[lolitakali]

Originally Posted by littlerock80

I think that cheating is only cheating if two people are in love.

to be fair....

With that line, it would have also justified that if a husband/SO who is in doubt that he loves you (but you still love him), it would be OK for him to cheat since cheating is cheating only if 2 people are in love...

in this case, there is only 1 person "loving" (the wife), the husband/SO is not "in love" when he is "in doubt".

I agree that life is way too short, and am not being judgemental either...

BUT

The reason why is it called "cheating" is but because the term used is actually applied to its true meaning.

[PuppyB]

I agree with KILLERSTRAWBERRY.

[PuppyB]

Exactly, so next time all men who cheat can say "I am not in love with wife/gf anymore, so what is wrong if I screw up with another woman", while their "stupid" wives/gfs think their men are out there work overtime, business trip..etc.

Originally Posted by lolitakali

to be fair....

With that line, it would have also justified that if a husband/SO who is in doubt that he loves you (but you still love him), it would be OK for him to cheat since cheating is cheating only if 2 people are in love...

in this case, there is only 1 person "loving" (the wife), the husband/SO is not "in love" when he is "in doubt".

I agree that life is way too short, and am not being judgemental either...

BUT

The reason why is it called "cheating" is but because the term used is actually applied to its true meaning.

[amber11]

yikes, if your marriage is completely over no chance for reconciliation i wouldn't tell him but if you guys ever decide to try again then you'll need to fess up what you did and see if hell still be with you

[aliburke84]

Originally Posted by ebayBAGS

Marriage is about true love. A one night stand is about lust and passion & those feelings will not last if you are considering it. Save what you have with the one you love or go find the love of your life.

Very nice quote!!! Do you feel like your husband is your true love??

Not judging at all darling...I think we all know things happen, and I'm sure we all know what it's like to have that first love and always keep him in the back of your mind. It wasn't a good thing for you to do, but especially since you're having so much trouble with your husband I can at least say that I can see how and why it happened

[eviemarie]

Originally Posted by killerstrawbery

nah, it definitely means something is broken.... or else you would break up or divorce first

go to survivinginfidelity website to learn more about cheating, why it happens, how to deal with it, and its effects on both parties


also, assuming that it wont hurt him is self-serving, when peoples lives and feelings are at stake its best not to do that





I also wanted to add that OP should get full STD testing done for both herself and her husband

I think you are being a little harsh. Everyone is entitiled to there opinion but the OP came on here for advise she knows she has done wrong an wanted a bit of advise which is what the girls on here do best. Telling her to get asn STD test is not the answer she wanted from here I am sure.

If only life was as easy as you are making out it is killerstrawberry then nobody would have problems would they??

[Jahpson]

so what do you want to do now? or are you just trying to vent?

[bellafleur]

BMC, I totally sympathize with your situation. I went through something similar (yes, there's a thread on here somewhere that was very long, drawn out, yet very helpful to me:). I cheated on my ex-husband, but I think maybe I was a little farther along emotionally in the process than you are now. We had problems for a long time, and I knew in my heart we weren't meant to be. He had certainly checked out of the marriage before I had. As far as I know, he wasn't cheating on me, but we were just roommates, just subsisting in the same house, and we needed a catalyst to make the change and move on. My one night stand was that catalyst for me. It affirmed that I couldn't be with my husband anymore, or I would not have cheated on him. Yes, it's risky, because I could have had the opposite reaction and realized what a mistake I had made. But for me it was the best thing I could have done, believe it or not. I left him a week later, moved on, and I am soooooo happy now. Of course my dalliance with the cheatee was short lived, and I didn't have any illusions that it would be anything other than what it was. I've met someone new who is warm and caring and completely the opposite of my ex, and my life has gone 180 degrees in the right direction. It will be the hardest, most hurtful thing you'll ever have to go through in your life, but I think you know what the right answer is. You just have to admit it to yourself and do what needs to be done.

