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Glamfoxx · Aug 19th, 2009, 12:48 AM

Yes, your brother-in-law is very irresponsible and it is definately unfair that such a financial and living space strain is affecting you, but the poor guy did just have a heart attack so try to cut him a break and be as much help to him as you possibly can. What a scary thing for him to go through.

omgsweet · Aug 19th, 2009, 12:58 AM

It sounds like all the drama is coming from you. Thank the lord it wasn't your husband and have some compassion. This is what family is there for. If you can't lean on family during hard times then who can you lean on?

This is the most judgemental thread I've seen in a long time.

buttercup784eve · Aug 19th, 2009, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by omgsweet

It sounds like all the drama is coming from you. Thank the lord it wasn't your husband and have some compassion. This is what family is there for. If you can't lean on family during hard times then who can you lean on?

This is the most judgemental thread I've seen in a long time.

From the OP?? Her BIL had a heart attack in her hallway, and she's causing the drama??

shoppergrl · Aug 19th, 2009, 02:35 AM

44 years old, no health insurance, no job, and mooching off his brother/sister-in-law?? Umm, ok, it sucks that he had a heart attack... but what a loser! I would say you were bitchy if you were venting to his face, as it is, I completely understand where you're coming from. This would totally stress me out.

He can't move in with your mother-in-law?

nataliam1976 · Aug 19th, 2009, 03:10 AM

I have reread the other thread about him I actually think he doesnt mind relying on others at all.

44 years old, no job, no stability, crying on the phone to his brother that his girlfriend left him and he has fights with his mum who he lives with? No health insurance? And his own brother was afraid that instead of getting a job and getting things right in order he will make a 6 month avcation out of it. And on top of everything OP is out of job.

Heart attack is a horrible thing to happen, but given his behaviour pattern, Im not surprised OP is worried that he will try and milk the situation as long as possible.

bagnshoofetish · Aug 19th, 2009, 03:13 AM

I would take care of him as long as I possibly could and maybe see if other family members can help out and either come and help take care of him or take turns taking him in? This is a toughie. 850 sq. feet of space is not conducive to someone getting proper care. Not to mention the stress it is going to bring on you. Do what you can and seek help from others. Either way, its bound to be temporary (even if not temporary enough for you) and there was a reason he had a heart attack in your home and not alone in Europe. You may have to step up to the plate a little here.

Crystalina · Aug 19th, 2009, 04:20 AM

Originally Posted by Charles

Yeah, it does sound bitchy.

The guy had a heart attack! He could have died
He broke up with his gf
He doesn't have a job and probably doesn't enjoy relying on others to live

He's probably at one of the lowest points in his life...yet you're whining about him staying with you. Really?

I guess I'm just pissed that he left his wife (my sister in law) to go be with the floozie he just broke up with. Now that things are bad and he needs his wife to wipe his ass, she's nowhere to be found!!! And now DH and I are stuck.

My BIL left behind an 11 and 14 year old daughters in the process.

I can't respect him and know what? I do wish he had died.

bagnshoofetish · Aug 19th, 2009, 04:28 AM

Originally Posted by Crystalina

I do wish he had died.

ouch.
All I can say is people who were nice to all around them and leave a good legacy behind do not instill these thoughts into someone. He had to have been a royal pain in the ass for you to say this about him. Its very sad either way. From reading all your posts in the past that I can remember, I don't think these feelings come from you without being provoked.
The guy has problems for sure. You can choose to be resentful or choose to be helpful. Its tough to say without walking in your shoes. Perhaps if you are so inclined you can pray about the situation for guidance. On the fleshly side of things, the guy is a jerk. On the spiritual side, he is in trouble and hurting. You have to choose which side you will administer to.

dallas · Aug 19th, 2009, 04:30 AM

Originally Posted by Crystalina

I guess I'm just pissed that he left his wife (my sister in law) to go be with the floozie he just broke up with. Now that things are bad and he needs his wife to wipe his ass, she's nowhere to be found!!! And now DH and I are stuck.

My BIL left behind an 11 and 14 year old daughters in the process.

