Brother-in-law moved in....DRAMA!

[cutiepie21]

I feel bad for the OP. None of this was her choice, and it's an all-over bad situation for everyone involved because of the seriousness of the heart attack. It really reinforces the importance of who you marry, because you don't just marry the person, you marry his family, too.

[ami kio]

Originally Posted by L4F4

I also don't understand the obsession with age. Who cares if he's 24 or 44? Who are we to dictate what a person should or shouldn't be like at 44 or any age? Most likely there's someone who thinks you (anyone) are a loser too because you don't fit into their idea for someone your age.

Well, frankly, I would also hope that a 24yr old wouldn't be so stupid either, but reading horror stories on this board have taught me that this is too frequently not the case.

In general, society tends to give "young" people a pass on being irresponsible "because they're too young to know any better", but that leeway goes away as you get older since "you're old enough to know better." In order for society to function, there needs to be some expectation of personal responsibility at some point, or else it's just chaos. While the definition of "young" has been pushed out more and more, 44yrs old is clearly old enough to be "old" (i.e. should know better).

There's a difference between not fitting superficial societal expectations (e.g. pink hair at age 64) and failing to fulfill responsibilities. The OP's BiL is definitely doing the latter. If you believe that fulfilling personal responsibilities is a ridiculous expectation of anyone over age ~16*, well, we'll just have to agree to disagree.

*Note that "personal responsibilities" vary with age and situation. A 16yr old might be expected to keep his/her grades up; a 30yr old might be expected to be able to pay his/her own expenses.

[ZippyWho]

ami kio, you make very good points.* Chrystalina, after these details surface, I feel sorry for you.* I wish you could get out of that situation.* Hopefully BIL gets well soon and leech off someone instead or hope he takes more reponsibilty soon.

[Hirondelle]

I feel your pain, rant away. I really hope that you won't be responsible for the bills. Depending of the hospital it could be anywhere from $5.000-7.000/day + Dr's honoraries. I really don't want to scare you but pay attention what you guys are signing for when he'll be out of the hospital.
And no, I"m not cruel - I also feel for the poor guy but the OP should be aware and on top of the situation. Good luck and stay strong.

[Crystalina]

Thank you everyone for listening to my rant and just letting me vent. As many of you have pointed out, this was not my choice and it's a bad situation to be in, but I'm going to try to make the best of it.

Today I picked up BIL at the hospital for discharge. I didn't sign anything at all---I don't want to be legally respobsible for him or his debt. As I've mentioned before, I was laid off at the end of July and we had a lot of financial stress before he showed up, so heaven knows we don't need any more. I've been doing a little tutoring (used to be a teacher), so that helps but it's not much. Anyway....

I picked BIL up at 11:30 AM, per his request, and then he asked if I would sit around and chat with him b/c he was waiting. I didn't ask what he was waiting for, I guess I assumed it would be for the nurse or doctor. After about 20 mins I asked when the doctor was coming and he said, ''He's not, they serve lunch at noon and it's free!'' I wanted to hit him. Seriously.

Then as we leave the hopsital, he makes an inappropriate comment about a poor guy in the hospital hallway wearing a gown and a helmet (probably a patient that has seizures and needs head protection) and then another one about a slender blonde woman (comment was sexual in nature). It's just classless and ridiculous.

In the car I explained that I would be making chicken tonight (baked, not fried) with mash potatoes and salad as his heart book says those are good meal choices for him. He then comments that he'd rather go back to the hospital for dinner, as they are serving ginger chicken. At that point, I'm honsetly wondering where this guy came from and if my mother in law slept with the milkman. Seriously.

During dinner, DH puts in a movie but I guess the sound wasn't turned up enough for BIL to hear comfortably. So he says, ''Sorry guys but I didn't take lip reading classes.'' I just turned to him and said, ''If you can't hear the movie, you can just ask me to please turn it up.''

Trust me, my MIL is about to receive a cardboard box with holes in the mail!!!!!

[dallas]

Good grief, does he ever show any bloody gratitude?

And if he'd have told me he would rather go back to the hospital for dinner, I would have turned into his fairy Godmutha and made his wish come true.

[Firefly32]

Originally Posted by charles

yeah, it does sound bitchy. The guy had a heart attack! He could have died he broke up with his gf he doesn't have a job and probably doesn't enjoy relying on others to live he's probably at one of the lowest points in his life...yet you're whining about him staying with you. Really?

ditto

[Crystalina]

Originally Posted by Firefly32

ditto

I think you need to read the whole thread.

