Age differences with SO

[Rockysmom]

My SO is 5 years younger than me. He likes to party and hang out with a large group of people from his work. I went to some of these parties/get-togethers but have no interest in them now. I am friendly but not friends with anyone, meaning I don't go out with anyone outside these groups. When I do go I chat briefly with people for a few minutes here and there but don't find it meaningful. I much prefer going out with one girlfriend and having deeper conversations. Also, when I do go out with SO he acts really immature sometimes and I get embarassed.

I worry that I am holding SO back from having fun because there are times he will not go without me. I also feel reminded of how lame I am for not going but I just don't have fun. I have a hard time connecting with people and once I start drinking my mood changes from having fun to crying in a matter of hours.

He seems very devoted to me but I worry he will resent me someday. Perhaps I should be with someone older, who doesn't like to party as much.

[Aslan]

I think this particular issue is less about age, and more about similar interests/activities. I know of many relationships in which one partner is more of a homebody/introvert, and the other is more into going out and partying. It can work if both partners respect each other's differences and choose activities that they both can enjoy. I think your worry about him "resenting" you is insecurity on your part about your age. Loving someone and being in a relationship doesn't mean that you enjoy all the same things.

-signed, a woman who is married to man with an age difference that dwarfs you and your SO's.

[juneping]

^^agree. i think it's more of a energy level difference. would you love going out that often if you were 5 years younger??

bf's energy must have been very high...we are 19 years difference. when we go shopping..i was exhausted and he still not done. i can't imagine if he's 10 years younger...i think i'd need lot of naps in between just to keep up.

[redney]

I agree it's a difference in how each of you prefer to spend your time socially.

I'm in my late 30s and prefer the busy atmosphere of group parties/social get-togethers. I don't credit my preference to age because I've been this way my whole life.

[gina2328]

Its a personality difference, not an age difference. Some people are introverts, some are extroverts. Some are homebodies/loners and some love to be with people. I think its all about compromise if you and your SO are different. It just so happens my DH and I are both introverts/homebodies so we are on the same page socially.

I would just talk to him about what you said in your post and tell him how you feel. Going from happy to crying from drinking in a few hours is not good for you or anyone around you. Also, he is probably ok with not going to work events all the time if you want to stay home. I'm sure he would want you to be happy.

Now if you are feeling uncomfortable because he acts immature at parties and you feel embarrassed or you feel he parties too much (does he drink excessively?) and its a problem for you for another reason, then that is a different story. I would wonder why he would act immature around people that he works with?

[olialm1]

How old are you? My s/o and I are 5 years apart too, but I'm the younger one.

[meganfm]

Yea I don't think it has to do with age. My DBF and I are 5yrs apart, but he's older, and he still likes to go out and party/drink with his friends and I enjoy it too. I hang out with his coworkers as well, and we all get along pretty well.

Although...there are certain friends of mine I choose to "let" my DBF spend more time with-mainly because of (im)maturity levels. I know he feels a little awkward with them because they have NOTHING in common. But some of my more mature friends, they find a lot to talk about together.

[Firefly32]

I am 33 and my bf is 51... and we get a long well and like many of the same things too!

[Kansashalo]

I agree that its probably more so an issue of differing interest as opposed to age. I'm 34 and I know a lot of guys that still like to go out, drink, and party it up like it's Friday night at the frat house. Me - been there, done that so I don't find it interesting or fun at all so I definitely try to date people that aren't into that.

You may just need to find someone, regardless of age, that shares the same views as you in terms of "going out".

[Dabyachunv]

I'm experiencing the opposite. Im 22 and the dbf is 29, and while I want to go out and party, he rather stay at home at watch his netflix...But I understand why you may worry about him resenting you-have you two openly discussed expectations?

[luckygirl83]

I am 26 and bf is 37 but he likes to go out much more than I do. Like you, I prefer small group or one-on-one meetings but we try to switch it up so that we are both happy. Or we just go out separately and that works well for us too.

[chloe.clementine]

Hi, it seems your situation is pretty similar to mine, except I'm on the other end . My husband is 9 years older than me. We get along sooo good but we don't have many things in common. Yeah, we kinda like the same music, we have tv shows that we enjoy together, and morbid sense of humor, but we are different people.

I think the the key is trust and communication. Understand that he's younger than you and he needs his space to do his stuff. You don't have to go to all the events he goes to, but make an appearance once in a while. Find something that you personally enjoy doing without him, but at the same time, you find things that both of you can do. It doesn't have to mean going out and about. It could be having cooking night or just enjoy a quality evening together.

The most important part is to talk to him realistically about it. You're not a bad guy for wanting to settle down and having more a quiet lifestyle, but neither he is for wanting otherwise. How long you think you can compromise and hoping one day his lifestyle's path will meet yours, it's totally up to you. But from the sound of your post, it seems you're not really asking a question.

I hope this helps!

[ceya]

My so is younger than me 5. He loves me more than I do with him.

I tell him to go out with friends while I am on the trip for business, he will go but call me 100 times a day because he misses so much.


He said many times I will die without you ....lollllllllllll

Sometimes, I feel he is too immature for me, but it is ok. Because he loves me, therefore he wants to show all his love to me.

He says miss you, love you 1000 times per day lol

[Zophie]

Originally Posted by Firefly32

I am 33 and my bf is 51... and we get a long well and like many of the same things too!

I'm 37 and my SO is 52, and we are like you, like to do things together. The friends of his I've met I've enjoyed their company too. I don't think it's specifically and age thing.

[amymaria]

Age differences can sometimes seem more obvious than other times. My BF is 9 years older than I am and I think we are at the stage of our life where we probably will be the "most different" now than any time in the future. We don't have much in common (hobbies) but we enjoy the same social events, movies etc. I think we compliment each other more than we match. Ying to the yang if you will.....