DH and his gifts

[alyssa08]

I think it's really sweet that he wants to get you something you're interested in but picks out what HE thinks you would like and would look great on you. I totally understand how you feel though. My mom and I are SO particular about the things we like and so we are really specific when giving gift ideas, as we also have no idea what each other would want .

MY bf, on the other hand, doesn't even want to buy me what I want. I've casually mentioned the purse thing and he says "yeah, right..." but we are also not married and he's not raking in the big bucks yet either.

IMO, if he gets you something, you don't have to wear it all the time or absolutely love it even though that would be ideal for both of you. It's the thought that counts.

[ampeefyed]

I totally understand and is/was in your position. My SO gave me really bad presents at first, and sort of still does unless i'm consulted or i specify the exact item.

The thing is, i feel that there are people who are practical in the whole gift-giving thing, that is they believe that if a gift is being given, it might as well be more than just the thought that counts! I am this way and it sounds like you are too! I've figured that since it's difficult to change how we feel about the whole gift thing, we should try to handle the situation as sensitively as possible, especially & presumably since the gift giver subscribes to different ideals in gift giving.

Last, can i just say that it's endearing & very sweet that your DH puts so much thought into it! Really! It sounds like he cares very much to the point of being nervous and messing it up. That IS cute.

Practically speaking, this is what i said to my SO:
1) If in doubt, ask around. My friends, not yours!
2) If in doubt, spread the risk, buy a few smaller gifts.
3) If in doubt, buy the most practical, usable daily items.

(omg, i am a freak.)

[KristyDarling]

Aw, your hubby sounds so cute for putting so much thought into gifts for you. My DH knows that I am picky, and he's not the romantic type like your hubby, so he just tells me to go buy myself something every year for my birthday and Christmas. After a few strike-outs with odd gifts (old lady clothes, a blender, etc), he decided that he'd rather I love the gift rather than be surprised (unpleasantly) by a gift that's way out of left field. He already knows that I appreciate the gesture.

But I understand what you mean. When is the next gift-giving opportunity? I'd wait until then to do the following: first, tell your hubby that you SO appreciate his sweet thoughtfulness and spending all that time choosing gifts, but you can make that part easier for him! Then, give him the name of your SAs at your favorite jewelry store, department store, and lingerie shop, and tell him that they have your wish lists, which you keep updated. From now on he can refer to those lists and surprise you with his choice...which you are guaranteed to love.

It'd still be a surprise to you, and he would still be able to choose the exact gift....it's a win-win!

[exotikittenx]

Originally Posted by amanda

I know it sounds like a nothing issue, but I had a boyfriend like this for quite a long time. He tried really hard, but he always completely missed the mark. Like, totally. And after a while, it made me wonder - is he actually paying attention? I'm a really, really good gift giver - it means a lot to me to be able to give someone something, and I try to make it something they'll really enjoy and find useful. So when you put so much effort into getting it right and making it a gift based on what you know of someone's personality and habits, it's kind of disconcerting to get, in return, a piece of jewelry that isn't anywhere near the same style as the stuff your SO sees you wear. I don't doubt that he was trying, but it made me think he didn't really understand me. And I'm not a person that hides her feelings about things well - it's always written all over my face, no matter what it is - so it wasn't really a case of being able to tell him I liked it and just wear it every now and then, because I couldn't control my initial reaction very much. So I know, in the broad scheme of things, it's not a catastrophic problem. But I hated that he felt bad, and also hated that it made him look like he didn't know me as well as I knew him. Eventually he stopped trying to buy me fashion items and did a bit better after that - he was more successful with buying books, picking weekend trips we could enjoy together, etc. And I'd rather have that kind of gift anyway.

It may appear that he was not paying attention, but I wouldn't read into it that deep. Some guys (and women sometimes) for that matter, are just utterly lost when it comes to shopping. Stores with so many items to choose from, literally hundreds of pieces of jewelry, can be very overwhelming for a guy who isn't used to these things. And sometimes their brains just aren't wired for that sort of thing. So I don't think it should be taken that personally. The OP's SO sounds like a good guy, because he put thought into her gift, spent time on it, and got her something in the realm of things she likes (ie. jewelry, handbag). Maybe he missed the mark on the exact style, but he still put in effort, and in a case like that, I believe it is the thought that counts.

Another thing, guys don't really take hints well. If his gift-giving is something you'll never be okay with, and you have to have a certain gift, you need to be up front and tell him exactly what it is you want, like the exact name and size of the item. Otherwise, you'll never get what you want if that's what you're looking for. And you never know, your SO might even be relieved you are offering him some help. :) But if you can live with his less than perfect gift choices, then just accept them graciously, wear them occasionally, and leave the rest of the shopping to yourself.

