Originally Posted by rainrowan

Lescoy, I took a break from filling out forms and took ds2 out for a walk around town. I stopped worrying, we just focussed on the "now". And I admit, it felt pretty darn productive! Like your ds, my ds has trouble with changes in his routine. We made a turn down a different lane and he was initially resistant. I was firm and after a minute or two of going back and forth, he was open to the new path. We were able to spend about 5 minutes in the chocolate shop. He wanted to leave right away but I think the quiet atmosphere, the soft lights, cool temperature in the shop made him less anxious. I praised him for being a good boy and he seemed receptive for more. Then I took him to a used bookshop. He was able to play a musical book but all of a sudden he went into overload -- musty smells, humming heater, noisy music proved to be too much. We left quickly and he was able to calm himself outside. All in all, this was a really good day for both of us! I'm sort of the same way as you with the support groups. I have met mothers of autistic children and each time I just broke down and clutched them and we sobbed, certainly not because I was feeling sorry for my situation, but my heart went out to every child and every mother, understanding everything that they are going through (maybe a little less, maybe a little more), this life of theirs/ours... I am a blithering mess. I feel too much inside. I don't show alot outwardly to my family but yet to total strangers who are living the same life as us, I felt absolutely vulnerable which is okay. I don't know if I can be that vulnerable in a larger group, but it situations like that, I'm ready to cry at the drop of a pin. I have good support from my family, lots of email b/c there is no one near by. Sometimes I have no energy to devote on the phone, speaking takes more out of me than typing! My mother understands but part of her is so scared, she can't help me watch ds2 for a weekend, she's just too scared... she watched him for 20 min once and he went into a full blown meltdown. 4 adults visiting could not pacify him. He did not like these people in his home but he is nonverbal. I told them afterwards, there's nothing they can do but let him cycle out of the rage. They just have to be there to keep him safe. But she is really scared. I don't blame her tho. When ds2 is not overloaded, he is such a happy child, he has "happy autism". I read this term not long ago. I like it alot.

rainrowan - I'm glad you had a good day!

The routine part can be difficult - and noise seems to be everywhere these days. I can understand how you were when at a support group - I couldn't go. I know my situation isn't that dire - certainly in respect to what some of the girls here are saying. I think with groups you do relate to others and see how they are feeling and sometimes depending on how emotionally drained you may be - it can just lead to a breakdown into tears. I know thats how I would be. Also - re talking to relatives - I think again its difficult as you can become emotional and sometimes you don't get quite the right response or the one you were hoping for - and also its often the case you burst into tears. Funnily enough I much prefer emailing! You can literally email or message or type and be a blithering wreck in floods of tears, but no-one is actually aware of it. That for me is wonderful -

Today my son is horrible - he is very moody - and his Music Exam - performance - is on Thursday and its all down to that. Last night he was talking about something and he has been having guitar lessons for almost 2 years - great guy - and he said that - and then said 'and I'm still crap'! He isn't crap he is really very good - his tutor says so - has no problems with him. He now has it in his head that he isn't any good - and I'm petrified this will affect him on Thursday.

He played rugby yesterday - and had great fun - he is pretty decent at rugby but the last school he was at - didn't play. So he has played a few times - last night he came home - I'm not sure if he could have been any dirtier - there was mud everywhere - including his underwear etc., what a mess! Thats normal though - so you just take the clothes and wash them..........I'm still trying to clean the mud out of the inner door of the washing machine!!

He has the dentist tomorrow - which will be a real trauma - he won't want to go - but he has to - so there will be mayhem tomorrow morning. Still - I'm expecting it - so it won't be a surprise!

Hope your day goes well - its mid afternoon here now...............

Originally Posted by rainrowan

WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills.... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

rainrowan - Excellent!

Now for me - and no offence to Italy - I'd rather be in Holland I've been to Italy once and innumerable times to Holland - and it wins for me 'hands down' - and so for me the analagy of this story is wonderful -

Originally Posted by Lescoy

I think many girls don't have an area in which to talk about their problems - and hopefully if they can come here and join us - they may be able to do just that. That in itself may help them - sometimes you need to talk - but often if you talk with someone who hasn't had any experience of children with 'special needs' - they have no idea what you are talking about - or in fact just come out with something so totally ridiculous you feel like screaming.

