Balancing a demanding (?) boss and helping family

[pr1nc355]

I've been at my current job for a little over a year now. Things were going really well. Before I say anything else, I want to say that I really like my job and don't want to leave.

Without giving too many details about the place I work, I will just say that it's in a place that pays employees straight salaries without overtime pay and does not give bonuses. Of course, pretty much everybody works just their assigned hours. However, my boss isn't one of them. She is a very hard worker and puts in a lot of overtime. I did the same in the beginning, but I quickly had to stop doing so much overtime because my parents are not in not-so-great health, and I explained to my boss this. She said she understood, and I was OK because I did my work as assigned (she even gave me a very good annual review). I am never late to work, come back from lunch on time, and I always do all my required assignments on time, despite having my responsibilities almost tripling in one year. I also have a higher productivity rate than my boss, who can claim that since she's a supervisor (and I'm not), she has more leeway on this.

Today, however, she made a comment about how "timely" I am. I smiled at first, taking it to mean that I'm punctual with coming to work. But she clarified that she meant that I always LEFT right when the workday ended and sorta laughed (to make the statement seem lighter than it was). I was in shock a little, but responded that I have done overtime when it was necessary. She brushed it off by saying that that I did that only "occasionally". My father recently had a stroke and is still in the hospital, and of course, being that he and I have always had a great relationship, I rush to see him every day after work. Also, my mother is overwhelmed with my father's needs and is in pretty poor health herself, so I need to help her, too. My boss is very well aware about my situation. She even asks me how my father is doing almost every day.

Like I said above, I like this job and want to stay, but should I take this comment as a hint that I should be staying later at work? I get my job done within the hours I get paid for, but should I be doing even more?

[Echoes]

Originally Posted by pr1nc355

Like I said above, I like this job and want to stay, but should I take this comment as a hint that I should be staying later at work? I get my job done within the hours I get paid for, but should I be doing even more?

In today's job market, those are tough questions. You have to ask yourself if you'll be putting your job at risk, or if you'll be hurting your chances for promotion.

What general field are you in?

[nataliam1976]

Does your boss manage other employees as well, or just you? and if others, do they stay for longer than you or the same?

and is she the kind of person that you can sit down with and have a polite conversation about her expectations and ask if she thinks your performance is suffering due to the fact that you are not doing overtime?

[wordbox]

Perhaps have a brief meeting with your boss and ask her to clarify? Just something along the lines of... "I'm a little concerned about your comments about me leaving the office on time every day, and was hoping you could clarify it for me. Would you like for me to be staying later or doing extra projects? Because I've been getting all my work done and have felt like I'm doing a good job, but want to make sure I'm meeting your expectations. I can work later once a week if you'd like, twice with enough notice, but I'm going to have to make some adjustments in my personal life to do so, so would like to be able to plan for this. I want you to feel like I'm pulling my weight, so can we talk about your expectations?" or something along those lines. Nothing defensive or anything, but just make it clear that you're not sure what you should be doing, and up until now you've felt like you've been doing a good job there.

Good luck!

[rainrowan]

Your boss sounds wedded to her career and maybe she doesn't see that you have a life outside of this career, which ends at a certain hour, and your personal life takes over.

I used to churn out work like crazy during my work hours outperforming my boss' workload but he was usually the one being compensated for the results if you kwim. If I decided to stay late, he would feel guilty about leaving before me, so he would just sit in his office waiting for me to finish, he couldn't bring himself to leave before me LOL.

Your boss should appreciate what she has, an employee who does their job properly within the time frame of the work day. I was never the type to feel obligated to go for drinks, or hang out and socialize with my boss' friends after work just because they assume I can wing that at a moment's notice.

I'd ask her exactly what she means by being "timely" even if your performance on the job during regular work hours meets the job expectations. Ask her what she expects if you do stay late - is it more work, or spending time wrapping up the day with her, or personal stuff like hanging out with her? If it's spending time at the end of the day going over things with her, then she'll have to know you'll need to 'stop work' an hour earlier so that you two can meet and discuss projects done/to be done the next day. I think perhaps bosses like her like to shoot the breeze a little at the end of the day. HTH

[pr1nc355]

Originally Posted by Echoes

In today's job market, those are tough questions. You have to ask yourself if you'll be putting your job at risk, or if you'll be hurting your chances for promotion. What general field are you in?

I'm in health care.

[pr1nc355]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

Does your boss manage other employees as well, or just you? and if others, do they stay for longer than you or the same? and is she the kind of person that you can sit down with and have a polite conversation about her expectations and ask if she thinks your performance is suffering due to the fact that you are not doing overtime?

My boss manages other employees, but they work in different buildings, so I'm the only one she actually sees on a daily basis. I don't know if the others stay longer. In fact, one calls often to ask my boss if it's OK to leav early. However, I think that they're friendly because they have both worked at that place for a long time.

My boss is generally pretty friendly, but I don't know how polite she'd be when it comes to talking about work. She is very adamant about being a hard worker, and she seems to feel that it's impossible to be one when you don't do overtime.

[pr1nc355]

Originally Posted by wordbox

Perhaps have a brief meeting with your boss and ask her to clarify? Just something along the lines of... "I'm a little concerned about your comments about me leaving the office on time every day, and was hoping you could clarify it for me. Would you like for me to be staying later or doing extra projects? Because I've been getting all my work done and have felt like I'm doing a good job, but want to make sure I'm meeting your expectations. I can work later once a week if you'd like, twice with enough notice, but I'm going to have to make some adjustments in my personal life to do so, so would like to be able to plan for this. I want you to feel like I'm pulling my weight, so can we talk about your expectations?" or something along those lines. Nothing defensive or anything, but just make it clear that you're not sure what you should be doing, and up until now you've felt like you've been doing a good job there. Good luck!

