Bad Dreams about the ex

[Rockysmom]

I dated my ex for 6 years and we have been broken up for 6. It went downhill because he was not nice to me, he made me jealous on purpose and our relationship wasn't going anywhere. I became super depressed and very angry. I moved out the day he came home with hickies on his neck an condoms in his bag. Since then I have been with a great guy for 6 years who is nice to me and loves me dearly.

The thing is I have random dreams of the ex cheating on me, dreams re-living bad moments in our relationship, or dreams of him saying awful things to me. In all of my dreams I am laughed at, embarassed or humiliated in some way. I am totally over this guy but don't understand why my mind continues to let him abuse me.

Has this happened to anyone else?

[Jeneen]

yes - it has happened to me, and I hate it - they can seem so real and then you wake up all upset, confused, and disgruntled.

[katran26]

I totally understand where you're coming from - I have nightmares, or just random moments when I think of my ex (the "player" type who would go clubbing and come home not telling me anything...turns out he was cheating on me).

It's taken a long time for me to even attempt dating again, and yeah, something like that can be traumatic...

[amymaria]

I used to except my insecurities always extended to my current relationship. It was weird to wakeup next to someone who was nothing but good to you and feel anger or sadness towards them....and them having them reassure you...and they aren't sure why.

[sophiae]

Yes, this has happened to me, but just once. I had a dream that he died, and I was completely sad when I woke up. I'm glad it was just a dream, because I'm sure he's okay, whatever he's doing. All the other dreams about him I've had have been me reliving good times.

[spoiled_brat]

The only solutions I can think of if it really bothers you would be a) therapy or b) hypnotherapy

[starra007]

Yes, that happens to me too sometimes. I've had dreams of my ex knocking me against walls and dragging me across the room by my hair. I'm in a much happier place in my life now. For me, dreams are dreams. Sometimes they have significance, sometimes they don't. In this case, maybe he was on your mind or in your subconscious and the past manifested itself as a dream for you. My advice would be not to let it get to you and not to place so much emphasis on them.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by spoiled_brat

The only solutions I can think of if it really bothers you would be a) therapy or b) hypnotherapy

agree...if it really bothers you...talk to a therapist. it really helps.

[tiffthegreat]

oh that has happened to me way too many times, i've even had dreams about me dying and him ignoring me and all sorts of horrible things. Like starra007 said, even though you are over him he's probably just in your subconscious. My advice would be to not take them too seriously and to submerge yourself into fun things that you love to do or make fun plans for stuff to do in the future, once i started doing that, my dreams went away completely.

[ZippyWho]

Yes, and I think this is normal. I had those nightmare and when I was awake, I was happy that it was a dream only. I don't think it means anything.

[madamefifi]

I think that having dreams about the ex is a way for your subconcious mind to work things out, KWIM? I used to dream occassionally about my ex, too--at first horrible, painful dreams, then as time went by I gradually got the upper hand in the dreams and would reject him in some way or another and he would be the one suffering. This dream process took years but I can't remember the last time he was in my dreams. We have been divorced 11 years now.

[Sternchen]

Happens to me too and I hate it. It always brings me down for the day even though I know it was just a dream

[ProfNot]

Yes, this has happened to me several times.

My ex bf cheated on me, too. Only once - I broke up with him when I found out about it. No regrets. Ever.


Dreams are a wonderful way of letting us work out our anxieties and worries while we sleep.

For example: if I am concerned that someone important might be lying to me, I might dream about my ex.

These dreams are not about the ex, they are about my current concerns.


In most of the dreams, the ex is apologizing and wants me back. In HIS dreams LOL!

[Vendrazi]

I still have dreams about an assh*le ex who I haven't seen in 25 years. (Hilariously enough, a friend of mine independently ran into him -- we live at opposite ends of the continent -- and she said, "Wow, that guy is an AH!")

What many dream books I've read say is that the dream may not be about the ex (although I guess it could be), but about something that's happening in your life NOW that's making you feel the same way. Not necessarily your current relationship, but maybe someone in a work relationship, etc. Try that on for size and see if anything pops up for you.

[jellybebe]

This has happened to me too. A few months ago, I had a dream about an ex who I haven't seen in probably 7 years, and I've been with my current love for 5 years. I hadn't even thought of this guy in a few years and suddenly I had a dream about running into him. Maybe it was because we finished on kind of a weird note, but it was sort of disturbing because he was such a jerk and doesn't deserve my thoughts!