Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy?

LissiSays · Dec 17th, 2007, 04:38 PM

Anyone out there have a friend that seems to always get "sick" after an argument? Do you think they do this for attention and/or sympathy?

I have a friend that has gotten "sick to his stomach" after every argument we have had. He has claimed to have stomach pains, thrown up, shivers, fever, etc. It magically happens after every single argument we have had during the course of our friendship. And he always makes these symptoms known to me one way or another.

I don't know whether to take it seriously or not anymore. I feel like this is happening for attention. I feel like this is happening to pull sympathy from me and take attention away from the cause of the argument.

It happened again this weekend. He got "sick" but this time I was still too angry from the argument and didn't care nor respond to his "sickness." Heck, I'm still angry! I was given comments like "Oh you don't care" when I didn't show concern. I got angry and told him that he always gets sick when we argue. It gets old. I told him that it's like a game of crying wolf. How am I supposed to know when he is being serious?

Anyone experience this? Any advice? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel bad being mean but I hate when people think I have "Stupid" stamped on my forehead.

Speedy · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:09 PM

I know a few people like this... probably more than you do because most of my "outside" time is spent in clinics and at hospitals. I have a ton of medical problems, so it's only natural for people I know to talk about them.

But your friend is doing it for positive attention from you... he wants you to coo and aww over him, and hopefully forget whatever it was you argued about. It COULD be that he DOES get sick to his stomach after every arguement, but I think it's because he can't handle it in a mature manner. I'll bet you diamonds to buttons this started with him as a child.

dallas · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:36 PM

One option would be to argue less...

devoted · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:40 PM

A hypochondriac? but your friend gets sick only after fights....Ignore him is all I can say. Sometimes I get weird pains here and there after arguing with someone, I never tell the person anything, I just quickly try to make up with them so I can feel better. Maybe it's karma-pains? LOL. So he could be telling the truth, but who knows...

LissiSays · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dallas

One option would be to argue less...

I agree. I hate to argue. Who honestly enjoys it? But at the same time I'm not going to let a friend walk all over me. I'm not going to let a friend throw sarcastic comments at me and keep my mouth shut for all of them. I'm not going to let a friend forget his "place" in my life and cross the line. I'm not always the one that starts the argument either.

If the argument is my fault then I'll admit it, apologize and all is fine again. But if it is his fault then he gets sick, etc, etc.

LissiSays · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by devoted

A hypochondriac? but your friend gets sick only after fights....Ignore him is all I can say. Sometimes I get weird pains here and there after arguing with someone, I never tell the person anything, I just quickly try to make up with them so I can feel better. Maybe it's karma-pains? LOL. So he could be telling the truth, but who knows...

Exactly! I have only felt sick after an extremely... EXTREMELY emotional fight. Like the type where a relationship is on the rocks and you have been crying sooooooo much! But I only get that way, like I said, if it is a really emotional and extreme fight. And these have not happened that often in my life. And it's not even a severe sick... I just lose my appetite and normally get a headache from the crying, thinking and emotions.

Speedy · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:53 PM

Lissi, as I said, I'll bet he learned this as a child. Have you pointed this out to him?

IntlSet · Dec 17th, 2007, 05:56 PM

Maybe he has the beginning symptoms of Munchhausen's Syndrome.

Speedy · Dec 17th, 2007, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

Maybe he has the beginning symptoms of Munchhausen's Syndrome.

I was thinking that too... only it seems to be focalized after arguments? We may have discovered a new Munchausen "degree"!

LissiSays · Dec 17th, 2007, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Speedy

Lissi, as I said, I'll bet he learned this as a child. Have you pointed this out to him?

I did point this out. I told him that it's like a game of crying wolf. He just said he really was sick. But I can't help but notice this pattern. And don't know what else to do.

Speedy · Dec 17th, 2007, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LissiSays

I did point this out. I told him that it's like a game of crying wolf. He just said he really was sick. But I can't help but notice this pattern. And don't know what else to do.

Like I said honey, I'll bet you he learned this as a child, as a way to get out of whatever he'd done to get yelled at by adults. It's called "Deflective Illness". When he sees he's not going to win an argument, he fakes illness to deflect the real cause of his discomfort (realization he's wrong) to change the way you view him.

Only thing I can think of, other than suggest he get professional help for this, is to not argue with him. And since he's a "friend", I'd also suggest not seeing him as much.

Wentworth-Roth · Dec 17th, 2007, 07:20 PM

My grandmother is a master of that -let's call it- art. My family has gotten used to it, and we deal with it by either ignoring it or humouring it, depending on our mood. However, my mother's and my grandmother's mother-daughter relationship suffered because of the latter's m.o. to get attention; so it's not all fun and giggles if a person pretends to be ill.

itsnicole · Dec 17th, 2007, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LissiSays

Anyone out there have a friend that seems to always get "sick" after an argument? Do you think they do this for attention and/or sympathy?

