misinformed. Jesus said when they were crucifying him: Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34). A majority of religions are founded on the concept of love and forgiveness, and the leaders of many world religions did believe in unconditional love.

In the case of mental illness, I agree with you. But I do think there are people who are just plain evil.

[Rockst@r]

Merika, do you believe that most actions are that cut and dried? If my husband cheats, for example, he's not out of his mind or didn't know what he was doing. He chose to risk our marriage, my health (because he's being promiscuous), and is being plain selfish. Children do not have the same development of self control, so forgiving a small child to me is different, than an adult that can recognize consequences and how his actions affect others. (Of course I'm not referring to people with mental illness. Those people exhibit smaller actions too that shows there is a problem.) I'm interested in hearing more on your viewpoint. I have 2 rules. I don't nag or try to change him, but I said "No beating and no cheating" and I mean it. I'll work with him through anything else, but I love me more. So I guess I can never have unconditional love for anyone other than my baby. (And my immediate family...we're close.)

[merika]

Originally Posted by Rockst@r

Merika, do you believe that most actions are that cut and dried? If my husband cheats, for example, he's not out of his mind or didn't know what he was doing. He chose to risk our marriage, my health (because he's being promiscuous), and is being plain selfish.

Yes, that's all true. (And I'm not being extremely holy and saying I wouldn't be mad or anything like that - sorry if I sounded that way!!) I would probably think that he made a bad judgment. And I happen to think that if you chose to part in such a situation (because his action is detrimental to you) it would be possible for a person to find it in their heart to say "You made a bad judgment and I don't want to be with you anymore, but I wish you the best in life anyway" in a non rancorous manner.

In some sense what I'm trying to say is what I think of as unconditional love is not an attachment to a person, but a state of mental detachment where what the person does cannot hurt you, and you wish that the person do well and live happily and you feel happy for their success.