Being attracted to someone you don't find attractive

Liz_x3 · Jun 27th, 2008, 09:38 PM

This is about the third time this has happened to me in the past 5 years and it's happening to me right now. I meet a guy. Get to know him a little bit through conversation. Then at whatever given moment, it hits me that I'm attracted to him (this usually always seem to occur when I realize that jealousy rises in me whenever I see him paying attention to other women). Here's the ringer: I find him unattractive.

So while who he is as a person and his personality and just life all together are completely enthralling to me and has me head over heels, I can't help that everytime I look at him I find myself thinking that I could never kiss this guy let alone even snuggle up next to him.

I know that looks are only skin deep but I'm one of those people that needs physical attraction and chemistry to add up the equation of my feeligns.

My heart is basically saying "yes" but my brain is saying "no" and my brain overpowers my heart. The pathetic thing is that I know if I took who he is inside and put it into a different person who I find attractive I wouldn't be fighting what to do inside of me.

Any tips on how to let the looks matter go?

exotikittenx · Jun 27th, 2008, 09:54 PM

I dated an "unattractive" guy once in college. I did not find him physically attractive at all come to think of it, but I had the BEST time when we were together, and we were always joking around, and I really didn't think much about looks at all. Just let it go and see what happens. It's worth a chance, because the more you like a person, the more attractive they will become in your eyes. If you really care about a person, you will want to be with him.

BagLadie · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:04 PM

I was with someone for a loooong time I didn't find attractive - never again. Attraction is so key to a relationship. I hope that doesn't come off as shallow. I don't mean that's the only thing that is important of course. It's just that you should feel that chemistry with that person...regardless of how they look...they should just be good looking to YOU.

girliceclimber · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:07 PM

IMO one should never compromise when it comes to relationships.. even when it comes to "superficial" things like physical attraction. The person you're with should make you super excited in every way. That's not to say you couldn't have a great relationship with a person you don't find attractive... but you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to date these people.

Schmodi · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:21 PM

I wasn't initially attracted physically to my SO but after getting to know him totally different story. When you've been dating beef cakes which you can grate cheese on theirs abs and then you date a skinny European-it's very different.

Love my SO and I'll take intellect and personality any day over abs.

nooch · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:56 PM

You do find him attractive. You just don't want to admit it to yourself because maybe he isn't conventionally attractive.

Finding someone not conventionally attractive to be attractive isn't settling, it's opening your eyes and your mind.

QueenOfDa702 · Jun 27th, 2008, 11:03 PM

I think you find his personality attractive. Being attracted to someone doesnt necessarily mean you think he is drop dead gorgeous. For me, I am usually attracted to a mans personality, I can be physically attracted to someone, then when they open their mouth, all of that goes away because hes a douche.

I guess you have to have at least a little bit of physical attraction, the guy cant repulse you, or like you said, you would never want to be close to him.

You have to find a happy medium, and this guy you are talking about, isnt it. He seems like a great guy FRIEND, but the fact that you couldnt see yourself even kissing him is an issue(duh! lol). Just keep it as friends! Dont do anything you will regret.

bagnshoofetish · Jun 27th, 2008, 11:12 PM

put beer goggles on. J/K
I'm trying to remember if I've ever kissed a guy I thought was unattractive and I'm sad to say, no. But thats not to say other people may not have found any of the guys I dated unattractive. Just don't worry about appearances. Have fun - go out on a limb. The chemistry will either be there or it won't. No matter what the guy looks like.

Bella · Jun 28th, 2008, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nooch

You do find him attractive. You just don't want to admit it to yourself because maybe he isn't conventionally attractive.

Finding someone not conventionally attractive to be attractive isn't settling, it's opening your eyes and your mind.

This could be the case here, or not, but I agree. There is so much more to being attractive than one's outward appearance.

Zophie · Jun 28th, 2008, 04:34 AM

I've found myself attracted to people that on the surface didn't immediately seem like someone I would be attacted to, if that makes sense. So it's like I could still see all the "unattractive" physical flaws, but the whole package made him attractive.

nataliam1976 · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nooch

You do find him attractive. You just don't want to admit it to yourself because maybe he isn't conventionally attractive.

Finding someone not conventionally attractive to be attractive isn't settling, it's opening your eyes and your mind.

spot on, noochies, as always.

nataliam1976 · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schmodi

I wasn't initially attracted physically to my SO but after getting to know him totally different story. When you've been dating beef cakes which you can grate cheese on theirs abs and then you date a skinny European-it's very different.

Love my SO and I'll take intellect and personality any day over abs.

LOL me neither. But I spent hours talking to him as a friend and I decided to go to bed with him for his personality not looks ( he is attractive but not my type really, wouldnt chase him down the street). We had great sex and I fell head over heels for him later.

megsa · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:41 AM

See how it plays out. If you enjoy joking with him, etc. have fun. He may end up being a cool friend instead of SO

thelace · Jun 28th, 2008, 07:29 AM

Just like in "Sex and the City", when the one with long dark hair -can't remember her name! - found herself lusting after the little balding guy - can't remember his name either

Anyway, she fought within herself as he wasn't her idea of the sort of man she would be attracted to.

The rest is history ...

imashopaholic · Jun 28th, 2008, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelace

Just like in "Sex and the City", when the one with long dark hair -can't remember her name! - found herself lusting after the little balding guy - can't remember his name either

Anyway, she fought within herself as he wasn't her idea of the sort of man she would be attracted to.

