A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife

Jzlyn · Feb 27th, 2008, 05:27 AM

An incident happened not too long ago and I just need to vent. Sorry if this gets tiresome!

A little background: My SO has filed for a divorce from his wife last December and she has not been responsive to the requirements from his lawyer and the courts of law. The main reason is not because she still loves him or even want him back, but pure economics!

I don't give a damn long as she does not transgress on my territory and time. I am b*tch and I fight back good.

Four months ago, she came to our apartment and saw framed photos of me around the house and got upset. What did she expect? Photos of her? IS SHE INSANE? They have been separated for a year and now another girl is living in that space and is her husband's love of his life. Get a grip woman!

Last weekend, she was having a BBQ and needed Chinaware. So she came around the morning we were bound for Taipei and created a scene, asking for 2 of the photo frames back because they were her "wedding presents". Did she really think I want those? Goodness for the life of me, take everything and take it quick, we were running late for our flight!

The divorce is not going to be quick or easy. She has demanded MORE than 50% because despite not putting in a single cent, her efforts were worth so much more. You know what, take everything; take his net worth from the day you met till they day before he met me. I don't care! Just stop sticking around in our lives.

In all honesty, I think other than cockroaches and George Bush (he is thick enough), she is the other thing that can survive a nuclear fallout.

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 27th, 2008, 05:43 AM

I'm sorry to hear she is butting into your and SOs life. I know it must be hard to try to move forward if she's always there living in the past. I'm just wondering why she's still sticking around. Is the reason why she and SO divorced because of you?? Did you move into the house they lived in together?? How long were they married? I want to try to see both sides, I wouldn't think this exwife is trying to difficult for no good reason. Did her and SO have a nasty breakup which never got resolved? She may need closure.

Jzlyn · Feb 27th, 2008, 06:17 AM

they separated back in London in june 06, he moved out here to Hong Kong (HK) aug 08. they remain cordial and then she came to hk mar 07 cos of her work. my SO and i got together may 07. so no,i didn't break his marriage or was even his first date after the separation.

since she got here in mar she has been dating and when i met him, i was introduced to her and her SO! things didnt work in her relationship but ours went very well and we moved in together. i guess it's hard for her to stomach cos she never expected us to be serious!

she was back in england over xmas and apparently told his good friend that she is not leaving him without both properties! WTH!?! so there you go... the reason why she is sticking around

Jzlyn · Feb 27th, 2008, 06:23 AM

i am not bitter... i've always been cordial to her. the HK expat community is small and people know one another plus i am not in it for the money. I don't care if he gives her everything. But she has to leave us alone! As in no 2am phone calls cos she got dumped again.

What happen to basic human decency? I've got friends and family who are divorced but none as money minded or profit seeking as her.

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 27th, 2008, 06:24 AM

bitter bitter woman!! (not u, HER!)

lilflobowl · Feb 27th, 2008, 07:02 AM

What a greedy, spiteful woman your SO is trying to divorce! I can see why he bailed & left the country!

I'm not sure what are the laws in the UK but as long as there aren't any kids I don't believe she's entitled to anything more than 50%? & even then I believe she needs to provide tangible supporting arguments to prove why she deserves that 50% if financially she hasn't contributed anything.

I think he should ask his lawyer & see what options she has in making sure she stops harassing him. It really sounds very much like she's harassing him just so that he will get tired of her & then willingly give her the 2 properties so that she'd just bug off.

If this has to go to family court(?) for settlement, assuming it doesn't get settled out of court, would your SO's good friend be willing to produce a statement in court telling of how she doesn't intend to agree to the divorce till she gets the property?

Jzlyn · Feb 27th, 2008, 08:43 AM

well he is British (by birth) and Irish/Swiss (parents). She is brazilian american and belives in alimony even when they don't have kids. they were married in Ireland, so under Irish laws apparently they have to be legally separated for 1 yr before filing papers. she is now contending that even though there is proof that they weren't living together. she said he didn't give her a choice when it was her who asked him to leave and never come back (probably not expecting him to do it). well he had enough and complied and now she is claiming otherwise!

as for his friends going to court for him, no issue. they are genuinely concern about him and glad he is happy with me. btw there are 2 people whom she told this whole property thing to. so i guess evidence is on our side but she is just dragging her heels.

i just want it over so we can start planning for our lives together

forever21 · Feb 27th, 2008, 09:23 AM

Hey Jzlyn sorry this is happening to you, the woman sounds psycho. I don't know what the HK/Irish divorce laws are, but your cohabiting with you SO could potentially adversely affect the divorce settlement (from his point of view) ... just a heads up.

