Clubs...advice?

mr. couturier · Jan 1st, 2008, 04:38 AM

Hey all, happy New Year! I was hoping I could get some advice about a situation.
So, I've been with my boy for about three months now. We don't really have too much in common, but we get along well. Anyhow, this is the situation I'm questioning: when we get together, we usually will just go to dinner, lunch, movies, or his place, with the occasional night out to a gallery or something else that more interests me than him. The other day, he suggested that we should go to a club. He's very (in the best way

) generically attractive, ie muscles, masculine features, etc. and I'm very thin and have a more 'feminine' frame, I suppose one could say, and we're about the same height. I hate to be stereotypical...but I'm really afraid that if/when we go, other guys will be all over him, and I'll be off somewhere. Somewhat paranoid, I know, because if he's really into me he'd still be around me, but I'd still feel like he would get hit on whenever I turn away. And I've NEVER liked clubs at all, but I feel guilty for not doing enough of what he likes.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you do? Thanks so much, and happy New Year!

Speedy · Jan 1st, 2008, 04:41 AM

Happy New Year Mr. C! Good to see you.

I think you may be a tad jealous or even insecure if you go to a club and guys go for him, no? Sounds like you don't want to share him, OR you are afraid he's going to fall for someone else. I say give it a try, and have a good time. As long as he goes home with you, it's all good!

merde111 · Jan 1st, 2008, 05:51 AM

Tell him, sweetie! And let him know that you normally don't feel too comfortable in clubs, but you want to go in order to do something he enjoys. Ask him to please make sure he pays extra special attention to you while in the club, since you don't feel super confident there, and that maybe he can show you some good dance moves to drive the other guys wild (especially since they can't have you because you're with him!). Try to make a fun experience of it, by letting him be all sexy and take care of you while you're in 'his territory'!

Happy New Year to you and to all!

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Jan 1st, 2008, 08:32 PM

I'm a little like you too. I don't like to go out much into the party/club scene as much either, but DF enjoys going out with his friends and drinking once in a while. (we're not big drinkers) When we go to the club, he usually does a pretty good job giving me the "extra" attention so I never feel left out. There are sometimes when girls get on him, and he just stands there with a baffled look on his face. I'm sure the girl gets the point he doesnt want to dance with her because he's just backing off. Then usually we're with a bunch of drunk friends who go and yell at her and tell her to back off. Haha. They always take care of me. Him and his friends. But usually we're in our little circle/group and outsiders dont come dancing near us all that much. Ya know, people usually stay in their circle of friends.

There are times at parties where I do feel left out, or a tadsy jealous. I don't make a big deal. Instead of feeling uncomfortable I usually dismiss myself (kinda kill joy for others, but who cares?? I feel uncomfortable.) And I go outside for a while for some air. Almost all the time DF realizes it right away (usually before I'm even out the door) and he just comes out with me. We get air together and talk. I tell him how I feel and he listens and we try together to come up with a solution so I wont feel uncofortable. (because there can be many different reasons: feeling sick, someone I don't like is there, tired, etc.)

I'm sure if you talk to your BF you two will come up with a great solution! Just talk it out honey! :] I'm sure you'll have fun at the club after! Good luck sweets!

exotikittenx · Jan 1st, 2008, 08:55 PM

Well if you do go, it's a good way to tell if he is trustworthy, by how he acts or if he flirts with others. If guys are attracted to him, then there's not much you can do about it, and don't even worry about it. What matters is how he responds to them. Who knows, someone may hit on you!

I think if you truly hate going, you should not have to go, but if you can stand it, it's also a way of compromising and exploring each other's interests... there surely will be a time when you want to do something that he does not care for, but you want him to experience it with you, know what I mean? So maybe try it once and see what happens, you never know, you might have fun.

If it is really bothering you, just be honest with him and express your concerns without sounding possessive/jealous. And if you do end up going to the club, be confident and focus on enjoying yourself. Having a good time is an attractive quality. Whatever you do, don't sulk and act antisocial, because that is a big turn off... just mentioning this because I had a friend who did this once and actually sat in a corner behind a chair the whole time at a party, and she wondered why no one was talking to her! Not saying you are like that but just wanted to share hehe.

