[MichelleD]

For those of you who dont have clue to what I'm talking about, here are the cliff notes: My SO bought me a RM bag (Plan B in Hazelnut) that I don't like. See my initial thread "I'm being ungrateful?"

The bag came today and I liked it even less. It's huge and the leather isn't soft at all. I knew being honest was gonna be a disaster but convinced myself that he'd understand. I tried as tactfully as I could to let him know that I just didn't care for the bag and he had an absolute fit!!! Nothing I said by way of explanation mattered. Among other things, he said I was "being greedy"-- don't ask me how he came up with that but it infuriated me. That I should just accept it and wear it proudly--- (despite that fact that I don't like it???) Finally, he said he was sending it back for a refund and I could buy my own bag. It took everything in me NOT to say (among other things that I cant type on TPF) "fine thank God for the sample sale tomorrow night!!" He simply refused to accept the fact that while I appreciated his efforts, I just don't like that particular bag or color for that matter. I tried to diffuse him but it didn't work. So now I'm holed up in my office trying to hold back tears of anger and typing out my frustration to you all.....

Oh well, I guess I'd rather that he not purchase me clothes/bags at all if he can't accept the fact that he doesn't know my taste and gets so deeply/personally offended by everything. It's so not worth all the drama. Besides, I have a job and can buy my own damn purses, as he felt so compelled to point out

[circoit]

Awww. I'm really sorry it turned into such a nightmare. I can understand you wanting to send it back. If it was a $30 purse, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but he is shelling out big money and of course you don't want it to be something that wouldn't just sit in the closet.
You do have a really sweet SO, though. I would just try and be extra nice to him this next week and try to mend his wounded ego.

[MrsShoeGal]

I am sorry. boys are dumb.

and not to be snarky but you should have just updated your old thread with this info.

[PrincessShan]

Aww, I had something similar happen with my SO. It's actually gone both ways.

Our compromise was, if I wanted a handbag or a piece of jewelry for a special occasion, I gave him three or four options. He picks one. If my options are out of his budget (as they sometimes are), I pay the difference.

Same for him: when I bought his soft briefcase, he gave me some styles he liked, and I chose one. It's not romantic or spontaneous, but for us, it's really the only thing that avoids disappointment. We had issues every single time before we came to this agreement.

But the bottom line is this: it's better to return it than to not use it -- that would really upset him. It's just one of those situations that's upsetting for everyone. :( I totally get where you're coming from

[MichelleD]

Originally Posted by MrsShoeGal

I am sorry. boys are dumb.

and not to be snarky but you should have just updated your old thread with this info.

SORRY.....

[littlerock80]

I can understand that he's feeling were hurt that he spent alot of money on you for this bag but.. and here's the but..

Would he honetsly be happier if you just kept the bag to please him even though you don't like it??? I would really hope not. Isn't this gift about you?? and NOT him??

A) he needs to learn (like many men have learned) that if they are going to spend the big bucks on your wife/ girlfriend than he better be damn sure you are going to like it.. if there is ANY question you should just involve the other person.

That is what I do.. if it's a big gift that involves my bf opinion/ style etc.. I just ask him rather than making a big mistake. But I can tell you for certain that if I did take a risk and buy my bf something that he didn't care for I would most certianly HOPE that he would exchange it for something that makes him happy.

Excuse me but this whole thing baffles me. Isn't the goal here for everyone to be HAPPY?? What is the hold up?

[MichelleD]

Originally Posted by littlerock80

I can understand that he's feeling were hurt that he spent alot of money on you for this bag but.. and here's the but..

Would he honetsly be happier if you just kept the bag to please him even though you don't like it??? I would really hope not. Isn't this gift about you?? and NOT him??

A) he needs to learn (like many men have learned) that if they are going to spend the big bucks on your wife/ girlfriend than he better be damn sure you are going to like it.. if there is ANY question you should just involve the other person.

That is what I do.. if it's a big gift that involves my bf opinion/ style etc.. I just ask him rather than making a big mistake. But I can tell you for certain that if I did take a risk and buy my bf something that he didn't care for I would most certianly HOPE that he would exchange it for something that makes him happy.

Excuse me but this whole thing baffles me. Isn't the goal here for everyone to be HAPPY?? What is the hold up?

Clearly in his mind, gift giving is about the giver and NOT the receiver. If the goal was for everyone to be HAPPY, then I guess we both failed miserably.

[canyonaly]

WOW Im really amazed he would be offended! Personally I really like the Plan B but if its not your thing, he should be like "ok then I want you to get what you want." Seriously bizarre that he would be offended!!

[desiprinzess718]

WOW Girly- I'm so sorry!

