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cityivy · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:00 PM

i know that i'm obsessing again (sorry, but i can't seem to help it!), but any input would be great :)

i met this guy at work about 3 months ago. we work in different departments so i don't see him that often. we became facebook friends a while ago and have been messaging some. anyway a few weeks back he mentioned something about how we should go out into the city if i had any time. since then he's never followed up on it.

last week we saw each other and chatted for a bit. i sent him a quick message just to see how his new project is coming along. he wrote back "hey, i was just thinking about you". is it just me, or this is kind of odd for acquaintances to say to each other if there is no interest?

we also decided to meet up for a free dinner program next week.
what do u all think?

juneping · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:28 PM

go with the flow for now....it's hard to say at this moment. but you'll find out if you get to know him better.

karmenzsofia · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:37 PM

I think nothing of it because it's something some people would say to acquaintances, others would say to friends, and others would say only to people they're interested in. In the end, it doesn't make a bit of a difference because they're just words that mean nothing unless a particular set of actions follows them. It also doesn't help to dig for an answer to a question only he could answer accurately--IF he chose to be honest.

I know it's really difficult not to obsess if that's your nature, but I can tell you that I could've saved myself A LOT of worry and anxiety if I had been able to stop trying to get inside guys' heads to figure out what they were thinking/feeling about me with each word that came out of their mouths and each little step they took or failed to take.

My advice is to go with flow, if that's possible for you, and/or distract yourself with something else so that you don't obsess about him so much. Good luck!

ETA: Hey june! I was typing and didn't see your post. Another vote for the FLOW

Luccibag · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:37 PM

I think he's interested in you. Guys generally don't care to write or message with anyone unless there is an interest in more. And the whole "thinking about you" is another big indicator. Just go for the ride and see where it takes you. :) Ahh, the fun of being single.

Vendrazi · Sep 20th, 2009, 06:09 PM

Let's ask a different question: are YOU interested in HIM? If you are (or you think he might could possibly maybe be a romantic interest, but you honestly don't know enough about him), talk to him at the free dinner program, and if he seems a teeny bit interesting simply as a human being, ask if he'd like to have lunch to discuss...whatever. Some common topic of interest that comes up during dinner.

If, however, YOU'RE really not interested in HIM... spend no more time attempting to divine what these things mean.

Nieners · Sep 20th, 2009, 06:17 PM

I think it's personal. I wouldn't say such things to friends of mine, but I know some of them do and have no problems with it. If you like him, try to figure it out... if not, don't waste any more time thinking about it

Angelfangs · Sep 21st, 2009, 03:14 PM

It's not odd at all.......maybe he just wants a pal to hang with. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.... go have a good time!

Gimmethebag · Sep 21st, 2009, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Vendrazi

Let's ask a different question: are YOU interested in HIM? If you are (or you think he might could possibly maybe be a romantic interest, but you honestly don't know enough about him), talk to him at the free dinner program, and if he seems a teeny bit interesting simply as a human being, ask if he'd like to have lunch to discuss...whatever. Some common topic of interest that comes up during dinner.

If, however, YOU'RE really not interested in HIM... spend no more time attempting to divine what these things mean.

I agree. And if you are interested in him, it won't do any harm to invite him out to an event or a night out in the city.

cityivy · Sep 21st, 2009, 06:13 PM

thank you all for the responses! well, it's a little too early to say whether or not i am interested. he's cute, but i've really only had a few face to face short conversations with him, and a few facebook convos.

i guess i will try to go with the flow and get to know him better...that is if he actually follows up on our plans this week for that dinner!

cityivy · Sep 24th, 2009, 07:49 PM

so we went to the dinner thing last night. and actually i wasn't 100% sure that he was going to come! we made plans by email, but we didn't even have each other's phone number. anyway, i showed up to the restaurant 15 minutes late and i saw him sitting in the lobby waiting for me. we had a good time, he met some of my friends. after dinner, it was just the two of us...so we chatted some more and basically talked all the way home (we took the same train). when we got to his stop, he said goodbye and kissed me on the cheek. before he got off, he asked me to text him when i got home just to make sure i was ok. and even before i texted him, he already texted me "are you home yet?". i told him that i had fun and that we should hang out again some time. he said, "for sure, i had a fun time too just hanging out."

what do you all think? i know that many people kiss their friends on the cheek to say hello or goodbye. i even do it sometimes, but generally not with someone i've gone out with for the first time. i wonder if last night was a "date"?

dallas · Sep 24th, 2009, 08:00 PM

By the sounds of things, you had a perfectly lovely evening and now I will tell you what I think: If you don't stop trying to analyse every little thing, you will drive yourself stone insane. Relax and enjoy.

karmenzsofia · Sep 24th, 2009, 08:26 PM

I agree with Dallas.

