[dooneydiva]

Hello everyone.

I'm writing to you in the midst of a very serious dilemma. I am a post-grad college student and I just came home from a night class. We had a guest speaker tonight who knows the professor very well. The speaker is a woman whose son has Asberger's. The talk was meant to help us, as future teachers, understand the educational implications of this disease.
What I need to explain to you all, however, is that as she spoke...I found myself doing a mental checkmark list of all her son's symptoms that sound like behaviors my brother has always displayed. At one point, I actually thought she was describing my family and all that my parents went through to get my brother the proper education (he was in special ed. classes throughout school).
The situation is, my parents have always told me that my brother had "learning problems" and they only know of these based on what the schools in our district presented to them. Now that he is an adult, and not transitioning properly into an adult lifestyle (i.e. finding employment, socializing, etc.) we have all been at a standstill.
After tonight's class, I'm thinking...could my brother have Asberger's and it was never diagnosed? My parents are the kind of people that may think I'm just being too dramatic and am using my strong interest in education to parallel symptoms onto my brother-I'm afraid they will brush this under the rug, so to speak.
What should I do? Do I do anything?

[anneonimiss]

I have "Asperger tendencies", I think, so I have read a lot about it. I can't tell you it could be Asperger since I don't know your brother and there are several related developmental disorders, but here is an excellent website about AS.

http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/

You might also Google Autistic spectrum disorders to get a clinical picture of some of the other possibilities.

[dooneydiva]

Thank you so much for your advice. I appreciate it.
As soon as I got home I rushed online and did a Google search and of course, I visited tPF.

[dooneydiva]

As a sidenote, may I ask what kind of tendencies you display? You could PM if you feel more comfortable, anneonimiss.

[Miss 2 A]

I have AS and it's refered to as a disorder, not really a disease, no offense. AS is becoming more known now and a professional may be able to guide you and your brother with information and any help.

The biggest problem with it is stress, and social anxiety amongst other things, also your brother may not be willing to talk to someone for "help". Maybe what you can do is read more about it and if he's willing to read about it himself and find a good community he may not feel so alone, that's what I did, in fact my BF has AS too.

There is a movie out there "mozart and the whale", it's been criticized somewhat because of the extreme cases displayed, however the autistic spectrum is very broad and perhaps if you watch it you may find it informative.

Feel free to PM me :) and no offence intended. Wiki has a good page on Asperger's Syndrome.

[la miss]

He should definitely see a professional. A diagnosis might be the first step in helping him toward independence and a productive adult life. Things that are very possible for people with Aspergers.

[rainrowan]

Hello, It is said that Asperger Syndrome is a high-functioning type of autism. My ds is on the autistic spectrum and has a pervasive developmental disorder which means he needs guidance in many daily tasks like dressing and feeding.

If you feel your brother may have the same traits as the speaker's son, by all means do some research. I highly recommend the book Asperger's Syndrome, by Tony Attwood, he is probably the leading expert on AS in the world.

I hope your brother is open to it, because once he understands there are people just like him, he will start to feel accepted and comfortable in his own skin as well as feel more connected to the world. I feel there are so many people out there who are borderline AS who have found their niche and are in very creative fields (music, art) or very intellectual fields (engineering, computers).

There is another book, more like an autobiography of a man and his autistic sibling by John Elder Robinson entitled Look Me in the Eye, that may be of some help too.

And yes, getting a formal diagnosis would be appropriate.

[anneonimiss]

As a sidenote, may I ask what kind of tendencies you display? You could PM if you feel more comfortable, anneonimiss.

Thanks for your consideration. I don't mind telling you about it.

I have major social anxiety (although I have learned some tips for overcoming this in the last few years). It has interfered pretty seriously with both my finishing my education and my choice of career, btw. I've been very lucky to have an excellent support system and the financial freedom to take things at my own pace. I feel for anyone with AS who doesn't have good support.

I tend to be very pedantic.
I can't stand crowds, loud noise, complete silence, lots of smells.
I can't wear uncomfortable or brightly colored clothing. My daily outfit is a black cotton tracksuit with black t-shirt and sneakers. I have many of the exact same outfit, as I hate deciding what to wear. Sports bras or camisoles only, too! Underwire? Ack!!!
I focus narrowly on certain topics of interest (almost to the point of obsession), although I will change obsessions from time to time, rather than focusing on one or two topics for a lifetime (as some with AS do).
I get upset if my daily routine is disrupted, i.e. I do things in a certain order and in a certain period of time and I get stressed if I am rushed or forced to change my plans (I've gotten better about that, too, though).

Oh yes, and I LOVE parentheses and commas!

[anneonimiss]

I highly recommend the book Asperger's Syndrome, by Tony Attwood, he is probably the leading expert on AS in the world.

