Calling off engagement?

eckertle · Jun 28th, 2008, 03:16 AM

Has anyone called off an engagement? Please share your experiences!

mjlover1977 · Jun 28th, 2008, 04:05 AM

hmmm - i this something you are planning??

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:27 AM

This could be an interesting read.. A bit sad, emotional, but it can also be refreshing and eye opening... Shoot. It's also down right scary to read about and wonder if that will happen to me!! Don't jinx our engagement!! (now I'm all scared!!)

eckertle · Jun 28th, 2008, 02:47 PM

My childhood best friend's other best friend (from college, if that makes sense) recently called off her engagement. She was terrified because her parents were going to lose all of the deposits for the wedding (~$40,000), plus she had already had an engagement party, shower, bridal tea, etc. and had to return the gifts and pay the bridesmaids for their dresses. She's now very open about what she went through and she's completely at peace with her decision, but we were discussing how everyone talks about their break-ups, but that we rarely hear of people calling off their engagements.

GirlFriday · Jun 28th, 2008, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eckertle

My childhood best friend's other best friend (from college, if that makes sense) recently called off her engagement. She was terrified because her parents were going to lose all of the deposits for the wedding (~$40,000), plus she had already had an engagement party, shower, bridal tea, etc. and had to return the gifts and pay the bridesmaids for their dresses. She's now very open about what she went through and she's completely at peace with her decision, but we were discussing how everyone talks about their break-ups, but that we rarely hear of people calling off their engagements.

That's a really good reason not to plan an expensive wedding!

But it's good that she did what was best for her in the long run.

Batel · Jun 28th, 2008, 03:27 PM

I called off my first engagement 2 weeks prior to the wedding, luckily it was a small wedding so my parents/ I were only out about $8,000 (still a lot but not as much as it could have been and some small things we could take back that hadn't been opened.) It was very stressful at first. He didn't take it well (that's a huge understatement)

But I must say it was one of the best decisions I've ever made and all the stress it caused me at the time, it saved me a million times over in the years following. I just wish I would have had the guts to break it off sooner (I had wanted to break it off for a while before I did but didn't have the guts to do it) It took my mom telling me she would back me up no matter what I did for me to stand up for myself!

harleyNemma · Jun 28th, 2008, 04:01 PM

My sister called off her engagement about six weeks prior to the wedding. As she began to open up about her decision, it really became clear to all of us that she could not have made a better choice for herself & her life. Though we were out a significant amount of money - which was, in all honesty, hard to swallow, we all acknowledge that happiness in marriage is about more than a party and in order for two individuals to be happy, each one must be happy in their own right.

Cristina · Jun 28th, 2008, 04:15 PM

A friend of mine told me a story about a friend of hers who called off her engagement after finding out her fiance was thousands of dollars in debt due to gambling. He hid it from her for the two years they dated, and she found out the evening of the bachelorette party.

Both she, the fiance and their parents were of course, out of X number of thousands of dollars - but she stood by her decision due to his hiding of his gambling problem, and a few months later, they haven't reconciled.

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Jun 28th, 2008, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cristina

A friend of mine told me a story about a friend of hers who called off her engagement after finding out her fiance was thousands of dollars in debt due to gambling. He hid it from her for the two years they dated, and she found out the evening of the bachelorette party.

Both she, the fiance and their parents were of course, out of X number of thousands of dollars - but she stood by her decision due to his hiding of his gambling problem, and a few months later, they haven't reconciled.

whoa!! thats scary to think of hiding debt!! thanks for sharing the reason WHY she called it off.

VPT · Jun 28th, 2008, 11:09 PM

Yes and I'm glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have met and married the treasure I have today! The guy I left isn't that bad a catch but he seemed to be in deep love with himself than he was with me. At that time I was about 22 yo and was totally not in the mindset for marriage - in fact I didn't want to get married till around 28-29, and he was pushing it so I left.

maddog · Jun 29th, 2008, 03:56 AM

This is gonna be long though I'll try to make it short. However, I can assure you this is entertaining!

I called mine off after a year engagement and 7 year relationship. Turned out he was unsure for almost two years before and wanted to date other people and was in love with some girl at work who he talked to all of 5 times. He said I wasn't pretty enough, wasn't "diva" enough, my pants weren't tight enough, my shoes weren't nice enough, etc., etc.