Originally Posted by cityivy

... what do you all think? i know that many people kiss their friends on the cheek to say hello or goodbye. i even do it sometimes, but generally not with someone i've gone out with for the first time. i wonder if last night was a "date"?

OP: You started your first post with "I know I'm obsessing again (sorry, but i can't seem to help it!)." I think you're going to have to find away to help it--whether it's self-help books, counseling, whatever it takes to modify your belief system and chemistry (if needed). You seem like someone who has little or no tolerance for uncertainty or unanswered questions, and wants an answer for everything. Until you understand that life is full of uncertainty, full of unanswered questions, full of inexplicable whys -- until you truly understand it and accept it -- you won't be able to relax and enjoy anything. Everything will give you cause for worry and stress.

I know because I used to be that way and nearly drove myself crazy. I no longer ask "why" because that's just mental masturbation. I prefer to ask "how" and focus on acting rather than thinking. It works.

petitechouchou · Sep 24th, 2009, 09:07 PM

I agree with juneping, go with the flow. Go out and have fun!

cityivy · Oct 9th, 2009, 11:50 PM

just wanted to share the follow up to this (with anyone that's interested :) )

we went out again (the second time), just the two of us. we went to a nice restaurant and just walked around in the city a little bit afterwards. overall, a nice evening. he gives me a kiss on the cheek when we said goodbye (again on the subway). so when we got home, we texted each other. of course, it was very flirty and we alluded to wanting to kiss, etc. later that week i asked if he 'missed me yet?' he responded with "of course. i was just dreaming about you in my sleep"

then next week, i tried to make plans with him to watch a movie. but we didn't make concrete plans. and it was different this time...he didn't follow up. so i texted him to see what he was up to.

he said he was doing a lot of stuff but he said he was happy that i texted him. then i said, "are you really? b/c if i don't text u, it's like u fall off the radar!"

him: "i know. i am nervous"
me: "what? why?"
him: "b/c i want to make out with you"
me: "huh? but we haven't done anything"
me: "so are we going to hang out at some point?"
him: "i really want to see you, but i think i have to clear up some things beforehand with someone. i don't want there to be some kind of love triangle. someone once told me that girls don't really like that

"

wtf??? we only went out twice!

Charles · Oct 10th, 2009, 01:29 AM

Evidently he's seeing someone else. Although, I'm not sure why he felt the need to tell you.

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:00 PM	#1
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106	do friends say this? i know that i'm obsessing again (sorry, but i can't seem to help it!), but any input would be great :) i met this guy at work about 3 months ago. we work in different departments so i don't see him that often. we became facebook friends a while ago and have been messaging some. anyway a few weeks back he mentioned something about how we should go out into the city if i had any time. since then he's never followed up on it. last week we saw each other and chatted for a bit. i sent him a quick message just to see how his new project is coming along. he wrote back "hey, i was just thinking about you". is it just me, or this is kind of odd for acquaintances to say to each other if there is no interest? we also decided to meet up for a free dinner program next week. what do u all think?
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:28 PM	#2
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,332	go with the flow for now....it's hard to say at this moment. but you'll find out if you get to know him better.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:37 PM	#3
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,888	I think nothing of it because it's something some people would say to acquaintances, others would say to friends, and others would say only to people they're interested in. In the end, it doesn't make a bit of a difference because they're just words that mean nothing unless a particular set of actions follows them. It also doesn't help to dig for an answer to a question only he could answer accurately--IF he chose to be honest. I know it's really difficult not to obsess if that's your nature, but I can tell you that I could've saved myself A LOT of worry and anxiety if I had been able to stop trying to get inside guys' heads to figure out what they were thinking/feeling about me with each word that came out of their mouths and each little step they took or failed to take. My advice is to go with flow, if that's possible for you, and/or distract yourself with something else so that you don't obsess about him so much. Good luck! ETA: Hey june! I was typing and didn't see your post. Another vote for the FLOW
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:37 PM	#4
Luccibag Member Joined: May 2006 Location: Greater NYC area Posts: 6,753	I think he's interested in you. Guys generally don't care to write or message with anyone unless there is an interest in more. And the whole "thinking about you" is another big indicator. Just go for the ride and see where it takes you. :) Ahh, the fun of being single.
	__________________ My collection pics http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...el-356589.html

Sep 20th, 2009, 06:09 PM	#5
Vendrazi Member Joined: Oct 2008 Location: California Posts: 276	Let's ask a different question: are YOU interested in HIM? If you are (or you think he might could possibly maybe be a romantic interest, but you honestly don't know enough about him), talk to him at the free dinner program, and if he seems a teeny bit interesting simply as a human being, ask if he'd like to have lunch to discuss...whatever. Some common topic of interest that comes up during dinner. If, however, YOU'RE really not interested in HIM... spend no more time attempting to divine what these things mean.
	__________________ For someone who had no fancy shoes as of Jan. 1, 2009, I SURE have made up for lost time...