The rest is history ...

That would be Charlotte and Harry.

You're spot on though. Physical attraction isn't everything. Even the good looking guys age, go bald and turn into prunes eventually so if you can find a man that makes you laugh, takes good care of you and is someone you find attractive on the inside, I say grab hold of him and don't let go. They're hard to come by.

Jun 27th, 2008, 09:38 PM	#1
Liz_x3 Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,159	Being attracted to someone you don't find attractive This is about the third time this has happened to me in the past 5 years and it's happening to me right now. I meet a guy. Get to know him a little bit through conversation. Then at whatever given moment, it hits me that I'm attracted to him (this usually always seem to occur when I realize that jealousy rises in me whenever I see him paying attention to other women). Here's the ringer: I find him unattractive. So while who he is as a person and his personality and just life all together are completely enthralling to me and has me head over heels, I can't help that everytime I look at him I find myself thinking that I could never kiss this guy let alone even snuggle up next to him. I know that looks are only skin deep but I'm one of those people that needs physical attraction and chemistry to add up the equation of my feeligns. My heart is basically saying "yes" but my brain is saying "no" and my brain overpowers my heart. The pathetic thing is that I know if I took who he is inside and put it into a different person who I find attractive I wouldn't be fighting what to do inside of me. Any tips on how to let the looks matter go?

Jun 27th, 2008, 09:54 PM	#2
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 3,466	I dated an "unattractive" guy once in college. I did not find him physically attractive at all come to think of it, but I had the BEST time when we were together, and we were always joking around, and I really didn't think much about looks at all. Just let it go and see what happens. It's worth a chance, because the more you like a person, the more attractive they will become in your eyes. If you really care about a person, you will want to be with him. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Jun 27th, 2008, 10:04 PM	#3
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 4,587	I was with someone for a loooong time I didn't find attractive - never again. Attraction is so key to a relationship. I hope that doesn't come off as shallow. I don't mean that's the only thing that is important of course. It's just that you should feel that chemistry with that person...regardless of how they look...they should just be good looking to YOU. __________________ "I won't quit to become someone's old lady." - Janis Joplin

Jun 27th, 2008, 10:21 PM	#5
Schmodi Member Joined: Feb 2007 Location: Greater San Diego Posts: 1,907	I wasn't initially attracted physically to my SO but after getting to know him totally different story. When you've been dating beef cakes which you can grate cheese on theirs abs and then you date a skinny European-it's very different. Love my SO and I'll take intellect and personality any day over abs. __________________

Jun 27th, 2008, 10:56 PM	#6
nooch Sports Sports Sports Joined: Apr 2008 Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY Posts: 1,549	You do find him attractive. You just don't want to admit it to yourself because maybe he isn't conventionally attractive. Finding someone not conventionally attractive to be attractive isn't settling, it's opening your eyes and your mind. __________________ FAT AND FABULOUS! CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK! http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes

Jun 27th, 2008, 10:07 PM	#4
girliceclimber Member Joined: Oct 2006 Location: LA/SF Posts: 697	IMO one should never compromise when it comes to relationships.. even when it comes to "superficial" things like physical attraction. The person you're with should make you super excited in every way. That's not to say you couldn't have a great relationship with a person you don't find attractive... but you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to date these people.

Jun 27th, 2008, 11:03 PM	#7
QueenOfDa702 Misunderestimated. Joined: Jan 2007 Location: I've gone RAOKing crazy! Posts: 5,631	I think you find his personality attractive. Being attracted to someone doesnt necessarily mean you think he is drop dead gorgeous. For me, I am usually attracted to a mans personality, I can be physically attracted to someone, then when they open their mouth, all of that goes away because hes a douche. I guess you have to have at least a little bit of physical attraction, the guy cant repulse you, or like you said, you would never want to be close to him. You have to find a happy medium, and this guy you are talking about, isnt it. He seems like a great guy FRIEND, but the fact that you couldnt see yourself even kissing him is an issue(duh! lol). Just keep it as friends! Dont do anything you will regret. __________________ ~Valeen~ *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Click HERE to visit MySpace

Jun 27th, 2008, 11:12 PM	#8
bagnshoofetish napping. Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 15,710	put beer goggles on. J/K I'm trying to remember if I've ever kissed a guy I thought was unattractive and I'm sad to say, no. But thats not to say other people may not have found any of the guys I dated unattractive. Just don't worry about appearances. Have fun - go out on a limb. The chemistry will either be there or it won't. No matter what the guy looks like. __________________ click here.

Jun 28th, 2008, 04:34 AM	#10
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Joined: Feb 2007 Location: New Orleans, LA Posts: 6,927	I've found myself attracted to people that on the surface didn't immediately seem like someone I would be attacted to, if that makes sense. So it's like I could still see all the "unattractive" physical flaws, but the whole package made him attractive. __________________

Jun 28th, 2008, 06:41 AM	#13
megsa Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 394	See how it plays out. If you enjoy joking with him, etc. have fun. He may end up being a cool friend instead of SO

Jun 28th, 2008, 07:29 AM	#14
thelace Founder of B.U.M. Joined: Mar 2007 Location: Winchester, England Posts: 790	Just like in "Sex and the City", when the one with long dark hair -can't remember her name! - found herself lusting after the little balding guy - can't remember his name either Anyway, she fought within herself as he wasn't her idea of the sort of man she would be attracted to. The rest is history ... __________________ Brits Using Muscade