He basically proposed only to keep me around for longer so he can stall making a final decision since he knew that after so many years, I wasn't going to wait much longer. After all those hurtful things (and more), I kept him around for another half year cuz who can believe all that is real after 6.5 good years? Everyone was fooled, he was the most loving bf ever. After that last half year of turmoil, he proposed again since the first proposal was meaningless to me. He was soooo sure, I grilled him for 3 hours with questions to ensure he knew what he was asking this time and agreed on the condition that we go for premarital counselling. I also warned him months back that if he went back on his words again after a second proposal, that I would leave.

We went for counselling, only to find out at the end of the first session that he asked for counselling not for us, but for him to boost his self confidence (yes, the guy who scoffed when my friend said I can do better than him and had the audacity to try to ask me to wait for him while he dates other people thinks he needs more self confidence).

A month later, he said he never said he wanted children even though he was the one who wanted certain houses cuz they had big play areas and he knew my ideal time frame. We agreed to break up after a week cuz he wouldn't budge and I was in mourning mode for the children I would never have, and after a couple hours, he decided it's not so bad to have kids afterall. At that point, all I wanted was for him to give it a serious thought, so I took him back.

The week after, after discussing our private budgeting plans with HIS parents (!), he was unhappy because he would get 5 snowboarding trips away from home for every 6 years. Normally he goes once a year, which means he's giving up on 1 trip every 6 years on our income back then. He even tried to use our potential kids to get his way and tried to suggest that I sell my car to lower our bills! After another week of this, he came up with "I'm almost sure I want to marry you" with pleading puppy eyes and a hopeful grin. And that was it for me, he went back on his words. I stayed quiet and let him drive me home. We got to my driveway, I put the ring down, and said "yeh, I'm done".

His response: What... that's it?
I proceeded to tell him he's full of sh!t, etc., and to never talk to me again.

I think he honestly didn't mean for us to break up, but was trying to secure as much freedom and whatever he wanted for himself as he can after marriage, and he was so sure I'd never leave that he kept pushing for more things. In the end, I really just felt like he takes and takes and there was nothing more I can give. He gave me a cheque for wedding deposits I made cuz he felt so guilty.

And that is the nicer version of the story of my loser psycho ex.

VPT · Jun 29th, 2008, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by binky88

.... Its really not that big of a deal. When it doubt, get out.

This is very VERY good advice!

Most of us are too worried about coping with loneliness, or have invested too many years into the relationship and it may be too late to back out, or upsetting the guy, or in general making the wrong decision. I think it's more heartbreaking marrying the wrong guy and then finding out you have to divorce him afterwards.

Lululovebags · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:41 AM

my ex classmate had just called off her engagement a month ago. was supposed to get married in a few months time. she was cool about it when i met her for drinks one night. said that 'the best is yet to come'. i wonder what that means? she didn't really reveal what the reasons were for the split, but she seemed happier now.

LV Luvr · Jun 29th, 2008, 10:39 AM

Mine got called off 8 weeks before with all deposits placed and dress orderded and almost in. My fiancee at the time just stopped taking my calls and wouldn't talk to me and finally said no marriage. Long story short it was the best wedding gift he could have given me. I'm grateful he called it off because I found my husband now and we have been married 6 years. Can't imagine being married to my old fiancee now!

jburgh · Jun 29th, 2008, 11:54 AM

My SILs story is a little different. She caught her fiance in a compromising position with another woman at their shared apartment just one week before the wedding. She wanted to call off the wedding but her mother and sister told her not to because she should forgive him, money was spent, etc., etc. The wedding went on and she had 10 hell-filled years with this man and endured his abuse, his drug problems, week long disappearances, on and on. Thank heavens there were no children produced from this union. So, if anyone has any misgivings about their impending marriage, what binky88 says: "when it doubt, get out."