I get that sometimes. people ask how we're doing but invariably it's like grabbing straws. They can't relate but I appreciate they are trying...

My ds2 possibly has celiac disease (tbd). So I hear over and over from a friend: "I know a friend who ran a gluten-free cafe. It's defunct now." uhm. How is this going to help me?

Reading this thread has really moved me, I know you have all said you do what you have to but it doesn't make you any less incredible. I really admire all of you great Mums!

I don't have any kids (yet), but Autism is very common in my family. My Grandma is one of 7 kids, and each of them is somewhere on the spectrum - my Grandma being the least affected. All 7 have kids, 6 have grandkids, and my parents are the only couple in my family to have 3 "normal" children. By this I mean none of us are Autistic - but I've never been "normal", suffered from depression from a young age etc. Anyway, that's another topic for another day.

I know it's likely that I'll have a child somewhere on the spectrum. It's something that I've learnt to deal with because I've always known it, and all I want to do is have kids. The way I see it is children are a blessing, no matter what. I'm glad others take my view, because I'm sure I have no idea just how difficult it can be.

Originally Posted by Lescoy

Hope your day goes well - its mid afternoon here now...............

Lescoy, it is mid morning here and I must get started on my vacuuming... I feel like I'm usurping the thread whenever I post so many at a time.

I shall be back to respond to your post later on (which could be your morning by then!)

DS2 was given a dose of valium an hour before the dentist and nitrous oxide while in the chair... he was in an exceptional giggly mood and remained perky the entire day. I believe it was the nitrous oxide that had the better effect on him! Just a thought out there for you!

Hugs to YOU, hugs to ALL !!

My 16 year old son is on the spectrum as well - diagnosed as PDD-NOS. Although he has had issues and has attended special classes/schools since he was young, he was only "diagnosed" a few years ago once there was a focus on autism. Finally the problems had a name! I've joined lots of support groups, for both myself and my son where he has been able to make friends with other children with special needs. I've found that learning as much about ASD (lots and lots of information out there) as I can has been very helpful in advocating for my son and the services that he's entitled to.

Although he's "different" than other children, he's still mine and amazing in so many ways - just differently. Although I know its long, the following was written by a woman who led one of the parents groups that I attend. I think its worth reading.

Tomorrow will be one year since we received our son's diagnosis of
Autism. I have been pretty reflective the past few weeks leading up
to this day. Maybe my thoughts will help some of you. Maybe it will
help me to share this with you since after all, this is still a
process even though it has been one year.

So it was Halloween day, one year ago. My husband and I sat in the
office of the Doctor at The Cody Center at Stonybrook as she handed
down a verdict to us which felt like a life sentence. Even though in
my heart I knew, somehow hearing it out loud made it real.

I returned home to my mother's house that afternoon and attempted to
take my children Trick or Treating. My son was dressed as a dinosaur
but we had to cut the feet and hands off the costume due to sensory
issues and he refused to wear the hood. He had no idea what he was
dressed for and even less understanding as to why we were dragging
him from house to house. He wanted to sit in the middle of the
street and play with a tree branch that had some pretty orange
leaves. He didn't get the whole concept of ringing the bell for
candy and so we returned home shortly after beginning. My daughter
was only 4 months old and dressed as a pea in the pod. Her whole
life up to that point had been a whirlwind of activity and her older
brother tantruming and crying. I spent the afternoon trying to hold
it together as the shock of what I had learned just hours before set
in. It still didn't seem real.

For weeks afterward I could barely motivate myself to rise from my
bed in the morning. My husband helped out tremendously with night
time feedings for our infant daughter. I cried almost all day long.
I cried for so many reasons. For myself and what I felt like I had
lost. We lost the dream of a normal life with our child. I cried
for my child, that he would have to suffer our cruel world unequipped
to handle his environment. I cried for my new baby who was clearly
not getting any of my attention and I cried for my husband who was
unable to sit at home and be depressed because he had to go to work
to provide for us. I'm sure as he sat in his office listening to
lawyers bicker around him he must have at times wanted to punch the
wall, but he had to hold it in and go on.

