[Liz_x3]

I'm friends with X. X is a very nice girl and a good friend. I like X. But sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with X. When it's just the two of us there's just this awkward feeling in the air. We don't really know what to talk about or what to do. I always feel a little tense around her but not in the "I hope I don't do something wrong" way but more the "What next?" way. When there's someone else there or we're in a group of people, our friendship seems to flow so smoothly and quickly but like I said, when we're hanging out alone the friendship seems strained.

Here's an example. We went out to eat today and the entire time it was just awkward. Conversation was a struggle and I had no idea what to talk about or anything.

When I hang out with other friends the good times just roll. We make memories, laugh our heads off, and the conversation just flows so easily and there's never a pause or awkward moment.

Do you think maybe I just don't have anything in common with X? I need help dissecting this friendship because it's starting to wear on me.

[Pursegrrl]

...out of curiosity, how long have you known X and how did you meet and become friends with her? Just trying to understand a little more, if you're comfortable sharing.

[amanda]

I know the feeling that you're talking about, like you don't quiiiiiite fit with someone. It can be very uncomfortable. It doesn't happen all that often to me anymore, though, because I went to journalism school, where they teach you interview skills. Honestly! I can get anyone talking. Try asking lots of questions - how's her job, hows her new boyfriend, etc. And then ask follow-up questions. Most people are put at ease when they think someone is listening to them and cares. You'll learn a lot about her and it'll be easier to talk in the future.

On the other hand, if you already consider yourself close to this person and still can't get things going when it's just you two, maybe your personalities just don't work one-on-one. It's not either person's fault, sometimes that'll just happen. Maybe consider bringing a friend or two along when you plan to hang out, if that's the case.

[Liz_x3]

I met X through a mutual friend who I'm still distant friends with and I don't think that X and mutual friend still keep contact... not sure. I've known X for about 1 and a half years but there was a period of about 5-6 months where we didn't really communicate much except for maybe occasionally through the internet or if we bumped into each other.

Another way I could describe our friendship is that when we're together this is constantly running through my mind: "Okay... now what do I say next to avoid silence?"

[RowanOak]

You know, I've had that realization too with a friend recently, so I know just what you mean. We get along great with other friends around to join in the conversation, but when we go out to dinner alone, I just suddenly feel like the 'inquisitor' about her and her life.

The last time we got together for dinner, she said let's just sit here and talk for awhile. I thought maybe she wanted to get into something deep, but I soon realized that once again, I was doing all the talking. I ask all kinds of questions to her that would (or should) lead to a good talk, but it seemed to be again...all one-sided. I was exhausted at the end of the night from just being like the moderator of a talk show, whose guest wasn't making it easy for me, the 'moderator.'

Sorry...got into too much of my own experience, but yes to yours. It could be that you no longer have anything in common with X, or that somehow you just don't communicate alone like you should with a good friend where there is give and take in a conversation.

It's sad, isn't it? Especially when it's somebody you've been GOOD friends with for ages and no longer connect.

[Pursegrrl]

Originally Posted by Liz_x3

I met X through a mutual friend who I'm still distant friends with and I don't think that X and mutual friend still keep contact... not sure. I've known X for about 1 and a half years but there was a period of about 5-6 months where we didn't really communicate much except for maybe occasionally through the internet or if we bumped into each other.

Another way I could describe our friendship is that when we're together this is constantly running through my mind: "Okay... now what do I say next to avoid silence?"

Wow, that would not be a fun vibe running under the surface when you two are together! I asked how long and how you had met X because I was wondering if you had perhaps met during a very specific event or circumstance which has ended and that was all you had in common, if that makes sense.

I like amanda's advice to ask questions and listen. Let's face it - people love to talk about themselves and what they're up to, families, jobs, vacations, you name it.

But if it becomes very one-sided to where you are asking all the questions and she isn't asking how YOU'RE doing or feeling about xyz or the thing that happened last week, or how so and so is doing with their knee surgery, etc, then maybe it's not a good idea to be 1:1 and just stick with hanging out in groups.

On a side note, I have a couple friends where we only really hang out when one of our mutual friends is along with us.

[Liz_x3]

^^ Actually, I've come to realize that our friendship has always sort of been like this. I just never really thought about it much. It could be that we're just not meant to mesh together like I do with other people.