Anyway, your guy is with you for a reason, because you are great, and if he acts like an a$$ then you don't want someone like that, anyway.

elizat · Jan 1st, 2008, 11:31 PM

I'd just talk to him about not being into clubbing. I've never been into clubs or drinking lots, so I understand your feelings. I bet that if he likes you as much as you like him, he'll want to do things that you both enjoy together! That may involve clubs once in awhile, but just try it out and I'm sure it would be fine- esp. if you bring up your concerns before. Plus, as long he is on the same page as you, I don't think you have anything to worry about w/ someone else hitting on him. Just think of it as a compliment to your guy- esp. when he's ending the night w/ you!

JAN! · Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:04 AM

I personally hate clubs with a burning passion. Well, at least the ones here in T-dot. They are generally very trashy and play crappy music I couldn't even bob my head to. The crowds are very rowdy. Girls are dressed like hookers and I've never seen a bigger collection of perverts than when I go downtown on Friday and Saturday nights. It really disturbs me.

My friends have tried numerous times to get me to go clubbing with them and every time I do not fail to lecture them in a severely agitated state that I HATE clubbing and to never ask me again for the love of God. For the time being they leave me alone. I won't be going clubbing until I know a spot where there is at least a speck of class and taste. So yes, this has happened to me before.

As for your situation, if you're like me, you don't have to go just because he wants to. Just tell him why you don't want to go and try to compromise. I'm sure there are many other activities the two of you can engage in other than clubbing.

Charles · Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:00 AM

Tell me why you don't like clubs.

As far as him cheating/leaving you, well, that's part of being in a committed relationship. You have to trust that he won't hurt you. Besides, if he's the kind of guy who would cheat on you with someone he met at a club, why would you want to be with him anyway.
Now, I will say something that's a bit stereotypical, and might be the reason you're worried, but a lot of my male gay friends mess around and don't think it's a big deal. The gay community, at least here, is a lot different from the hetero dating world, so if it's like that where you are, I'd make sure you and he are on the same page in regards to commitment.

helium · Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:28 AM

I hate clubs and luckily my partner hates them too.

Regardless of what type of relationship this is, trust is a big part of this. If you don't trust that he will stay with you even if there are a million men all over him, then I don't think it's a very healthy relationship. I'm very big on trust in relationships. If your problem is that there will in fact be a million men all over him and that is your biggest concern, well, hehe it's not his fault he's good looking

. You'll just have to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing you can do about other stupid people hitting on your partner. I get very annoyed to but I can't do anything about it, but it doesn't bother me horribly because I know my boyfriend won't ever go off with them.

If you're still very reluctant to go, tell him about how you feel about it. Good luck, and happy new years to you too!

chipmunk-pnw · Jan 2nd, 2008, 04:26 AM

Share with him your sentiments this builds closeness, but go clubbing anyway, and (try to) have a good time!

Charles · Jan 2nd, 2008, 10:56 AM

I've usually found that a location is only as fun/terrible as you want it to be. If you do decide to go with him, try your best to be positive about it and relax....let yourself have some fun.

HubbaWubba · Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:23 PM

Hi Mr C. I'm a straight female and I go to gay clubs all the time in NYC. I actually prefer it more than going to a straight club. Besides I like the music better. Also they like to dance with no shirts and are usually built and hot! No straight club can I find that! LOL

What is sooooo funny to me, is that I see couples and sometimes when I dance with someone's partner, the other one gets jealous. I'm like I don't have the right equipment, so don't worry about it. It's just dancing.

Now as far as other men hitting on your bf, if you trust him (and you should) then there should be nothing to worry about. If you go with him a couple of times and you don't like it, explain to him why you don't like it. I do think in a relationship both people should enjoy what the other one wants to do.

