Calling off engagement?

Batel · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:15 PM

Adding to what I posted earlier since people are sharing why they left.

He had told me before in our relationship that he was sexually abused by his father and older brother as a child. I felt horrible about this for him but was glad to see that he seemed to have become a wonderful man (I say seemed) and hadn't let this ruin his life.

A few weeks before the wedding we were talking about plans for children and how they would be raised. He confessed to me that he had enjoyed what his father and brother had done, he had also done it to his little brothers and that he would do it to his children. He was so warped that he thought it was ok and right. I was disgusted I couldn't even look at him I was devastated.

Now I'm just glad he told me these things rather then keeping them inside and us having children together...

And then he was shocked when I called off the wedding!

sweetneet · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:19 PM

a cousin of mine called off her engagement several years ago. i think she found out that he had a drinking problem (and so did the rest of his family) that he had not been up front about. she never reconciled with him, and she has no regrets about not marrying him.

i also have three diff. friends who got married and got divorced less than a year later. i think that looking back on it, all three of them would have rather called the wedding off right before the wedding, than having to deal with a messy divorce. none of them had kids but still from what i was hear, it was not fun to deal with.

maddog · Jun 29th, 2008, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batel

A few weeks before the wedding we were talking about plans for children and how they would be raised. He confessed to me that he had enjoyed what his father and brother had done, he had also done it to his little brothers and that he would do it to his children. He was so warped that he thought it was ok and right. I was disgusted I couldn't even look at him I was devastated.

Now I'm just glad he told me these things rather then keeping them inside and us having children together...

And then he was shocked when I called off the wedding!

OMG!

That man needs a lot of help. I'm so sorry you had to hear such things from a man you loved who seemed fine.

It's crazy what lurks in the brains of people you're closest to.

Batel · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddog

OMG!

That man needs a lot of help. I'm so sorry you had to hear such things from a man you loved who seemed fine.

It's crazy what lurks in the brains of people you're closest to.

Thank you, I couldn't believe it either, I've had a hard time getting over it (trusting guys to tell me important things like that) and it's been several years.

I had started to feel there was something off, and then he told me that.

That's why I completely believe in going with your gut "when in doubt, don't!" or at least ask a lot more questions!!

VPT · Jun 29th, 2008, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batel

Adding to what I posted earlier since people are sharing why they left.

He had told me before in our relationship that he was sexually abused by his father and older brother as a child. I felt horrible about this for him but was glad to see that he seemed to have become a wonderful man (I say seemed) and hadn't let this ruin his life.

A few weeks before the wedding we were talking about plans for children and how they would be raised. He confessed to me that he had enjoyed what his father and brother had done, he had also done it to his little brothers and that he would do it to his children. He was so warped that he thought it was ok and right. I was disgusted I couldn't even look at him I was devastated.

Now I'm just glad he told me these things rather then keeping them inside and us having children together...

And then he was shocked when I called off the wedding!

Geeez what a close shave!

ImASadGiraffe · Jun 29th, 2008, 08:15 PM

One of my friends just called off her engagement after finding out that her fiance was cheating on her with many women, looking at child pornography, using her credit card to book hotel rooms to sleep with other women, and abusing prescription drugs. She lost about $15,000 due to her putting up a down payment on a house they shared (but only his name was on the loan/deed), and paying his bills. Needless to say she is crushed but is happy she didn't marry the guy.

Jun 29th, 2008, 02:15 PM	#16
Batel Member Location: Vancouver, Wa	Adding to what I posted earlier since people are sharing why they left. He had told me before in our relationship that he was sexually abused by his father and older brother as a child. I felt horrible about this for him but was glad to see that he seemed to have become a wonderful man (I say seemed) and hadn't let this ruin his life. A few weeks before the wedding we were talking about plans for children and how they would be raised. He confessed to me that he had enjoyed what his father and brother had done, he had also done it to his little brothers and that he would do it to his children. He was so warped that he thought it was ok and right. I was disgusted I couldn't even look at him I was devastated. Now I'm just glad he told me these things rather then keeping them inside and us having children together... And then he was shocked when I called off the wedding! __________________

Jun 29th, 2008, 02:19 PM	#17
sweetneet オタク Location: at IKEA ♫	a cousin of mine called off her engagement several years ago. i think she found out that he had a drinking problem (and so did the rest of his family) that he had not been up front about. she never reconciled with him, and she has no regrets about not marrying him. i also have three diff. friends who got married and got divorced less than a year later. i think that looking back on it, all three of them would have rather called the wedding off right before the wedding, than having to deal with a messy divorce. none of them had kids but still from what i was hear, it was not fun to deal with. __________________ come check out my new purse closet!

Jun 29th, 2008, 08:15 PM	#21
ImASadGiraffe Relax... Location: IL	One of my friends just called off her engagement after finding out that her fiance was cheating on her with many women, looking at child pornography, using her credit card to book hotel rooms to sleep with other women, and abusing prescription drugs. She lost about $15,000 due to her putting up a down payment on a house they shared (but only his name was on the loan/deed), and paying his bills. Needless to say she is crushed but is happy she didn't marry the guy. __________________