[MichelleD]

UPDATE. We talked again and again this morning about what a happened and I'm pretty sure he actually "heard" me without being defensive. Of course this was all prompted buy the following: He left the box on the stairs as he left out this morning. Within minutes he called back and said will you open the door and hand me my purse. So, I go downstairs and open the door, he's not there but on the phone cracking himself up.

Of course, I didn't think anything was funny and this prompted out 1.5 hour long conversation. I'm hoping he truly did realize that his ideas on gift buying, giving and receiving were rather out there & not only could I not be honest with him without fear of hurting his feelings, he wasn't been being totally honest with me over the years either about whether or not he like what he received.

I had to keep reminding him that there's a difference between being honest and being mean and spiteful. I only hung up on him once because he thought he was headlining on Comedy Central and tried to get cute and ask me about the sample sale---as if I'm gonna really get mad to a) get a RM bag for up to 1/2 off and b) get EXACTLY what I want.

After hanging up, I practiced by mantra " Boy's are stupid. Throw rocks at 'em"

In the end, I think it worked out fine.

He agreed I admire when I we are out mention I like. I agreed to not purchase him any ties, EVER (LOL) and to not buy his suits from certain stores he named. Fine with me!

I'm sending the purse back for a refund and I'm counting the hours til 1l:45pm to see what fabulous merchandise is online for us tonight.

THANK YOU ALL for helping me to work through my issues yesterday. I never would have thought that one could seek and receive outpatient mental health "therapy" from random strangers but from my perspective, that's exactly what it was. It was a fantastic mood alterer and absolutely prevented me from ending up on the news last night for choking him with the straps of "his" dreadful Plan B!!!!

Much love....

[MichelleD]

Originally Posted by jackieusc

I had a similar situation 7 years ago, during our first year of marriage. My DH went to SERVICE MERCHANDISE.....going out of business sale.....and spent $500 on the smallest cheesy white gold heart with diamond chips...on a angel hair thin- chain that was in knots.......I opened the box and started to laugh. I asked him, "does this look like something I would wear"? I wear enormous funky stone/bone/resin/fabric type necklaces, always have. We had a huge fight over this and he has refused to buy me anything wearable ever since. Fine by me! I go to the AZ gem show once a year and do all my buying there!
Nice to see we have all had similar experiences though. Men are idiots when it comes to some things.

The intention was good but ...

[bumble1]

I'm glad it worked out! It would be a shame if something like this came between a couple So now you can get whatever bag you want - yay!

[MichelleD]

Originally Posted by MichelleD

UPDATE. We talked again and again this morning about what a happened and I'm pretty sure he actually "heard" me without being defensive. Of course this was all prompted buy the following: He left the box on the stairs as he left out this morning. Within minutes he called back and said will you open the door and hand me my purse. So, I go downstairs and open the door, he's not there but on the phone cracking himself up.

Of course, I didn't think anything was funny and this prompted out 1.5 hour long conversation. I'm hoping he truly did realize that his ideas on gift buying, giving and receiving were rather out there & not only could I not be honest with him without fear of hurting his feelings, he wasn't been being totally honest with me over the years either about whether or not he like what he received.

I had to keep reminding him that there's a difference between being honest and being mean and spiteful. I only hung up on him once because he thought he was headlining on Comedy Central and tried to get cute and ask me about the sample sale---as if I'm gonna really get mad to a) get a RM bag for up to 1/2 off and b) get EXACTLY what I want.

After hanging up, I practiced by mantra " Boy's are stupid. Throw rocks at 'em"

In the end, I think it worked out fine.

He agreed to pay attention I admire stuff I like when we are out. I agreed to not purchase him any ties, EVER (LOL) and to not buy his suits from certain stores he named. Fine with me!

I'm sending the purse back for a refund and I'm counting the hours til 1l:45pm to see what fabulous merchandise is online for us tonight.

THANK YOU ALL for helping me to work through my issues yesterday. I never would have thought that one could seek and receive outpatient mental health "therapy" from random strangers but from my perspective, that's exactly what it was. It was a fantastic mood alterer and absolutely prevented me from ending up on the news last night for choking him with the straps of "his" dreadful Plan B!!!!

