Broken Up but the Hope Lingering SUCKS.

Maryanne007 · Oct 6th, 2008, 12:22 PM

Its weird, I understand why we broke up, things had been going about in such a way that to be honest most of the time I was unhappy too the last 6 months to a year. But now that its actually happened, I just wonder why we couldnt try harder to work things out... I dont know, the way he kepy putting it was that our relationship had gotten so off track that he thinks we need to get out of it in order to assess it, and in order to have any chance of getting back together again. I guess that is why it is so hard to just let go, especially when he plants it into my head that we could possibly get back together, although I know it is just such a dumb thing to believe or even hold on to. I'm trying to accept that its over, to really believe that it is, but I can't seem to think about anything but the loss and the pain and the emptiness in my heart. I feel like I can hardly function, and here I am starting a new job and needing to make good impressions, and all I can do is feel awful.

I know we will get through this, I just wish it wouldnt take so long. :(

blue996 · Oct 7th, 2008, 12:48 AM

I am so sorry you are going through this...I know how it feels and it is so tough. Try to take care of yourself and know that it will get better with time. It would totally kill me too to see my ex change his status on Facebook. Maybe you should remove him as a friend. I refuse to put my relationship status on Facebook because if me and my boyfriend break up I don't want everyone to see the little broken heart.

aliburke84 · Oct 7th, 2008, 10:04 AM

How are you doing today Maryanne?

Maryanne007 · Oct 7th, 2008, 08:19 PM

I was doing okay last night, changed my status on facebook, removed him from everything, phone, im, emails, etc. And i went for a run which made me feel better. But every morning I wake up feeling sad, and then it gets a little better, and then its worse again at night when I'm home alone. Friends have been busy lately, so will see people the rest of the week, but for now, god, I feel so sad, and I wish so badly we didnt break up or that we will get back together some time in the not so far future. Its just so hard, all these random thoughts fill your head, like is he already out on dates? What is he doing? Does he still care? Will we get back together? I can't stop as much as I try to keep busy and do other things. I know I need to let go, but I keep hoping and waiting for a phone call or an email that doesnt come.

aliburke84 · Oct 7th, 2008, 09:21 PM

The morning is the absolute worst. It doesn't hurt as bad anymore, but every morning I wake up the first thing my mind goes to is him. The first couple of weeks were horrible though. I would wake up before my alarm clock and just lay there in the dark with that horrible horrible sinking feeling...I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about. I always think "what is he doing right now?" "does he miss me tonight?" "does he talk about me to his friends?" etc. I've been trying to push all of those questions out of my head though and it's easier for me to think that he's not only two blocks from where I am. I like to pretend that he's really far away and sometimes that he doesnt even exist. It's much easier only thinking about myself, so when I'm busy that is really easy to do...like on the weekends. Sunday night though when things are winding down the thoughts creep back into my head and while I'm bored at work all week he's basically all I think about. You said your friends are busy right now, are they checking up on you? Do you have people to talk to regularly? It's really good that you took him off your phone, im, etc. because that feeling of just waiting for something that isn't coming is so awful. It really helped me to block him on gmail and aim. When I dont see him on my buddy lists its easier to pretend that he's just not there rather than being there and not talking to me.

Ugh, this is the worst isnt it?

Maryanne007 · Oct 7th, 2008, 09:40 PM

Yeah, I'm just not super busy at work lately, and ALL day, I just sit and read messages on break-up message boards, and sometimes I read about how to get an ex back, its AWFUL!! I know I will not contact him anytime in the near future, but I just caved a few minutes ago and checked his facebook profile. Nothing too upsetting yet (but I will really try not to look at it again), although oddly he still has all of these photos of us together up, even though I detagged myself from all of them. I also didnt block him from phone, im or gchat, I just took him off my list so I dont see him, so I guess I still am hoping he will contact me. =( But it is easier not to see him on their and read his away messages, etc.

The mornings are the worst, I think because I wake up, and I think oh another day, and then I remember, another day in which he is not in my life, and another day I dont get to talk to him. The funny thing is I thought about breaking up with him many times before we broke up, and now I am just crushed.

