Being attracted to someone you don't find attractive

juneping · Jul 6th, 2008, 12:39 AM

OP - i think character goes a long way. after a while...it's just a face. but if you find him butt ugly then you should tell your heart to stop.

..just kidding.

BagLadie · Jul 6th, 2008, 07:31 PM

^^ "character" DOES go a long way - I will agree with that immensely....because you can be the most beautiful person on this earth but become butt ugly if there is nothing more to you. But your significant other should be beautiful and attractive to YOU. Intimacy is very important in a successful relationship.

fiatflux · Jul 9th, 2008, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liz_x3

I know she doesn't hate him. And I'm pretty sure she has some feelings for him. The attraction looks mutual between them two. But then again at the same time it kind of looks like a good friendship with a little flirtation. What sucks is that I'm casual friends with this girl since I see her often.

Any news? I just logged in to see what was up with your story...no pressure or anything.

lol.

laureenthemean · Jul 9th, 2008, 06:17 AM

I say you really think about why physical attraction is so important to you. I think the fact that you are attracted to them at first out of jealousy might be a clue to something deeper. I had a really hard time with my current SO at first because he's not conventionally attractive. I was insecure about myself at the time (I'm a little better now) and saw him as a reflection of myself; I was worried people would think, "Oh, I guess that's the best she can do." There was something about my SO that I found special, though, so I kept with it and now, I hardly notice the things about him that I initially found unattractive.

Sorry if I'm repeating anything, I only read the OP and not the following posts.

fiatflux · Jul 10th, 2008, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laureenthemean

Sorry if I'm repeating anything, I only read the OP and not the following posts.

Well I think a lot of people are doing that, and as a result they're missing this all-important update!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liz_x3

Okay, ladies, I've come to realize that YES I am attracted to him.

I've even shockingly realized that I find him a little physically attractive too. I think who he is, his personality and talents, etc. took over my eyes.

And how have I come to this conclusion?

The other night I happened to watch him play the piano while singing a song he wrote and my entire body went crazy. I felt butterflies, my pulse felt weird, my head became dizzy, it was so clearly obvious.

Now are you guys ready for the huge kicker? While I have discovered my honest feelings, I also can obviously see that he has a thing for another girl. And I do feel a little crushed. For the first time I've really fell for someone not based on their looks (so basically I'm in "like" instead of lust like I usually am) and it's not going to end up happily. But that's life. At least I've learned something about myself.

But still... I do feel a little teary inside.

nataliam1976 · Jul 10th, 2008, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiatflux

Well I think a lot of people are doing that, and as a result they're missing this all-important update!!!

and waste their time typing an opinion/advice that is not relevant anymore

CleoCouture · Jul 10th, 2008, 09:26 PM

I've dated a number of men I thought were not physically attractive. I dont equate the two. If I have strong feelings for someone I simply dont care what they look like. You're missing out on millions of opportunities if you rule someone out just because of the way they look.
It's wonderful that you've come to find the beauty of this mans inside. Have you expressed you feelings to him? Maybe he doesnt know and if he did he'd reconsider his feelings for this other gal.

It's always a huge bummer when you find your crush doesnt reciprocate those feelings. The only good thing to come out of this type of situation is growth. You learn alot about yourself. Especially for you in this particular situation. You've opened you mind and eyes to a whole world of romanic possibilities. And that's a wonderful thing.

laureenthemean · Jul 12th, 2008, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiatflux

Well I think a lot of people are doing that, and as a result they're missing this all-important update!!!

I did see this post but decided not to edit my post, since this problem seems to come up repeatedly with OP.

Pursegrrl · Jul 29th, 2008, 04:20 AM

...giving this thread a bump to sheepishly add my thoughts here:

OK, a few of you know I split up in May with the guy I met online and it wasn't going anywhere. I'm taking a break from online dating and just focusing on ME and getting back in shape, finding a new job, all that stuff.

Meanwhile, I don't know what it is but I'm getting these really weird "I'm available" vibes from one of our VPs (who is divorced) and who I barely know because other than a few months ago we haven't worked on projects together.

So while the guy is PHYSICALLY attractive, he's frankly been ugly on the inside most of the time I've worked there, IMO. Very hot and cold, very angry, bitchy, very no-no-no instead of trying to collaborate and make things work. So, for the last 7-8 months he's been on my avoid list other than things which are absolutely necessary for brief communication.

I don't know WHAT the heck is going on now, but this guy has done a 180 and has been so happy and outgoing, positive...could be Prozac, or maybe he's getting laid again or who knows what, LOL. The point is, he's now a teeny bit attractive to me - eeek!!

I guess I'm glad I'm getting laid off in mid september and can hopefully find a new job prior to then. I just DON'T understand the change in the vibes from him and how drastically it's changed between us. It's undeniable. When I see him now it's that kinda tingly OMG I see you and I might say something stupid teeny weeny crush thing. WTF is going on??

Liz_x3 · Jul 29th, 2008, 12:10 PM

To Pursegrrl:

Maybe you're seeing that there's more to this guy then meets the eye? I mean people change depending on where they are in life or the circumstances around them and sometimes they change for other people. Then again, sometimes they pretend to change. I think you should give this guy a chance, not a very obvious one but still a chance. And if you're getting the "crush tingles" then that's a good sign you may be attracted to him!