I can't respect him and know what? I do wish he had died.

Wow. Really? Do you really mean that? Because he made mistakes and poor choices?

Crystalina · Aug 19th, 2009, 04:48 AM

Originally Posted by dallas

Wow. Really? Do you really mean that? Because he made mistakes and poor choices?

Not because he makes bad choices, but because he NEVER deals with them. He just keeps moving from city to city, country to country, expecting someone else to deal with them!

He is still married to my SIL, but is galabanting around Europe like some greasy, hairy Mediterranean cassanova. He has two children he never sees, and he doesn't provide for them. Hell, he can't provide for himself. Everyone is always picking up the slack, and when my mother in law didn't approve of the floozie-bar-fly girlfriend (HELLO!!! Why would she, he is still MARRIED!!!!), he left. He squeezed and squandered all the money and free room and board he could from MIL, and when she didn't give in to all his requests, he left!!!!!

He is 44, not 24. Its just totally ridiculous.

dallas · Aug 19th, 2009, 04:57 AM

Originally Posted by Crystalina

Not because he makes bad choices, but because he NEVER deals with them. He just keeps moving from city to city, country to country, expecting someone else to deal with them!

He is still married to my SIL, but is galabanting around Europe like some greasy, hairy Mediterranean cassanova. He has two children he never sees, and he doesn't provide for them. Hell, he can't provide for himself. Everyone is always picking up the slack, and when my mother in law didn't approve of the floozie-bar-fly girlfriend (HELLO!!! Why would she, he is still MARRIED!!!!), he left. He squeezed and squandered all the money and free room and board he could from MIL, and when she didn't give in to all his requests, he left!!!!!

He is 44, not 24. Its just totally ridiculous.

Perhaps this heart attack is a blessing in disguise? It could be the very jolt he needs to start taking responsibility for his life. We can only hope.

I'm really sorry that are going through this.

NoKnockOffs · Aug 19th, 2009, 09:12 AM

I side with the OP 100%!! BIL needs to go live with his Mama. Why should OP be in an uncomfortable situation in her own home where she can not walk around the house the way she wants. That's gross and I wouldn't want a grown, dead beat dad cramping my living conditions.

chele70 · Aug 19th, 2009, 09:23 AM

You'll get through this. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as you think it will be. Maybe YOU will drive him crazy and he'll want to move. Hmmmm...

domlee · Aug 19th, 2009, 09:32 AM

Regardless of your current feelings...the guy had a heart attack. He is living under your roof at the moment. It wasn't a planned situation. He had a plan to restart his life (albeit a loose plan).

Even if he wasn't living under your roof at the moment, he couldn't physically work to support himself anyway.

It may be tough, but let him get back to decent "working" shape, and then give him reasonable time to get a job and start his new life. It sucks, but bear w/ it. Perhaps spending time in a coffee shop at night. Or some other outlet that keeps you busy and relaxed.

ProfNot · Aug 19th, 2009, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by BTBF

I am sorry but your BIL sounds like a loser to me. What kind of grown man at 44 have no savings? Moving from one place to another...makes him sounds irresponsible and that he is running away from his problem. And maybe his lifestyle is what led him to have the heart attack at 44?

And I agree with others, you just have to suck it up. You are in a "lose lose" situation here, if you do something or say something that is not "music to his ears"...you will be the mean one.

I agree.

But when he is feeling better, I think you, and DH, and BIL need to all sign a contract about money pay back and when he will out the door.

44 and crashing with you for free? He's a bit old for that, regardless of the heart attack.

I need 850 sq ft for me, dog, and home-based business. I can't imagine sharing it with two guys. SO glad you have a second bathroom!

HUGS!

