Welcome to The Purse Forum.

balihai88 · Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:02 PM

Just got back from Thanksgiving with my new husband's family and was reminded (as I am every time I'm with them) of how little I have in common with them. Are any of you dealing with this too?

My husband's immediate family is great, we spend a lot of time with them because they live nearby. My father-in-law's family lives about 4 hrs away (by car) so we only see them once or twice a year. They're all very friendly and welcoming but I feel like I have so little to talk about with them, we only talk about superficial stuff (pop culture, etc). I'd love to get to know them better, it would help if we could see them more often but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to develop a meaningful relationship with them since I'm so different from most of them.

I'm 34, master's degree, career is #1 priorioty (right or wrong), and very likely will not have kids. Most of my father-in-law's siblings and their children did not go to college, got married young and/or had kids young, have jobs that they dislike and/or can't wait to retire from, and their lives are all about their kids/grandkids. Again, they are great people and I point out these facts not to judge/compare but just to illustrate the differences in life choices that we've made. I never talk about work or say crap like "when I studied blah-blah-blah in school" and I try to ask questions about their lives but it only goes so far. They don't seem to ask a lot of questions to try to get to know me, it's almost like they've just accepted that I'm different so it's not worth trying to get to know me better.

Speedy · Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:07 PM

Ah, honey, I am reminded of the old saying, "You can pick your friends, bu tyou can't pick your family". Or his either.

They probably feel like they see you so seldom, it's not worth their time to get to know you better. Don't fret about it, as long as the family you DO see often like you. Can't please everyone!

bagnshoofetish · Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:17 PM

When family members grow up they go out into the world and get married and all go their seperate ways. Its kinda like the animal kingdom, animals leave their families to start new ones. It keeps the species genetically diverse, prevents inbreeding and they would probably all kill each other if they didn't! I think people are the same way. There are reasons we don't all live together. And yet, we still insist on forcing each other to come together at a specific time of year cause Hallmark tells us to instead of doing it cause we want to. Too much stress coming from people who are just different from each other even though you share the same blood line. Its so common. You all may love each other but that doesn't mean you have to see eye to eye. But doggone it, why can't people just accept each other and let each other just be? I envy the families that love to be together all the time and get along 100% of the time. I don't know any but I'm sure they are out there!

Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:02 PM	#1
balihai88 OP Member Joined: Jul 2006 Location: At the beach! Posts: 3,736	Dealing with your DH/SO's extended family Just got back from Thanksgiving with my new husband's family and was reminded (as I am every time I'm with them) of how little I have in common with them. Are any of you dealing with this too? My husband's immediate family is great, we spend a lot of time with them because they live nearby. My father-in-law's family lives about 4 hrs away (by car) so we only see them once or twice a year. They're all very friendly and welcoming but I feel like I have so little to talk about with them, we only talk about superficial stuff (pop culture, etc). I'd love to get to know them better, it would help if we could see them more often but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to develop a meaningful relationship with them since I'm so different from most of them. I'm 34, master's degree, career is #1 priorioty (right or wrong), and very likely will not have kids. Most of my father-in-law's siblings and their children did not go to college, got married young and/or had kids young, have jobs that they dislike and/or can't wait to retire from, and their lives are all about their kids/grandkids. Again, they are great people and I point out these facts not to judge/compare but just to illustrate the differences in life choices that we've made. I never talk about work or say crap like "when I studied blah-blah-blah in school" and I try to ask questions about their lives but it only goes so far. They don't seem to ask a lot of questions to try to get to know me, it's almost like they've just accepted that I'm different so it's not worth trying to get to know me better.
	__________________

Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:07 PM	#2
Speedy Sofa King Banned Joined: Nov 2007 Location: N. California Posts: 3,750	Re: Dealing with your DH/SO's extended family Ah, honey, I am reminded of the old saying, "You can pick your friends, bu tyou can't pick your family". Or his either. They probably feel like they see you so seldom, it's not worth their time to get to know you better. Don't fret about it, as long as the family you DO see often like you. Can't please everyone!

Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:17 PM	#3
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,377	Re: Dealing with your DH/SO's extended family When family members grow up they go out into the world and get married and all go their seperate ways. Its kinda like the animal kingdom, animals leave their families to start new ones. It keeps the species genetically diverse, prevents inbreeding and they would probably all kill each other if they didn't! I think people are the same way. There are reasons we don't all live together. And yet, we still insist on forcing each other to come together at a specific time of year cause Hallmark tells us to instead of doing it cause we want to. Too much stress coming from people who are just different from each other even though you share the same blood line. Its so common. You all may love each other but that doesn't mean you have to see eye to eye. But doggone it, why can't people just accept each other and let each other just be? I envy the families that love to be together all the time and get along 100% of the time. I don't know any but I'm sure they are out there!
	__________________

Welcome to The Purse Forum.

Our Purse Forum, or TPF, is the #1 online social network for everything designer handbag related. Join over 200,000 enthusiastic members in this friendly community and start engaging in the discussion today.