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HauteMama · Oct 14th, 2009, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by GirlFriday

Like others have said, the butterflies fade, but there's still a warm, loving feeling.

Butterflies are another form of anxiety, and while they're nice, to be in that state for the rest of your life would take a toll. I don't want to have butterflies forever. I agree with merika.

I agree with this, and I agree with Merika. "Butterflies" are a form of anxiety and insecurity, and that is why they are so common in new relationships. People get them because they don't know what to expect. After a person has been in a relationship for many years they generally don't get butterflies very much because they are secure. To me, that's a GOOD thing.

Sadly, people who get divorced and remarried many times often (not always!

) are seeking the butterfly feeling. They lose that feeling when they become secure and comfortable in a relationship, and then they abandon that relationship to find those "highs" of infatuation again. Constantly seeking out butterflies is dangerous, IMO, and the antithesis of a long-term, secure relationship.

NLVOEWITHLV · Oct 14th, 2009, 03:01 PM

^^^ I think butterflies are a sign of anxiety... or like fear of the unknown. When DH buys me a beautiful dress and says get ready put this on I'll be back for you at 6, I have butterflies like what? where are we going? But I dont understand the insecurity part... care to shed some light?

merika · Oct 14th, 2009, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

^^^ I think butterflies are a sign of anxiety... or like fear of the unknown. When DH buys me a beautiful dress and says get ready put this on I'll be back for you at 6, I have butterflies like what? where are we going? But I dont understand the insecurity part... care to shed some light?

Your butterflies are good butterflies, lol. They are just excitement and curiosity. Most people's excitement and curiosity butterflies on such occasion are also mixed up with other butterflies which indeed come from fear of the unknown, like "Will he think I look terrible in this dress?", "Will I really fit in with the crowd at where he's taking me to?", "Am I really going to enjoy this evening, or will I not be comfortable and spoil his plans?"...

NLVOEWITHLV · Oct 14th, 2009, 03:21 PM

HMMM... I see hence the insecurity clause. Thanks! It's interesting to hear about other peoples butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings.

Jahpson · Oct 14th, 2009, 03:29 PM

I would like to know too.

I was having a conversation with my "friend's" grandmother who has been married to her husband for over 50 years and she said that dating and marriage are two different things. So how you are when your dating is different to how things are when you are married

that advice alone is enough to halt a quicky wedding! lol

zoeyjoey · Oct 14th, 2009, 03:51 PM

My butterflies are more like how you feel when you ride a roller coaster or you hit your number in roulette

. They are happy (not anxious or insecure) butterflies, lol. Of course, YMMV.

Here is a link to an article that I read a while back that deals with this issue:

http://www.sciencenews.org/view/gene...ll_these_years

CCfor C · Oct 14th, 2009, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by merika

Can I step a little bit out of line and say I don't like the butterfly feeling? This is not to take away from anyone else's butterfly feelings but mine were always combined with feelings of excitement and happy agitation, and frankly I don't like to be excited and happily agitated all the time. I like to be calm.

I like the feeling of warmth and comfort way more than my butterflies. Bit like flames burning out and settling into warm glowing coals in the fireplace.

I agree...it would be exhausting to feel that way ALL the time!!

CCfor C · Oct 14th, 2009, 04:42 PM

Originally Posted by HauteMama

I agree with this, and I agree with Merika. "Butterflies" are a form of anxiety and insecurity, and that is why they are so common in new relationships. People get them because they don't know what to expect. After a person has been in a relationship for many years they generally don't get butterflies very much because they are secure. To me, that's a GOOD thing.

Sadly, people who get divorced and remarried many times often (not always!

) are seeking the butterfly feeling. They lose that feeling when they become secure and comfortable in a relationship, and then they abandon that relationship to find those "highs" of infatuation again. Constantly seeking out butterflies is dangerous, IMO, and the antithesis of a long-term, secure relationship.