And P.S., don't tell him what happened. It will only give him an excuse to blame you for the end of your marriage, and it will give him an excuse not to learn anything from this experience and grow from it in his next relationship. Yes, cheating was your fault, but he takes equal part in how your marriage has turned out before this happened.

[keodi]

Originally Posted by ebayBAGS

Marriage is about true love. A one night stand is about lust and passion & those feelings will not last if you are considering it. Save what you have with the one you love or go find the love of your life.

wow powerful message I agree. With this.

[bellafleur]

^Hi keodi, good to see you!!:)

[killerstrawbery]

Originally Posted by eviemarie

I think you are being a little harsh. Everyone is entitiled to there opinion but the OP came on here for advise she knows she has done wrong an wanted a bit of advise which is what the girls on here do best. Telling her to get asn STD test is not the answer she wanted from here I am sure.

If only life was as easy as you are making out it is killerstrawberry then nobody would have problems would they??

no, her health is definitely important; and she should get an std test immedeately.... especially if it might be passed on to unsuspecting husband


im suprised no one else has considered the health risks here?


you wouldnt want ur cheating spouse to give you aids would you?

[moi et mes sacs]

Originally Posted by killerstrawbery

no, her health is definitely important; and she should get an std test immedeately.... especially if it might be passed on to unsuspecting husband


im suprised no one else has considered the health risks here?


you wouldnt want ur cheating spouse to give you aids would you?

I think the OP has made a mistake, she didnt say she is ignorant. I am sure she has considered her sexual health but perhaps is not comfortable talking about it on a forum.
I find it harsh the way you have worded it and this lady is obviously having an emotional time right now and this may hurt.

[eviemarie]

Originally Posted by killerstrawbery

no, her health is definitely important; and she should get an std test immedeately.... especially if it might be passed on to unsuspecting husband


im suprised no one else has considered the health risks here?


you wouldnt want ur cheating spouse to give you aids would you?

I didn't say her health wasn't important. You don't need to be surprised maybe people did think it but the OP is asking for advise and is obvaislty feeling quite down. I just think there are nicer peices of advice/support you could give at this time.

[maddog]

Originally Posted by killerstrawbery

no, her health is definitely important; and she should get an std test immedeately.... especially if it might be passed on to unsuspecting husband


im suprised no one else has considered the health risks here?


you wouldnt want ur cheating spouse to give you aids would you?

ITA. That was actually my first thought and the only advice I could possibly give at this point. Just because someone says to not be judgmental doesn't mean I should go the complete opposite and coo about how it's a mistake and you're not a bad person. We don't know whether she's a good or bad person, and it's not my business to judge one way or another. The only thing I can say in all fairness is I hope they used a condom (AND you can still get STIs with condoms) and if she had sexual contact with her husband afterward to tell him because it's only fair.

I don't think killerstrawbery is being harsh, but if you make a mistake, the least you can do is own up to it. I also agree with her that something is "broken". Not as in something is horribly wrong with you, I recognize how easy it is for something to happen when you are feeling lonely, etc. But that is exactly what I would mean by something is broken, it just means something in your life is amiss that needs to be fixed, which needed to be fixed whether you were to cheat or not.

Hopefully that makes sense.

[killerstrawbery]

Originally Posted by maddog

ITA. That was actually my first thought and the only advice I could possibly give at this point. Just because someone says to not be judgmental doesn't mean I should go the complete opposite and coo about how it's a mistake and you're not a bad person. We don't know whether she's a good or bad person, and it's not my business to judge one way or another. The only thing I can say in all fairness is I hope they used a condom (AND you can still get STIs with condoms) and if she had sexual contact with her husband afterward to tell him because it's only fair.

I don't think killerstrawbery is being harsh, but if you make a mistake, the least you can do is own up to it. I also agree with her that something is "broken". Not as in something is horribly wrong with you, I recognize how easy it is for something to happen when you are feeling lonely, etc. But that is exactly what I would mean by something is broken, it just means something in your life is amiss that needs to be fixed, which needed to be fixed whether you were to cheat or not.

Hopefully that makes sense.

thnx, thats actually exactly what i meant :)