Anyone else ever ran into a man who won't marry you??

[Tammy518]

Originally Posted by roo

well, that's the family courts for ya. I joke with him and tell him at least he knows i didn't marry him for his money! he retorts the he married me for mine

lol!

[natalie78]

DH tells people that he married me for my money (because those of us in the criminal justice field make soooo much). In turn, I tell people I married him to held him get his green card. We also tell people that we met in prison (we really did). Our friends think that it's hilarious. Strangers get scared and run the other way. It's a win-win.

[nooch]

LOL Natalie, I like that. My mom tells people her husband is her parole officer... 'cause technically he is A parole officer and he is HERS... so if she doesn't want to deal with someone she says "I married my parole officer!"

[LeeMiller]

Originally Posted by Charles

I'm pretty sure that the major reason most girls want to get married is for security (however misguided that may be), still, I'm trying to encourage women to create their own security. Why is marriage about taking care of her if he gets a divorce? Why can't she create her own cushion without having to rely on the government and men? And yes, there are exceptions, but I feel that, with that mindset, it holds women back and prevents them from ever achieving the equality that they'd need to not rely on a man to take care and provide for them should something happen in their relationship. Women are always wanting to be equal, yet they constantly partake in traditions that put them in a submissive role to men.

I find this statement and all the statements about marriage being a "piece of paper" offensive. Marriage does not by itself put women in a submissive role.

There are other reasons, including religion to get married. I feel like many in this thread are not being respectful of any of that or people's right to choose to get married. People have their reasons not to get married fine, what I don't like to see is people put down others just to prop up their own belief systems.

[LeeMiller]

Originally Posted by Grace123

I married for the first time in my 40's. I had been with my now husband for 5 years, he had been previously divorced and it was bitter. We live in community property state and she got half of everything, hence, his bitterness at losing half what he felt he worked so hard to earn. I won't go into details, they're not important, but this made him somewhat leary of marrying legally again. Marriage had never been that important to me, I'm quite independent and never really wanted to marry but when I met this man, I decided well maybe it COULD happen. I thought about this long and hard and we had many discussions on the benefits vs. the disadvantages of being married. Now being older, I'm pretty much over the 'marrying strictly for love' stuff. That's all well and good, but there's so much more to it than just love. Tax advantages that singles don't get, for one. But I'm sure most of you are aware of them and when you compare the advantages of a legal marriage to not being legally married, well to me it was a big DUH! Now my hubby to be wasn't so sure and offered to sign any document I wanted him to sign in order to remain single. But he wanted me to sell my house, move in with him and live as man and wife but without the legal documentation. You can write up all the legal docs in the world but IF it comes time to argue them in Court..well, who knows what can happen? I said Oh HELL no! We either make it legal or I'm staying in my own home and we'll continue on as we did previously. So we got married and it wasn't for the wedding, we really didn't have a bigtime wedding, and it wasn't just for 'love,' but we do love each other. We married because FOR US, it was the right thing to do, financially, emotionally and a ton of other reasons. I kept my own last name too, by the way. Why would I want to change it? I've had it all my life and I can't see any reason to take his simply because of tradition. My point for the OP is that you need to do what is right for YOU!. We can argue legality v. true love v. independence v. caring for kids all day along and it will be a waste of time and energy. You have children with this man so no matter what you choose to do, you are tied to him forever. I feel that if he is putting you off on getting married and if you really, really WANT to be married, then you should cut your own ties with this man and look for a person who has the same mindset as you do. You will NEVER be happy with a man who feels he married you against your will and he'll be unhappy and subsequently, the children will suffer. The children are both of yours first responsibility, IMO. But you do deserve to be happy too, so if you ARE unhappy in your relationship and it's not going anywhere, then you need to think about moving on. Life is too short to spend waiting, hoping and dreaming. You have to make your own happiness 90% of the time and you can't count on anyone else to do it for you, married or not. Best of luck to you!

this is such a fantastic post, ITA.

[karmenzsofia]

^ good posts

[Charles]

Originally Posted by LeeMiller

I find this statement and all the statements about marriage being a "piece of paper" offensive. Marriage does not by itself put women in a submissive role. There are other reasons, including religion to get married. I feel like many in this thread are not being respectful of any of that or people's right to choose to get married. People have their reasons not to get married fine, what I don't like to see is people put down others just to prop up their own belief systems.

Please show where I said marriage is only a piece of paper, that marriage always puts women in a submissive role, or that I don't feel people have the right to choose marriage.
You're cherry picking my responses to certain people and making it seem as though those are my thoughts, as a whole, on marriage. Hopefully you'd read ALL on my posts and see that there's more behind my ideas on marriage than just what you quoted.