Advice and support needed. Sorta long post

louisgurlxoxo · Dec 17th, 2007, 07:46 PM

My boyfriend and I have lived together since July of 2006. He says since then he has had a good nights sleep 3 times. ( 3 times!!

) The problem is he is a light sleeper I am a tosser/turner/kicker. I have bad anixety and nightmares all the time and I think this plays a major role in my sleeping habits. He says that I keep him up from 2 am on.

This morning he told me after Christmas we need to talk about this and that things have to change. I have the feeling that there was an "or else" unspoken in that statement. Of course that ruined my morning and I had a panic attack. So I went to my doctor and got put on some aniexity drugs and a sleep pill. We will see what happens tonight.

I am so heartbroken that this is happening. We have some problems but I was expecting a ring soon not walking papers! I understand that I has a problem and its my fault, but at the same time I dont know what to do. And advice??

chinadoll724 · Dec 17th, 2007, 07:52 PM

It's very likely, he just wants a separate room so he can sleep peacefully, not a full out breakup. If it's worrying you this much, ask him to talk it out now . . . it'll just get worse and worse in your mind.

sred2 · Dec 17th, 2007, 07:56 PM

I agree with chinadoll... I can't imagine he would be breaking up with you over this! A separate room might be a good solution. I know many people who sleep apart from their SO when the other is sick or something.

How big is your bed? Maybe you could invest in a california king and allow each other more room???

(((HUGS)))

rubylola · Dec 17th, 2007, 07:57 PM

or even just separate beds, in the same room- hope you sort it out!

dollyrusso · Dec 17th, 2007, 08:01 PM

look into a tempuredic mattress (seriously!). My husband and I never knew how much we had bothered each other throughout the night until we got one. He gets up a lot throughout the night but I don't even feel it anymore. it's so great.

louisgurlxoxo · Dec 17th, 2007, 08:02 PM

Thank you all, we actually DO have another room with my old twin bed in it, but he says that is only a short term fix and I agree. I just want to be able to sleep through the night!!

louisgurlxoxo · Dec 17th, 2007, 08:03 PM

Also, we just bought a new mattress in August so I can't afford a different one now. Besides its not the bed its me.

devoted · Dec 17th, 2007, 08:10 PM

maybe you might need to take anxiety meds before bed, but I sure don't want it to become a habit since those meds should only be taken when needed. maybe drinking calming tea before bed will help?

and my bf snores somedays, I kick him out to the other bedroom...it's been this way for years

Speedy · Dec 17th, 2007, 08:10 PM

My DH and I sleep in seperate beds in sperate rooms and have done so for years. He tosses and turns and I can't be jostled like that because of my spine, and it's kept our relationship happy.

Take the medication, see if it helps, but talk to him now about it. If you have a twin bed in the place already, ask him if perhaps you should use it so he can sleep. Good luck!

bagnshoofetish · Dec 17th, 2007, 10:32 PM

this is not an uncommon problem you are having. my DH snores when he is extremely tired and tosses and turns. thats what our guest room is for! he always comes back in the morning so we can get some cuddles in when this happens. Talk to your doctor about what your options are. try working out at later in the day (if you do work out) and taking a nice hot bath before bed. a warm glass of milk actually does work too. that should knock you out. remember to tell your bf to be patient with you while you figure this out.

girliceclimber · Dec 17th, 2007, 10:43 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I'm sure your BF doesn't have a problem with you, so don't worry about that.
Also, I'm curious why he thinks sleeping in another room is a temporary fix? I know lots of married couples that sleep in different rooms (for example, my BF's mom snores really loud, and his dad has to sleep somewhere else to get a good night's sleep). IMO not sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean you don't care about each other or anything--just means you two have different sleeping habits.
Good luck, and I hope things work out!

paintednightsky · Dec 17th, 2007, 11:20 PM

Definitely don't worry about it. Seems like he's very considerate and cares about you a lot to wait till christmas to talk to you about it and he's been with you for quite a bit too.

I'm sure your problem can be lessened with your sleeping meds and anti anxiety. Have you ever tried melatonin? That's an over the counter sleep aid if you ever want to ween yourself off of the more addictive stuff like ambien. It actually works very well and knocks me out in like 20 minutes lol

My bf is a snorer. I always knudge him awake to stop so I can fall asleep.

Bubble Girl · Dec 17th, 2007, 11:26 PM

He also probably said this to you after a terrible night's sleep himself, so he was probably tired and very cranky - I get that way myself after a bad night's sleep! I think every couple has times where they bother each other with sleep patterns and bedtime idiosyncrasies. I hope you guys will work through it. Just be calm and don't work yourself up too much over this ok.