I hope we can get through this quickly. I dont know how to operate sometimes. I just think about it all, and feel like, how is it possible that this person is just not in my life anymore?

What's even odder, two exes (from a long time ago) have suddenly contacted me looking to meet up. We are just friends now, and I feel totally fine just seeing them platonically, but its like every guy I think about or see, I think about the recent ex and think about how much I still love him. :(

polardiamond · Oct 8th, 2008, 12:04 AM

Hugs and comfort to you! It is hard and you'll probably have some sobbing-into-your-melting-ice-cream nights before you start pulling out of it. But you will, and it will only get better with time. Instead of dwelling on how much you miss him, try to dwell on what made you unhappy and his flaws. That'll ease some of the pain and will redirect your attention at the very least. :)

aliburke84 · Oct 8th, 2008, 10:00 AM

"The funny thing is I thought about breaking up with him many times before we broke up, and now I am just crushed."

It's not that I was un-happy with G, but I longed for the feeling of being single plenty of times while we were dating. I could have NEVER broken up with him though, so there were MOMENTARY times that I was like "I wish he would just end it so I could be single..." because I missed the freedom. BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT!!! I feel so guilty and horrible for ever thinking that because I am so sad now. This isn't want I want at all.

I couldn't BLOCK G for the first few weeks, but he IMed me one time last week even though he wasn't on my buddy list and I realized that I didn't want that to happen again. It wasn't a bad conversation at all, but when we stopped talking I was just kinda crushed...I wanted to keep talking. So, I finally blocked him so he can now only contact me by emailing me (which I can't really stop...) or calling me. No more surprise IMs though.

It IS kinda depressing just reading about breaks ups all day though.....but while I'm pretending to be FINE At work all day, it is an outlet and allows you to get your feelings out while being seemingly being alright. So, stay here and chat during the day...even if it seems bleak. My job is crazy boring too so it's easy to seem emotionally down but this way I manage to keep a smile on my face because I'm getting my feelings out here

Maryanne007 · Oct 8th, 2008, 11:38 AM

Yeah, now I feel guilty too! Although he ultimately ended it, I sort of pushed it, and if I hadnt I know we would still be together, though with the same problems. I guess I just keep hoping still that he will come around and we can try to work on the problems rather than giving it all up. But its only been a few days, so that is just silly to think about. I havent spoken to him since sunday, and I cannot believe it is only wednesday. It feels like it has been an eternity.

I had another bad night of sleep last night, keep tossing and turning, and I keep having dreams where he is in it. I keep waking up hoping to feel better, but again, feeling crappy. Tonight I am at least going to meet a friend for drinks so hopefully that will keep my mind off of things for a bit.

These boards are definitely helpful, I find that I have nothing to say to my friends except I'm depressed (none of them have ever really been in a serious relationship so I dont think they really understand), so this is a nice way to truly express all the craziness that is going on in my head.

I tried this tip from another site, I wrote down on index cards all the times he made me mad and/or all the traits I do not appreciate about him. The problem with that was, I then got really mad at him, which oddly does not necessarily counteract being sad. So I was simulatenously sad that he is gone and mad at how he treated me at times!? Also, cannot block out all the good times that were there too.

It just feels like you spent so much time with this person, that it seems impossible to throw it away so easily.

One day at a time... At least we are sticking to the no contact rule. :)

maddog · Oct 8th, 2008, 12:30 PM

yay for the no contact rule. I hope you stick it cuz this rule is crucial to moving on IMHO.

Whatever you do, don't let him keep you on the sideline while he's broken up with you. A lot of guys try to ask for that and it's what he's asking of you now. Suggesting you can still go on dates for a little while while you're both single? Please! That's code for "I hope to keep getting convenient sexy times until I find another girl to mack on".

What's happening on this board? I go away for a month and most of the threads are suddenly all so sad.

Maryanne007 · Oct 8th, 2008, 12:58 PM

^^ I know its such crap. That really set me off, I dont understand how he could even consider that, considering he is insanely jealous and the fight that spurred on our breakup was that I was talking to the bartender at a bar for too long!

