yelling

[vhdos]

Do most people raise their voices and/or yell at their kids from time to time? It seems like some days my kids just push all my buttons until I find myself talking to them in a raised voice or even yelling. I ALWAYS feel horrible afterwards and have these lingering feelings like I'm ruining them in some way or that they are going to have some bad memories of their childhood.
I know a mom who is the calmest, quietest person I have ever met. She told me one day that she got so mad at her boys that she actually yelled at them. She said it as though it was the only time she's ever yelled at them. It got me wondering what the norm is? Do you sometimes raise your voice or yell at your kids? Have you found other, more effective ways of communicating so that they will actually listen? I know that what I should be doing is kneeling down to their eye level and speaking to them in a calm manner, which I do sometimes, but not always.
I know I'm a good mom, but sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm failing at my own job of being a stay-at-home mom. Vent over. Thanks for listening.

[viba424]

I can see why people do it, but it doesnt seem to work. I always think it sounds so trashy when parents yell at their kids in stores. Thats when you realize there is something to be said for doing it another way.

[vhdos]

Yes, I never raise my voice at them in public. I have always just quietly removed them for a time-out if possible. Overall, my kids are pretty good. Frequently, I have people (friends and strangers) tell me how polite and well-behaved my children are. I feel like, as parents, we must be doing something right. Maybe that's why I beat myself up when I do something wrong as a parent - like yelling. It's such a tough job sometimes.

[nycbagaddict]

i never raise my voice in public but sometimes when my pushes my buttons real hard at home, its just so hard to control that i yell...its actually pointless since hes only 17 months and clueless...he actually laughs when i did yell at him..

i cant wait until hes a lil older to know what time out is~

[HauteMama]

I sometimes go into "announcement" voice when addressing all 3 of my children, but that is simply to get their attention and to make sure they hear me - there is no anger involved. And yes, I believe almost EVERY parent has yelled at least once. We are human and it happens. Sometimes I feel like dissolving into tears like one of the children!

But overall I use a very, very low voice where they can only hear it when they are right next to me. It seems that a very low, serious voice is far scarier and taken far more seriously than yelling, at least for my children. I get down right next to their ears and explain to them what the consequences of their actions will be and the vast majority of the time it stops (when it doesn't, I follow through with the consequences so it WILL work next time).

And I agree that yelling in public is absolutely unacceptable. It shows that you have no control and fly off the handle, and it has the potential to humiliate the children. No discipline should be done in front of others (except talking in a low enough voice that others cannot hear), IMO. A child needs to know what he did wrong, why it is unacceptable and what will happen if he does it again, but he doesn't need the world to know that he did something wrong.

[viba424]

I agree. I feel humiliated for the kids when parents yell at them in public. And I like yelling too! Just not in anger

[~Fabulousity~]

yes I yell and my little one just laughs I think it pleases her to get to me

[~Fabulousity~]

I have never yelled at my girls in public, now at home that's something else

[Sternchen]

I sometimes speak loudly to my oldest, mainly when she's done something that I've told her not to do....like hit her sister!

It's not often and my kids are pretty well behaved, but I don't think it's very effecitve for me to calmly say "Nicole, please don't hit Julia" when Julia is screaming her head off...know what I mean?

[olialm1]

My parents yelled at me when I was younger and even slapped me around and IMO it didn't work. I'm 20 now and my dad still yells at me if he has a rough day or if I piss him off.

[bohohobo]

Originally Posted by vhdos

I know I'm a good mom, but sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm failing at my own job of being a stay-at-home mom. Vent over. Thanks for listening.

It's only human nature to yell or lose temper (so long as it's not a habit) you're not failing. It's very hard for other people to understand SAHMs sometimes. Just because we don't go to work everyone else assumes it's easy life and caring for a baby is no big feat. But they don't realize the longer you spend with a baby the more likely you're gonna get temperamental. It's not an easy feat, you're doing great.

[vhdos]

Originally Posted by bohohobo

It's only human nature to yell or lose temper (so long as it's not a habit) you're not failing. It's very hard for other people to understand SAHMs sometimes. Just because we don't go to work everyone else assumes it's easy life and caring for a baby is no big feat. But they don't realize the longer you spend with a baby the more likely you're gonna get temperamental. It's not an easy feat, you're doing great.

Thanks. I've had plenty of jobs in my life. I've worked in daycares/preschools, I've been a waitress, I've been an accountant for a car dealership, I've been a teen and family counselor, I've managed a Teen Court program, and I've even taught a parenting class (for teens & families). By far, the toughest job I've had so far is being a mom. I think the biggest reason why is because it never ends. There is no start to your day and no end. You are "on call" 24 hours a day.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up. I'm going to try to focus on being a better mom and for me, that means that I will make a conscious effort not to raise my voice.

[bohohobo]

Yeah I've been at work before like organizing and chairing video conferences with 14 countries at ungodly hours of the night, traveling worldwide for work and nothing compares to staying at home with a baby who can't communicate effectively yet. It's like at work you're the boss even if you have someone to report to you still can manage your time. As a new SAHM it's tough because you can't always stick to your plans. The baby's your boss and a very demanding one at that :P

[Cornflower Blue]

Originally Posted by vhdos

Do most people raise their voices and/or yell at their kids from time to time? It seems like some days my kids just push all my buttons until I find myself talking to them in a raised voice or even yelling. I ALWAYS feel horrible afterwards and have these lingering feelings like I'm ruining them in some way or that they are going to have some bad memories of their childhood. I know a mom who is the calmest, quietest person I have ever met. She told me one day that she got so mad at her boys that she actually yelled at them. She said it as though it was the only time she's ever yelled at them. It got me wondering what the norm is? Do you sometimes raise your voice or yell at your kids? Have you found other, more effective ways of communicating so that they will actually listen? I know that what I should be doing is kneeling down to their eye level and speaking to them in a calm manner, which I do sometimes, but not always. I know I'm a good mom, but sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm failing at my own job of being a stay-at-home mom. Vent over. Thanks for listening.

I know how you feel and I've only got the one! Mine is now nearly 12. I like HauteMamas approach, a cool calm authorative manner can work wonders, low voice but serious. I also use humour a lot as well. I have no idea what I'm doing tbh, I just do what seems to work!

[SOLIDGOLD2]

Originally Posted by nycbagaddict

i never raise my voice in public but sometimes when my pushes my buttons real hard at home, its just so hard to control that i yell...its actually pointless since hes only 17 months and clueless...he actually laughs when i did yell at him.. i cant wait until hes a lil older to know what time out is~

I dont see how a 17 month old can push your buttons and even if he does so what he is a baby and doesn't understand why your yelling at him. Even if he laughs he can still sense the tension and stress in your voice. that fact you yell at your baby is sad IMO