Thanks so much, everyone!!
About names--Megs, we're Jewish, so it's sort of a tradition not to really talk about names before the babies are born. So, I'll just say that we have a few we like, but it's still really early!
About surrogacy--I bet that everyone has questions but might be hesitant to ask, especially in light of the Indian surrogacy clinic that has gotten a lot of press lately on the Oprah show, etc. I decided to give a short little primer on what surrogacy really is, and what our situation's like. Hopefully it will be informative and interesting!
There are basically two types of surrogacy: Gestational, and Traditional. With Gestational Surrogacy (GS), the woman who carries the baby/babies is not genetically related at all. The embryos can either be formed from the intended mother (IM)'s eggs and her husband's sperm, or by the use of either a sperm donor or an egg donor if there are issues with either of those things. The GS and the intended mother (IM) or the egg donor (ED) go on medications to sync their cycles, and when the IM or ED ovulates, the eggs are retrieved (which by the way
does hurt! LOL) and then fertilized and nurtured in a lab for 3-5 days. The resulting embryos are then transferred to the surrogate via IVF, and she remains on supportive medications for a period of weeks, depending on the choices of the doctor and how she responds/how the pregnancy progresses.
Traditional Surrogacy is quite different, as it uses the carrier's own eggs--meaning that she is genetically the mother of the resulting child or children. This is the type of surrogacy which often makes the news, unfortunately--Baby M, for instance. That being said, I do know of TS's who have done this for either gay couples or single fathers and had the entire process work out beautifully. The physical process is a bit less complicated, as there's no "test tube" involved for the embryos; instead, a doctor does the inseminations directly.
Once the transfer of embryos (or inseminations, for TS) has taken place, the pregnancy progresses pretty much as any other pregnancy; multiple births are more common with GS just as in regular IVF because most clinics transfer more than one embryo.
In our case, we are using a GS, and the embryos are mine/my DHs genetic material. Our surro lives in North Carolina, only about a 90 minute flight from our home in New York. She is married to a fantastic guy who fully supports her desire to help families become complete--this is actually her second surrogacy! She also has two lovely daughters, one 17 and one 15. We get to see her and her family as often as possible, pretty much every 6 weeks from here on out is what we have planned. We do work with an agency, which handled all of the initial screening tests both medical and psychological for the surrogate before we ever entered into any contracts; the agency also deals with the financial aspects, some medical coordination, and ongoing support and counseling if needed. We also all have legal representation, and of course there are contracts as well as a compensation agreement--but believe me, this is not something that surrogates choose to do "for the money"!! At least, not with our agency they don't. Our agency is exceedingly careful that the surrogates have stable family lives, they must be married, they must have children of their own and be finished with their own families, and they must be financially stable. It's actually the same agency that a lot of celebrities have used, not that it really makes a difference, but basically it's a very well-established and long-standing agency--not some fly by night operation!
When our babies are born, our GS will have access to them of course, but it will be mine and DH's names on the birth certificates, and they're 100% our children. This aspect varies widely from state to state; in fact, in New York it's a felony to engage in a paid surrogacy arrangement! In other states, you have to get a prebirth order from a judge that establishes parentage, and in yet other states, you have to do what's called a 'step-parent adoption' even though the babies are genetically related to the parents. There are very complicated legal issues with even the easiest of surrogacy arrangements, and thankfully we each have a fantastic legal team.
Each couple & surrogate reach their own agreements about contact after birth; in our case, we do plan to stay in touch on an ongoing basis. She plans to pump breastmilk for about 6 months, and we'll of course keep her and her family updated with pictures and phone calls and visits, etc. It's not so much that she wants to have routine access to the babies, but we've all formed a close bond with one another through this process and we truly love and respect one another.
I hope this gives everyone who reads it a little more information about surrogacy, and how it works for "real people". If there's anyone out there who would be interested in learning more, or who is considering a similar route to having a family (or helping someone else fulfill their dream of having a family), please don't hesitate to email or PM me!! Another great resource I'd like to share with you all is
www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/forums, if you would like some more info and to meet an incredible community of women (and men!) both surrogates, and parents.
wanna see my babies??
It's been a really long and stressful process, and we are just so happy to see these babies squirming around in there, I had to share!!
