[LeeMiller]

Ok so while home for the holidays my mother brought up the fact that she thinks I should be on my fiance's credit cards. It was sort of an upsetting conversation. He makes more money then I do, but we're both attorneys and we both make six figures. He also just got me a Tiffany diamond necklace, for several thousand, for my birthday and my mother said he's "tight" with money?!?! She expects him to pay for every single meal along with some of my other expenses, like clothing purchases, and was annoyed that he bought me silver earrings for Christmas. I pay for things somethings, but honestly I felt really spoiled until this conversation. He takes me on great vacations and has always been what I thought was generous.

I don't know is this really a rant about my mother? Do people actually go on each other's credit cards? I'm just confused and upset about the whole thing.

[amanda]

mostly, mothers have tons of great advice. sometimes, mothers are wrong. if you're comfortable in the financial decisions that you two have made as a couple (which it sounds like you are), then your mom's opinion doesn't matter.

i think it's extremely old-fashioned to expect a man to financially provide for everything in a relationship, especially once the 'courtship' phase of wining-and-dining is over (which it sounds like it is for you guys, since you're getting married). from what you say, it seems that his financial contribution is well beyond proportional to his income, and you shouldn't let the words of others (even your mom) stop you from being happy with how you two deal with things as a couple.

my parents are on each others' major credit cards, but they've also been married for over 25 years - for a couple just about to get married, i would think that that would be completely unnecessary and something that can be taken care of, if you choose, in the future.

where your parents wealthy when you were growing up? to me, your mom sounds a tad spoiled and entitled (and i don't say that to be mean - mine's the same way. i've dated several high school teachers, and my mom loves to comment that i should stop dating men that can't afford to buy me a handbag).

[_bella_]

I wouldn't let my mother worry me like that. Of course, mine is the opposite and thinks I deprive my husband of the weirdest things like not making potatoes often enough....WTF????

I'm on all the credit cards, but it's completely normal not to be! Most of my friends are married and have their own CC's.

At the end of the day, he's your husband and only YOU know what he does for you. Your mother sees a very narrow view of your life together and has her own interpretations. Don't allow yourself to be soured by those negative comments.

[Janos614]

I think it's better to have credit established in your own name so that in the event you have to access it, you can. It doesn't matter if you use the card or not, but just make sure you have it! I don't think it's necessary to have joint cards or to be on your SO's cards, so long as both of you are open about spending and debts. Your fiance sounds wonderful, loving and generous, so please don't let your mom interfere. It sounds like she's trying to live vicariously through you, and that could undermine what you and your fiance have together.

[Demosthenes]

Hubby is on my credit cards, but he pays for them. It works...

I think you guys should do what's financially right for the both of you. Your Mom seems like the very traditional type. Someone neutral would even say that she's encouraging "golddigger" behavior, even though she means well. I personally wouldn't let her ideas bother me.

[Speedy]

I think your bigger problem is your mother and her materialist ways. As long as YOU are happy with your future husband, what business is it of hers? Man, I've seen this so many times before... and the marriage never worked out because the mother was butting in all the time. It killed my parent's marraige, and led me to lead a life without two of my own brothers until I was 45.

Sounds like she's really trying to be greedy FOR you. Does she even like him? Or is it all about what HE makes and what HE pays for?

But, about the credit cards...

My DH had me on his cards. Sadly, when my medical bills got so piled up, and we couldn't pay for them, it ruined BOTH our credit. Then my brother (who can't handle money at ALL) got me a credit card on one of his accounts, supposedly for my use only (I used it for emergencies) but just before Christmas he called me and said I couldn't use the card... HE went over the limit and HE couldn't pay it off yet.

I'd say, get your own cards in your own name. You make enough money, and with your Mom interfering in your finances, it's best in the long run if you don't have mutual cards. Good luck.

[elongreach]

As long as you're happy, that's what's important. Besides, I would never want to be on my SO's (someone other than my husband) credit card. It's debt I don't need unless it's my own. Now if she were talking bank accounts, that may be a different story. But it's pretty pointless to be on his credit cards.

[dusty paws]

I have my own cards - a visa and a MC, and BF has his amex and Visa. I don't expect him to pay for my stuff. Perhaps when we are engaged and/or married we can get a joint credit card account for mutual things, but I will keep my own cards to fund my own purchases on (clothes, shoes, bags, makeup, you get the idea - things I don't need but like).

[elizat]

I would not worry about it. If you two are okay with the situation, I'd say leave it alone. When you marry if you have joint accounts, then the logical thing is to be on one another's credit cards, IMO. Personally, if I was in your shoes, I would think it odd to be on a fiance's account, esp. if you bank separately. He sounds VERY generous too, so maybe your mom just made you question yourself.

[caxe]

I am, as an authorized user. It was my BF's idea to make me an authorized user on many of his credit accounts, and he did this about a year or so after we met (I had moved in by then, and this was over two years ago). A short while later (since he had started the trend already) I asked him for a couple more cards. Actually, I asked him to apply at some stores and make me an authorized user. He agreed to do so. But I felt bad about all the stuff I was buying on his accounts so I froze five of the cards in a block of ice a month or so ago. I only kept the Macy's card out to do some Christmas shopping. I'm working on helping him to pay all of them down, even though he uses many of them as much as I do. But keep in mind, this is not a joint account that we applied for together, he just added me on after HE applied.

He's just a very generous guy, would give you the shirt off his back. However, no guy I'd ever been with before him had made a similar gesture. It wasn't anything that I asked my BF to do, and certainly nothing I would have expected him to do, this was of his own accord. I do have a MC and Visa in my own name, though.

Oh, and for the record, not only are we not married; we're not even engaged or anything.

[Zophie]

I don't mean to sound rude, but your mom needs a dose of reality. My mom would probably tell me to give the gift back if a man gave me something worth thousands (that is, if she knew about it).

But for your original question, I have never been on a joint CC with an SO. I've lived with two bf's. One was when I was really young and I was the only one with a credit card at the time. The other was much more recently and he was very bad with money and had awful credit. And I sure wouldn't have wanted him on mine! In the future I really have no need to be on anyone else's CC account, but if I end up with a man who is very responsible with money and wants to add me to his, so be it. I really don't care. I'm used to taking care of myself.

[guccimamma]

if you have excellent credit, you should each keep your established cards.

it might be a good idea to get one with both of your names for shared expenses that come up in the future.

[ChiChi143]

As of now we each have our own credit cards. When we get married we plan on having our own as well as a joint credit card.

[ImASadGiraffe]

My DH and I have no joint accounts other than our mortgage and my car. All of our credit card accounts are separate, but I am an authorized user on his Mastercard. I don't even carry the card around with me, and it doesn't have a balance, but if there were an emergency, either of us would have access to the credit line.

I think your mother needs to mind her own business...you and your SO's finances are not something she should be worrying about.

[Litigatrix]

my husband and my finances are totally joint, but we don't share credit cards. the reason is i don't really want his debt showing up on my credit report and vice versa. since we both have good credit and get basically the same quality card offers, i don't really see any reason for us to be co-cardholders.