akward situation with coworker, advice needed (long)

[zoeyjoey]

Not passing judgement, but I totally agree with the poster who stated that any online chatting done on work equipment during work time is not in any way private/personal. Since this guy is acting weird I would keep my interaction at work 100% professional at all times from now on. The last thing you need is to get called out by HR. Good luck!

[ktheartscoach]

Oh, yuck. Sorry he's being a jerk. Like others have said, respect his wishes and keep your relationship all work. All companies have different corporate cultures, but you're new and you need to be careful with your reputation. The last thing you want is to get a reputation as a stalker or have him complain to your boss that you're distracting him when he's trying to work. Don't talk to him one-on-one unless you have a work item and he's the only person who can answer the question, etc. Not saying to be rude or pouty, but don't try to be friendly either. This guy is *not* your friend.

One of the best skills you can learn in business is to become comfortable with silence - your own, and that of others. This is your job, and your work has to be your top priority - this guy isn't a good match for you because he's a tool and you seem quite nice. Keep your head down, do your job, and focus on finding someone *outside of work* who is a good fit for dating. Sorry but if you're one of two women on the floor, you don't want to start using your coworkers as a dating pool - that's a surefire recipe for disaster.

Good luck!

[oogiewoogie]

Wow.. he sounds like an *rse.. his true colors came through. Like the others have said.. keep it cool and keep it strictly work.

May I ask what this north and south thing means? Whatever it meant.. he was super rude about it.

Eh, don't think twice about him... lame-O-loser... Chin up... he's a waste of brain space.

[gina2328]

I would make it clear to the other male coworker that you are not interested in dating that guy you have a crush on, and that your work relationship is strictly professional.

You need to stop those types of comments because they are inappropriate and will spread through the gossip mill in your workplace. Also, the guy you like is a jerk, and I would just be polite, say Hi/Bye and that's it! I would not initiate any convo with him.

[rainedrop1019]

Quite frankly, I think you should leave it and him alone. End of story.

[SOLIDGOLD2]

It looks like to me that you are still interested while he is not, he sensed it and is just backing away. He doesn't see you as his friend and your turn your converstaion from work to trying to be playful/flirty

Me: hey u ve been assigned for a heavy workload recently, how are u handling?
Him: so far its ok, just tired....
Me: hey use ur charmingness, u wont have any problem at allHim: i just cannot see why i m charming or handsome in anyway
Me: oh well i was kidding , dont be so serious
Him: oh... i knew u were only bluffing/lying
Me: speaking of bluffing/lying, how can i compare to u guys? u guys are so good at getting the girlsHim: Stop. When did i lie to get the girls? I have never lied to any women in my life. I dont even know how.
Me: Oh well this is lying...


very weird on your part and your not being professional at all

[Tammie25]

I am not trying to defend myself. But the conversation between me and him was after we became "familiar with each other". Before, we'd talk to each other about our relationship history, family, etc.

Our office has a very relaxed atomosphere, and nearly all of us joke around sometimes. He also asked things like "so when did u and ur ex bf sleep together" during lunch once, with another co worker present. (not the exact words, but almost)

Of course i didnt answer his question. I was not really offended, but rather a bit embrassed, since he asked in a joking way, or i thought it was a "joke between buddies". If he talks to me in that way, then i dont see there is any problem with me talking to him in that way.

I also forgot part of our online conversation. He started implying that i am dating/playing with different guys at the same time by saying that i have mutiple messengers/emails. I told him one is used in the office, the other one for friends. And then i said something about him being a player and lying, etc....It is purely a joke.


But anyways, i guess i will just keep it professional in the office from now on.

[Cheetah7]

Maybe he *did* have a thing for you also but thought the better of it not to get involved so he's now acting like an a** to get you to back off? Afterall he does have a girlfriend right? And he probably thinks that getting involved with a co-worker is not a good thing. In any case, I would handle this from a strictly business perspective and any convo you do have should center around work and nothing else.

[natalie78]

Originally Posted by SOLIDGOLD2

very weird on your part and your not being professional at all

I think that most of us have made the mistake of saying something less than professional at work at least once in their careers. It's not the most horrible thing in the world and I don't think the OP's remarks are too bad. When I have slipped up in the past, I have just apologized and moved on. In this case, I don't think an apology is warranted because he acted pretty childish about the whole deal.

OP, cut your losses and keep your contact work related.

[juneping]

OP...
something i've learned at a work place. even though he have said more inappropriate things but when you do any IM or email.....be more careful bc someone can actually print it out....
chin up...it's not a big deal.

[Pursegrrl]

Yeah, as others have posted I would just keep it strictly business and in time any awkwardness will pass.

While I totally agree that things read with an outside perspective can been seen as unprofessional, I also get that context plays a big role too. The last place I worked had a VERY jocular, joking around environment, with some things that would make HR a bit nervous in the big picture I'm sure. It was not harrassment at ALL and not targetted toward any one particular group, but we did joke around and do little pranks on eachother.

Like Natalie78 posted, most of us have probably pushed the boundaries a little at work at one time or another. I'd just let it be and move on.

[Jasmine K.]

Quote:

IF someone else determined that the two of you may have had a thing going on, MAYBE someone had a stern talking to him (whether gf, boss, co-worker, HR, etc)? Words of advice, keep your workplace professional. I'm not saying that you did anything. But your conversation posted above, is not professional. Especially w/ mentioning of his "charm" and "getting the girls". You may not like the current situation you're in, but you gotta deal w/ it. Keep it professional and show that you can be professional. Keep your personal life out of the workplace. It doesn't matter if you're starting to resent him and you believe he may have started flirting w/ you in the beginning. Regardless, be professional. Stop trying to still be "his friend" because that may be what got you (and him) in this mess.

I agree with Domlee. He may have started the flirting, but you must always conduct yourself accordingly, regardless of what is going on. Besides, I'm sure you can find someone outside of the work environment. Stop worrying about that imbecile.

[domlee]

I re-read this thread, and forgot to mention. You're working for a mutual fund company. The finance industry if you will. It is a REALLY small world in this industry and it is really easy to get feedback on someone w/ just a couple of phone calls. If you wish to have a career in finance, don't screw it up by developing a negative reputation. I've heard stories of people I don't even know ranging from unprofessional behavior (ahem) to interesting and comical characters.