Thanks. I'll probably end up doing something like this. I'm just wondering why she didn't mention this at our annual review if it was such a problem? She only brought it up during a casual non-work related conversation.

[pr1nc355]

Originally Posted by rainrowan

Your boss sounds wedded to her career and maybe she doesn't see that you have a life outside of this career, which ends at a certain hour, and your personal life takes over. I used to churn out work like crazy during my work hours outperforming my boss' workload but he was usually the one being compensated for the results if you kwim. If I decided to stay late, he would feel guilty about leaving before me, so he would just sit in his office waiting for me to finish, he couldn't bring himself to leave before me LOL. Your boss should appreciate what she has, an employee who does their job properly within the time frame of the work day. I was never the type to feel obligated to go for drinks, or hang out and socialize with my boss' friends after work just because they assume I can wing that at a moment's notice. I'd ask her exactly what she means by being "timely" even if your performance on the job during regular work hours meets the job expectations. Ask her what she expects if you do stay late - is it more work, or spending time wrapping up the day with her, or personal stuff like hanging out with her? If it's spending time at the end of the day going over things with her, then she'll have to know you'll need to 'stop work' an hour earlier so that you two can meet and discuss projects done/to be done the next day. I think perhaps bosses like her like to shoot the breeze a little at the end of the day. HTH

Thanks. I didn't think about the situation from this perspective, but I guess it'd be interesting to find out. I'm guessing she does benefit from the work she and I both do because she's in charge of the department, and we've been praised for our productivity by the higher-ups.

[apey_grapey]

i agree with a lot of what has been said earlier: you should have a conversation with your boss about her expectations, how you are meeting them. and although i feel that your boss should take your current personal situation into consideration, i have to point out that in this economy, just doing what is expected may not be enough. perhaps you should think about asking for an extra project - a small one that you know you can accomplish w/in your normal work hours - but can be seen as you going "above and beyond".

much of this issue is perception. if how your boss sees you is changing from a "star" to "average joe", you should deal with it and get it back to star status ASAP! when you are seen as a star, you have so many more options as your employer will be more accommodating.

oh, as for productivity: workers are always more productive than their supervisors because the boss' main responsibility is to supervise. make your boss look good and they'll return the favor (every single one of my bosses have gotten major promotions when i worked for them and i've been rewarded similarly).

[Echoes]

Do you ever go to lunch together? Could you talk more informally there?

[agile]

If your other co-workers in the same team are leaving a lot later and you're always leaving on time each day, then yes, that could look bad unfortunately. This is the world we live in these days.

However, you need to sit down with your boss and have a discussion about what is expected of you. Is there more work she wants you to help out with, are you not meeting expectations etc.? There is no use wondering if what you are doing is the right thing if you and your boss are not on the same page. If you do that and you find what she's asking for is too much (long hours, more effort etc.), then you have to propose what you find reasonable and come to a compromise.

In my experience, I have no problems with people in my team going home "on time" as long as they deliver everything correctly, on schedule without holding up anyone else, and that they respond to problems/crisis proactively and responsibly.

[Irishgal]

Originally Posted by wordbox

Perhaps have a brief meeting with your boss and ask her to clarify? Just something along the lines of... "I'm a little concerned about your comments about me leaving the office on time every day, and was hoping you could clarify it for me. Would you like for me to be staying later or doing extra projects? Because I've been getting all my work done and have felt like I'm doing a good job, but want to make sure I'm meeting your expectations. I can work later once a week if you'd like, twice with enough notice, but I'm going to have to make some adjustments in my personal life to do so, so would like to be able to plan for this. I want you to feel like I'm pulling my weight, so can we talk about your expectations?" or something along those lines. Nothing defensive or anything, but just make it clear that you're not sure what you should be doing, and up until now you've felt like you've been doing a good job there. Good luck!

Very nice. I like this a lot.
I am also in healthcare for a big organization and I can tell you the expectations are very high. We all work at least 9-10 hours per day and honestly, taking a lunch is frowned upon. We also carry Blackberrys and are expected (no one will say it but) to answer email in the evening and weekends.
One thing I have learned in my years working is that with few exceptions, your employer does not really have concern for personal issues you have to deal with. Now, some do, but for the most part I have not found this to be true. The irony is that you and I both work in healthcare, where were are supposed to promote work/life balance..haha what a joke.
But talk to her. Maybe a co worker said something to her and she feels that she needs to bring it up, who knows.
Good luck.

[rainedrop1019]

I haven't read other comments so apologies if this is a repeat but I've found that the best thing to do is to nip these potential issues in the bud rather than dawdle around them. Remember it's not always what you say but how you say it sometimes. I would approach her casually but assertively (just make sure you are not attacking or being defensive) and explain to her that you wanted to make sure you are managing expectations with her and would like to chat about how you are currently doing in the job as well as her level of expectation of you. Does she want you working more hours, is she comfortable with you leaving on the dot to attend to your dad provided you get your work done? I think it's important to talk through and lay all of those expectations on the table now to make sure you are both on the same page. Take this as a good opportunity to do an informal touch base with her before your next annual and find out what you can do more of or anything you can improve on to be a better worker for her but also to keep your own peace of mind and stay in a healthy state of mind so that you can attend to your father and personal matters as well. Good luck with the situation and HUGS about your dad. I hope he gets better.