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dooneydiva · Nov 1st, 2009, 03:09 AM

It has been said that, even in the most serious relationships, one partner loves a little more and/or has a little more faith in the durability of the relationship than the other partner.

What do you say to this?

shanam · Nov 1st, 2009, 11:56 AM

Interesting question. I have heard it asked before with various answers. I think the best relationship is where both people love 100% equally. It shouldn't be a contest of who loves who more.

talexs · Nov 1st, 2009, 12:03 PM

Seems as though it can go back and forth, for me it seems to directly relate to how much stress the other one is under. I don't think there is anything wrong with every once in awhile one person picking up a bit of the slack, as long as it is a give and take and both people are willing to do it if necessary.

domlee · Nov 1st, 2009, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by shanam

Interesting question. I have heard it asked before with various answers. I think the best relationship is where both people love 100% equally. It shouldn't be a contest of who loves who more.

I agree w/ this.

My past relationships, I was more into the relationship than they were. A part of me was blind (or ignorant) to this. It was a painful (and somewhat expensive) lesson learned. But I'm glad to have learned this lesson sooner than later.

simplygm819 · Nov 1st, 2009, 02:27 PM

Relationships should be an equal amount of effort put in by both sides, however, thinking back on it now all my past relationships started by being pursued and letting the guys shower me with affection while I contemplate whether I have as much feelings for this guy before I put in any real efforts into the relationship. I guess it's a way for me to protect myself and make sure I don't get into any serious relationships where I don't feel compatibility with the guy down the line.

ami kio · Nov 1st, 2009, 02:45 PM

Originally Posted by dooneydiva

It has been said that, even in the most serious relationships, one partner loves a little more and/or has a little more faith in the durability of the relationship than the other partner.

What do you say to this?

I believe it and don't think that there's anything wrong with it as long as the difference is slight.

In an ideal world, 2 people in a relationship would love each other exactly the same; however, it's not a perfect world, and there are always going to be minute -- if not large -- differences. How do you measure how much someone loves someone else, anyway?

chloe.clementine · Nov 1st, 2009, 02:51 PM

There might be certain truth to that cause feeling isn't something static. It changes within time, but I think in a relationship there has to be an equal amount of how much one wants to give and how much the other expects to receive. 100% is just a number cause what is a 100% for you, might be different for what's a 100% to others' expectations.

As long as both people are feeling comfortable to what they give and receive (I'm not talking about 50-50, but what they are truly happy to settle with) then I'd say it's a great relationship.

juneping · Nov 1st, 2009, 04:56 PM

well i don't think there is something called a love scale out there. as long as you feel you are loved and cared...that's all matters.
sometimes we do need to focus more on other things in lives other than our SO...but it doesn't mean i love him less...KWIM??

KristyDarling · Nov 2nd, 2009, 01:29 AM

Originally Posted by talexs

Seems as though it can go back and forth, for me it seems to directly relate to how much stress the other one is under. I don't think there is anything wrong with every once in awhile one person picking up a bit of the slack, as long as it is a give and take and both people are willing to do it if necessary.

Completely agree! This is how I see things going in my marriage, too.

Allisonfaye · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:02 AM

I agree with Talex and KD. I feel like it goes back and forth in my marriage. But it is pretty even. One isn't way more into than the other.

BagLadie · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:40 AM

In a good relationship - there is trust and communication. I think it has to be even. If one has any of those "off" feelings, it needs to be discussed. Nothing wrong with having conflicting feelings - but wrong if they're harbored inside and not expressed.

olialm1 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 10:42 AM

I used to feel like I loved my s/o more than he loved me, but time, personal issues, and past events proved otherwise. I do think the 'see-saw' is completely normal though. No relationship is perfect, and things change, but for the most part IMO, it's important to have an equal amount of love for each other.

bagnshoofetish · Nov 2nd, 2009, 10:48 AM

I think every relationship is unique for the most part and anything is possible. But to say that statement is true of all relationships isn't true. My hubby and I playfully say to each other all the time, "I love you more" and we just go back and forth. Do I want to strangle him sometimes? Sure. Just as much as he wants to strangle me but that doesn't mean that suddenly we fall out of love for a moment and one person loves the other more.
I'm sure some people feel like they love the other more or vice versa. But it is not a blanket statement you can make about EVERY relaltionship. I truly feel bad for anyone who is in a lopsided relationship like that. They should probably get out of it IMO if they are.

dooneydiva · Nov 2nd, 2009, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by talexs

Seems as though it can go back and forth, for me it seems to directly relate to how much stress the other one is under. I don't think there is anything wrong with every once in awhile one person picking up a bit of the slack, as long as it is a give and take and both people are willing to do it if necessary.

