Brother-in-law moved in....DRAMA!

[Crystalina]

Originally Posted by Charles

Ok, now that I was given more of the story, I can see where you're a bit peeved. Still, wishing the guy died is a bit much. So help me understand Canada's health care. I thought it was free? Why can't he set up a payment plan? I see no reason why you guys would be stuck with the bill.

It's a common misconception that Canadian healthcare is free. I was born and raised in the USA, but moved here about 3 years ago when I got married. Anyway, you get medical care through your province. In order to be covered, you pay a fee each month so that your ''Care Card'' covers you. In BC, it's about $45 per person per month. That way when I get sick, I go to the doctor, and they put my care card number in (looks like a credit card) and that gives me coverage. We won't be stuck with the surgery bill, but again, unless you are on welfare (which he's not at this point), meds are not subsidized. He can sign up for welfare but since he's been out of the country for so long, there's a waiting period before he can access benefits.

*sigh*

Oh, he didn't come home today either! His heart rhythms are all messed up and out of whack so they are keeping him til tomorrow afternoon. If it's better, he comes home, if not, he stays.

[shockboogie]

If I were you, I'd kick him out. I have no tolerance for irresponsible people. And as one post mentioned, his heart attack doesn't make him a "lovable" guy". It would've been different if he was responsible and respectful all along then became disabled and needed help. But given the circumstance - kick him out. I'm very close to my family and understand that family members helps each other especially when in need, but this seems like he has always taken advantage of this and geez... he's 44! He needs to fend for himself and not rely on your DH or you to "help" him out.

Call me heartless but hey... you don't deserve to deal with his crap.

[L4F4]

How do you (anyone here) know he's irresponsible? Based on one biased side of the story? That's hardly enough information to make that kind of judgment. I also don't understand the obsession with age. Who cares if he's 24 or 44? Who are we to dictate what a person should or shouldn't be like at 44 or any age? Most likely there's someone who thinks you (anyone) are a loser too because you don't fit into their idea for someone your age.

[ms-whitney]

^people don't act their age and while sometimes it can be a good thing (feels young for her age)

in this case I think the OP is fuming over the fact that he is irresponsible, therefore not acting like a man who by now, at 44, should know better, then maybe someone whose 24 and doesn't have as much years to practice and learn from..

reading OPs original post, the BIL Had planned to move to vancover and THEN decided no thanks, and I may be reading it wrong, maybe he did give some sort of short notice but it seems after deciding and going against moving to vancover all of a sudden he shows up unannounced.

cos he's broken up with his gf of the moment..while leaving his wife and two kids unattended (does this not affect his kids or could it be he was too selfish to consider their state of well being being so far away from them)

then he goes and have a heart attack. unfortunate yes. but let's face it, for men there are tell tale signs. my dad barely had one artery completely blocked (just 80%) and he already experienced shortness of breathe, chest pains and because of that he went to the doctor, took tests and had a stint placed before it could go any further

yea the BIL had not paid for health care coverage in Europe so not keeping up with that may be why he didn't see the doctors, why he didn't take the tests and why he got as far as he did with the completely blocked artery and one almost blocked artery.

that to me, is irresponsible.

and if he does not volunteer to help shoulder the costs and formulate a payment plan..maybe the OP husband wants to pay for it or maybe Canada will pick up the bill once he's been there long enough..but if he doesn't make the sincere offer to pay back then that is a true and through worthless bloodsucking mooch.

[Roo]

Originally Posted by L4F4

How do you (anyone here) know he's irresponsible? Based on one biased side of the story? That's hardly enough information to make that kind of judgment. I also don't understand the obsession with age. Who cares if he's 24 or 44? Who are we to dictate what a person should or shouldn't be like at 44 or any age? Most likely there's someone who thinks you (anyone) are a loser too because you don't fit into their idea for someone your age.

If you read the OP's account of the BIL, you can see that by most reasonable standards this guy is not the most responsible adult out there..... it has nothing to do with any pre-conceived notions about age.

[Vinyl]

Originally Posted by L4F4

How do you (anyone here) know he's irresponsible? Based on one biased side of the story? That's hardly enough information to make that kind of judgment. I also don't understand the obsession with age. Who cares if he's 24 or 44? Who are we to dictate what a person should or shouldn't be like at 44 or any age? Most likely there's someone who thinks you (anyone) are a loser too because you don't fit into their idea for someone your age.

Did you even read ALL of the OP's posts before you replied? Do you approve of a man, regardless of age, ditching his own family to be with his floozy girlfriend & living an obviously unhealthy lifestyle that probably led to this situation?

[omgsweet]

So everyone who has a heart attack leads an unhealthly lifestyle and is irresponsible? My best friend's father died in his 40's from a heart attack and he was a runner. He did not notice the early symptoms. He had high GOOD cholesteral. It was genetic. My friend is in her 20s and has it too.

And because a man is in an unhappy marriage he must stay for the kids? Who says the girlfriend is a floozy? Did the OP even meet her?