I have a friend that has gotten "sick to his stomach" after every argument we have had. He has claimed to have stomach pains, thrown up, shivers, fever, etc. It magically happens after every single argument we have had during the course of our friendship. And he always makes these symptoms known to me one way or another.

I don't know whether to take it seriously or not anymore. I feel like this is happening for attention. I feel like this is happening to pull sympathy from me and take attention away from the cause of the argument.

It happened again this weekend. He got "sick" but this time I was still too angry from the argument and didn't care nor respond to his "sickness." Heck, I'm still angry! I was given comments like "Oh you don't care" when I didn't show concern. I got angry and told him that he always gets sick when we argue. It gets old. I told him that it's like a game of crying wolf. How am I supposed to know when he is being serious?

Anyone experience this? Any advice? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel bad being mean but I hate when people think I have "Stupid" stamped on my forehead.

Is this who I think it is?

LissiSays · Dec 18th, 2007, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsnicole

Is this who I think it is?

LoL Yes!

Speedy · Dec 18th, 2007, 12:08 AM

Anyone I know? LOL!

The only advice I can give you other than what has already been said is to distance yourself from him. Of course he'll probably complain to mutual friends that you don't care anything about him, but that's the price to pay. You could also suggest he see a doctor about his belly... all that sickness HAS to have some reason for being. Of course, the kind of doctor I think he needs is a shrink.

Dec 17th, 2007, 04:38 PM	#1
LissiSays I <3 Coach =Þ Location: Miami, Florida	Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? Anyone out there have a friend that seems to always get "sick" after an argument? Do you think they do this for attention and/or sympathy? I have a friend that has gotten "sick to his stomach" after every argument we have had. He has claimed to have stomach pains, thrown up, shivers, fever, etc. It magically happens after every single argument we have had during the course of our friendship. And he always makes these symptoms known to me one way or another. I don't know whether to take it seriously or not anymore. I feel like this is happening for attention. I feel like this is happening to pull sympathy from me and take attention away from the cause of the argument. It happened again this weekend. He got "sick" but this time I was still too angry from the argument and didn't care nor respond to his "sickness." Heck, I'm still angry! I was given comments like "Oh you don't care" when I didn't show concern. I got angry and told him that he always gets sick when we argue. It gets old. I told him that it's like a game of crying wolf. How am I supposed to know when he is being serious? Anyone experience this? Any advice? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel bad being mean but I hate when people think I have "Stupid" stamped on my forehead. __________________ *LiSSi* Don't play games with a girl who can play better!

Dec 17th, 2007, 05:09 PM	#2
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? I know a few people like this... probably more than you do because most of my "outside" time is spent in clinics and at hospitals. I have a ton of medical problems, so it's only natural for people I know to talk about them. But your friend is doing it for positive attention from you... he wants you to coo and aww over him, and hopefully forget whatever it was you argued about. It COULD be that he DOES get sick to his stomach after every arguement, but I think it's because he can't handle it in a mature manner. I'll bet you diamonds to buttons this started with him as a child.

Dec 17th, 2007, 05:36 PM	#3
dallas Ya anno	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? One option would be to argue less... __________________ A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship; and he who plants kindness gathers love.

Dec 17th, 2007, 05:40 PM	#4
devoted Member	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? A hypochondriac? but your friend gets sick only after fights....Ignore him is all I can say. Sometimes I get weird pains here and there after arguing with someone, I never tell the person anything, I just quickly try to make up with them so I can feel better. Maybe it's karma-pains? LOL. So he could be telling the truth, but who knows...

Dec 17th, 2007, 05:53 PM	#7
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? Lissi, as I said, I'll bet he learned this as a child. Have you pointed this out to him?

Dec 17th, 2007, 05:56 PM	#8
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? Maybe he has the beginning symptoms of Munchhausen's Syndrome. __________________ www.drinkmorechampagne.com

Dec 17th, 2007, 07:20 PM	#12
Wentworth-Roth Oldtime member	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? My grandmother is a master of that -let's call it- art. My family has gotten used to it, and we deal with it by either ignoring it or humouring it, depending on our mood. However, my mother's and my grandmother's mother-daughter relationship suffered because of the latter's m.o. to get attention; so it's not all fun and giggles if a person pretends to be ill.

Dec 18th, 2007, 12:08 AM	#15
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: Anyone have a friend that gets "sick" for attention/sympathy? Anyone I know? LOL! The only advice I can give you other than what has already been said is to distance yourself from him. Of course he'll probably complain to mutual friends that you don't care anything about him, but that's the price to pay. You could also suggest he see a doctor about his belly... all that sickness HAS to have some reason for being. Of course, the kind of doctor I think he needs is a shrink.