[rainedrop1019]

I agree with the wish list idea (unless you or the DH feel uncomfortable about it). I would make a list though of maybe 5 or so things that you'd be happy with and just hand him that list. He can still pick what you want but he won't have to stress for hours on end and both of you know that you will love the gift.

I do think it's cute that he tries but I can see why it's frustrating too. Hey, if the only thing that bugs you about him is his gift getting skills, I'd say you're a lucky woman! My old boss' husband was the same way. He was just the nicest, most patient, kind and understanding husband but man, he did not know her taste. This is a woman who loves classic black Prada and he got her some sort of a Harajuku purse one year. She and I had a good laugh about it and she never had the heart to tell him she didn't like it but I always felt bad for both of them since he probably spent so much time picking the gift and she never used it since it just wasn't her taste.

[twinkle.tink]

Wish lists are your friends. Don't just drop hints, give him catalogs, SA cards, etc....you can be playful about, "I know I am hard to buy for, so here are somethings I like" he will be probably be grateful.

[linpaddy]

I have a smiliar problem. DH has impeccable taste but he loves to buy what he likes for me. Versus buying what I really like.

I think gift buying is really difficult. Your DH makes a huge effort and he's very sweet to try so hard.

One trick is to circle items you like in a magazine, brochure, or catalogue and leave that in plain sight. Maybe put a sticky with a huge YES!!! on that particular page?

[ProfNot]

I'm super picky.

So beloved man and I go shopping together for my bday, valentines, and holiday gift.

We pick them out together and then have a nice romantic dinner out.

He is easy to shop for. Power tools work every time. All I need to do is check out his workshop to see what he already has before going to the hardware store. Then I cook his fav dishes for him.

[canadianstudies]

After my husband bought me a pillow... and a vaccum for Christmas one year, I started giving him a list of things I would really want. (it's actually a google document than I update at will- it's so much easier this way!)

[exotikittenx]

^^^ LOL! Ohh, the vacuum- certainly a magnificent gift to bestow! I think it's really a rite of passage to receive some sort of appliance for a gift at least once in your life.

[amanda]

Originally Posted by exotikittenx

It may appear that he was not paying attention, but I wouldn't read into it that deep. Some guys (and women sometimes) for that matter, are just utterly lost when it comes to shopping. Stores with so many items to choose from, literally hundreds of pieces of jewelry, can be very overwhelming for a guy who isn't used to these things. And sometimes their brains just aren't wired for that sort of thing. So I don't think it should be taken that personally. The OP's SO sounds like a good guy, because he put thought into her gift, spent time on it, and got her something in the realm of things she likes (ie. jewelry, handbag). Maybe he missed the mark on the exact style, but he still put in effort, and in a case like that, I believe it is the thought that counts. Another thing, guys don't really take hints well. If his gift-giving is something you'll never be okay with, and you have to have a certain gift, you need to be up front and tell him exactly what it is you want, like the exact name and size of the item. Otherwise, you'll never get what you want if that's what you're looking for. And you never know, your SO might even be relieved you are offering him some help. :) But if you can live with his less than perfect gift choices, then just accept them graciously, wear them occasionally, and leave the rest of the shopping to yourself.

LOL, well, in my particular situation, the guy really WASN'T paying attention. It was an issue throughout our relationship and one of the things that contributed significantly to our breakup. That was just one of the really obvious ways it manifested itself. If my SO had been attendant and perceptive in other ways, his gift giving probably wouldn't have made such an impression on me.

[colabear1]

I'm a picky picky person when it comes to what I like. DH tries really hard on special occassions to get me something nice but our taste is nothing alike. I have been up front with DH about things I like and dislike. He rather i be honest then pretend i like something and never use it.

[natalie78]

A vacuum and a pillow...that's priceless. I almost forgot about last Xmas. We were walking through a store and I pointed out a couple of casual dish sets that I liked. it was not a hint at all! It was just a casual passing thing, "Oh, those are cute." Guess what I got on Xmas day? A few pieces from BOTH sets. He got me two complete place settings in one set. But in the other set, he got me three plates, two saucers, a salad bowl, and a pasta bowl. I was so appreciative that he was actually listening when I pointed out something that I thought was cute, but at the same time I was trying to figure out why he got all the random pieces. The next day, I ran out to the store to finish the set, only to find a few pieces left. I then had to order the rest from Replacements.com. The total cost to finish the set? $500! But I love the big guy...

The bad part is Dh is the easiest person to buy a gift for. Anything Dallas Cowboys or UFC makes him happy.

[exotikittenx]

^^^ LOL that is so funny. Poor guys. This must be really hard for them!

[lolitakali]

I for one do not care what DH give as a gift so long he "remembers" & "thought" of me.

It is always the thought that counts with me, never any shallow materialism of what he gives or not give.

love DH, so everything he does is precious, priceless!