[~Fabulousity~]

My husband and I separated 5 months ago (long story) and I have been ok up until about a week ago. I keep thinking about everything we shared and it makes me cry like right now while i'm here at work. I feel like such an idiot, I keep telling myself "what's wrong with you" "get over it" and like I said I was ok going about my life not thinking or worrying about him until about a week ago. I feel like I miss him badly.

I have a new man in my life who I have been seeing for the last month and a half (nothing heavy) he's a really great guy and has been a great encouragement to me when i'm down about things. We're really good friends. I know he wants a lot more from me and maybe thats why i'm feeling this way because i'm not ready, I dont know. Now i'm rambling, I hate feeling this way. Why cant I just move on?

thanks for listening : (

[MissTiss]

I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Are you positve your marriage is over? Perhaps this is the reason you are feeling conflicted at the moment.

I am terrible at advice, but I can empathize!

((hugs)) to you.

[merika]

I'm sorry. Healing takes time. Just because a marriage ended it doesn't mean the feelings do. I've read that it actually takes about 2 years on average to get over the feelings and emotions and accept the loss of your marriage.

Hugs to you.

[gacats]

So sorry you're having this rough time, but actually it seems to me that you have to mourn at some point.
Here's a big hug for you ((((((( ))))))))))

[LOREBUNDE]

I agree w/merika. I think what you are going thru is normal. These things take a long time for most people to get over. I know someone that ended a 10 yr relationship and it took her years to get over. Not to discourage you but Just take it day by day.

[~Fabulousity~]

thank you all, I know it will take time I just was having trouble understanding cause it seemed the feelings came out of nowhere. I was fine going about my life, not worrying about him or anything and bam!
Well the good thing is we don't hate each other or anything like that...

[Angelfish]

I find I have to address feelings, deal with them, decide how I feel about the outcome and move on.

If I push feelings down deep they always eventually float back up, usually when I'm stressed about something else. You might think you're over them, when really you have just been good at ignoring them.

I suggest doing some reading. Talking to a therapist, or joining a women's discussion group. Whatever you do, deal with these feelings now, before it's too late to save your old relationship, or ruin relationships in the future over unresolved feelings.

Good luck. The right decisions can be hard decisions sometimes. You'll pull through.

[merde111]

Good advice on this thread already. One thing I see a lot of my friends doing is rushing into a new relationship before they've really had time to be alone and get back into a good zone again. Between my major relationships, I usually spent a year or two single--went hiking, got a dog, did some writing and exploring new things, etc. etc. etc....just working on moving forward and healing from my grief at the end of the last relationship.

You have good insight into yourself--it sounds like you very well may be feeling pressured by the new guy while you still haven't really mourned/grieved for the loss of your old relationship and had time to heal and renew.

Take care of YOU emotionally, before you give anything to anyone else at this time. (((HUGS!!!)))

[Minnie05]

just like everyone else has been saying...getting over a serious relationship takes time. Make sure to take time for yourself every weekGood luck, and best wishes for the future:)

[chodessa]

Breakups are like death. It is the death of a relationship that once was.
It is normal to mourn a death. If you suppress those feelings or divert your attention to something else, they will eventually creep back up on you until you deal with those feelings.
It seems it is time to mourn.
Then you can start to rebuild.
You are strong, be as positive as can be.
Big hugs to you.

[gillianna]

I think you need time to grieve. You have to cry for the relationship and the dreams you had for it and the realization that they did not happen. It is normal for you to feel this way so don't punish yourself for having feelings.
Smart to know not to jump in to a heavy relationship at this time, so many people seem to do this and then have another breakup to deal with in a few months.
You will see the light and feel the pressure is off in time. You will become stronger and learn that through all the pain you can still find happiness.
I would cherish the good memories and let them make you know that there is joy and laughter in your life but you have to be ready to move on.
HUGS.

[illinirdhd]

Each time I went through a significant break up, I went and bought new sheets, pillows, comforter, everything. Don't know why, but it made me happy to go to sleep in a newly-decorated bed. Good thing I only went through a couple, huh?

We all grieve differently. But no matter how you grieve, I think it's important THAT you grieve. Maybe you need time to cry for a while. Have some ice cream and just be SAD for a while. There's nothing wrong with just being sad. Even if your ex was the absolute scum of the earth, you're still entitled to be hurt, and to question the breakup, even if you know it was the BEST (or maybe the ONLY) choice.

Take a little ME time. A few hours or a few days even. Do things that make YOU happy, and don't worry about anyone else, including your new boyfriend. Us girls are VERY strong, and we can bounce back from almost anything, but sometimes it takes a while.

[moi et mes sacs]

Sorry for the pain you are feeling. you know deep down inside if it is really over for you and your husband. You feel like a new chapter has started as you have a new man in your life, does it bother you to think that perhaps you husband may be able to move on too? please think long and hard before calling time on your marriage, your husband surely feels this pain too. Only you know for sure, talk about it with your husband, make sure you are both ready to let go. Good luck

[BagAngel]

I totally sympathise with you it is almost 11 years since my marriage break up & I haven't been able to move on!

[ladyjane76]

Im sorry your going through this, I COMPLETLY UNDERSTAND!! PM if you need someone to talk too!