I know I keep rehashing it in mind, I just cant get the fact that he kept saying this isn't necessarily final, and that he hopes we get back together some day, etc. out of my mind. I told him I was sad cause I had had so many plans, and he responded, well short to intermediate ones, maybe not, like I wont see you next weekend, but you can keep the long term ones... Ugh, its such crap! I hate being strung along. I'm trying not to be, and I am trying to convince myself this is really over, but I wish it wasnt!! :(

I know, its so odd, I feel like everyone is breaking up recently!

aliburke84 · Oct 8th, 2008, 01:25 PM

maybe not, like I wont see you next weekend, but you can keep the long term ones

that's really not healthy and it sounds like you do realize that. i think you should cancel everything mentally. if those things wind up happening later on then great, but you do not want to set yourself up for disappointment. tell yourself and him (if it comes up with him again) that everything is off.

maddog · Oct 8th, 2008, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maryanne007

I know I keep rehashing it in mind, I just cant get the fact that he kept saying this isn't necessarily final, and that he hopes we get back together some day, etc. out of my mind. I told him I was sad cause I had had so many plans, and he responded, well short to intermediate ones, maybe not, like I wont see you next weekend, but you can keep the long term ones... Ugh, its such crap!

LOL this reminds me of when my ex was being all wishy washy about breaking up. He even had the audacity to try to ask if I can wait while he dated others. After the break up he was still saying that maybe we can get together after he dated a lot of women, if he still thought I was "the one", that he'll always love me, etc. So, I decided "what the hell, I'll string him along too if he is trying this sh!t with me". I told him that "sure, maybe if you're ready to settle down and I'm still available, we'll see what happens. Maybe it will be better then." Maybe this, maybe that. Four months later, he still didn't cancel his part of the wedding stuff until I forced him to, and only after he found out I already moved on and was dating someone did he settle with a "gf" who he's dated for all of one week.

I say if he wants to give me false hope as a back up plan, bring it on. Two can play that game.

Maryanne007 · Oct 8th, 2008, 08:46 PM

^^ Haha, you're a stronger woman than I. I dont know how to string him along because I would probably mean every word of it!! I'm trying to just stick to not contacting him, which I dont think will be a problem, I was never the type of girl to call him anyway. Sadly, however, I do keep wondering when he will contact me. =T

I just have to get out of my own head... one day at a time...

Maryanne007 · Oct 9th, 2008, 01:34 AM

had a few drinks with friends, felt better, came home. looked at old pictures, remembered how much he used to love me, listened to some sad love songs "i cant make you love me" and I am crying like there is no tomorrow, i wish the pain would stop. i am dying... :(

Oct 7th, 2008, 12:48 AM	#17
blue996 Member Location: Canada	I am so sorry you are going through this...I know how it feels and it is so tough. Try to take care of yourself and know that it will get better with time. It would totally kill me too to see my ex change his status on Facebook. Maybe you should remove him as a friend. I refuse to put my relationship status on Facebook because if me and my boyfriend break up I don't want everyone to see the little broken heart. __________________

Oct 7th, 2008, 10:04 AM	#18
aliburke84 Member Location: JC/NYC	How are you doing today Maryanne? __________________

Oct 7th, 2008, 09:21 PM	#20
aliburke84 Member Location: JC/NYC	The morning is the absolute worst. It doesn't hurt as bad anymore, but every morning I wake up the first thing my mind goes to is him. The first couple of weeks were horrible though. I would wake up before my alarm clock and just lay there in the dark with that horrible horrible sinking feeling...I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about. I always think "what is he doing right now?" "does he miss me tonight?" "does he talk about me to his friends?" etc. I've been trying to push all of those questions out of my head though and it's easier for me to think that he's not only two blocks from where I am. I like to pretend that he's really far away and sometimes that he doesnt even exist. It's much easier only thinking about myself, so when I'm busy that is really easy to do...like on the weekends. Sunday night though when things are winding down the thoughts creep back into my head and while I'm bored at work all week he's basically all I think about. You said your friends are busy right now, are they checking up on you? Do you have people to talk to regularly? It's really good that you took him off your phone, im, etc. because that feeling of just waiting for something that isn't coming is so awful. It really helped me to block him on gmail and aim. When I dont see him on my buddy lists its easier to pretend that he's just not there rather than being there and not talking to me. Ugh, this is the worst isnt it? __________________