Dec 17th, 2007, 07:46 PM	#1
louisgurlxoxo Member Location: Long Island	Advice and support needed. Sorta long post My boyfriend and I have lived together since July of 2006. He says since then he has had a good nights sleep 3 times. ( 3 times!! ) The problem is he is a light sleeper I am a tosser/turner/kicker. I have bad anixety and nightmares all the time and I think this plays a major role in my sleeping habits. He says that I keep him up from 2 am on. This morning he told me after Christmas we need to talk about this and that things have to change. I have the feeling that there was an "or else" unspoken in that statement. Of course that ruined my morning and I had a panic attack. So I went to my doctor and got put on some aniexity drugs and a sleep pill. We will see what happens tonight. I am so heartbroken that this is happening. We have some problems but I was expecting a ring soon not walking papers! I understand that I has a problem and its my fault, but at the same time I dont know what to do. And advice?? __________________ Wish List: Balenciaga Day A new wallet!! World Peace

Dec 17th, 2007, 07:52 PM	#2
chinadoll724 Member	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post It's very likely, he just wants a separate room so he can sleep peacefully, not a full out breakup. If it's worrying you this much, ask him to talk it out now . . . it'll just get worse and worse in your mind.

Dec 17th, 2007, 07:56 PM	#3
sred2 Member Location: Seattle <3	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post I agree with chinadoll... I can't imagine he would be breaking up with you over this! A separate room might be a good solution. I know many people who sleep apart from their SO when the other is sick or something. How big is your bed? Maybe you could invest in a california king and allow each other more room??? (((HUGS))) __________________

Dec 17th, 2007, 07:57 PM	#4
rubylola Member	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post or even just separate beds, in the same room- hope you sort it out!

Dec 17th, 2007, 08:01 PM	#5
dollyrusso Diet coke? Location: Los Angeles	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post look into a tempuredic mattress (seriously!). My husband and I never knew how much we had bothered each other throughout the night until we got one. He gets up a lot throughout the night but I don't even feel it anymore. it's so great. __________________ My Collection L.A.M.B. Pictures Thread Ewww...L.A.M.B. Guts! Click here to feed an animal today!

Dec 17th, 2007, 08:02 PM	#6
louisgurlxoxo Member Location: Long Island	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post Thank you all, we actually DO have another room with my old twin bed in it, but he says that is only a short term fix and I agree. I just want to be able to sleep through the night!! __________________ Wish List: Balenciaga Day A new wallet!! World Peace

Dec 17th, 2007, 08:03 PM	#7
louisgurlxoxo Member Location: Long Island	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post Also, we just bought a new mattress in August so I can't afford a different one now. Besides its not the bed its me. __________________ Wish List: Balenciaga Day A new wallet!! World Peace

Dec 17th, 2007, 08:10 PM	#8
devoted Member	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post maybe you might need to take anxiety meds before bed, but I sure don't want it to become a habit since those meds should only be taken when needed. maybe drinking calming tea before bed will help? and my bf snores somedays, I kick him out to the other bedroom...it's been this way for years

Dec 17th, 2007, 08:10 PM	#9
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post My DH and I sleep in seperate beds in sperate rooms and have done so for years. He tosses and turns and I can't be jostled like that because of my spine, and it's kept our relationship happy. Take the medication, see if it helps, but talk to him now about it. If you have a twin bed in the place already, ask him if perhaps you should use it so he can sleep. Good luck!

Dec 17th, 2007, 10:32 PM	#10
bagnshoofetish We Love Our Billy	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post this is not an uncommon problem you are having. my DH snores when he is extremely tired and tosses and turns. thats what our guest room is for! he always comes back in the morning so we can get some cuddles in when this happens. Talk to your doctor about what your options are. try working out at later in the day (if you do work out) and taking a nice hot bath before bed. a warm glass of milk actually does work too. that should knock you out. remember to tell your bf to be patient with you while you figure this out. __________________ Please help us: http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...nt-392607.html

Dec 17th, 2007, 10:43 PM	#11
girliceclimber Member Location: Los Angeles	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post I'm so sorry you're going through this! I'm sure your BF doesn't have a problem with you, so don't worry about that. Also, I'm curious why he thinks sleeping in another room is a temporary fix? I know lots of married couples that sleep in different rooms (for example, my BF's mom snores really loud, and his dad has to sleep somewhere else to get a good night's sleep). IMO not sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean you don't care about each other or anything--just means you two have different sleeping habits. Good luck, and I hope things work out!

Dec 17th, 2007, 11:20 PM	#12
paintednightsky Member	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post Definitely don't worry about it. Seems like he's very considerate and cares about you a lot to wait till christmas to talk to you about it and he's been with you for quite a bit too. I'm sure your problem can be lessened with your sleeping meds and anti anxiety. Have you ever tried melatonin? That's an over the counter sleep aid if you ever want to ween yourself off of the more addictive stuff like ambien. It actually works very well and knocks me out in like 20 minutes lol My bf is a snorer. I always knudge him awake to stop so I can fall asleep.

Dec 17th, 2007, 11:26 PM	#13
Bubble Girl Member	Re: Advice and support needed. Sorta long post He also probably said this to you after a terrible night's sleep himself, so he was probably tired and very cranky - I get that way myself after a bad night's sleep! I think every couple has times where they bother each other with sleep patterns and bedtime idiosyncrasies. I hope you guys will work through it. Just be calm and don't work yourself up too much over this ok.