I totally agree with this statement. I don't think there is anything wrong with this and I'm glad that there is someone else that understands it like this.

Junkenpo · Nov 2nd, 2009, 07:15 PM

I think when my DH and I first started dating, he had more feeling invested in making our relationship work than I did.... and thank goodness! If he hadn't been that dedicated, then I might've let it fall to the wayside & missed out on the best thing ever!

I gotta say though, I warmed up...and I think we're on the same boat now... it rocks every now & then, but keeps a pretty even keel overall.....we're headed into the horizon together!

Nov 1st, 2009, 03:09 AM	#1
dooneydiva OP Member Joined: May 2007 Location: New Jersey Posts: 564	A Love See-Saw? It has been said that, even in the most serious relationships, one partner loves a little more and/or has a little more faith in the durability of the relationship than the other partner. What do you say to this?
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Nov 1st, 2009, 11:56 AM	#2
shanam 60 is the new 40 LOL Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Connecticut Posts: 1,568	Interesting question. I have heard it asked before with various answers. I think the best relationship is where both people love 100% equally. It shouldn't be a contest of who loves who more.
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Nov 1st, 2009, 02:27 PM	#5
simplygm819 Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 259	Relationships should be an equal amount of effort put in by both sides, however, thinking back on it now all my past relationships started by being pursued and letting the guys shower me with affection while I contemplate whether I have as much feelings for this guy before I put in any real efforts into the relationship. I guess it's a way for me to protect myself and make sure I don't get into any serious relationships where I don't feel compatibility with the guy down the line.
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Nov 1st, 2009, 02:51 PM	#7
chloe.clementine Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,082	There might be certain truth to that cause feeling isn't something static. It changes within time, but I think in a relationship there has to be an equal amount of how much one wants to give and how much the other expects to receive. 100% is just a number cause what is a 100% for you, might be different for what's a 100% to others' expectations. As long as both people are feeling comfortable to what they give and receive (I'm not talking about 50-50, but what they are truly happy to settle with) then I'd say it's a great relationship.
	__________________

Nov 1st, 2009, 04:56 PM	#8
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,327	well i don't think there is something called a love scale out there. as long as you feel you are loved and cared...that's all matters. sometimes we do need to focus more on other things in lives other than our SO...but it doesn't mean i love him less...KWIM??
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Nov 1st, 2009, 12:03 PM	#3
talexs I Love It!!!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: always in the office :( Posts: 1,490	Seems as though it can go back and forth, for me it seems to directly relate to how much stress the other one is under. I don't think there is anything wrong with every once in awhile one person picking up a bit of the slack, as long as it is a give and take and both people are willing to do it if necessary.

Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:02 AM	#10
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,609	I agree with Talex and KD. I feel like it goes back and forth in my marriage. But it is pretty even. One isn't way more into than the other.
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,609	__________________ If you can afford it, for God's sake, BUY SOMETHING!

Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:40 AM	#11
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 7,002	In a good relationship - there is trust and communication. I think it has to be even. If one has any of those "off" feelings, it needs to be discussed. Nothing wrong with having conflicting feelings - but wrong if they're harbored inside and not expressed.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Nov 2nd, 2009, 10:42 AM	#12
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,544	I used to feel like I loved my s/o more than he loved me, but time, personal issues, and past events proved otherwise. I do think the 'see-saw' is completely normal though. No relationship is perfect, and things change, but for the most part IMO, it's important to have an equal amount of love for each other.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Nov 2nd, 2009, 10:48 AM	#13
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,377	I think every relationship is unique for the most part and anything is possible. But to say that statement is true of all relationships isn't true. My hubby and I playfully say to each other all the time, "I love you more" and we just go back and forth. Do I want to strangle him sometimes? Sure. Just as much as he wants to strangle me but that doesn't mean that suddenly we fall out of love for a moment and one person loves the other more. I'm sure some people feel like they love the other more or vice versa. But it is not a blanket statement you can make about EVERY relaltionship. I truly feel bad for anyone who is in a lopsided relationship like that. They should probably get out of it IMO if they are.
	__________________

Nov 2nd, 2009, 07:15 PM	#15
Junkenpo LVoebird! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass Posts: 3,056	I think when my DH and I first started dating, he had more feeling invested in making our relationship work than I did.... and thank goodness! If he hadn't been that dedicated, then I might've let it fall to the wayside & missed out on the best thing ever! I gotta say though, I warmed up...and I think we're on the same boat now... it rocks every now & then, but keeps a pretty even keel overall.....we're headed into the horizon together!
	__________________

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