I have this book, also. It is very good.

[dooneydiva]

Hello and thank you.

Miss 2 A: I take no offense. I was already a bit familiar with AS before this class, but not enough to consider myself very knowledgeable on it. I appreciate the correction.

Rainrowan: Thank you for the book info. I love to read as it is, but this could be interesting.

Anneonimiss: Thank you for sharing about your AS. Some of this sounds similar to little things my brother does that I never paid attention to because I just never had the time to think about it. Some things however, do not sound similar. I realize everyone is different.

The situation is such that, while my brother is a legal adult...he lives at home just as I do and he is not behaviorally equal to what one would be expected to be at his age. My parents do a lot for the both of us but especially for him as he doesn't have a job and really doesn't leave the house.
I'd love to say that he would go get help but it is really up to my parents to realize that--whatever his problems are---the problems DO exist and are bad enough to find a doctor that can tell us what might be bugging him. Perhaps, it isn't As but there is definitely some social probs.
I told my mother about my feelings last night, about the speaker and things she said that sound like him...her response was, "Well, there's nothing we can do about it now."
That makes it sound like she is cold-hearted and doesn't care about my brother, but that is not an appropriate description of her. She is a hard-working woman that has had to deal with a lot of difficult things in life, and my brother has been one of them. I think she is just dejected about many things in our family and it is too heartbreaking to think about my brother. Sometimes, when I think there is a chance she may take him to go talk to someone qualified, it always dissipates.
THIS, in itself, is what aggravates me. When I know she agrees that he needs some help, but doesn't seem to want to get any...She comes from that era when people brushed problems under the rug. I don't know what else I can say as I'm her daughter. It's just that one day, my brother may be my sole responsibility...
What do you think?

[ladyjane76]

my nephew has AS, he's now 18 and was misdiagnosed and medicated for everything under the sun. my family was in complete denial over this for along time. I cant tell you how many people have never heard of this, its nice to hear others talking about AS!

[beautifulday32]

dooneydiva,
Is your brother receiving services from the state of PA (DRS) now that he is out of high school? You said that he had received special education services.

Before graduation, the school usually coordinates with the state to determine if a student will need transitional services (job search/training or more). Most students are at least registered with the state agency (although your parents would have had to give their consent), and can then access services at any time. My brother currently receives services in NE, and he is in his twenties.

If your brother is having issues with independent living and work, it's not too late for him to get connected to the state agency. I'm not from PA, but I've been a special education teacher in NE, VA, and NJ, and it works the same in all these states.

Sorry this is a little OT, but I feel for your brother and your mom.

[dooneydiva]

Beautifulday32: Thanks for your response. Please, let's not EVEN get into talking about our districts many faults in handling my brother. (rolling eyes) It was a terrible experience for my parents, fighting tooth and nail to get my brother what he deserved. As far as I know, he was told that he could stay in "vo-tech" class til he was 21 or graduate high school with the rest of his peers at the same time. THAT WAS ALL THEY OFFERED, as far as I am aware. Thanks for the suggestiong. Fortunately, I spoke with my professor after class weeks ago and told her how this class is making me aware of certain services that my brother should have and she told me about the organization that finds employment for former special ed. students. LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, I told my mother about it and my brother but nothing has happened.
I'm so sick and tired of people that feel sorry for themselves and their lives and do nothing about it. I'll never know how it happened that I came out thinking so much differently about solving problems!

[Speedy]

DooneyDiva,

I know little to nothing about Asberrgers', but my heart goes out to you. Many, many kids my age and younger (I'm 50) suffered from being different without a knowledgeable diagnoisis, which of course made it all the worse.

I don't think it's out of line for you to wonder what will happen to him after your parents can no longer help him or have passed on, it's a very valid concern. Have you broached this with your mother? Ask her if they've provided for him in some way? I'd tell her and your father your concerns at this point, since it will affect all of you in the future.

Good luck honey. PM me if you ever just need to rant.

[irish_clover]

Hi

My younger brother has AS. I was doing some research online to learn more about it and there are tests you can take to see if you have it.

Maybe do one with your mom and answer as if you are your brother? Then when you see the results ( if he scores high) try to talk to her about taking your brother to see a professional?
Hopefully once she sees the "evidence" for herself she will be more motivated to do something about it?

AS is not THAT bad.. my brother manages to function okay in day to day life. I even got him a job organizing the back room of the boutique I am the assistant manager of. It was good for him because people with AS are usually good at organizing stuff. Unfortunately he didn't stay at the job long because he had problems getting along with some of the girls there ( they didn't know how to relate to him like I do and though he was either really weird or high all the time) :(
But in the right environment, people with AS can do well