Thinking of not going back to work

[kimberf]

So, my baby will be three months old in a few days. My intent has always been to go back to work full-time at the end of July. So, we started looking for a nanny and met with the nanny agency this week. As I was writing the job description and put down the hours (7 AM - 5 PM, which is based on DH getting home before me and me likely not being home till more like 6 or later, since I have a longer commute), I realized I just don't want to do that. I don't want to only see my baby for a couple of hours before he goes to sleep. So, I seriously think I'm going to quit. Every time I think about it since then I just feel so much happier than when I think about going back to work.

I was planning to take the baby in to the office tomorrow to introduce him to my co-workers anyway, so will talk to my boss then. If he offers me part-time, I might think about that, but I'm not sure. I've worked for him for about 5 years and we have a great relationship. That's actually the thing I'll miss most -- the team of people I work with.

I'm lucky in that financially, it's not an issue. I make good money, but it's only a small percentage of our household income. It won't really impact our lifestyle, though I suspect I will be more careful with things I buy for myself, like shoes and bags (though I won't need work clothes anymore, so I can spend more on other things, right?)

However, I do worry that I may have problems re-entering the workforce later if I want to. I busted my butt getting a dual MBA, worked like a slave in consulting for years, and finally got to VP at a major corporation. So I feel a little bit like I may take a huge step back if I quit. But I really don't want to only see my child for a few hours a day.

Clearly, I'm a little conflicted here - LOL! Anyone have words of wisdom to help me out?

[duranie70]

Do what is in your heart.
You are lucky, you can afford not going back to work and your husband prob has all of the insurance plans through his jobs.

Even if in 3 years you take a lesser position, wouldn't it have been worth it to be with your child all those years? There is always a little bad with good, the good just has to out weight the bad in the end.

[dallas]

The "huge step back" you may take professionally will be nothing compared to the precious, irreplaceable moments spent raising your bub. Good luck.

[juicy couture jen]

If money is not an issue, I think it would be a great idea to stay at home and care for your baby. Your DS will be a baby for only these first few years, and I doubt you'll want to miss those precious moments!

[emmalawyer]

Similar situation here, but I know I'm not going anywhere and leaving my 2 with anyone except their father until they can talk and tell me how everything went! Either that, or preschool (which they'll start at 2.5 y.o & are already wait-listed for) whichever comes first... I am looking to hire a nanny because I want her to spend time with them & ME so they can get to know each other and I can supervise the interaction. This person whom I have not yet found will babysit for us when needed because we have no family around that could sit with the kids even for a few hours... BUT that's only after she spends a few hours/week for a few good months with me watching the interactions.
I figure that if I devalue so fast as to be worth next to nothing professionally after a 2.5 year hiatus, then I should probably accept that I spent years busting my a$$ pursuing a field that deemed me completely expendable in less than 30 months... in which case I'll dedicate myself to motherhood until Robyn & Stephen are in first grade because I know for a fact I'm not expendable there. I'll probably end up doing that anyway lol and I feel blessed that we can afford it!
I totally 100% trust your decision, though... I know how informed your decisions usually are & I have no doubt that whatever you choose to do will be the best thing for you family & you!

[PurseFanatic]

Hon if it were me in your situation, I would quit. You can always reenter the workforce, even if you have to start back at a lower position.

But you will never have a chance to see your son's first steps, or hear his first words again.

I know if I could do it I would stay home, but I can't, if you are fortunate enough to be able to do it, then stay home!!

[LV Luvr]

I'm a career woman also. I think if you have the means to stay home for a few years you won't regret it. You can always go back to work earlier if you miss the interaction with people. You can also years enter back into the workforce say 3 years down the road. You have the rest of your career to get back to a VP level but you can't get the years back with your children. I'm hoping that we will be able to afford for me to not work or perhaps part time. If you desire to stay home and it makes you happy to think about it, then you already know your answer.

[betseylover]

Originally Posted by juicy couture jen

If money is not an issue, I think it would be a great idea to stay at home and care for your baby. Your DS will be a baby for only these first few years, and I doubt you'll want to miss those precious moments!

ita!!!!
i am supposed to be going to work full time mid july, but have just told my boss that i am quitting and would like to be put on the casual list. this way, i can work 2x a week for extra income, yet still have time for my son. i don't want him to be raised by someone else for most of his awake time. they grow so fast, if you can be there for your child, i say "do it!".

[Brasilian_Babe]

I'm in the same situation as you at the moment, but i'm lucky/blessed with he fact that i can currently work from home as all i am doing is number crunching and report writting, i could also easily give up work as my salary is peanuts compared to that of my husband's but i would love to maintain some degree of financial freedom and i like feeling like i am contributing to our finances, which does sound really stupid considering we always saw money as "our" money. But still, i am dreading the moment when i will be expected to re-start field work, as this will involve travelling as well, so not only will i not be seeing my son during the day, its more like i won't be seeing him for several days. I can't even bear to think about it at the moment so i'm not too sure how things will go when i get to that stage.

