Honesty ISNT always the best policy.... - Page 2

mockinglee · May 13th, 2008, 05:18 PM

Cripes, he sounds awfully immature. I mean, yes, it would be nice for you to be able to appreciate his gift, but it would also have been nice for him to have listened to you and got what you wanted (and not what he thought you might like) in the first place!

MJDaisy · May 13th, 2008, 05:33 PM

wow...he sounds really REALLY immature! i am sorry that you had to put up with that. maybe he didn't want a blow to his ego?? men do tend to think they can do everything the best, even though that doesn't include picking out women's handbags!!!

i am sorry though! hugs!

MichelleD · May 13th, 2008, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudieH

Well, let me play devil's advocate here. (I don't know the entire story so I may be off base). He probably thought he got the perfect gift for you and was so proud of himself and so excited to give it to you. Of course he was going to feel horrible when you revealed your true feelings. He felt bummed, crushed and lashed out at you. I'm not saying his actions were justified.

Years ago, my DH (then my BF) bought me a present from a trip. It was an ORANGE PANCHO. I have never owned anything orange in my entire life much less a pancho. I let him know I how I felt. Let's just say it's been years since that happened and he still brings it up. And, I can tell he is still hurt!

I am not trying to make you feel badly about the situation. I'm just pointing out a different perspective by someone who has been there.

These days, I pick out all my "presents". Sometimes it does bother me (a lot) that he doesn't go shopping and pick something out for me but then I remember we have such different tastes, I would probably not like what he picks out.

Of course he wanted to make you happy and he feels like he failed. So, while his anger may be directed at you, most likely, he is feeling like cr#p since he failed and cannot satisfy his woman. This may not make much sense to us a women, but hey, as someone wise once said, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I would try to work things out with him the best way you can.

Good luck!

YES, men are from mars and women are from venus!! I read that book years ago and boy is it true a good portion of the time.

Gotta stop reading these comments, they keep making me cry. I'm just a little sensitive is all. He hurt my feelings when I was trying to be honest--as suggested. I wasn't being mean or condescending when I disclosed my true feelings-- we just have way different views on giving and receiving gifts and this incident made that abundantly clear.

In the grand scheme of things, this is all quite minor. I'd rather him get his money back than blow $600+ on a purse I'd never use.

I am scared however of what Father's Day is gonna be like. He'll probably get cute and try to retaliate (LOL). Too bad I'm gonna buy all his favorite stuff and make it real hard for him to act ugly--even playfully. There's no need to revisit this fiasco again. Perhaps by the time my birthday rolls around in September this will be long forgotten.

I wouldn't dare make ANY suggestions to him about gifts for me--gift cards or otherwise. I'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. Besides, I know me, if he got bent outta shape again and lashed out at me, I doubt that I'd be able to hold my tongue.

MichelleD · May 13th, 2008, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mockinglee

Cripes, he sounds awfully immature. I mean, yes, it would be nice for you to be able to appreciate his gift, but it would also have been nice for him to have listened to you and got what you wanted (and not what he thought you might like) in the first place!

That would have been too much like right!!

mockinglee · May 13th, 2008, 06:13 PM

My boy is TERRRRRRIBLE at giving gifts. He always ends up getting me stuff that HE'D like to get instead of stuff that I would like. For example, he'd an avid snowboarder so for xmas one year he got me snowboard boots.....which I have since used...once. So I started an online "wishlist" using a free blog site and sent him the link. Now he just gets me something off the list. Works like a charm.

samsmom1127 · May 13th, 2008, 06:21 PM

Girls, I've just got to jump in here. I have a feeling that I am quite a bit older than you all, and maybe have a slightly different perspective from learned from years of experience...if you aren't happy with handbag or piece of jewelry your man gives you, the day may come when you end getting a blender or vacuum cleaner in the perfect color.

fabae · May 13th, 2008, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samsmom1127

Girls, I've just got to jump in here. I have a feeling that I am quite a bit older than you all, and maybe have a slightly different perspective from learned from years of experience...if you aren't happy with handbag or piece of jewelry your man gives you, the day may come when you end getting a blender or vacuum cleaner in the perfect color.

HA HA HA!!!! True! I was just really happy with a bench for my front porch. And I'm lucky I got that!!!