You should be firm with him and tell him to take care of her, or else. (Because really, his ex-wife is His problem, not yours.) I don't like it when women get catty on each other, for whatever reason.

lilflobowl · Feb 27th, 2008, 10:18 AM

If I'm not wrong alimony only applies to when you have kids so I think she can dash all hopes on that. I'm pretty sure that he will have to split some of his assets with her but in what proportion that's debatable.

Since they've been separated for almost 2 years he's well within the Irish law requirement of a minimum of 1 year & I'm pretty sure it'll get settled soon. If they can't reach the out-of-court settlement then well... let the lawyers trash it out & settle it for them. That's the best case scenario. I can't think of any other way that this can be expedited.

All you can do right now is to document all display of unreasonable behaviour on her part so that when push comes to shove your boyfriend can produce the evidence needed to settle the divorce.

All the best!

legaldiva · Feb 27th, 2008, 10:22 AM

Here's a *hug.* Sorry you have to go thru this ... remember: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And probably will strengthen your relationship, too.

gillianna · Feb 27th, 2008, 10:26 AM

How long were they married? I would think she would get spousal support and can divide assets. But if he has property bought in his name only before he married her I don't think she has a claim to it. It would have to be in joint names.
I wish you the best. Having a nightmare to deal with must cause so much stress. But to me she does not have the right to step foot in your apartment---why is she allowed in to see your stuff???

Laurie8504 · Feb 27th, 2008, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jzlyn

they separated back in London in june 06, he moved out here to Hong Kong (HK) aug 08. they remain cordial and then she came to hk mar 07 cos of her work. my SO and i got together may 07. so no,i didn't break his marriage or was even his first date after the separation.

wait...i'm still confused. it's not august yet. who followed who to hong kong?

I know all about bitter ex's, so I feel for you. Just take the high road and you'll come out smelling like a rose!

caxe · Feb 27th, 2008, 09:41 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, and I hope it works out okay for you! However, that's the kind of thing you run into when you're with a guy who's still married. Granted, exes can be trouble even if the divorce has happened, but like another member has posted, his still being married can potentially adversely affect his divorce settlement, swaying the courts in favor of his [apparently crazy?] wife. But things like that...that's why I made sure my boyfriend was divorced divorced divorced before I moved in (LOL when he gave me his house key, a divorce degree was the FIRST thing I looked for!)

Jzlyn · Feb 27th, 2008, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurie8504

wait...i'm still confused. it's not august yet. who followed who to hong kong?

I know all about bitter ex's, so I feel for you. Just take the high road and you'll come out smelling like a rose!

oops... sorry he moved to HK aug 06! so he's been here 2.5 years now.

laloki · Feb 27th, 2008, 10:32 PM

I had a similar experience with DH and his ex-wife - he separated from his ex-wife after she started an affair with a neighbour who lived two doors away from them and when she left initially, she took just about everything that wasn’t nailed down and vowed to sign the house over to him as she was feeling guilty.

I met my DH six months after he separated from his ex and when we decided to move into together she decided she wanted to come back to him. We were at home one evening when she dropped in and saw that I had moved in and obviously felt jealous, as he wasn’t sitting around pining for her- she didn't love him but she didn't want anyone else to be with him. Things became difficult between us so we decided to split up and she moved back in, their reconciliation lasted a whole two weeks where she left him again for the same guy and then this time took what was left including gifts and things that I had purchased. She even took the remaining blanket that my DH was using (it was winter and she left him with nothing on the bed – what a callous cow).

We fought her through the courts over the finalisation of property….when she left, the house had just been built and had nothing in it – no curtains, no floor coverings etc, the yard was just bare earth and we worked hard to make the house a home - which improved the value of the house and she subsequently pocketed 50% of it….my hard earned money went to her! She even tried to make a claim on a car that I owned and that my DH and I shared.

I fully sympathise with you and wish you all the luck in the world and I hope that she comes to the realisation that it is over and moves on without too much more pain for you both.

