[angel143]

Ok... I'm not even sure how to start this story....

I'm currently in my first long term relationship (10 months) and while things are comfortable, there are times when I just feel as though the bf is being incredibly selfish. For example, I am currently a full-time student biochem student taking 5 courses in university. He is a marketing major taking 3 courses. He therefore has time to take on part time job and earn money, while I have to concentrate on school because I rely heavily on scholarships to get through.

I have always placed him as a priority, and it's sad to realize that I'm merely an option for him. For example. his birthday was in late November so I arranged, amidst all my finals, a birthday surprise for him. Not only did this take a lot of time and effort on my part, contacting people he's close too, confirming reservations and capacity, I also dropped some serious cash. I bought bottles of moet and Dom Perignon, some video game, and dvds.

Now, Christmas is coming up, and my birthday just the day after. He tells me that he's short on cash, so I tell him to just get me some chocolates. I get an $11 dollar bag of chocolates. All this, while yesterday, I had gone shopping with him for Christmas gifts and he was getting his friends game memorabilia and cashmere scarves for $70 a pop.

Let me just say, I'm not materialistic..for the most part. I dont want to be foolish and overdramatic, but is this normal? Am I being selfish or is there something missing here? I'm incredibly disappointed in how little EFFORT he's put in. I'm not going to see him on Christmas because he's delivery the marvelous gifts he got his friends...

[keya]

hmm.... he's getting his friends $70 gifts and you something for $11? That doesn't really sit right with me either... but on the other hand, if you asked for chocolate, maybe the chocolate he thought you prefer was $11? Or is there something else he could've gotten you if he'd spent $70 on you as well? Or do you feel that he could've spent more on something else for you if he'd spent less on his friends? I really don't have any answers for you, I guess only you know the state of your relationship.

[forever21]

Originally Posted by angel143

so I tell him to just get me some chocolates.

That's what you told him. Men are really simple... he just got you what you wanted... Don't say something to a guy and don't mean it. If you really wanted something more substantial as a gift you should have told him straight up.

What you are really annoyed about, is that he got his friends more expensive gifts. But maybe one of those friends did a big favor for him a while back or whatever... it really doesn't matter how much he spent... it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it.

Another thing, he might have only told You that he is short on cash, but not his friends... and don't want them to know that. Men are creatures of pride.

[HubbaWubba]

Ha, you sound like an old married couple. You asked for chocolates, he got you chocolates. If you would of said Godiva, maybe he would of gotten you some. You gotta be pretty specific with him I guess. Well in all fairness, he still has a couple of days before xmas. Maybe he is getting you something really nice for your birthday?

[devoted]

well he's obviously not short on cash at all if he's spending $70 on each friend, why would he tell you that he was short on cash? he just wanted to get away with buying you a cheap gift, men

[Laurie8504]

I'm a biochem student too! One semester left

But to the matter at hand, yeah, I would be a little miffed about this, especially after you went to such great lengths for him. Has he bought you nice things for other occasions? (V-day, anniversaries, etc...) I definitely would have asked him how he afforded those scarves if he was so short on cash. Are you sure this is your actual gift, since it's not your b-day yet?

[wordpast]

I'm guessing you only asked for chocolates because he said that he was short on cash and you were trying to be understanding? Then he turns around and buys pricier gifts for friends? I would be a little ticked off to.

It's not gift, you would have been happy with chocolates, it was the fact that he basically lied about being short on cash.

But... like the others said maybe he is planning a surprise! I wouldn't be too upset yet. Wait and see.

[paintednightsky]

You are not selfish. However, it is too early to tell if he has any other plans. If however he bought expensive things for other friends and not YOU his main girl friend, I'd be pissed!

If indeed however, he has no plans for you once it is your birthday, DROP HIM! It seems like he's leeching off of you otherwise if he doesn't have plans.

However, for being together 10 months, it seems like a huge extravagence to be spending that much on his first bday! Dom perignon? Especially on only his first bday with you together... How are you going to top it off next year. Some guys are going to get used to that treatment and get used to it! I'm thinking like damnn! That's a ton of money to be spending on any guy for the first year together. I hope he was incredibly grateful when you did all that. Is he sweet, otherwise? Does he buy you dinner, etc.? I hope so!

Do you live together? I am confused on that part if that is why you want him to make more money? Otherwise I don't see it as his duty if you've only been together 10 months since that is a fairly short time.

I wanted to add I really hope his delivering presents part is all a guise. You are his GF so I have a hard time believing any DECENT guy would do this to his GF on xmas! If he doesn't surprise you, before dumping him I would have a thorough talk with him to understand why he did the things he did. After I understand, I'd totally dump him because that's inexcusable!

Hopefully you'll have a good story to tell us on christmas! I really do hope he surprises you...

[huong]

I think this is a case of miscommunication. You told him you wanted chocolate, so that is what he got you. There was no way he could have read your mind and know that you really wanted something else. Next time, tell him exactly what you want and this whole situation could be avoided

[wordpast]

^^ but she only told him that because he said he was short on cash and she was trying to be considerate.

[huong]

My point is he didn't know she was trying to be considerate. This guy cannot read her mind. If she wants something, she should speak up.

[wordpast]

So he says I'm short on cash and she's suppossed to say "but I really wanted that Balenciaga? I guess everyone has a different approach to things. If my BF had told me he was short on cash I would have done the same thing. "It's Okay babe get me something inexpensive, chocolates or something" I wouldn't have told him what I really wanted if I thought he couldn't afford it.

I still think maybe he will surprise you angel.

[chelsae]

Originally Posted by wordpast

So he says I'm short on cash and she's suppossed to say "but I really wanted that Balenciaga? I guess everyone has a different approach to things. If my BF had told me he was short on cash I would have done the same thing. "It's Okay babe get me something inexpensive, chocolates or something" I wouldn't have told him what I really wanted if I thought he couldn't afford it.

I still think maybe he will surprise you angel.

LOL. I, too, would have done the same thing if my boyfriend told me he was short on cash, well get me something inexpensive, small. I think that he was just getting you what you said you wanted. I would be a little confused though, about him delivering the presents he brought to his friends on xmas. Seems a little strange to me, what is he santa or something? I've never heard of a guy doing that. I see where you're coming from though, he told you he was short on cash, when he was buying his friends more expensive gifts. Maybe he lied, or maybe his friends get him expensive things every year as well, and he wanted it to be "even." Or maybe his pride didn't want his friends to know that he was tight on funds this year.

[Speedy]

I'd take this as a warning that you won't be number one right now. He told you he was short on case, then spent more on his friends than he did on you. HOWEVER, wait to judge til after your birthday and Christmas. If he's still as cheap, dump his butt.

[bagnshoofetish]

its a bit perplexing. I don't think you will really know whats going on in his head till after Christmas. Maybe he did get you something else. I'd wait till then and if he didn't get you anything else, I would be a bit confused but only because he claimed to be broke yet spent lots of dough on other people. It just doesn't make sense.