Being attracted to someone you don't find attractive

Liz_x3 · Jun 30th, 2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddog

Don't cheat yourself out of having a guy you're physically attracted to. It doesn't sound like you're setting some Hercules type standard. Sometimes even if a guy is conventionally attractive, you may not have physical chemistry, and that's fine, there are plenty of decent guys who you will be physically compatible with.

You said you only find out you're attracted to these guys when they interact with other women and you get jealous. Are you sure it has so much to do with you being attracted to him as you wanting him to be attracted to you? There is a difference. Some women have a tendency to want everyone to be attracted to them (not to say you are like that, or that it's bad, I think it's a female genetic thing to be competitive with other women in attracting men), and I've seen girls in doing so chasing men that they really don't want (and sometimes are taken). It hurts both parties in the end. I guess just make sure you know what it is that you want and don't settle for anything less.

I think you might be right. I DO want him to be attracted to me even though I'm not neccesarily head over heels for him. In fact, I know that I like it when other guys are attracted to me even though I would never even considered them. I'm guessing it's a silly vanity and ego thing. But it's really true.

I feel petty saying this but I ALWAYS feel ten times better about myself when I know guys are attracted to me.

BagLadie · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liz_x3

I really don't find him attractive at all. And it's not just that he isn't conventionally attractive but that I feel absolutely no chemistry physically with him and actually lean more torward the repulsed side of things.

But the thing is that he has an amazing, funny, interesting personality. He's so full of ambition and I know he's going to be an incredible person in the future. He's an actor by the way LOL.

I know for a fact that if I got really smashed, I would more then likely be all over him.

It's just very hard for me to ignore the fact that I'm not physically attracted to him and in all honesty, it really sucks.

If you are actually "repulsed" by him this will never work. Eventually all the qualities you like about him now will fade somewhat. You have to have chemistry with whoever you wind up with. Trust me on this one...I am speaking from experience. I know what I am talking about!

BagLadie · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolitakali

Does he has money? Is he capable to give you a stable/secure life?

Most women tend to look for that secure provider in her man for that "long term".

Dunno, not you... so you have the answer.

Money or no money....even that "perk" will get old after a while. Never marry someone you're repulsed by because they can provide a stable life for you. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!!!!

mellecyn · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:02 PM

^now we want to hear your story too Ann

BagLadie · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:04 PM

Hahahahaaaa..............never! Ok well maybe one night if I have a few drinks I will come on here and type my story.

illinirdhd · Jun 30th, 2008, 08:48 PM

Have you gotten close enough to smell him? You know how when you're attracted to someone, you can smell his neck or cheek and get weak in the knees? A guy who has that smell always gets a couple of extra points on the attractive scale with me!

lvuittonaddict · Jun 30th, 2008, 11:41 PM

thats what friends are for. imo. there needs to be some sort of physical chemistry between two people. it wont work without it.

maddog · Jul 1st, 2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BagLadie

Hahahahaaaa..............never! Ok well maybe one night if I have a few drinks I will come on here and type my story.

Send me your address and I'll send a bottle over! lol! I'm curious too!

SPOILEDkiwi · Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

Have you gotten close enough to smell him? You know how when you're attracted to someone, you can smell his neck or cheek and get weak in the knees? A guy who has that smell always gets a couple of extra points on the attractive scale with me!

This made me laugh because it sounds creepy, but I was thinking the exact same thing on the train the other day. I was standing next to a decent looking guy, and I got a whiff of his cologne which smelled amazing, and I was like whoa! what a hottie! I once read that some men's colognes are supposed to trigger a similar response to pheromones. I don't know if it's true, but a man that smells amazing is instantly more attractive.

Zophie · Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:18 AM

I just realized today that there is a guy who I don't really find attractive but yet somehow I'm attracted to him. It's weird. It's gotta just be personality or chemistry or something.

BagLadie · Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:00 AM

Chemistry and attraction go waaaaay beyond physical appearances. If there is chemistry....you will feel it immediately. The way a man smells without cologne has a lot to do with it too. You can have the most beautiful man in the world in front of you and have him do nothing for you. But when there is chemistry between two people.....it's inevitable. That's why I love the saying, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder". What one person finds attractive, another may not.

mellecyn · Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPOILEDkiwi

This made me laugh because it sounds creepy, but I was thinking the exact same thing on the train the other day. I was standing next to a decent looking guy, and I got a whiff of his cologne which smelled amazing, and I was like whoa! what a hottie! I once read that some men's colognes are supposed to trigger a similar response to pheromones. I don't know if it's true, but a man that smells amazing is instantly more attractive.

Haha true !!! a few years ago I was going gaga over anyone who´d smell "Armani- Il/him"....that fragrance was very "in" at the time also...

lunatwinkle · Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:03 PM

This is a tough one.

In my own experience, I need to find the guy physically attractive. I cannot force physical chemistry when it's not there. I dated a guy for a couple months. Our personalities totally clicked and we were great for each other. We started out as friends and decided to take it to the next level. But I was so repulsed by his physical looks. I dreaded kissing him and snuggling with him in his bed. So after 2-3 months of forcing myself to try to like him physically, I gave up on the relationship. Luckily, we're still good friends. (He just doesn't know that I don't find him physically attractive.)

On the other hand, my best friend met some guy several years ago. Again, their personalities totally clicked, but she didn't find him attractive at all. He was super tall, sort of looked like a dork, and had chest hair. (

She doesn't like guys with chest hair! lol). But after she kept talking and hanging out with him, she slowly began to find him attractive. Now she likes the chest hair and how it tickles her nose.