My DH is awful at it. I have to e-mail him some suggestions and then remind him several times. Kind of kills the whole idea, huh?

MichelleD · May 13th, 2008, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samsmom1127

Girls, I've just got to jump in here. I have a feeling that I am quite a bit older than you all, and maybe have a slightly different perspective from learned from years of experience...if you aren't happy with handbag or piece of jewelry your man gives you, the day may come when you end getting a blender or vacuum cleaner in the perfect color.

I'm no spring chicken being over 40 and all and quite frankly, I could use a new coffee maker and like the Tassimo. He just got me a Dyson Vacuum cleaner and I LOVE IT!!! So that's just fine with me.

littlerock80 · May 13th, 2008, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mockinglee

Cripes, he sounds awfully immature. I mean, yes, it would be nice for you to be able to appreciate his gift, but it would also have been nice for him to have listened to you and got what you wanted (and not what he thought you might like) in the first place!

Mock- you took the words right out of my mouth.

I get the fact that it a bummer that she didn't prefer his gift but the most important thing is to make eachother happy and if couple loose sight of that then there's trouble ahead.

I'm not saying I know their relationship but I do no what matters and what matters is that you make each other feel good... what's important is that you don't make your LOVED ONE feel bad for something as trivial as not liking a gift. Life is too short to sweat this small stuff.

Sounds like someone needs a reality check.

(p.s. I wouldn't be this harsh if he was just sad about her not liking the gift but from her own post it sounds as though he's been doen right nasty)

MichelleD · May 13th, 2008, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mockinglee

My boy is TERRRRRRIBLE at giving gifts. He always ends up getting me stuff that HE'D like to get instead of stuff that I would like. For example, he'd an avid snowboarder so for xmas one year he got me snowboard boots.....which I have since used...once. So I started an online "wishlist" using a free blog site and sent him the link. Now he just gets me something off the list. Works like a charm.

I'm

the "wishlist" idea

For the past few years my kids (soon to be 25 and 18) have asked me give them a list every ear for Christmas. I used to complain that it was un-original but son truly doesn't have a clue and prefers it. I put items at every price point because of course I feel a little guilty with my kids spending their money on me.

littlerock80 · May 13th, 2008, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleD

I'm no spring chicken being over 40 and all and quite frankly, I could use a new coffee maker and like the Tassimo. He just got me a Dyson Vacuum cleaner and I LOVE IT!!! So that's just fine with me.

I would be so excited about a new vacuum cleaner!! LOL!!! Seriously!

MJDaisy · May 13th, 2008, 06:33 PM

^ we have a tassimo at my house! it is awesome and so yummy!

littlerock80 · May 13th, 2008, 06:36 PM

You shouldn't have to hold your tongue.. if you are not happy about something (like his reaction) you should talk it out now because I guarantee you this will probably rear it's head again. The trick to a lasting and healthy relationship is open communication and TRUST. You should be able to trust the fact that you can talk about your feeling with him. It sounds like you might be too scared to tell him how you feel about all this..? Obviously this isn't about the gift anymore but rather how he reacted to your being honest.

I wish you luck in working this out!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleD

YES, men are from mars and women are from venus!! I read that book years ago and boy is it true a good portion of the time.

Gotta stop reading these comments, they keep making me cry. I'm just a little sensitive is all. He hurt my feelings when I was trying to be honest--as suggested. I wasn't being mean or condescending when I disclosed my true feelings-- we just have way different views on giving and receiving gifts and this incident made that abundantly clear.

In the grand scheme of things, this is all quite minor. I'd rather him get his money back than blow $600+ on a purse I'd never use.

I am scared however of what Father's Day is gonna be like. He'll probably get cute and try to retaliate (LOL). Too bad I'm gonna buy all his favorite stuff and make it real hard for him to act ugly--even playfully. There's no need to revisit this fiasco again. Perhaps by the time my birthday rolls around in September this will be long forgotten.

I wouldn't dare make ANY suggestions to him about gifts for me--gift cards or otherwise. I'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. Besides, I know me, if he got bent outta shape again and lashed out at me, I doubt that I'd be able to hold my tongue.

mockinglee · May 13th, 2008, 06:37 PM

Heh heh...one of my favorite presents ever was a ROOMBA! And he took my truck to get a bedliner sprayed in as a present once. I LOVED IT.