I was paranoid, argumentative, despondent. I tried to spend as
little time dealing with my son as possible. When he returned home
from school I was only too happy to hand him over to his therapists.
I felt unable to help him. I could barely get myself showered on a
daily basis no less try to teach him all of the things he needs to
learn.

My total depression turned to the next phase in December. I started
taking prescription medication for the first time in my life because
I could not cope with my daily struggle and my own grief. Soon the
paranoia and sadness turned to the next phase. Knowledge acquisition
mode. I spent hours on the computer and on the phone trying to learn
all I could about Autism. Trying to meet people and network and hear
other people's stories. I felt for a little while like I was cured
and that I was getting through this. It felt better than where I was
before. Julian's progress at school was very slow and even slower at
home. I started looking into what would become of him once he hit
school age. By February we had put our house up for sale. The
stress had only just begun.

After a stressful summer and two moves (yes two. We had to take up
temporary housing with my parents for several weeks over the summer
until our new house was ready for us to move into.) We are finally
settling in. Julian's entire life changed. New school, new house,
new therapists, new medication. Everything is different. He had a
very rough summer but it was all worth it. I realize now that I am
not done grieving. I'm still in the process. I'm in the anger phase
now. I'm angry that more wasn't done when he was a baby, that I
didn't know more earlier etc. Angry at things I can't control. I
kind of laugh now because I'm sure that another phase is somewhere on
the horizon and I'll be ready for it when it gets here.

There is one thing I learned this year. Julian is still the same boy
he was 366 days ago and he is still the same boy he will be in 365
more days. He is mine and he is perfect to me. I will admit, that
people's well meaning comments can be annoying at times. Like "Think
of how much worse it could be" or "He has the ability to do very well
someday." these well meaning comments are cold comfort at 4 am when
your kid is screaming his head off and you don't know why. I'm sure
it could be worse, but at that moment it's pretty bad and I'm not
thinking about how much worse it could be. I know he could do very
well someday, but I can't help feeling somtimes like I'm being gypped
out of right now. I know that sounds terrible, but I get angry and I
think that just makes me human. I get angry when people who have
typical children say things like "Well, you should feel lucky that
yours doesn't talk back". Yes. I promise you people say this to
me. I would give anything to have him talk back to me. He talks
back in his own way. He whines or he grunts. Talking back would be
preferable. I get angry when people don't celebrate all of the
beautiful things their kids can do. I am trying to be less angry
about that and be happier when my child does something that I
consider to be amazing and I try to celebrate that.

One year later it still hurts. There is not a day that goes by that
it doesn't at some point occur to me that I have a son with Autism.
As the afternoon goes on though, I realize that there are thousands
of other good moms out there like me who are feeling exactly what I
feel every day. I also realize that I am so lucky to have my
beautiful children. I was given a wonderful gift by being chosen to
be the mother of a special child. It has made me see wonder in
things that I would have only have taken for granted before. It has
made me realize that life is too short to be hung up on things we
can't change and also too short to not change the things that we
can.

One year later I'm doing alright. Not great, but alright and that's
a lot better than I thought I would be one year ago yesterday.