I do agree with PurseFanatic though, the step you may take backwards in your career can always be made up for with time once you go back to work, whereas the precious moments with your son, specially the ones that only happen once if missed will be harder to make up for.

I think my husband's biggest regret at the moment is that he only gets to see our son for an hour or so while he's awake as my husband leaves to go to work when my son is still asleep and sometimes comes home just before our son falls asleep if he isn't asleep already.

[kimberf]

Thanks all. I know I'm so lucky to even have the option to stay home that I should take advantage of it; it's just a little hard to get out of the mode of having worked hard my whole life to establish myself in my career. I was already 90% sure a couple of days ago that I'm going to quit. I stayed up most of the night on Tuesday thinking about it and stressing, just couldn't get my brain to shut down. Once I decided that I'd really rather not work, I felt much better and happier and more at peace about the whole thing. One of the major thoughts was -- as many of you have pointed out -- I was never going to look back and feel bad that I missed a project, but I was definitely going to look back and regret missing my son's milestones.

I am a little nervous about telling my boss tomorrow. He really relies on me, and I know he's going to be disappointed, but I really don't want to only spend a couple of hours a day with my baby. My big dilemma will be if he offers part time and what to do then, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. First I have to hope he's actually in the office that I go to (there are two, and he's been working out of the other one off & on.) It's definitely a conversation I need to have in person.

[PurseFanatic]

Kimberf you will do fine hon, once you see your son take his first step, or say his first mama, it will ALL be fine in your heart.

And if you feel the urge to work, there is always stuff that can be done from home. My VP at my last job was let go from the company after 15 years of service! They handed him a severance check and showed him the door!! Companies don't care about people like they used to. He told us about how hurt he was, all the soccer games he missed, his daughter's violin recitals, etc. Now he runs an executive consulting service out of his home. He is paid per hour by small business owners that can't afford to hire a full time exec but need someone with experience to give advice. He is almost making as much as he did at the company we worked for, and HE is helping his daughter plan her wedding for this summer!! You can do anything you set your mind to, that's the wonderful thing about being a woman, we can do things that defy imagination!!!!

[calicaliente]

I totally can relate with all you working mommas. I'm supposed to be returning back from maternity leave next week, and I have been so torn on deciding if it's really worth it or not. Honestly you all nailed it on several points~ it is easier to come back to the workplace a little while later than to miss out on all the important milestones & companies don't seem to employee loyalty like they used to.

I know my priorities have changed sooo much now that I have another baby in the picture and can't imagine only getting to see her in the morning for a blink and then off to work and then a few hours at night. I did that with my son and I don't want to miss out on the precious moments with her this time around.

I had a long talk with a girlfirend over Sbux (she's a stay at home mom) on how she does it and for pointers. I've always worked since graudating from college and I've just been stressed like many of you on being torn on what to do.

On a positive note~ think of all the $ you won't be spending on commutes, work clothes, lunches, etc...good excuse to put it towards new purses and baby stuff! LOL!

[Sternchen]

I definitely know how you feel, and while I don't work I had the same thoughts and doubts when I went back to school after giving birth to my daughter. I didn't want to be away from her for long periods of the day and only see her in the evenings. Luckily my University has an on-site day care program that is run by students from the Uni studying to be teachers under the supervision of trained professionals. I pay a minimal fee for this service and help out at the center one day a week for a few hours. Luckily, my husband also has an office near my University so my daugher often goes to his office with him. It's built in an appartment style so she even has her own room there for her toys, bed, etc.

Depending on the type of work you do, would it be possible for you to do some of the work at home? That or being able to cut down your hours to part time are a really good solution if you know that you'll miss that atmosphere. Now I'm actually glad I went back to school...I still get to spend time with my daughter but I also get to talk to ADULTS! LOL

[eviemarie]

I also know how you feel. I work full time (7 days) now as i have my own children's clothes shop. I did however wait until my youngest was 2 so I saw all the important bits. The thing is you can't get them back what you miss!

[missbanff]

During my whole pregnancy and most of my maternity leave, I was so sure I wanted to return to work. Then the baby starts to smile, develop a personality, etc and when I had about three weeks left, I thought "I can't imagine anyone else taking care of him". So I was going to give my job two weeks and see if I still felt the same way. At lunch on my first day back I told my boss " I can't do this". So I gave my employer 6 weeks to find a replacement for me since I kind of blindsided them. Those were the hardest 6 weeks of my life! You're right, I only saw my son for a couple hours a day. Financially we would be fine, but it was a HUGE adjustment once I was home all the time - I would definitely recommend joining some kind of "mom's" group if there are any in your area. The bottom line for me was that my baby will only have one childhood, and I wanted to be there for it. I know you'll make the decision that's right for you!