To everyone else:

So, here's an update about this guy. He still openly likes that one girl but she more or less just keeps him on a little string and doesn't confirm the fact that she likes him back... and I'm pretty positive she does. The guy and I are good friends. I really like him as a person. In fact, I'm planning on taking a short road trip with a few other girls (one of those girls is the one he likes, but we're good friends) to go see him in a play he's in this fall. Here's the really weird thing. I still think he's an amazing, talented person but those little tingles and my huge crush is gone. Instead when I'm around him and interact with him I see him as what he is without my "crush blindfolds": An incredible person with his own set of flaws. I'm still attracted to him and I think I always will be but it's not for superficial reasons and that makes me really happy. I've passed the phase of simply choosing guys for how they look. And my taste in "hottness" has changed as well. While I used to find the Abercrombie/Hollister male model the prototype of my perfect guy, they do absolutely nothing for me now.

So, I have to say THANK YOU to this guy for changing the way I view guys and also thank you for being in my life.

The End.

Jul 6th, 2008, 12:39 AM	#61
juneping couch potato-ing Location: NYC	OP - i think character goes a long way. after a while...it's just a face. but if you find him butt ugly then you should tell your heart to stop...just kidding. __________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off

Jul 6th, 2008, 07:31 PM	#62
BagLadie Got a handle on it Location: Red Sox Nation	^^ "character" DOES go a long way - I will agree with that immensely....because you can be the most beautiful person on this earth but become butt ugly if there is nothing more to you. But your significant other should be beautiful and attractive to YOU. Intimacy is very important in a successful relationship. __________________ One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

Jul 9th, 2008, 06:17 AM	#64
laureenthemean CL Authenticator '08 Location: Los Angeles	I say you really think about why physical attraction is so important to you. I think the fact that you are attracted to them at first out of jealousy might be a clue to something deeper. I had a really hard time with my current SO at first because he's not conventionally attractive. I was insecure about myself at the time (I'm a little better now) and saw him as a reflection of myself; I was worried people would think, "Oh, I guess that's the best she can do." There was something about my SO that I found special, though, so I kept with it and now, I hardly notice the things about him that I initially found unattractive. Sorry if I'm repeating anything, I only read the OP and not the following posts. __________________ See my shoes here! See my purses here! Join the revolution, list on bonanzle.com! Buy now, think later!

Jul 10th, 2008, 09:26 PM	#67
CleoCouture no will power Location: Stockton (boo!) but plan on moving back to Santa Barbara at some point~!	I've dated a number of men I thought were not physically attractive. I dont equate the two. If I have strong feelings for someone I simply dont care what they look like. You're missing out on millions of opportunities if you rule someone out just because of the way they look. It's wonderful that you've come to find the beauty of this mans inside. Have you expressed you feelings to him? Maybe he doesnt know and if he did he'd reconsider his feelings for this other gal. It's always a huge bummer when you find your crush doesnt reciprocate those feelings. The only good thing to come out of this type of situation is growth. You learn alot about yourself. Especially for you in this particular situation. You've opened you mind and eyes to a whole world of romanic possibilities. And that's a wonderful thing. __________________ Wish List: Cherry Spy!!! My Collection (find purses and accessories on pg 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 and 7!) http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-showcase/cleocoutures-collection-214086.html Last edited by CleoCouture; Jul 10th, 2008 at 09:32 PM.

Jul 29th, 2008, 04:20 AM	#69
Pursegrrl Oh! That Joe! Location: Seattle	...giving this thread a bump to sheepishly add my thoughts here: OK, a few of you know I split up in May with the guy I met online and it wasn't going anywhere. I'm taking a break from online dating and just focusing on ME and getting back in shape, finding a new job, all that stuff. Meanwhile, I don't know what it is but I'm getting these really weird "I'm available" vibes from one of our VPs (who is divorced) and who I barely know because other than a few months ago we haven't worked on projects together. So while the guy is PHYSICALLY attractive, he's frankly been ugly on the inside most of the time I've worked there, IMO. Very hot and cold, very angry, bitchy, very no-no-no instead of trying to collaborate and make things work. So, for the last 7-8 months he's been on my avoid list other than things which are absolutely necessary for brief communication. I don't know WHAT the heck is going on now, but this guy has done a 180 and has been so happy and outgoing, positive...could be Prozac, or maybe he's getting laid again or who knows what, LOL. The point is, he's now a teeny bit attractive to me - eeek!! I guess I'm glad I'm getting laid off in mid september and can hopefully find a new job prior to then. I just DON'T understand the change in the vibes from him and how drastically it's changed between us. It's undeniable. When I see him now it's that kinda tingly OMG I see you and I might say something stupid teeny weeny crush thing. WTF is going on??

Jul 29th, 2008, 12:10 PM	#70
Liz_x3 Member	To Pursegrrl: Maybe you're seeing that there's more to this guy then meets the eye? I mean people change depending on where they are in life or the circumstances around them and sometimes they change for other people. Then again, sometimes they pretend to change. I think you should give this guy a chance, not a very obvious one but still a chance. And if you're getting the "crush tingles" then that's a good sign you may be attracted to him! To everyone else: So, here's an update about this guy. He still openly likes that one girl but she more or less just keeps him on a little string and doesn't confirm the fact that she likes him back... and I'm pretty positive she does. The guy and I are good friends. I really like him as a person. In fact, I'm planning on taking a short road trip with a few other girls (one of those girls is the one he likes, but we're good friends) to go see him in a play he's in this fall. Here's the really weird thing. I still think he's an amazing, talented person but those little tingles and my huge crush is gone. Instead when I'm around him and interact with him I see him as what he is without my "crush blindfolds": An incredible person with his own set of flaws. I'm still attracted to him and I think I always will be but it's not for superficial reasons and that makes me really happy. I've passed the phase of simply choosing guys for how they look. And my taste in "hottness" has changed as well. While I used to find the Abercrombie/Hollister male model the prototype of my perfect guy, they do absolutely nothing for me now. So, I have to say THANK YOU to this guy for changing the way I view guys and also thank you for being in my life. The End.