Sep 20th, 2009, 06:17 PM	#6
Nieners ❀ ♥ Loubounista ♥ ❀ Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Alaska in winter Posts: 2,347	I think it's personal. I wouldn't say such things to friends of mine, but I know some of them do and have no problems with it. If you like him, try to figure it out... if not, don't waste any more time thinking about it
	__________________ ♥ ''If we never see each other again, and one day, you feel a certain presence beside you... that would be me loving you wherever I am.'' ♥ HG: ❀ Fiorellino's ❀ 39 - 39.5, nude VPs sz 38.5 - 39 UHG: - NP nude mini glitter/gold specchio - Black or Ivory Jaws sz 38.5 - 39

Sep 21st, 2009, 03:14 PM	#7
Angelfangs Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 65	It's not odd at all.......maybe he just wants a pal to hang with. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.... go have a good time!
Angelfangs Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 65

Sep 21st, 2009, 06:13 PM	#9
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106	thank you all for the responses! well, it's a little too early to say whether or not i am interested. he's cute, but i've really only had a few face to face short conversations with him, and a few facebook convos. i guess i will try to go with the flow and get to know him better...that is if he actually follows up on our plans this week for that dinner!
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106

Sep 24th, 2009, 07:49 PM	#10
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106	so we went to the dinner thing last night. and actually i wasn't 100% sure that he was going to come! we made plans by email, but we didn't even have each other's phone number. anyway, i showed up to the restaurant 15 minutes late and i saw him sitting in the lobby waiting for me. we had a good time, he met some of my friends. after dinner, it was just the two of us...so we chatted some more and basically talked all the way home (we took the same train). when we got to his stop, he said goodbye and kissed me on the cheek. before he got off, he asked me to text him when i got home just to make sure i was ok. and even before i texted him, he already texted me "are you home yet?". i told him that i had fun and that we should hang out again some time. he said, "for sure, i had a fun time too just hanging out." what do you all think? i know that many people kiss their friends on the cheek to say hello or goodbye. i even do it sometimes, but generally not with someone i've gone out with for the first time. i wonder if last night was a "date"?
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106

Sep 24th, 2009, 08:00 PM	#11
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	By the sounds of things, you had a perfectly lovely evening and now I will tell you what I think: If you don't stop trying to analyse every little thing, you will drive yourself stone insane. Relax and enjoy.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Sep 24th, 2009, 09:07 PM	#13
petitechouchou "H" is for Hamster Joined: Jun 2009 Location: sleeping in my skybox Posts: 1,258	I agree with juneping, go with the flow. Go out and have fun!

Oct 9th, 2009, 11:50 PM	#14
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106	just wanted to share the follow up to this (with anyone that's interested :) ) we went out again (the second time), just the two of us. we went to a nice restaurant and just walked around in the city a little bit afterwards. overall, a nice evening. he gives me a kiss on the cheek when we said goodbye (again on the subway). so when we got home, we texted each other. of course, it was very flirty and we alluded to wanting to kiss, etc. later that week i asked if he 'missed me yet?' he responded with "of course. i was just dreaming about you in my sleep" then next week, i tried to make plans with him to watch a movie. but we didn't make concrete plans. and it was different this time...he didn't follow up. so i texted him to see what he was up to. he said he was doing a lot of stuff but he said he was happy that i texted him. then i said, "are you really? b/c if i don't text u, it's like u fall off the radar!" him: "i know. i am nervous" me: "what? why?" him: "b/c i want to make out with you" me: "huh? but we haven't done anything" me: "so are we going to hang out at some point?" him: "i really want to see you, but i think i have to clear up some things beforehand with someone. i don't want there to be some kind of love triangle. someone once told me that girls don't really like that " wtf??? we only went out twice!
cityivy OP Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 106

Oct 10th, 2009, 01:29 AM	#15
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,190	Evidently he's seeing someone else. Although, I'm not sure why he felt the need to tell you.
	__________________

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