Brother-in-law moved in....DRAMA!

[Crystalina]

Ok, I know A LOT of what I'm going to say is awfully bit_ _ y, but I need a place to vent and I don't think I can vent to hubby just yet.

Some of you may remember a few months back that my BIL was thinking about leaving Europe to come live with us in Vancouver. Well, he changed his mind and decided not to, so I was off the hook for a few months. Fast forward to Friday (just 4 days ago) and he showed up.

His premise for leaving Europe was a.) he broke up with the woman he was dating and just couldn't bear to stay there, so he came to Vancouver to start a new life, and b.) my mother-in-law (his mother) didn't like said girlfriend and he was sick of fighting with his mother about her. What a baby! But yeah, that's his reasoning.

The plan was that he would go to an interview on Monday (one my hubby set up for him at his company), so that BIL can start earning money to be out of our place within 2 months or less.

Ok, so he is here for only two nights, when, on Sunday night, he has a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK in our hallway at midnight. He gets rushed to the ER where they proceed to find two arteries, one is completely blocked, the other is almost completely blocked. So they do a surgery, and put something in his artery to open it up. They then keep in the hospital for monday and tuesday, and he's supposed to get out tomorrow (wed). He is going to be on four medications for the rest of his life----these are EXPENSIVE cardiac prescriptions.

Here's the kicker.................................

1. He is not covered here in Canada. He has not been paying his health card while he was away living in Eurpoe and therefore doesn't even have Canadian coverage for the surgery.

2. B/c he has no basic medical, he has no extended Canadian medical either, which means he has no prescription coverage.

3. He's back together with the girl, chatting with her on the phone from the hospital room.

4. The doc tells him he can't go back to work for about six weeks or so. This means no work for a month and a half, then the 2/3 week wait period for first paycheck....then more time to save up to move out....not to mention paying back medical costs....

I SEE NO END TO THIS.

I know it's not hubby's fault and BIL didn't plan on this happening either....but I am totally annoyed.

Hubby and I have a very small condo---not sure exactly but maybe 850 sq feet. I can't walk around and be comfy.....there is one main room, kitchen, one bedroom, a den (which BIL is using as a bedroom which is right off main room) and two bathrooms (thank God for small favors!)

I just can't see this. Oh, BTW, I was laid off from my job on July 27, so we are all living on hubby's salary alone.

I am so stressed---I know it's selfish and while it's true that my BIL could have died and his health is more important than $, money IS a factor here and I personally think HE is selfish for making such an unnecessary, arbitrary and stupid move.

Oh, and sidenote: BIL is 44 years old.

HELP!

Advice and comments please!

[Necromancer]

I understand you're stressed, and that's never fun, but your BIL did have a heart attack, so it's probably best to suck it up and do the best you can for as long as it takes. To be honest, I'd rather be in your shoes than his.
BTW, can your BIL get generic heart medications? If so, they're cheaper.

[ZippyWho]

Agree with the Necro, suck it up n do the best.

[jennalovesbags]

Once he's healthy, I would set a time limit for him being there. Obviously don't kick him while he's down, but he is a grown man. It will definitely put stress on you and your DH being there and could be unhealthy for your relationship. Best of luck!

[buttercup784eve]

I'm hope this makes you feel better, but your thread is like a breath of fresh air. It's one of the only problems on this forum that you didn't bring on yourself! WTG!!

That being said...
I have no answers for you. Your situation bites the big one in every way. I mean, you don't even have the luxury of feeling pissed off at the whole thing without guilt! So if I were you, I would get those feelings out. Write a letter or go in a room and yell at BIL(not in a room where he is...haha). Tell him you wish he'd have dropped dead! Tell him that you feel worse about the situation your in right now then about him. Allow yourself to have those feelings just for a few minutes. Then laugh about how horrible you are and go take care of his bedpans!

And remember...
this too shall pass.

[Charles]

Yeah, it does sound bitchy.

The guy had a heart attack! He could have died
He broke up with his gf
He doesn't have a job and probably doesn't enjoy relying on others to live

He's probably at one of the lowest points in his life...yet you're whining about him staying with you. Really?

[L4F4]

Terrible situation because you don't have the space or money to support someone else without making a huge sacrifice. Can't he get a loan? What about his mother helping with the bills, or the girlfriend who is now back with him and had something to do with what happened? Yes he had a heart attack and everyone is going to say you should be compassionate and help him, but you're dealing with your own issues having lost your job. Space is extremely important to me, so I understand being mortified about having someone 24/7 in your space. That would bother me more than anything else.

[one fifty]

is there something like charity care in Canada? there are social programs to help seriously ill people like him even in the USA and I imagine more in Canada?

a heart attack at that age is pretty serious and I'd just suck it up, no matter how "annoyed" a relative might be something big like that.....just think he could've died or what if it was your DH who had the heart attack?

[dallas]

I agree with Charles. OP, you sound very harsh, when at the moment this poor family member is in need of compassion.

[juneping]

i actually feel bad for the OP. it sucks to be in her position but i don't think not caring for the BIL is an option.

[buttercup784eve]

^^ I agree! I don't think OP plans on kicking BIL out or anything. I don't think her feelings are harsh at all. She wouldn't be a human being if she didn't feel some resentment for the situation she's been put in.

It's nobody's fault, and OP's gonna have to deal with this for awhile. Let the girl vent here!

[canadianstudies]

I sympathize, OP, though I don't have any advice. As soon as he's a bit better, I would ship him back off to his parents.

[PrettyInPink]

I agree with Charles as well! Seriously... this is probably the lowest point in this man's life and you're worried about how long he's going to stay with you? He didn't ask for this... nor did he see it coming. Suck it up until the guy gets his health back at least!

[dallas]

Originally Posted by buttercup784eve

^^ I agree! I don't think OP plans on kicking BIL out or anything. I don't think her feelings are harsh at all. She wouldn't be a human being if she didn't feel some resentment for the situation she's been put in. It's nobody's fault, and OP's gonna have to deal with this for awhile. Let the girl vent here!

Sure she can vent but she also asked for advice and comments and that is exactly what she is getting.

[BTBF]

I am sorry but your BIL sounds like a loser to me. What kind of grown man at 44 have no savings? Moving from one place to another...makes him sounds irresponsible and that he is running away from his problem. And maybe his lifestyle is what led him to have the heart attack at 44?

And I agree with others, you just have to suck it up. You are in a "lose lose" situation here, if you do something or say something that is not "music to his ears"...you will be the mean one. If you don't say anything, it will eat you up inside. Since you just got LO, maybe you should take a vacation? This way, you don't have to "serve" him when he is resting at your place, you don't have to see him, deal with him, everyday.

I think he knows he has a heart condition and him moving to Canada, so that he can rely on you and your husband.

Take a vacation.