Oh, how true! And yes, I agree that there are good/bad butterfly feelings. I'm not a fan of the "anxious" kind, but enjoy the occasional "heart going pitty-pat" !

NLVOEWITHLV · Oct 14th, 2009, 05:16 PM

I dont know this all depends on the couple. My parents (ages 65 and 69) have like their own "secret" codes that they write in cards etc that look like scribble scrable to us "kids" but to them it has some sort of special meaning, Daddy always kisses mom upon leaving and returning, they still go riding in the convertible cadillac with the top down to some romantic weekend getaway, they still have "date" nights, they HATE to be apart for long, they are SUPER lovey dovey, mom acts like a school girl when he surprises her with anything no matter how big or small... I'm 24 and I have NEVER heard them argue or raise their voices in anger, they have been married 45 or 46 years as of January 2010. So based on what I'm familiar with I dont think it changes... I hope my marriage is that strong in 40 years...

Originally Posted by Jahpson

I would like to know too.

I was having a conversation with my "friend's" grandmother who has been married to her husband for over 50 years and she said that dating and marriage are two different things. So how you are when your dating is different to how things are when you are married

that advice alone is enough to halt a quicky wedding! lol

bagnshoofetish · Oct 14th, 2009, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

I dont know this all depends on the couple. My parents (ages 65 and 69) have like their own "secret" codes that they write in cards etc that look like scribble scrable to us "kids" but to them it has some sort of special meaning, Daddy always kisses mom upon leaving and returning, they still go riding in the convertible cadillac with the top down to some romantic weekend getaway, they still have "date" nights, they HATE to be apart for long, they are SUPER lovey dovey, mom acts like a school girl when he surprises her with anything no matter how big or small... I'm 24 and I have NEVER heard them argue or raise their voices in anger, they have been married 45 or 46 years as of January 2010. So based on what I'm familiar with I dont think it changes... I hope my marriage is that strong in 40 years...

only time will tell but I really don't think you have anything to worry about. DH and I still "date" and do many fun things together, are still very romantic, do special things for each other and surprise each other...right now we are about to do one of our favorite things together, nap and cuddle!

turboflgrl · Oct 14th, 2009, 10:13 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years now and I can say that the "butterflies" aren't there, but as others have said, the warm fuzzy feeling is always there. I actually prefer it anyway.

**EDIT**

LOVE what HauteMama said. She's totally spot on as usual

la miss · Oct 15th, 2009, 10:08 AM

Yes, I still get butterflies... when he kisses me or sometimes when I catch a glimpse of him from across a room...

Jeneen · Oct 15th, 2009, 12:30 PM

Though I am still young, I lost a lot of my innocence and hope about love and butterflies because of bad experiences in relationships, so when I met dbf, I had no butterflies. He was nice, caring, attractive, suprised me with flowers, we had great chemistry, but I still felt no butterflies. I felt accepted, secure, LOVED... which has grown into that warm glowy feeling I have now whenever I think about him - he's my mate and my partner and we're in it for the long haul.

Jahpson · Oct 15th, 2009, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

I dont know this all depends on the couple. My parents (ages 65 and 69) have like their own "secret" codes that they write in cards etc that look like scribble scrable to us "kids" but to them it has some sort of special meaning, Daddy always kisses mom upon leaving and returning, they still go riding in the convertible cadillac with the top down to some romantic weekend getaway, they still have "date" nights, they HATE to be apart for long, they are SUPER lovey dovey, mom acts like a school girl when he surprises her with anything no matter how big or small... I'm 24 and I have NEVER heard them argue or raise their voices in anger, they have been married 45 or 46 years as of January 2010. So based on what I'm familiar with I dont think it changes... I hope my marriage is that strong in 40 years...

awwww

mrsklem14 · Oct 15th, 2009, 04:08 PM

I've been with my guy for 5 years, and seriously, my heart beats 10000 times a minute when he walks into a room. Also, he rides a motorcycle so when I hear him coming down the road I run outside and wait for my huge hug that we always give each other. : )