Feb 27th, 2008, 05:27 AM	#1
Jzlyn gaining pace	A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife An incident happened not too long ago and I just need to vent. Sorry if this gets tiresome! A little background: My SO has filed for a divorce from his wife last December and she has not been responsive to the requirements from his lawyer and the courts of law. The main reason is not because she still loves him or even want him back, but pure economics! I don't give a damn long as she does not transgress on my territory and time. I am btch and I fight back good. Four months ago, she came to our apartment and saw framed photos of me around the house and got upset. What did she expect? Photos of her? IS SHE INSANE? They have been separated for a year and now another girl is living in that space and is her husband's love of his life. Get a grip woman! Last weekend, she was having a BBQ and needed Chinaware. So she came around the morning we were bound for Taipei and created a scene, asking for 2 of the photo frames back because they were her "wedding presents". Did she really think I want those? Goodness for the life of me, take everything and take it quick, we were running late for our flight! The divorce is not going to be quick or easy. She has demanded MORE than 50% because despite not putting in a single cent, her efforts were worth so much more. You know what, take everything; take his net worth from the day you met till they day before he met me. I don't care! Just stop sticking around in our lives. In all honesty, I think other than cockroaches and George Bush (he is thick enough), she is the other thing that can survive a nuclear fallout. __________________ But one still can hope* 1. Yellow Delic - 39 or 39.5 2. Blue Suede Delic - 39 or 39.5 3. Red Joli Noeud Dorcet - 39 All about life's little indulgences

Feb 27th, 2008, 05:43 AM	#2
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife I'm sorry to hear she is butting into your and SOs life. I know it must be hard to try to move forward if she's always there living in the past. I'm just wondering why she's still sticking around. Is the reason why she and SO divorced because of you?? Did you move into the house they lived in together?? How long were they married? I want to try to see both sides, I wouldn't think this exwife is trying to difficult for no good reason. Did her and SO have a nasty breakup which never got resolved? She may need closure. __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Feb 27th, 2008, 06:17 AM	#3
Jzlyn gaining pace	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife they separated back in London in june 06, he moved out here to Hong Kong (HK) aug 08. they remain cordial and then she came to hk mar 07 cos of her work. my SO and i got together may 07. so no,i didn't break his marriage or was even his first date after the separation. since she got here in mar she has been dating and when i met him, i was introduced to her and her SO! things didnt work in her relationship but ours went very well and we moved in together. i guess it's hard for her to stomach cos she never expected us to be serious! she was back in england over xmas and apparently told his good friend that she is not leaving him without both properties! WTH!?! so there you go... the reason why she is sticking around __________________ But one still can hope 1. Yellow Delic - 39 or 39.5 2. Blue Suede Delic - 39 or 39.5 3. Red Joli Noeud Dorcet - 39 All about life's little indulgences

Feb 27th, 2008, 06:23 AM	#4
Jzlyn gaining pace	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife i am not bitter... i've always been cordial to her. the HK expat community is small and people know one another plus i am not in it for the money. I don't care if he gives her everything. But she has to leave us alone! As in no 2am phone calls cos she got dumped again. What happen to basic human decency? I've got friends and family who are divorced but none as money minded or profit seeking as her. __________________ But one still can hope 1. Yellow Delic - 39 or 39.5 2. Blue Suede Delic - 39 or 39.5 3. Red Joli Noeud Dorcet - 39 All about life's little indulgences

Feb 27th, 2008, 06:24 AM	#5
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife bitter bitter woman!! (not u, HER!) __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Feb 27th, 2008, 07:02 AM	#6
lilflobowl baghag apprentice! Location: Singapore	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife What a greedy, spiteful woman your SO is trying to divorce! I can see why he bailed & left the country! I'm not sure what are the laws in the UK but as long as there aren't any kids I don't believe she's entitled to anything more than 50%? & even then I believe she needs to provide tangible supporting arguments to prove why she deserves that 50% if financially she hasn't contributed anything. I think he should ask his lawyer & see what options she has in making sure she stops harassing him. It really sounds very much like she's harassing him just so that he will get tired of her & then willingly give her the 2 properties so that she'd just bug off. If this has to go to family court(?) for settlement, assuming it doesn't get settled out of court, would your SO's good friend be willing to produce a statement in court telling of how she doesn't intend to agree to the divorce till she gets the property?