I think it was a really really nice gesture for him to buy you an RM bag, but i agree, its way to expensive of a bag to keep if you're not happy with it.

Maybe you can show him this thread, so he sees our opinions on it from ANOTHER point of view. I'm sure since he is angry with you he doesn't want to hear your opinion, but usually men calm down after hearing things from different points of view.

i think its really important for him to know that you love him for trying, but the bag doesn't justify its price if you don't love it. You don't even like it for that matter.

I agree with princessshan, I always pick out stuff for my BF, and he loves it, but when it comes to shopping for me, he sometimes is so baffled with my taste and doesn't know what to get.

I think it may be better for you, and your SO that you both start giving each other options on what it is you want, so that he can better get to know what you like and don't like.

Anyhow- i hope it works out for you.

I'll admit- sometimes it does hurt if the receiver doesn't like your present, so maybe you could let go/hide your anger, and just go home, and give him a big hug and kiss, just so he feels appreciated. I'm sure he'll calm down, and understand you better, if you're calm yourself. KWIM?

[JudieH]

Well, let me play devil's advocate here. (I don't know the entire story so I may be off base). He probably thought he got the perfect gift for you and was so proud of himself and so excited to give it to you. Of course he was going to feel horrible when you revealed your true feelings. He felt bummed, crushed and lashed out at you. I'm not saying his actions were justified.

Years ago, my DH (then my BF) bought me a present from a trip. It was an ORANGE PANCHO. I have never owned anything orange in my entire life much less a pancho. I let him know I how I felt. Let's just say it's been years since that happened and he still brings it up. And, I can tell he is still hurt!

I am not trying to make you feel badly about the situation. I'm just pointing out a different perspective by someone who has been there.

These days, I pick out all my "presents". Sometimes it does bother me (a lot) that he doesn't go shopping and pick something out for me but then I remember we have such different tastes, I would probably not like what he picks out.

Of course he wanted to make you happy and he feels like he failed. So, while his anger may be directed at you, most likely, he is feeling like cr#p since he failed and cannot satisfy his woman. This may not make much sense to us a women, but hey, as someone wise once said, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I would try to work things out with him the best way you can.

Good luck!

[LaDonna]

exactly...same thing i was thinking. some guys get real sensitive about things like that. especially, if they think they're doing something good.

i have a little rule now when its time for gift giving. i buy you what you want and then i get you something i want you to have and vice versa. that way everybody is happy

don't feel bad. he'll be alright. let him cool off a little bit. i wouldn't call him though. from my experience, some guys get even more upset when you call while they're trying to cool off. he'll call when he calms down.

Originally Posted by JudieH

Well, let me play devil's advocate here. (I don't know the entire story so I may be off base). He probably thought he got the perfect gift for you and was so proud of himself and so excited to give it to you. Of course he was going to feel horrible when you revealed your true feelings. He felt bummed, crushed and lashed out at you. I'm not saying his actions were justified.

Years ago, my DH (then my BF) bought me a present from a trip. It was an ORANGE PANCHO. I have never owned anything orange in my entire life much less a pancho. I let him know I how I felt. Let's just say it's been years since that happened and he still brings it up. And, I can tell he is still hurt!

I am not trying to make you feel badly about the situation. I'm just pointing out a different perspective by someone who has been there.

These days, I pick out all my "presents". Sometimes it does bother me (a lot) that he doesn't go shopping and pick something out for me but then I remember we have such different tastes, I would probably not like what he picks out.

Of course he wanted to make you happy and he feels like he failed. So, while his anger may be directed at you, most likely, he is feeling like cr#p since he failed and cannot satisfy his woman. This may not make much sense to us a women, but hey, as someone wise once said, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I would try to work things out with him the best way you can.

Good luck!

[windy55]

Gift certificates/cards can work wonders!

[JudieH]

Originally Posted by windy55

Gift certificates/cards can work wonders!

Maybe, but is it romantic and thoughtful? I have definitely heard my friends complain- Oh SO got me a gift card, couldn't he have put some thought into my gift?? Etc, etc....

[desiprinzess718]

Yea- the way it is working with my and my bf right now is, I buy him stuff that I like. he likes my taste. But when it comes to gifts from him- he gets baffled, so i ALWAYS buy want i want, and he just gives me the money for it.

And he never knows half the stuff i buy! he just asked me about the bag "he paid for" as my valentines present! He was like oh ya- so what did you end up buying.
HEHE i love it

[windy55]

Originally Posted by JudieH

Maybe, but is it romantic and thoughtful? I have definitely heard my friends complain- Oh SO got me a gift card, couldn't he have put some thought into my gift?? Etc, etc....

Well maybe...but I think it may be more romantic than the scene poor MichelleD has described!