Oct 14th, 2009, 03:01 PM	#32
NLVOEWITHLV OP Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: Houston Posts: 742	^^^ I think butterflies are a sign of anxiety... or like fear of the unknown. When DH buys me a beautiful dress and says get ready put this on I'll be back for you at 6, I have butterflies like what? where are we going? But I dont understand the insecurity part... care to shed some light?
	__________________ "Marriage is like a roller coaster- at first you have butterflies or may be scared, at times you may wonder what you've gotten yourself into and if you can handle it, but once the ride begins its amazing and you would DEFINITELY do it all over again!!!!"

Oct 14th, 2009, 03:21 PM	#34
NLVOEWITHLV OP Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: Houston Posts: 742	HMMM... I see hence the insecurity clause. Thanks! It's interesting to hear about other peoples butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings.
	__________________ "Marriage is like a roller coaster- at first you have butterflies or may be scared, at times you may wonder what you've gotten yourself into and if you can handle it, but once the ride begins its amazing and you would DEFINITELY do it all over again!!!!"

Oct 14th, 2009, 03:29 PM	#35
Jahpson Member Joined: Aug 2007 Location: The Playground Posts: 22,431	I would like to know too. I was having a conversation with my "friend's" grandmother who has been married to her husband for over 50 years and she said that dating and marriage are two different things. So how you are when your dating is different to how things are when you are married that advice alone is enough to halt a quicky wedding! lol
	__________________ Michael Joseph Jackson 1958-2009

Oct 14th, 2009, 10:13 PM	#41
turboflgrl Sofa King Addicted Joined: Jun 2008 Location: The Beach! Posts: 448	My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years now and I can say that the "butterflies" aren't there, but as others have said, the warm fuzzy feeling is always there. I actually prefer it anyway. EDIT LOVE what HauteMama said. She's totally spot on as usual
	__________________ ~Ashley~ "Unbanned and ready..." Wish List: Christian Louboutin Black Pigalle LV Ebony Damier Speedy 30 Hermes Cartouche Bracelet Love Quotes Scarves Last edited by turboflgrl; Oct 14th, 2009 at 10:24 PM.

Oct 15th, 2009, 10:08 AM	#42
la miss parigote Joined: May 2007 Posts: 3,278	Yes, I still get butterflies... when he kisses me or sometimes when I catch a glimpse of him from across a room...
la miss parigote Joined: May 2007 Posts: 3,278	__________________ Dammit, I said good day! Follow me on Twitter

Oct 14th, 2009, 03:51 PM	#36
zoeyjoey Member Joined: Jun 2009 Location: East Coast Posts: 255	My butterflies are more like how you feel when you ride a roller coaster or you hit your number in roulette . They are happy (not anxious or insecure) butterflies, lol. Of course, YMMV. Here is a link to an article that I read a while back that deals with this issue: http://www.sciencenews.org/view/gene...ll_these_years

Oct 15th, 2009, 12:30 PM	#43
Jeneen Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: up in the gym workin on my fitness Posts: 2,756	Though I am still young, I lost a lot of my innocence and hope about love and butterflies because of bad experiences in relationships, so when I met dbf, I had no butterflies. He was nice, caring, attractive, suprised me with flowers, we had great chemistry, but I still felt no butterflies. I felt accepted, secure, LOVED... which has grown into that warm glowy feeling I have now whenever I think about him - he's my mate and my partner and we're in it for the long haul.
	__________________ *Jeneen* Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you. - dbf's fortune cookie

Oct 15th, 2009, 04:08 PM	#45
mrsklem14 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,252	I've been with my guy for 5 years, and seriously, my heart beats 10000 times a minute when he walks into a room. Also, he rides a motorcycle so when I hear him coming down the road I run outside and wait for my huge hug that we always give each other. : )
mrsklem14 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,252	__________________ I will never forget you. Ever. Scruffina Rose<3 Let God's promises shine on your problems.

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