Concern about my boyfriend involving family events! Guy perspectives welcome, too!

exotikittenx · Jun 26th, 2008, 11:42 AM

Hi, I am in need of some advice about my boyfriend of 3.5 years. I am always fearful of asking him to come to some family event. He usually ends up going, but that is after being hesitant at first, saying he's not sure, and I am very perceptive of the general vibe I get that he'd rather be doing something else. I really don't know what to do with this. Now I feel like I've been conditioned to be nervous and feel guilty about asking him to do things with my family when it comes up. I don't want to feel like I am pressuring him to go. Any advice or anyone been through something similar? Thank you in advance.

leothelnss · Jun 26th, 2008, 12:11 PM

An uncle I was not very close to just died, and his funeral is this weekend. A lot of my family is going to WV for the funeral, and I mentioned this to him, despite his having made plans to hang out with a friend who's birthday is this weekend.
Like you, I feel funny about asking him because he kind of wanted to do something else. It's too bad, though because he hasn't met a whole lot of my family and we're moving to CA in 6 months so I'm not sure how many more chances we'll get. I think we're not going to go this weekend... partly because I don't feel like pressuring him, too.
So yeah, going through something similar I suppose...

lovinalotofbags · Jun 26th, 2008, 12:25 PM

Any function that comes up, if you think he will have fun, then invite him with no pressure on him to accept. If he already had plans, then it is up to him to cancel or not. I too get hesitant when someone asks me to go someplace, I think about it and go and usually have a good time. Do not feel guilty or nervous asking. You should be comfortable in your relationship.

luckygirl83 · Jun 26th, 2008, 12:36 PM

Does he ever ask you to go to family events? If he does, how does he approach the topic?

exotikittenx · Jun 26th, 2008, 12:52 PM

Thanks for the replies. His family does not live in the U.S. so there isn't really a chance for that. That's what makes this even more difficult.

exotikittenx · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovinalotofbags

Any function that comes up, if you think he will have fun, then invite him with no pressure on him to accept. If he already had plans, then it is up to him to cancel or not. I too get hesitant when someone asks me to go someplace, I think about it and go and usually have a good time. Do not feel guilty or nervous asking. You should be comfortable in your relationship.

Good advice, thanks! The thing is, he doesn't always have plans and basically likes to keep his plans "open" (meaning better opportunities). Sometimes these are events that are important to me for him to go to, and don't get me wrong, he will go, but I so much dread asking him because of the response I get... just the hesitance and delayed reaction to accept, that prolonged "Ummm... I don't know yet..." rather than a smile and "Sure, I'll go." Why does it have to be so difficult?

nooch · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:26 PM

Maybe he's taking your lead... you don't want to ask him, so he thinks you don't want him to go?

Jun 26th, 2008, 11:42 AM	#1
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 3,312	Concern about my boyfriend involving family events! Guy perspectives welcome, too! Hi, I am in need of some advice about my boyfriend of 3.5 years. I am always fearful of asking him to come to some family event. He usually ends up going, but that is after being hesitant at first, saying he's not sure, and I am very perceptive of the general vibe I get that he'd rather be doing something else. I really don't know what to do with this. Now I feel like I've been conditioned to be nervous and feel guilty about asking him to do things with my family when it comes up. I don't want to feel like I am pressuring him to go. Any advice or anyone been through something similar? Thank you in advance. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Jun 26th, 2008, 12:11 PM	#2
leothelnss Loves sales... Joined: Jan 2008 Location: Burtonsville, MD Posts: 1,765	An uncle I was not very close to just died, and his funeral is this weekend. A lot of my family is going to WV for the funeral, and I mentioned this to him, despite his having made plans to hang out with a friend who's birthday is this weekend. Like you, I feel funny about asking him because he kind of wanted to do something else. It's too bad, though because he hasn't met a whole lot of my family and we're moving to CA in 6 months so I'm not sure how many more chances we'll get. I think we're not going to go this weekend... partly because I don't feel like pressuring him, too. So yeah, going through something similar I suppose... __________________ I have a nice collection (finally) So I guess it's time for me to get picky & have a wishlist... 1. Hayden Harnett Havana Hobo 2. Carrie Valentine Confidence Clutch 3. Linea Pelle Angie 4. Kale Tate 5. Rebecca Minkoff Morning After

Jun 26th, 2008, 12:25 PM	#3
lovinalotofbags Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,376	Any function that comes up, if you think he will have fun, then invite him with no pressure on him to accept. If he already had plans, then it is up to him to cancel or not. I too get hesitant when someone asks me to go someplace, I think about it and go and usually have a good time. Do not feel guilty or nervous asking. You should be comfortable in your relationship. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 26th, 2008, 12:52 PM	#5
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 3,312	Thanks for the replies. His family does not live in the U.S. so there isn't really a chance for that. That's what makes this even more difficult. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:26 PM	#7
nooch Member Joined: Apr 2008 Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY Posts: 1,159	Maybe he's taking your lead... you don't want to ask him, so he thinks you don't want him to go? __________________ http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes Support local artists & their work!

Jun 26th, 2008, 12:36 PM	#4
luckygirl83 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: New York City Posts: 278	Does he ever ask you to go to family events? If he does, how does he approach the topic?