Jun 28th, 2008, 04:05 AM	#2
mjlover1977 broke Joined: Nov 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 1,187	hmmm - i this something you are planning?? __________________ my lil bag collection chloe silver silverado LV mono speedy 25 Balenciaga ink shoulder LV Amarante large cles Marc Jacobs emerald green elastic stam Chloe tan paddington Chanel black mini flap Balenciaga french blue city with GGH Prada dark brown cervo lux medium tote miu miu metallic purple small matelasse MBMJ midnight terri Marc Jacobs black quilted banana hobo Marc Jacobs black icey little stam

Jun 28th, 2008, 06:27 AM	#3
oo0ehxtahcee0oo Happily Engaged! Joined: Aug 2007 Location: The Bay, CA Posts: 3,452	This could be an interesting read.. A bit sad, emotional, but it can also be refreshing and eye opening... Shoot. It's also down right scary to read about and wonder if that will happen to me!! Don't jinx our engagement!! (now I'm all scared!!) __________________ Got free time?? Kill some time by keeping yourself entertained, updated, and get some great savings here!! I'm happily engaged [Click photo to read thread!]

Jun 28th, 2008, 03:27 PM	#6
Batel Member Joined: Jan 2008 Location: Vancouver, Wa Posts: 84	I called off my first engagement 2 weeks prior to the wedding, luckily it was a small wedding so my parents/ I were only out about $8,000 (still a lot but not as much as it could have been and some small things we could take back that hadn't been opened.) It was very stressful at first. He didn't take it well (that's a huge understatement) But I must say it was one of the best decisions I've ever made and all the stress it caused me at the time, it saved me a million times over in the years following. I just wish I would have had the guts to break it off sooner (I had wanted to break it off for a while before I did but didn't have the guts to do it) It took my mom telling me she would back me up no matter what I did for me to stand up for myself! __________________

Jun 28th, 2008, 04:01 PM	#7
harleyNemma Harley & Hermes Joined: Aug 2006 Location: The PNW Posts: 3,185	My sister called off her engagement about six weeks prior to the wedding. As she began to open up about her decision, it really became clear to all of us that she could not have made a better choice for herself & her life. Though we were out a significant amount of money - which was, in all honesty, hard to swallow, we all acknowledge that happiness in marriage is about more than a party and in order for two individuals to be happy, each one must be happy in their own right. __________________ Live Life With Passion

Jun 28th, 2008, 04:15 PM	#8
Cristina Joined: Oct 2005 Location: South Florida Posts: 11,300	A friend of mine told me a story about a friend of hers who called off her engagement after finding out her fiance was thousands of dollars in debt due to gambling. He hid it from her for the two years they dated, and she found out the evening of the bachelorette party. Both she, the fiance and their parents were of course, out of X number of thousands of dollars - but she stood by her decision due to his hiding of his gambling problem, and a few months later, they haven't reconciled. __________________ i found out recently that you are leaving, for good i hope i softly tell my ceiling it's better now to be alive, sleeping is my nine to five i'm having nightmares all the time, of running out of words that rhyme everything that you could never say, would never matter anyway i took a hammer and two nails to my eardrums long ago in case you're wondering, i'm singing about growing up about giving in

Jun 28th, 2008, 03:16 AM	#1
eckertle tPF addict Joined: Jun 2007 Location: the South Posts: 916	Has anyone called off an engagement? Please share your experiences!

Jun 28th, 2008, 02:47 PM	#4
eckertle tPF addict Joined: Jun 2007 Location: the South Posts: 916	My childhood best friend's other best friend (from college, if that makes sense) recently called off her engagement. She was terrified because her parents were going to lose all of the deposits for the wedding (~$40,000), plus she had already had an engagement party, shower, bridal tea, etc. and had to return the gifts and pay the bridesmaids for their dresses. She's now very open about what she went through and she's completely at peace with her decision, but we were discussing how everyone talks about their break-ups, but that we rarely hear of people calling off their engagements.