Originally Posted by wendyg40

My 16 year old son is on the spectrum as well - diagnosed as PDD-NOS. Although he has had issues and has attended special classes/schools since he was young, he was only "diagnosed" a few years ago once there was a focus on autism. Finally the problems had a name! I've joined lots of support groups, for both myself and my son where he has been able to make friends with other children with special needs. I've found that learning as much about ASD (lots and lots of information out there) as I can has been very helpful in advocating for my son and the services that he's entitled to. Although he's "different" than other children, he's still mine and amazing in so many ways - just differently. Although I know its long, the following was written by a woman who led one of the parents groups that I attend. I think its worth reading. Tomorrow will be one year since we received our son's diagnosis of Autism. I have been pretty reflective the past few weeks leading up to this day. Maybe my thoughts will help some of you. Maybe it will help me to share this with you since after all, this is still a process even though it has been one year. So it was Halloween day, one year ago. My husband and I sat in the office of the Doctor at The Cody Center at Stonybrook as she handed down a verdict to us which felt like a life sentence. Even though in my heart I knew, somehow hearing it out loud made it real. I returned home to my mother's house that afternoon and attempted to take my children Trick or Treating. My son was dressed as a dinosaur but we had to cut the feet and hands off the costume due to sensory issues and he refused to wear the hood. He had no idea what he was dressed for and even less understanding as to why we were dragging him from house to house. He wanted to sit in the middle of the street and play with a tree branch that had some pretty orange leaves. He didn't get the whole concept of ringing the bell for candy and so we returned home shortly after beginning. My daughter was only 4 months old and dressed as a pea in the pod. Her whole life up to that point had been a whirlwind of activity and her older brother tantruming and crying. I spent the afternoon trying to hold it together as the shock of what I had learned just hours before set in. It still didn't seem real. For weeks afterward I could barely motivate myself to rise from my bed in the morning. My husband helped out tremendously with night time feedings for our infant daughter. I cried almost all day long. I cried for so many reasons. For myself and what I felt like I had lost. We lost the dream of a normal life with our child. I cried for my child, that he would have to suffer our cruel world unequipped to handle his environment. I cried for my new baby who was clearly not getting any of my attention and I cried for my husband who was unable to sit at home and be depressed because he had to go to work to provide for us. I'm sure as he sat in his office listening to lawyers bicker around him he must have at times wanted to punch the wall, but he had to hold it in and go on. I was paranoid, argumentative, despondent. I tried to spend as little time dealing with my son as possible. When he returned home from school I was only too happy to hand him over to his therapists. I felt unable to help him. I could barely get myself showered on a daily basis no less try to teach him all of the things he needs to learn. My total depression turned to the next phase in December. I started taking prescription medication for the first time in my life because I could not cope with my daily struggle and my own grief. Soon the paranoia and sadness turned to the next phase. Knowledge acquisition mode. I spent hours on the computer and on the phone trying to learn all I could about Autism. Trying to meet people and network and hear other people's stories. I felt for a little while like I was cured and that I was getting through this. It felt better than where I was before. Julian's progress at school was very slow and even slower at home. I started looking into what would become of him once he hit school age. By February we had put our house up for sale. The stress had only just begun. After a stressful summer and two moves (yes two. We had to take up temporary housing with my parents for several weeks over the summer until our new house was ready for us to move into.) We are finally settling in. Julian's entire life changed. New school, new house, new therapists, new medication. Everything is different. He had a very rough summer but it was all worth it. I realize now that I am not done grieving. I'm still in the process. I'm in the anger phase now. I'm angry that more wasn't done when he was a baby, that I didn't know more earlier etc. Angry at things I can't control. I kind of laugh now because I'm sure that another phase is somewhere on the horizon and I'll be ready for it when it gets here. There is one thing I learned this year. Julian is still the same boy he was 366 days ago and he is still the same boy he will be in 365 more days. He is mine and he is perfect to me. I will admit, that people's well meaning comments can be annoying at times. Like "Think of how much worse it could be" or "He has the ability to do very well someday." these well meaning comments are cold comfort at 4 am when your kid is screaming his head off and you don't know why. I'm sure it could be worse, but at that moment it's pretty bad and I'm not thinking about how much worse it could be. I know he could do very well someday, but I can't help feeling somtimes like I'm being gypped out of right now. I know that sounds terrible, but I get angry and I think that just makes me human. I get angry when people who have typical children say things like "Well, you should feel lucky that yours doesn't talk back". Yes. I promise you people say this to me. I would give anything to have him talk back to me. He talks back in his own way. He whines or he grunts. Talking back would be preferable. I get angry when people don't celebrate all of the beautiful things their kids can do. I am trying to be less angry about that and be happier when my child does something that I consider to be amazing and I try to celebrate that. One year later it still hurts. There is not a day that goes by that it doesn't at some point occur to me that I have a son with Autism. As the afternoon goes on though, I realize that there are thousands of other good moms out there like me who are feeling exactly what I feel every day. I also realize that I am so lucky to have my beautiful children. I was given a wonderful gift by being chosen to be the mother of a special child. It has made me see wonder in things that I would have only have taken for granted before. It has made me realize that life is too short to be hung up on things we can't change and also too short to not change the things that we can. One year later I'm doing alright. Not great, but alright and that's a lot better than I thought I would be one year ago yesterday.