Jan 1st, 2008, 04:38 AM	#1
mr. couturier Fashionista Location: Chicago	Clubs...advice? Hey all, happy New Year! I was hoping I could get some advice about a situation. So, I've been with my boy for about three months now. We don't really have too much in common, but we get along well. Anyhow, this is the situation I'm questioning: when we get together, we usually will just go to dinner, lunch, movies, or his place, with the occasional night out to a gallery or something else that more interests me than him. The other day, he suggested that we should go to a club. He's very (in the best way) generically attractive, ie muscles, masculine features, etc. and I'm very thin and have a more 'feminine' frame, I suppose one could say, and we're about the same height. I hate to be stereotypical...but I'm really afraid that if/when we go, other guys will be all over him, and I'll be off somewhere. Somewhat paranoid, I know, because if he's really into me he'd still be around me, but I'd still feel like he would get hit on whenever I turn away. And I've NEVER liked clubs at all, but I feel guilty for not doing enough of what he likes. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you do? Thanks so much, and happy New Year! __________________ "Like a Parisian punkette, which means a kind of bourgeois, a little chic, elegant and some kind of accident can happen.” -Jean Paul Gaultier

Jan 1st, 2008, 04:41 AM	#2
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: Clubs...advice? Happy New Year Mr. C! Good to see you. I think you may be a tad jealous or even insecure if you go to a club and guys go for him, no? Sounds like you don't want to share him, OR you are afraid he's going to fall for someone else. I say give it a try, and have a good time. As long as he goes home with you, it's all good!

Jan 1st, 2008, 05:51 AM	#3
merde111 Member Location: Forth Worth, TX	Re: Clubs...advice? Tell him, sweetie! And let him know that you normally don't feel too comfortable in clubs, but you want to go in order to do something he enjoys. Ask him to please make sure he pays extra special attention to you while in the club, since you don't feel super confident there, and that maybe he can show you some good dance moves to drive the other guys wild (especially since they can't have you because you're with him!). Try to make a fun experience of it, by letting him be all sexy and take care of you while you're in 'his territory'! Happy New Year to you and to all!

Jan 1st, 2008, 08:32 PM	#4
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	Re: Clubs...advice? I'm a little like you too. I don't like to go out much into the party/club scene as much either, but DF enjoys going out with his friends and drinking once in a while. (we're not big drinkers) When we go to the club, he usually does a pretty good job giving me the "extra" attention so I never feel left out. There are sometimes when girls get on him, and he just stands there with a baffled look on his face. I'm sure the girl gets the point he doesnt want to dance with her because he's just backing off. Then usually we're with a bunch of drunk friends who go and yell at her and tell her to back off. Haha. They always take care of me. Him and his friends. But usually we're in our little circle/group and outsiders dont come dancing near us all that much. Ya know, people usually stay in their circle of friends. There are times at parties where I do feel left out, or a tadsy jealous. I don't make a big deal. Instead of feeling uncomfortable I usually dismiss myself (kinda kill joy for others, but who cares?? I feel uncomfortable.) And I go outside for a while for some air. Almost all the time DF realizes it right away (usually before I'm even out the door) and he just comes out with me. We get air together and talk. I tell him how I feel and he listens and we try together to come up with a solution so I wont feel uncofortable. (because there can be many different reasons: feeling sick, someone I don't like is there, tired, etc.) I'm sure if you talk to your BF you two will come up with a great solution! Just talk it out honey! :] I'm sure you'll have fun at the club after! Good luck sweets! __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Jan 1st, 2008, 08:55 PM	#5
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper	Re: Clubs...advice? Well if you do go, it's a good way to tell if he is trustworthy, by how he acts or if he flirts with others. If guys are attracted to him, then there's not much you can do about it, and don't even worry about it. What matters is how he responds to them. Who knows, someone may hit on you! I think if you truly hate going, you should not have to go, but if you can stand it, it's also a way of compromising and exploring each other's interests... there surely will be a time when you want to do something that he does not care for, but you want him to experience it with you, know what I mean? So maybe try it once and see what happens, you never know, you might have fun. If it is really bothering you, just be honest with him and express your concerns without sounding possessive/jealous. And if you do end up going to the club, be confident and focus on enjoying yourself. Having a good time is an attractive quality. Whatever you do, don't sulk and act antisocial, because that is a big turn off... just mentioning this because I had a friend who did this once and actually sat in a corner behind a chair the whole time at a party, and she wondered why no one was talking to her! Not saying you are like that but just wanted to share hehe. Anyway, your guy is with you for a reason, because you are great, and if he acts like an a$$ then you don't want someone like that, anyway. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here. Last edited by exotikittenx; Jan 1st, 2008 at 08:59 PM.