Feb 27th, 2008, 08:43 AM	#7
Jzlyn gaining pace	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife well he is British (by birth) and Irish/Swiss (parents). She is brazilian american and belives in alimony even when they don't have kids. they were married in Ireland, so under Irish laws apparently they have to be legally separated for 1 yr before filing papers. she is now contending that even though there is proof that they weren't living together. she said he didn't give her a choice when it was her who asked him to leave and never come back (probably not expecting him to do it). well he had enough and complied and now she is claiming otherwise! as for his friends going to court for him, no issue. they are genuinely concern about him and glad he is happy with me. btw there are 2 people whom she told this whole property thing to. so i guess evidence is on our side but she is just dragging her heels. i just want it over so we can start planning for our lives together __________________ But one still can hope 1. Yellow Delic - 39 or 39.5 2. Blue Suede Delic - 39 or 39.5 3. Red Joli Noeud Dorcet - 39 All about life's little indulgences

Feb 27th, 2008, 09:23 AM	#8
forever21 Member	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife Hey Jzlyn sorry this is happening to you, the woman sounds psycho. I don't know what the HK/Irish divorce laws are, but your cohabiting with you SO could potentially adversely affect the divorce settlement (from his point of view) ... just a heads up. You should be firm with him and tell him to take care of her, or else. (Because really, his ex-wife is His problem, not yours.) I don't like it when women get catty on each other, for whatever reason. __________________ Last edited by forever21; Feb 27th, 2008 at 09:36 AM.

Feb 27th, 2008, 10:18 AM	#9
lilflobowl baghag apprentice! Location: Singapore	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife If I'm not wrong alimony only applies to when you have kids so I think she can dash all hopes on that. I'm pretty sure that he will have to split some of his assets with her but in what proportion that's debatable. Since they've been separated for almost 2 years he's well within the Irish law requirement of a minimum of 1 year & I'm pretty sure it'll get settled soon. If they can't reach the out-of-court settlement then well... let the lawyers trash it out & settle it for them. That's the best case scenario. I can't think of any other way that this can be expedited. All you can do right now is to document all display of unreasonable behaviour on her part so that when push comes to shove your boyfriend can produce the evidence needed to settle the divorce. All the best!

Feb 27th, 2008, 10:22 AM	#10
legaldiva Member	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife Here's a hug. Sorry you have to go thru this ... remember: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And probably will strengthen your relationship, too. __________________ Desperately seeking: - CL Alta Ariella knee high boots in luggage brown (size 40/40.5); - CL Gold Bling Bling pumps (size 39.5). PM me if you have a lead!

Feb 27th, 2008, 10:26 AM	#11
gillianna Member	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife How long were they married? I would think she would get spousal support and can divide assets. But if he has property bought in his name only before he married her I don't think she has a claim to it. It would have to be in joint names. I wish you the best. Having a nightmare to deal with must cause so much stress. But to me she does not have the right to step foot in your apartment---why is she allowed in to see your stuff???

Feb 27th, 2008, 09:41 PM	#13
caxe I has ur gif. Location: The Southeast, US	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, and I hope it works out okay for you! However, that's the kind of thing you run into when you're with a guy who's still married. Granted, exes can be trouble even if the divorce has happened, but like another member has posted, his still being married can potentially adversely affect his divorce settlement, swaying the courts in favor of his [apparently crazy?] wife. But things like that...that's why I made sure my boyfriend was divorced divorced divorced before I moved in (LOL when he gave me his house key, a divorce degree was the FIRST thing I looked for!) __________________ Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy.

Feb 27th, 2008, 10:32 PM	#15
laloki Silence is golden Location: Australia	Re: A bug problem - his soon-to-be-ex-wife I had a similar experience with DH and his ex-wife - he separated from his ex-wife after she started an affair with a neighbour who lived two doors away from them and when she left initially, she took just about everything that wasn’t nailed down and vowed to sign the house over to him as she was feeling guilty. I met my DH six months after he separated from his ex and when we decided to move into together she decided she wanted to come back to him. We were at home one evening when she dropped in and saw that I had moved in and obviously felt jealous, as he wasn’t sitting around pining for her- she didn't love him but she didn't want anyone else to be with him. Things became difficult between us so we decided to split up and she moved back in, their reconciliation lasted a whole two weeks where she left him again for the same guy and then this time took what was left including gifts and things that I had purchased. She even took the remaining blanket that my DH was using (it was winter and she left him with nothing on the bed – what a callous cow). We fought her through the courts over the finalisation of property….when she left, the house had just been built and had nothing in it – no curtains, no floor coverings etc, the yard was just bare earth and we worked hard to make the house a home - which improved the value of the house and she subsequently pocketed 50% of it….my hard earned money went to her! She even tried to make a claim on a car that I owned and that my DH and I shared. I fully sympathise with you and wish you all the luck in the world and I hope that she comes to the realisation that it is over and moves on without too much more pain for you both.