Oct 8th, 2008, 10:00 AM	#23
aliburke84 Member Location: JC/NYC	"The funny thing is I thought about breaking up with him many times before we broke up, and now I am just crushed." It's not that I was un-happy with G, but I longed for the feeling of being single plenty of times while we were dating. I could have NEVER broken up with him though, so there were MOMENTARY times that I was like "I wish he would just end it so I could be single..." because I missed the freedom. BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT!!! I feel so guilty and horrible for ever thinking that because I am so sad now. This isn't want I want at all. I couldn't BLOCK G for the first few weeks, but he IMed me one time last week even though he wasn't on my buddy list and I realized that I didn't want that to happen again. It wasn't a bad conversation at all, but when we stopped talking I was just kinda crushed...I wanted to keep talking. So, I finally blocked him so he can now only contact me by emailing me (which I can't really stop...) or calling me. No more surprise IMs though. It IS kinda depressing just reading about breaks ups all day though.....but while I'm pretending to be FINE At work all day, it is an outlet and allows you to get your feelings out while being seemingly being alright. So, stay here and chat during the day...even if it seems bleak. My job is crazy boring too so it's easy to seem emotionally down but this way I manage to keep a smile on my face because I'm getting my feelings out here __________________

Oct 8th, 2008, 12:30 PM	#25
maddog Mmmkay	yay for the no contact rule. I hope you stick it cuz this rule is crucial to moving on IMHO. Whatever you do, don't let him keep you on the sideline while he's broken up with you. A lot of guys try to ask for that and it's what he's asking of you now. Suggesting you can still go on dates for a little while while you're both single? Please! That's code for "I hope to keep getting convenient sexy times until I find another girl to mack on". What's happening on this board? I go away for a month and most of the threads are suddenly all so sad. __________________ Belen Echandia: 2! Mastercard: 0! ..... uh oh, it only just started .....

Oct 6th, 2008, 12:22 PM	#16
Maryanne007 Member	Its weird, I understand why we broke up, things had been going about in such a way that to be honest most of the time I was unhappy too the last 6 months to a year. But now that its actually happened, I just wonder why we couldnt try harder to work things out... I dont know, the way he kepy putting it was that our relationship had gotten so off track that he thinks we need to get out of it in order to assess it, and in order to have any chance of getting back together again. I guess that is why it is so hard to just let go, especially when he plants it into my head that we could possibly get back together, although I know it is just such a dumb thing to believe or even hold on to. I'm trying to accept that its over, to really believe that it is, but I can't seem to think about anything but the loss and the pain and the emptiness in my heart. I feel like I can hardly function, and here I am starting a new job and needing to make good impressions, and all I can do is feel awful. I know we will get through this, I just wish it wouldnt take so long. :(

Oct 7th, 2008, 08:19 PM	#19
Maryanne007 Member	I was doing okay last night, changed my status on facebook, removed him from everything, phone, im, emails, etc. And i went for a run which made me feel better. But every morning I wake up feeling sad, and then it gets a little better, and then its worse again at night when I'm home alone. Friends have been busy lately, so will see people the rest of the week, but for now, god, I feel so sad, and I wish so badly we didnt break up or that we will get back together some time in the not so far future. Its just so hard, all these random thoughts fill your head, like is he already out on dates? What is he doing? Does he still care? Will we get back together? I can't stop as much as I try to keep busy and do other things. I know I need to let go, but I keep hoping and waiting for a phone call or an email that doesnt come.

Oct 7th, 2008, 09:40 PM	#21
Maryanne007 Member	Yeah, I'm just not super busy at work lately, and ALL day, I just sit and read messages on break-up message boards, and sometimes I read about how to get an ex back, its AWFUL!! I know I will not contact him anytime in the near future, but I just caved a few minutes ago and checked his facebook profile. Nothing too upsetting yet (but I will really try not to look at it again), although oddly he still has all of these photos of us together up, even though I detagged myself from all of them. I also didnt block him from phone, im or gchat, I just took him off my list so I dont see him, so I guess I still am hoping he will contact me. =( But it is easier not to see him on their and read his away messages, etc. The mornings are the worst, I think because I wake up, and I think oh another day, and then I remember, another day in which he is not in my life, and another day I dont get to talk to him. The funny thing is I thought about breaking up with him many times before we broke up, and now I am just crushed. I hope we can get through this quickly. I dont know how to operate sometimes. I just think about it all, and feel like, how is it possible that this person is just not in my life anymore? What's even odder, two exes (from a long time ago) have suddenly contacted me looking to meet up. We are just friends now, and I feel totally fine just seeing them platonically, but its like every guy I think about or see, I think about the recent ex and think about how much I still love him. :(