Jan 1st, 2008, 11:31 PM	#6
elizat Member	Re: Clubs...advice? I'd just talk to him about not being into clubbing. I've never been into clubs or drinking lots, so I understand your feelings. I bet that if he likes you as much as you like him, he'll want to do things that you both enjoy together! That may involve clubs once in awhile, but just try it out and I'm sure it would be fine- esp. if you bring up your concerns before. Plus, as long he is on the same page as you, I don't think you have anything to worry about w/ someone else hitting on him. Just think of it as a compliment to your guy- esp. when he's ending the night w/ you!

Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:04 AM	#7
JAN! <3 Location: Toronto	Re: Clubs...advice? I personally hate clubs with a burning passion. Well, at least the ones here in T-dot. They are generally very trashy and play crappy music I couldn't even bob my head to. The crowds are very rowdy. Girls are dressed like hookers and I've never seen a bigger collection of perverts than when I go downtown on Friday and Saturday nights. It really disturbs me. My friends have tried numerous times to get me to go clubbing with them and every time I do not fail to lecture them in a severely agitated state that I HATE clubbing and to never ask me again for the love of God. For the time being they leave me alone. I won't be going clubbing until I know a spot where there is at least a speck of class and taste. So yes, this has happened to me before. As for your situation, if you're like me, you don't have to go just because he wants to. Just tell him why you don't want to go and try to compromise. I'm sure there are many other activities the two of you can engage in other than clubbing. __________________ If you don't like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:00 AM	#8
Charles Sucks at budgeting Location: Jacksonville, Fl	Re: Clubs...advice? Tell me why you don't like clubs. As far as him cheating/leaving you, well, that's part of being in a committed relationship. You have to trust that he won't hurt you. Besides, if he's the kind of guy who would cheat on you with someone he met at a club, why would you want to be with him anyway. Now, I will say something that's a bit stereotypical, and might be the reason you're worried, but a lot of my male gay friends mess around and don't think it's a big deal. The gay community, at least here, is a lot different from the hetero dating world, so if it's like that where you are, I'd make sure you and he are on the same page in regards to commitment.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:28 AM	#9
helium Member	Re: Clubs...advice? I hate clubs and luckily my partner hates them too. Regardless of what type of relationship this is, trust is a big part of this. If you don't trust that he will stay with you even if there are a million men all over him, then I don't think it's a very healthy relationship. I'm very big on trust in relationships. If your problem is that there will in fact be a million men all over him and that is your biggest concern, well, hehe it's not his fault he's good looking . You'll just have to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing you can do about other stupid people hitting on your partner. I get very annoyed to but I can't do anything about it, but it doesn't bother me horribly because I know my boyfriend won't ever go off with them. If you're still very reluctant to go, tell him about how you feel about it. Good luck, and happy new years to you too!

Jan 2nd, 2008, 04:26 AM	#10
chipmunk-pnw ^.^ Location: USA	Re: Clubs...advice? Share with him your sentiments this builds closeness, but go clubbing anyway, and (try to) have a good time!

Jan 2nd, 2008, 10:56 AM	#11
Charles Sucks at budgeting Location: Jacksonville, Fl	Re: Clubs...advice? I've usually found that a location is only as fun/terrible as you want it to be. If you do decide to go with him, try your best to be positive about it and relax....let yourself have some fun.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:23 PM	#12
HubbaWubba Sofa King Banned	Re: Clubs...advice? Hi Mr C. I'm a straight female and I go to gay clubs all the time in NYC. I actually prefer it more than going to a straight club. Besides I like the music better. Also they like to dance with no shirts and are usually built and hot! No straight club can I find that! LOL What is sooooo funny to me, is that I see couples and sometimes when I dance with someone's partner, the other one gets jealous. I'm like I don't have the right equipment, so don't worry about it. It's just dancing. Now as far as other men hitting on your bf, if you trust him (and you should) then there should be nothing to worry about. If you go with him a couple of times and you don't like it, explain to him why you don't like it. I do think in a relationship both people should enjoy what the other one wants to do.