Much love....

Please excuse all the typos in my update. I'm supposed to be getting dressed to head out for the day but I can't seem to stay away from TPF-- in between shower, drying my hair, getting dressed.

[pinkie19]

MichelleD,

Some men are very sensitive about such things, doesn't matter how we say it! My MF is one of them... is sooo ultra sensitive.... almost like a woman!?!?!.... coupled with the fact that I'm a straight-talking, honest, blunt, etc person... NO CAN DO!!!

I always advocate being honest.. but then its also about.."Its not what you say, but how you say it" that I am still painfully trying to master...

I gave him a PS3 and he's only used it once! I don't really give him crap about it.. He gave me a hideous pink ferragamo bag that I used only a handful of times... he knows I don't like it... but I didn't really tell him that....

Just the other day... he threw a fit when I told him to not be so touchy in front of my relatives... We were at a big birthday bash and there were like 25 of my extended family members all having dinner... and he was either stroking my hair/back... stroking my chin/face... u know.. those things.. and I was uncomfortable because we were in the presence of so many ASIAN old people... anyway.. he was upset coz he said i made him sound like a lecher.... when all I was saying to tone it down in front of the oldies esp since it "not so close" family... never know what they might think!!!

Erm also last time.. I did tell him that I did not like the diamond on the engagement ring he proposed to me with and that I wanted to return it for a better colour (pls dun roll your eyes!!!)... and he threw a HUGE fit, for good reason, of course.. but I debated about it by myself for 2 whole days before blurting it out to him. I couldn't bear wearing a ring for the rest of my life not liking the colour of the diamond... (it was an I, btw... ) Anyway... doesn't matter how you say it.. but which guy would be able to handle that?????

Well... as for presents now... he has learnt that I don't like surprises.... and my wishlist is so long he doesn't need to worry about me not "wanting" anything.. so now he doesn't have to fret about what to buy me... hehehe... of course the price tag of those items is another problem altogether! But its a solution nonetheless!!!

On the lighter side of things... there are bigger problems as a couple... and even bigger problems when U get married and have kids... What's a little handbag misunderstanding right?

[veronica lodge]

Originally Posted by pinkie19

MichelleD,

On the lighter side of things... there are bigger problems as a couple... and even bigger problems when U get married and have kids... What's a little handbag misunderstanding right?

here here.

and i once had the SAME exact fight with my SO over a Marc Jacobs bag. he had the same reaction-- he even called me spoiled and ungrateful. the thing is, i think i hurt his feelings because i found out later he had gone to the MJ store on Bleeker a number of times, even dragged my friend there, and he was CERTAIN he had picked out a bag i'd like. we had a huge BLOWOUT when i asked to simply swap the color-- i wanted white instead of black because i have a ton of black bags and it was summer.

long story short-- we made up. and then like a number of other posters, he got in the habit of asking my sister to ask me what i wanted. i would tell my sister three or four things i really wanted and i'd let him choose. and when it came to opening my present, it's always still a surprise. works out well! and, i have a VERY good sister

[mintpearl]

Originally Posted by MichelleD

I'm no spring chicken being over 40 and all and quite frankly, I could use a new coffee maker and like the Tassimo. He just got me a Dyson Vacuum cleaner and I LOVE IT!!! So that's just fine with me.

Oh I love the Tassimo too! and have dropped hints about wanting one to my SO for a while now... ! LOL!

I'm glad in the end, it still worked out that you can shop at the sample sale. That's great that you and your SO worked /talked it out and came to what seems like a nice understanding. When he sees how much you adore your new bag, he will also feel better than you exchanged the purse he got for you. And happy shopping tonight!

[MichelleD]

Like many others, I bought nothing at the online ss. I didn't like one thing listed and given all the horror stories from those who actually wanted to purchase and couldn't due to technical difficulties, I guess it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

I did however accidently catch my SO checking out purses online this morning. It looked like a Nite Blue Nikki which I already have. I just went on about my business as if I didn't see a thing. Nevertheless, I thought it was sweet given our hugh blow up and his proclamation to NEVER buy me a purse again & because he knew how disappointed I was last night after the list was posted and I went to sulk.