And happily, they've been together for 5 years.

So I guess in the end, it really depends. Maybe try to date him for a little more time and see if you begin to find him attractive eventually. It might happen, it might now. Sorry if that isn't very good advice, but that's just my own experience.

~Fabulousity~ · Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BagLadie

Chemistry and attraction go waaaaay beyond physical appearances. If there is chemistry....you will feel it immediately. The way a man smells without cologne has a lot to do with it too. You can have the most beautiful man in the world in front of you and have him do nothing for you. But when there is chemistry between two people.....it's inevitable. That's why I love the saying, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder". What one person finds attractive, another may not.

So true!

Liz_x3 · Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:52 PM

Okay, ladies, I've come to realize that YES I am attracted to him.

I've even shockingly realized that I find him a little physically attractive too. I think who he is, his personality and talents, etc. took over my eyes.

And how have I come to this conclusion?

The other night I happened to watch him play the piano while singing a song he wrote and my entire body went crazy. I felt butterflies, my pulse felt weird, my head became dizzy, it was so clearly obvious.

Now are you guys ready for the huge kicker? While I have discovered my honest feelings, I also can obviously see that he has a thing for another girl. And I do feel a little crushed. For the first time I've really fell for someone not based on their looks (so basically I'm in "like" instead of lust like I usually am) and it's not going to end up happily. But that's life. At least I've learned something about myself.

But still... I do feel a little teary inside.

Jun 30th, 2008, 04:02 PM	#34
mellecyn Take me to LV Location: 300 km from LV somewhere in Europe	^now we want to hear your story too Ann __________________ "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete" Buckminster Fuller

Jun 30th, 2008, 04:04 PM	#35
BagLadie Got a handle on it Location: Red Sox Nation	Hahahahaaaa..............never! Ok well maybe one night if I have a few drinks I will come on here and type my story. __________________ One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

Jun 30th, 2008, 08:48 PM	#36
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	Have you gotten close enough to smell him? You know how when you're attracted to someone, you can smell his neck or cheek and get weak in the knees? A guy who has that smell always gets a couple of extra points on the attractive scale with me! __________________

Jun 30th, 2008, 11:41 PM	#37
lvuittonaddict ImASofaKingBannedBoy Location: Philly, DC, Jax	thats what friends are for. imo. there needs to be some sort of physical chemistry between two people. it wont work without it. __________________ Waiting Patiently For Christmas Who am i kidding? give my my bag NOW Wishlist 90% sure im getting a Balenciaga Day with GH for XMAS!!!! LV Trevi GM[] LV MC Pochette[X] LV Tahitiennes Stole[] LV Zippy Coin[] Chanel Medallion Tote[] Chanel- Any Reissue[] Hermes Birkin 35 Black Togo w/ PH http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...on-207662.html

Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:18 AM	#40
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	I just realized today that there is a guy who I don't really find attractive but yet somehow I'm attracted to him. It's weird. It's gotta just be personality or chemistry or something. __________________

Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:00 AM	#41
BagLadie Got a handle on it Location: Red Sox Nation	Chemistry and attraction go waaaaay beyond physical appearances. If there is chemistry....you will feel it immediately. The way a man smells without cologne has a lot to do with it too. You can have the most beautiful man in the world in front of you and have him do nothing for you. But when there is chemistry between two people.....it's inevitable. That's why I love the saying, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder". What one person finds attractive, another may not. __________________ One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:03 PM	#43
lunatwinkle RM SF SS 12/12 & 13! Location: SF Bay Area, California	This is a tough one. In my own experience, I need to find the guy physically attractive. I cannot force physical chemistry when it's not there. I dated a guy for a couple months. Our personalities totally clicked and we were great for each other. We started out as friends and decided to take it to the next level. But I was so repulsed by his physical looks. I dreaded kissing him and snuggling with him in his bed. So after 2-3 months of forcing myself to try to like him physically, I gave up on the relationship. Luckily, we're still good friends. (He just doesn't know that I don't find him physically attractive.) On the other hand, my best friend met some guy several years ago. Again, their personalities totally clicked, but she didn't find him attractive at all. He was super tall, sort of looked like a dork, and had chest hair. ( She doesn't like guys with chest hair! lol). But after she kept talking and hanging out with him, she slowly began to find him attractive. Now she likes the chest hair and how it tickles her nose. And happily, they've been together for 5 years. So I guess in the end, it really depends. Maybe try to date him for a little more time and see if you begin to find him attractive eventually. It might happen, it might now. Sorry if that isn't very good advice, but that's just my own experience. __________________ COME MEET MISS DUSTY!!! And the rest of the family here! Click on my profile to view my small but well-loved handbag collection!

Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:52 PM	#45
Liz_x3 Member	Okay, ladies, I've come to realize that YES I am attracted to him. I've even shockingly realized that I find him a little physically attractive too. I think who he is, his personality and talents, etc. took over my eyes. And how have I come to this conclusion? The other night I happened to watch him play the piano while singing a song he wrote and my entire body went crazy. I felt butterflies, my pulse felt weird, my head became dizzy, it was so clearly obvious. Now are you guys ready for the huge kicker? While I have discovered my honest feelings, I also can obviously see that he has a thing for another girl. And I do feel a little crushed. For the first time I've really fell for someone not based on their looks (so basically I'm in "like" instead of lust like I usually am) and it's not going to end up happily. But that's life. At least I've learned something about myself. But still... I do feel a little teary inside.