wendy40 - What a year for you! God you must have gone through so much! Honestly - ITA re comments - like 'it could be worse' etc., like they would know! It takes a long time to understand things, and you try and look for reasons. I blamed myself for my son being ADHD etc., I still do I think. He was born 6 weeks early - but he was just over 6lb so he wasn't small. As he was early - he went to Special Care Nursery. I couldn't feed him at first, then I developed an infection - and because of that I wasn't allowed to feed him. Meanwhile because of his early arrival and then because of my infection he was dosed with lots of antibiotics. When his 'screening' eventually came back - he didn't and hadn't had any infection at all - and the antibiotics had been unnecessary. I blamed them - I truly did. I said it was their fault - blah blah. The thing is - it was stupid - as it wasn't caused by that - but I needed to blame something. Then I just persistently blamed myself. I don't understand why these things do happen - I just know that they do - and no-one anywhere is immune to them. As parents we try to understand and make sense of it all - but sometimes in doing that - we become so pre-occupied with it all and everything else - that it ends up almost destroying any sanity we have left.

I hope that now you are feeling a little better in yourself. Its not easy - but you are right - finding out as much as possible about the diagnosis etc., etc., is how to do it - and that way you are equipped to be able to know what you can expect service wise for your son.

In the UK - we honestly have so much less in the way of help - nothing is ever offered - and if you question - OMG - you become a troublesome parent. Well, thats me - the troublesome parent.

I hope that by your posting here that it may help you - as by sharing with others who have not necessarily the exact same problems - but problems which in some way are related you can see you aren't alone. Talking is great - I truly believe that - and as I said previously - I think it is sometimes easier to talk with people you don't really know - no-one is here to judge - we all know where 'your coming from'.

I hope you continue to share - and I'm sending big hugs from windswept Scotland

Originally Posted by rainrowan

Lescoy, it is mid morning here and I must get started on my vacuuming... I feel like I'm usurping the thread whenever I post so many at a time. I shall be back to respond to your post later on (which could be your morning by then!) DS2 was given a dose of valium an hour before the dentist and nitrous oxide while in the chair... he was in an exceptional giggly mood and remained perky the entire day. I believe it was the nitrous oxide that had the better effect on him! Just a thought out there for you! Hugs to YOU, hugs to ALL !!

rainrowan - If I don't vacuum soon the floor is going to reach the ceiling!!!

You know I think I'll try the nitrous oxide for myself!! Might give me the little 'lift' I need to tackle the ironing!

Originally Posted by wendyg40

One year later it still hurts. There is not a day that goes by that it doesn't at some point occur to me that I have a son with Autism. As the afternoon goes on though, I realize that there are thousands of other good moms out there like me who are feeling exactly what I feel every day. I also realize that I am so lucky to have my beautiful children. I was given a wonderful gift by being chosen to be the mother of a special child. It has made me see wonder in things that I would have only have taken for granted before. It has made me realize that life is too short to be hung up on things we can't change and also too short to not change the things that we can. One year later I'm doing alright. Not great, but alright and that's a lot better than I thought I would be one year ago yesterday.

Hugs to you, wendyg40. I know EXACTLY how it feels. Which is why I'm so happy that we have a little outlet in the form of this thread to encourage and support each other!

Originally Posted by rainrowan

WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills.... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

After we had Oscar and he was diagnosed with Down Syndrome we found out we were moving. Actually moving to Holland. We moved there when Oscar was 3 months old and have just returned to Australia.

The nurse came over to our house - she was so sweet and gave me a copy of this. She said it was because we were moving to Holland. Lol, I was very confused.

I always wondered what the Dutch thought of this.

That's a great little story!

You ladies are the bravest, most selfless people in the world. It isn't even necessarily because you want to be, but because you have to be and you rise to the occasion.