Oct 8th, 2008, 12:04 AM	#22
polardiamond Member	Hugs and comfort to you! It is hard and you'll probably have some sobbing-into-your-melting-ice-cream nights before you start pulling out of it. But you will, and it will only get better with time. Instead of dwelling on how much you miss him, try to dwell on what made you unhappy and his flaws. That'll ease some of the pain and will redirect your attention at the very least. :)

Oct 8th, 2008, 11:38 AM	#24
Maryanne007 Member	Yeah, now I feel guilty too! Although he ultimately ended it, I sort of pushed it, and if I hadnt I know we would still be together, though with the same problems. I guess I just keep hoping still that he will come around and we can try to work on the problems rather than giving it all up. But its only been a few days, so that is just silly to think about. I havent spoken to him since sunday, and I cannot believe it is only wednesday. It feels like it has been an eternity. I had another bad night of sleep last night, keep tossing and turning, and I keep having dreams where he is in it. I keep waking up hoping to feel better, but again, feeling crappy. Tonight I am at least going to meet a friend for drinks so hopefully that will keep my mind off of things for a bit. These boards are definitely helpful, I find that I have nothing to say to my friends except I'm depressed (none of them have ever really been in a serious relationship so I dont think they really understand), so this is a nice way to truly express all the craziness that is going on in my head. I tried this tip from another site, I wrote down on index cards all the times he made me mad and/or all the traits I do not appreciate about him. The problem with that was, I then got really mad at him, which oddly does not necessarily counteract being sad. So I was simulatenously sad that he is gone and mad at how he treated me at times!? Also, cannot block out all the good times that were there too. It just feels like you spent so much time with this person, that it seems impossible to throw it away so easily. One day at a time... At least we are sticking to the no contact rule. :)

Oct 8th, 2008, 12:58 PM	#26
Maryanne007 Member	^^ I know its such crap. That really set me off, I dont understand how he could even consider that, considering he is insanely jealous and the fight that spurred on our breakup was that I was talking to the bartender at a bar for too long! I know I keep rehashing it in mind, I just cant get the fact that he kept saying this isn't necessarily final, and that he hopes we get back together some day, etc. out of my mind. I told him I was sad cause I had had so many plans, and he responded, well short to intermediate ones, maybe not, like I wont see you next weekend, but you can keep the long term ones... Ugh, its such crap! I hate being strung along. I'm trying not to be, and I am trying to convince myself this is really over, but I wish it wasnt!! :( I know, its so odd, I feel like everyone is breaking up recently!

Oct 8th, 2008, 01:25 PM	#27
aliburke84 Member Location: JC/NYC	maybe not, like I wont see you next weekend, but you can keep the long term ones that's really not healthy and it sounds like you do realize that. i think you should cancel everything mentally. if those things wind up happening later on then great, but you do not want to set yourself up for disappointment. tell yourself and him (if it comes up with him again) that everything is off. __________________

Oct 8th, 2008, 08:46 PM	#29
Maryanne007 Member	^^ Haha, you're a stronger woman than I. I dont know how to string him along because I would probably mean every word of it!! I'm trying to just stick to not contacting him, which I dont think will be a problem, I was never the type of girl to call him anyway. Sadly, however, I do keep wondering when he will contact me. =T I just have to get out of my own head... one day at a time...

Oct 9th, 2008, 01:34 AM	#30
Maryanne007 Member	had a few drinks with friends, felt better, came home. looked at old pictures, remembered how much he used to love me, listened to some sad love songs "i cant make you love me" and I am crying like there is no tomorrow, i wish the pain would stop. i am dying... :(