Jun 28th, 2008, 11:09 PM	#10
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Joined: May 2008 Location: Vanc, WA Posts: 1,818	Yes and I'm glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have met and married the treasure I have today! The guy I left isn't that bad a catch but he seemed to be in deep love with himself than he was with me. At that time I was about 22 yo and was totally not in the mindset for marriage - in fact I didn't want to get married till around 28-29, and he was pushing it so I left. __________________

Jun 29th, 2008, 03:56 AM	#11
maddog Mmmkay Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,097	This is gonna be long though I'll try to make it short. However, I can assure you this is entertaining! I called mine off after a year engagement and 7 year relationship. Turned out he was unsure for almost two years before and wanted to date other people and was in love with some girl at work who he talked to all of 5 times. He said I wasn't pretty enough, wasn't "diva" enough, my pants weren't tight enough, my shoes weren't nice enough, etc., etc. He basically proposed only to keep me around for longer so he can stall making a final decision since he knew that after so many years, I wasn't going to wait much longer. After all those hurtful things (and more), I kept him around for another half year cuz who can believe all that is real after 6.5 good years? Everyone was fooled, he was the most loving bf ever. After that last half year of turmoil, he proposed again since the first proposal was meaningless to me. He was soooo sure, I grilled him for 3 hours with questions to ensure he knew what he was asking this time and agreed on the condition that we go for premarital counselling. I also warned him months back that if he went back on his words again after a second proposal, that I would leave. We went for counselling, only to find out at the end of the first session that he asked for counselling not for us, but for him to boost his self confidence (yes, the guy who scoffed when my friend said I can do better than him and had the audacity to try to ask me to wait for him while he dates other people thinks he needs more self confidence). A month later, he said he never said he wanted children even though he was the one who wanted certain houses cuz they had big play areas and he knew my ideal time frame. We agreed to break up after a week cuz he wouldn't budge and I was in mourning mode for the children I would never have, and after a couple hours, he decided it's not so bad to have kids afterall. At that point, all I wanted was for him to give it a serious thought, so I took him back. The week after, after discussing our private budgeting plans with HIS parents (!), he was unhappy because he would get 5 snowboarding trips away from home for every 6 years. Normally he goes once a year, which means he's giving up on 1 trip every 6 years on our income back then. He even tried to use our potential kids to get his way and tried to suggest that I sell my car to lower our bills! After another week of this, he came up with "I'm almost sure I want to marry you" with pleading puppy eyes and a hopeful grin. And that was it for me, he went back on his words. I stayed quiet and let him drive me home. We got to my driveway, I put the ring down, and said "yeh, I'm done". His response: What... that's it? I proceeded to tell him he's full of sh!t, etc., and to never talk to me again. I think he honestly didn't mean for us to break up, but was trying to secure as much freedom and whatever he wanted for himself as he can after marriage, and he was so sure I'd never leave that he kept pushing for more things. In the end, I really just felt like he takes and takes and there was nothing more I can give. He gave me a cheque for wedding deposits I made cuz he felt so guilty. And that is the nicer version of the story of my loser psycho ex.

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:41 AM	#13
Lululovebags LV + Tiffany = LOVE Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Earth Posts: 2,337	my ex classmate had just called off her engagement a month ago. was supposed to get married in a few months time. she was cool about it when i met her for drinks one night. said that 'the best is yet to come'. i wonder what that means? she didn't really reveal what the reasons were for the split, but she seemed happier now. __________________

Jun 29th, 2008, 10:39 AM	#14
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,389	Mine got called off 8 weeks before with all deposits placed and dress orderded and almost in. My fiancee at the time just stopped taking my calls and wouldn't talk to me and finally said no marriage. Long story short it was the best wedding gift he could have given me. I'm grateful he called it off because I found my husband now and we have been married 6 years. Can't imagine being married to my old fiancee now! __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Something Red Epi! Gucci Black Tote Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Juicy Earrings - Got it! Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Dior Hoop Earrings Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!

Jun 29th, 2008, 11:54 AM	#15
jburgh Corgis Rule! Joined: Aug 2007 Location: WA Posts: 3,169	My SILs story is a little different. She caught her fiance in a compromising position with another woman at their shared apartment just one week before the wedding. She wanted to call off the wedding but her mother and sister told her not to because she should forgive him, money was spent, etc., etc. The wedding went on and she had 10 hell-filled years with this man and endured his abuse, his drug problems, week long disappearances, on and on. Thank heavens there were no children produced from this union. So, if anyone has any misgivings about their impending marriage, what binky88 says: "when it doubt, get out." __________________ Help Homeless Corgis - Support CorgiAid!