We don't know this man enough to be writing such terrible things. The OP writing that she wishes he had died is just terrible.

Maybe the first post just rubbed me the wrong way. I'll stay out of it now.

[Roo]

^^ I think that sometimes because this place is comfortable and supportive, members feel they can vent their deepest frustrations and thoughts because they can't do it IRL... I think we've all been there at one time or another.

[plain jane doe]

Originally Posted by L4F4

How do you (anyone here) know he's irresponsible? Based on one biased side of the story? That's hardly enough information to make that kind of judgment. I also don't understand the obsession with age. Who cares if he's 24 or 44? Who are we to dictate what a person should or shouldn't be like at 44 or any age? Most likely there's someone who thinks you (anyone) are a loser too because you don't fit into their idea for someone your age.

OP has a prior thread about this unfortunate houseguest.

[InstantKarma]

Originally Posted by plain jane doe

OP has a prior thread about this unfortunate houseguest.

Got a link to it?

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by InstantKarma

Got a link to it?

click on OP´s name and choose show all threads started by OP, its almost on top of the first page.

[Crystalina]

Originally Posted by ms-whitney

^people don't act their age and while sometimes it can be a good thing (feels young for her age) in this case I think the OP is fuming over the fact that he is irresponsible, therefore not acting like a man who by now, at 44, should know better, then maybe someone whose 24 and doesn't have as much years to practice and learn from.. reading OPs original post, the BIL Had planned to move to vancover and THEN decided no thanks, and I may be reading it wrong, maybe he did give some sort of short notice but it seems after deciding and going against moving to vancover all of a sudden he shows up unannounced. cos he's broken up with his gf of the moment..while leaving his wife and two kids unattended (does this not affect his kids or could it be he was too selfish to consider their state of well being being so far away from them) then he goes and have a heart attack. unfortunate yes. but let's face it, for men there are tell tale signs. my dad barely had one artery completely blocked (just 80%) and he already experienced shortness of breathe, chest pains and because of that he went to the doctor, took tests and had a stint placed before it could go any further yea the BIL had not paid for health care coverage in Europe so not keeping up with that may be why he didn't see the doctors, why he didn't take the tests and why he got as far as he did with the completely blocked artery and one almost blocked artery. that to me, is irresponsible. and if he does not volunteer to help shoulder the costs and formulate a payment plan..maybe the OP husband wants to pay for it or maybe Canada will pick up the bill once he's been there long enough..but if he doesn't make the sincere offer to pay back then that is a true and through worthless bloodsucking mooch.

Thank you, Ms. Whitney!!! I appreciate this post b/c it covers EXACTLY why I consider BIL to be irresponsible and a mooch. You hit the nail on the head with this one!

Further info.....so we were talking to BIL about how he was going to pay for the next round of prescription meds until he can get on welfare....DH asked if he had a credit card or something, b/c two years ago when he was living in Montreal, he had a couple of them. Well, when BIL fled Canada on a whim's notice, he left a bunch of bills unpaid, including the CC's, so his credit is ruined and has no CC to speak of.

*sigh*

For all those who question why I find him irresponsible for his age, all I have to do is think of his sweet 14 and 11 year old daughters and remember while he's out pounding back brewskies on party boats in Europe, their mother (still his LEGAL WIFE) is wondering how she's going to buy all their school supplies this year.

[fatefullotus]

I know personally what it's like to have family members take advantage of your compassion and sense of duty -- it's a horrible sense of frustration, helplessness, resentment, anger. I feel for you, Crystalina.

I view this thread as a vent thread. OP could have thrown a tantrum, kicked BIL out, refused entry to her home, and done countless other things. But she's here instead, just airing her thoughts while waiting for her BIL to basically move in after his discharge from the hospital.

[plain jane doe]

Originally Posted by Crystalina

Further info.....so we were talking to BIL about how he was going to pay for the next round of prescription meds until he can get on welfare....DH asked if he had a credit card or something, b/c two years ago when he was living in Montreal, he had a couple of them. Well, when BIL fled Canada on a whim's notice, he left a bunch of bills unpaid, including the CC's, so his credit is ruined and has no CC to speak of. *sigh* For all those who question why I find him irresponsible for his age, all I have to do is think of his sweet 14 and 11 year old daughters and remember while he's out pounding back brewskies on party boats in Europe, their mother (still his LEGAL WIFE) is wondering how she's going to buy all their school supplies this year.

Wow. I know they are brothers, but I think your DH taking BIL in is beyond what is reasonable. It would be different if he came to you to try to make a change in his life, but it's clear he just wants to be a leech. Hope you can get rid of him soon.

[L4F4]

Originally Posted by Vinyl

Did you even read ALL of the OP's posts before you replied? Do you approve of a man, regardless of age, ditching his own family to be with his floozy girlfriend & living an obviously unhealthy lifestyle that probably led to this situation?

Yes, I read all of the posts before I replied. I still think that people give too much importance to age.