Aug 19th, 2009, 12:48 AM	#16
Glamfoxx Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,391	Yes, your brother-in-law is very irresponsible and it is definately unfair that such a financial and living space strain is affecting you, but the poor guy did just have a heart attack so try to cut him a break and be as much help to him as you possibly can. What a scary thing for him to go through.
Glamfoxx Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,391

Aug 19th, 2009, 12:58 AM	#17
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Joined: Apr 2007 Location: Scottsdale, Az Posts: 2,963	It sounds like all the drama is coming from you. Thank the lord it wasn't your husband and have some compassion. This is what family is there for. If you can't lean on family during hard times then who can you lean on? This is the most judgemental thread I've seen in a long time.
	__________________ How to invest for 2009 and Beyond Protect Yourself Against Institutional Traders

Aug 19th, 2009, 02:35 AM	#19
shoppergrl Member Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Santa Monica, CA Posts: 949	44 years old, no health insurance, no job, and mooching off his brother/sister-in-law?? Umm, ok, it sucks that he had a heart attack... but what a loser! I would say you were bitchy if you were venting to his face, as it is, I completely understand where you're coming from. This would totally stress me out. He can't move in with your mother-in-law?
	__________________ Wanted: LV Cerises Speedy 25 \| Chloe Baby Paddington in Argent \| Chanel Ultimate Soft English Bulldog, a Blue Bicycle, brown/tortoise sunglasses, Kate Spade Kelley in Purple oh. And a house. With a pool. In Irvine. But I'm giving myself at least 5 yrs for that one. My Collection! Precious Excess (my store): on Ecrater & on Bonanzle

Aug 19th, 2009, 03:10 AM	#20
nataliam1976 Dior Goddess:-) Joined: Nov 2006 Location: all around Europe Posts: 12,696	I have reread the other thread about him I actually think he doesnt mind relying on others at all. 44 years old, no job, no stability, crying on the phone to his brother that his girlfriend left him and he has fights with his mum who he lives with? No health insurance? And his own brother was afraid that instead of getting a job and getting things right in order he will make a 6 month avcation out of it. And on top of everything OP is out of job. Heart attack is a horrible thing to happen, but given his behaviour pattern, Im not surprised OP is worried that he will try and milk the situation as long as possible.
	__________________ PLEASE DO NOT PM ME FOR AUTHENTICATIONS Dear Dior fans ! >>> PLEASE READ THIS: Some guidelines/tips on authentication <<< before you post - if you dont provide REQUIRED PICTURES - especially clear close up of the front and back of the inside tag, your posts will not be replied to, thanks ! Last edited by nataliam1976; Aug 19th, 2009 at 03:16 AM.

Aug 19th, 2009, 03:13 AM	#21
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,377	I would take care of him as long as I possibly could and maybe see if other family members can help out and either come and help take care of him or take turns taking him in? This is a toughie. 850 sq. feet of space is not conducive to someone getting proper care. Not to mention the stress it is going to bring on you. Do what you can and seek help from others. Either way, its bound to be temporary (even if not temporary enough for you) and there was a reason he had a heart attack in your home and not alone in Europe. You may have to step up to the plate a little here.
	__________________

Aug 19th, 2009, 09:12 AM	#27
NoKnockOffs Member Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 359	I side with the OP 100%!! BIL needs to go live with his Mama. Why should OP be in an uncomfortable situation in her own home where she can not walk around the house the way she wants. That's gross and I wouldn't want a grown, dead beat dad cramping my living conditions.
NoKnockOffs Member Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 359

Aug 19th, 2009, 09:23 AM	#28
chele70 Purse obsessed Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Middle of Nowhere Posts: 508	You'll get through this. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as you think it will be. Maybe YOU will drive him crazy and he'll want to move. Hmmmm...
	__________________ Last edited by chele70; Aug 19th, 2009 at 09:28 AM.

Aug 19th, 2009, 09:32 AM	#29
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 949	Regardless of your current feelings...the guy had a heart attack. He is living under your roof at the moment. It wasn't a planned situation. He had a plan to restart his life (albeit a loose plan). Even if he wasn't living under your roof at the moment, he couldn't physically work to support himself anyway. It may be tough, but let him get back to decent "working" shape, and then give him reasonable time to get a job and start his new life. It sucks, but bear w/ it. Perhaps spending time in a coffee shop at night. Or some other outlet that keeps you busy and relaxed.

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