I only have the slightest idea what you are going through. My second son abruptly stopped all babbling as a baby and didn't speak at all for the longest time. Nor did he pull up, nor did he walk. When he finally began to talk, it was speech entirely free of consonants. He spoke in vowel sounds only. He eventually began to walk, but fell often.

We took him to specialists and neurologists early on, but no one wanted to diagnose a problem that early. I was always told he was "late-normal", but I knew that wasn't true. I got him speech therapy and physical therapy at age 2 and he started a special school program with an emphasis on speech and gross motor development at age 3.

We are very lucky that at age 5 he is functioning normally, although he still receives speech therapy and PT. We also take him to vision therapy because he does not cross center line in writing (he makes a t by making a separate line on either side of the vertical post) and he cannot follow the line from a pointed finger. I can point to a book, alone in the middle of the floor, and he cannot find it. But if I describe where it is in relation to the furniture, he finds it immediately. He is intelligible, which allows him to be in a standard classroom.

No one is willing to diagnose him PDD because he is social and he is affectionate, but he is social superficially; he prefers to be alone. Whenever I go to school to drop something off or help out, I see him at recess playing all alone with a big smile on his face. He is a VERY happy child, but there is no escaping he is unusual.

So it is a kind of blessing that he was never diagnosed because he cannot be labeled. Academically he is above grade level, and socially he gets by, but I can't help but believe that the spectrum of autism/Asperger's/PDD is much greater than anyone imagines. With the exception of the social aspect, my son displayed or still displays every single symptom of Asperger's. But in his case the label doesn't affect outcome, so I guess it is irrelevant.

I just wanted to share my story, even though we don't face the same challenges as other families. It permanently changes a parent's perspective on life to have a special needs child and I spent years chasing from doctor to doctor looking for help and for answers and wondering what my son's future would hold. Right now, I still don't know, but seeing his smile I at least know he's happy.

Thanks for sharing, HauteMama.

I can relate to the playground at recess! I know what you mean when you say your ds is happy when he's by himself. While all the kids are chasing each other, my kid is running from no one but rather he runs a large perimeter around them all with a huge grin. He’s really enjoying himself!

I hope that your ds has educators looking out for him and understanding him. I've seen sometimes mainstream schools aren’t equipped or trained to understand and cannot differentiate "eccentricity" from bad behavior. It can be hard for the kids with high functioning abilities and for the parents who are not sure how they can advocate for their child.

As your ds is high functioning, he will learn all the coping skills as he grows. Have you read Temple Grandin and Donna Williams’ bios? Both women have high functioning autism. I remember reading how their understanding of the social skills clicked for them at one point in their lives. Much of it was conditioned or learned responses but they understood how to go about it as they grew older.

As for the vision, I notice my ds exhibits unusual processing too. He will zoom in on things but sometimes he appears to not see or be threatened when I point to an object. Huge problem with him following my finger on a book page, so teaching from books is a major challenge but we find other ways (video, singing, interactive toys) to combat the high resistance.

I agree, the whole spectrum is so incredibly broad, I honestly don’t think there are any two children who share the same traits.

Originally Posted by Lescoy

I think that its really really important for you to discuss how you feel, your hopes, your fears your desires etc., and if you can't do that with people you know - then I think that maybe if you can even do it via posting here - we can all try and support and give our views and tips/hints and just try to help as much as possible. Sometimes its much easier to do it with people you don't actually come into daily contact with. Thats kind of how I feel - Does that make sense?

I've been meaning to respond. Ever since my first post here, I've been feeling a bit more directed, less sulky. Ironic (is this correct term). Noticed that the Holland story posted was of a symbolic journey. That the autism journey I was facing in my (our) life seems to have transformed into a desire within me for travel in reality. Interesting, if indirect, correlation...

Lescoy, it's my bedtime soon.
How did your ds fair at the dentist? Did you take nitrous oxide yourself? j/k! I'm sure he'll ace his tests today!

So much for vacuuming, struggled with it for a while and then realized much later there was a permanent marker pen jammed in the hose and a major dustball clog. Argh! I can't believe I was pushing dirt around w/o suction. So my floor may be reaching my ceiling quicker than yours...