[cutiepie21]

So my bf moved in with me a month ago because it was more convenient for his work commute. He started a new job in November. Unfortunately, we are fighting about finances and I do not know what to do. Our original plan was we would split all the bills, including the rent 50/50. Rent is $1200/ month and he thought that $600 for him was too much, even though he was paying $750 at his old place. He wanted to pay $500 and I pay $700 and he said he would pick up the cost of the groceries. I agreed because he is a very picky eater so I figured it would be easier for both of us so we don't fight over who buys what for groceries.

I have paid for December's rent and he was supposed to pay me back, but now he is saying he doesn't see why he should pay rent at all! His reasoning is that when we go out to dinner, he will pick up the bill. This is completely wrong. We take turns taking each other out, like it should be. We discussed this together and he said that he wants to pick up the tab for everything rather than pay rent. I don't think this is a good idea. And I am confused because what he says and what he does are two completely different things! For example, we went to Tahoe for a day trip and he asked if I would pick up breakfast. I said sure, but he changed his mind and said he would buy it and told me to pick up lunch, which I agreed to, and did. I also decided to pay for the gas because although he had a free rental car, he was paying for the insurance for it, so it evened things out. I don't understand why he would insist on splitting the cost of going out if he prefers to pay for that instead of rent?!

Can anyone please offer me advice on what to do? Is it always this difficult to live with a SO? I hate fighting over finances because it makes me feel so petty...

[Jill]

dude.....U need to write out a paymt plan for him...If he doesnt follow it..U need to boot him or the living together will destroy what is left of your relationship.
No offense....But if a man made me pay for ALL HIS stuff..Id dump his butt FAST.its OK to HELP OUT ONCE IN WHILE...BUT he is taking advantage of YOU!
Not very cool in my book.......

[HubbaWubba]

I don't think you two are ready to live together. He is not sticking to his part of the deal.

[GTOFan]

Kick him to the CURB! He won't take advantage of you if you don't LET him!

[IntlSet]

WHAT? I can't believe what I am reading... this has to be a joke?!?! I am outraged on your behalf...

Dinner has NOTHING to do with rent. Maybe you two should agree to alternate who pays for dinner and groceries, then split the rent evenly. He sounds like he's trying to get a free ride out of you: would it really surprise you if eventually he took you out to dinner less and less?

Do NOT let this guy walk all over you.

[Archipelago]

You're not being petty at all. That's a lot of money that he's trying to talk his way out of. Just tell him very firmly that as equal partners, he has to hold up his end because he knew what he was getting into when you two decided to move in together. Let him know that you love him and you don't want this issue of money to get between you two. If he's not mature enough to take on this responsibility, it wouldn't be such a bad thing if you two decided to hold off on living together. I'm sure he wouldn't be trying to pull this if he were living with a stranger. It sounds like he's taking advantage of your kindness. Don't cave in so easily.

[Archipelago]

By the way, how long have you been with this guy? He does not sound like a very good candidate for a long-term partner from what I'm hearing.

[chinadoll724]

Uh, he agreed to pay half of rent and now doesn't want to? I'd make him split it 50/50, then you can split the grocery bill- he gets it with his CC and you can figure out how much to pay. This is a huge no-no. Make up an excel sheet if you need to.

Finances are always a tough one. My bf and I agreed to always go 50/50 on rent/bills, and take turns with groceries (we always go together anyway)- he pays more for going out to eat because he's making more at the moment and wants to.

[HubbaWubba]

Is his name on the lease? I agree with Archipelago. He wouldn't be doing this with another roommate who wasn't his gf. He was able to pay his rent before and now you made it cheaper for him. A meal is one thing to buy, but not paying your rent will get you evicted. I agree with the other ladies that said he is taking advantage of you and he will chip in less and less.

[Speedy]

Oh, man, he's soooo using you. Throw his ass out if he keeps this up.

[armanigirl]

see this is the thing that makes me mad about being in a relationship....either one or the other or both get TOO COMFORTABLE with each other thinking it's okay to do things when it's not....especially when it comes to FINANCES...you gotta tell him that you cant pay this on your own for that much and that's the reason why you let him move in the first place -- to split the rent--so he should be meeting his end of the deal....if he cannot do this, then i'd be so frustrated and PO'ed and honestly i know he's your bf and you probably love him, but don't let him take advantage...he's still responsible for his part of the rent...letting it slide / borry money a couple of times is okay, but not okay for him to live off you rent free....

honestly, i have my own apartment separate from my bf.....however, my bf has his own place since he just moved to my city 3 months ago...ever since he's moved here i've basically lived with him every day...i barely go back to my own apartment....i know i'm basically wasting my rent at my own place and could be chipping into my bf's rent but he doesn't ask me to pay rent...although i buy food/etc since i stay with him a lot...and he says that i should go back to my apt once in a while b/c i'm wasting rent....he never once asked me a penny for rent money........next semester i will definately make use of my own apartment.........it's just nice having him so close!!! =) he understands im just trying to re-adjust from long-distance to same city and is just a temporary thing! however i do feel obligated to pay some things since i stay with him every day........that's just me though..but i dont think just coz he pays for dinner that he should be living w/ u for free..that does not add up to $700 a month IMO.... hope u have a talk with him and let us know how it goes

[sweetxoxo76]

if he's going to go back on his word all of the time, you should expect that type of behavior throughout your entire relationship. i don't care how much a man is paying for dinner. he should. when we as women tolerate this behavior it just tells men that they can treat us like that. and then we wonder where have all the chivalrous men gone? he's living at your place, he should pay. maybe he thinks that living at your place is like living with his parents. well it's time for him to grow up. you don't live to support him.

can i ask how old you both are?

[sweetxoxo76]

you need to watch the joy luck club... there's this one couple in the movie where the husband wants to split things 50/50 and she ends up paying for all his crap...

[titania029]

Originally Posted by sweetxoxo76

you need to watch the joy luck club... there's this one couple in the movie where the husband wants to split things 50/50 and she ends up paying for all his crap...

I remember that. They were at dinner, she only got a salad, and he got a multiple-course meal, but they split the bill 50/50. She also commented on that she works for him, and he pays himself 10 times what he pays her. Great movie! Back to the OP, I think you two need to have a serious talk, either write down exactly who is paying what, or make him understand that his "nickel and diming" method is putting a strain on the relationship. When I was living with my boyfriend, I still had my own apartment ($800/month front for my parents). So I helped out with groceries, but not with his mortgage. I did offer on the utilities, but he wouldn't take it. Now that we're married, he's still paying for everything and told me to put my money into paying off my student loans. He's generous, I got lucky. Fiances between a couple shouldn't be this hard.

[LeeMiller]

He's being ridiculous. I don't see why you're paying more of the rent. And dinner should have nothing to do with it, I mean isn't he still supposed to be wooing you? He doesn't sound like good long-term material in my opinion.