And if you still want to judge me, then I can just send him to come live with you and we'll see if you still feel the same way.

[dallas]

Originally Posted by Firefly32

ditto

Have you read the latest post from the OP? I thought she was being harsh at first too but boy was I wrong.

[caxe]

Originally Posted by Crystalina

I guess I'm just pissed that he left his wife (my sister in law) to go be with the floozie he just broke up with. Now that things are bad and he needs his wife to wipe his ass, she's nowhere to be found!!! And now DH and I are stuck. My BIL left behind an 11 and 14 year old daughters in the process. I can't respect him and know what? I do wish he had died.

*faint*

[MissVirgo]

Crystalina you have far more patience that I would have. He sounds like one of those people that you give an inch and they take a mile. My father's side of the family was like that when we were growing up. Once we became adults, my sister and I put a stop to it real quick. My parents were always too nice to say anything. Plus they believed that family is family and we need to help. Bulls**t! We let the leechers no that it was no longer accepted and guess what? It stopped. Yes they think that my sister and I are Satan himself, but who cares. Their only pissed because the freeloading came to a stop. This isn't about having compassion, it's about putting a stop to unacceptable behavior.

[eep!]

Im not going to sit here and judge on whether or not your opinion is right or wrong mainly because that is not helping the situation at all. But I will give you an unbias opinion. :)

BIL is a burden on you, yes. And its clear you cannot stand merely the sight of him. However your DH (I still dont know what that stands for however Im assuming its not a "huntingtin gene" lol) did agree to allow your BIL to stay there. Im sure your DH is feeling the pressure too. And although BIL may be this rude, irresponsible, annoying man, he IS family and your DH is not going to turn him away if he doesnt have to. Lets not sugarcoat things hun - you ARE stuck in this situation. So the best thing to do is make light of it and make it the best you can because if he has no other place to go, then he will be with you for a while. All the emotions and all the negativity is just going to add to your stress levels. So sit down, take a breather and THINK of how you can make this situation better instead of worse.

Situations are only bad if you perceive them to be. You can choose to be homeless and be the most miserable person on earth because of your losses. Or you can choose to be happy because you are thankful you have your health and you are alive. So dont take the good things you do have for granted. Think of it this way. You have a place to live, you have a roof over your head, you have food on the table. Everything is going to be okay. :) Helping to support another body for a couple of months may be a strain on your financial situation. But think of how much of a favor you will be doing to your DH. By just putting a smile on your face, even if you dont want to. He will love you for it. This is just another obsticle thats not going to matter in a year from now, right? So why stress? At the end of 2 months everything will be okay. Focus on yourself and your own goals in the meantime.

[Dawn]

wow c, i'm so sorry. i'm glad your BIL survived the heart attack and will be okay. however, it seems that he has has not learned a damn thing, even after a near-death experience!

i hope he gets his life together.

you may have already explained this, but why isn't he living with your MIL?

[NIUiceprincess]

Hi, I read through all the responses and from what I can see this guy brought it upon himself (by drinking and smoking)...i mean come on if you know you are not the healthiest person int he world also you would at least be responsible enough to keep paying towards the care card, so should stuff happen you are covered....oh well.

I agree that your feelings are valid and it's natural to freak out because you yourself are unemployed so both of you will be relying on your DH's income. however what's done is done, he's there now...so i think just do "your part" and let him stay with you for the SHORT TERM (maybe 3 months), then you guys are helping him with the job thing to (even though you shouldn't have to), so he cant blame anyone that "he can't get an interview"...and after that...when he's fully recovered he should be out or at least making arrangements to stay elsewhere.

Taking him in now while he's recovering is a pain but at least if you do it, you save yourself drama later with DH and maybe the rest of his/your family, at least you can say you did your part and it's not in your conscience that you turned your back on family.

Also be careful what you sign, don't want to be responsible for any of his medical debts...maybe help pay for his meds or something but not the hospital debt!!!

DH has to remember that his bro is not you guys' kid or anything so...when he's physically able, he should be gone.

[Crystalina]

Sorry, need to vent AGAIN.

Came home today from my job hunt to find that my brother in law took it upon himself to HANG ARTWORK in our den wherever he could find empty space! I had four pretty tacky prints and things that my MIL had given us. My DH and I both thought they were too guady, so they went in our storage closet. Well, I was gone for about 4 hours, and when I came home, I found that gaudy CRAPOLA was now hanging on our walls.

I AM FUMING.