MichelleD · May 13th, 2008, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlerock80

Mock- you took the words right out of my mouth.

I get the fact that it a bummer that she didn't prefer his gift but the most important thing is to make eachother happy and if couple loose sight of that then there's trouble ahead.

I'm not saying I know their relationship but I do no what matters and what matters is that you make each other feel good... what's important is that you don't make your LOVED ONE feel bad for something as trivial as not liking a gift. Life is too short to sweat this small stuff.

Sounds like someone needs a reality check.

(p.s. I wouldn't be this harsh if he was just sad about her not liking the gift but from her own post it sounds as though he's been doen right nasty)

Interesting tone to your response...and it's hard NOT to be defensive. There's a huge difference between being honest and being mean. I am a clinical therapist (field of practice: mental health) and absolutely know how to talk to people appropriately without being offensive--that's what I get paid to do. What's more, my relationship isn't troubled because of hurt feelings (on both ends) over a gift.

As I stated somewhere throughout this lengthy thread, I was not being mean when I told him how I felt. We have very different ideas about gift giving. he basically said I should keep it and wear it because he bought it and it was expensive-- which is insane to me. I'm a bit too practical for that-- if a shopaholic can be practical (LOL)

We've been together for years and our relationship is fine. This gift giving thing is another issue. Like many men, he just get's it wrong and expensively so. I get his feelings were hurt because he thought he'd done good....

May 13th, 2008, 05:18 PM	#16
mockinglee Blarg Joined: May 2007 Location: Stuck in Traffic, CA Posts: 2,840	Cripes, he sounds awfully immature. I mean, yes, it would be nice for you to be able to appreciate his gift, but it would also have been nice for him to have listened to you and got what you wanted (and not what he thought you might like) in the first place! __________________ My rainbow! In the bagfund: $350 Hoping against hope to find a Boyy Bag Trevor hobo in winter orchid.

May 13th, 2008, 05:33 PM	#17
MJDaisy RM obsessed <3 Joined: Dec 2007 Location: in the sky with diamonds Posts: 1,892	wow...he sounds really REALLY immature! i am sorry that you had to put up with that. maybe he didn't want a blow to his ego?? men do tend to think they can do everything the best, even though that doesn't include picking out women's handbags!!! i am sorry though! hugs! __________________ On a MAJOR ban But that's OK, i'm enjoying my lovelies

May 13th, 2008, 06:13 PM	#20
mockinglee Blarg Joined: May 2007 Location: Stuck in Traffic, CA Posts: 2,840	My boy is TERRRRRRIBLE at giving gifts. He always ends up getting me stuff that HE'D like to get instead of stuff that I would like. For example, he'd an avid snowboarder so for xmas one year he got me snowboard boots.....which I have since used...once. So I started an online "wishlist" using a free blog site and sent him the link. Now he just gets me something off the list. Works like a charm. __________________ My rainbow! In the bagfund: $350 Hoping against hope to find a Boyy Bag Trevor hobo in winter orchid.

May 13th, 2008, 06:33 PM	#27
MJDaisy RM obsessed <3 Joined: Dec 2007 Location: in the sky with diamonds Posts: 1,892	^ we have a tassimo at my house! it is awesome and so yummy! __________________ On a MAJOR ban But that's OK, i'm enjoying my lovelies

May 13th, 2008, 06:37 PM	#29
mockinglee Blarg Joined: May 2007 Location: Stuck in Traffic, CA Posts: 2,840	Heh heh...one of my favorite presents ever was a ROOMBA! And he took my truck to get a bedliner sprayed in as a present once. I LOVED IT. __________________ My rainbow! In the bagfund: $350 Hoping against hope to find a Boyy Bag Trevor hobo in winter orchid.

May 13th, 2008, 06:21 PM	#21
samsmom1127 Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Ville des Poissons Posts: 176	Girls, I've just got to jump in here. I have a feeling that I am quite a bit older than you all, and maybe have a slightly different perspective from learned from years of experience...if you aren't happy with handbag or piece of jewelry your man gives you, the day may come when you end getting a blender or vacuum cleaner in the perfect color.